Brokenness is part of the human nature.  We feel, we ache, we bleed.  It is inevitable that we will break and hurt from time to time.  Let’s face it, this world is not always kind or gentle with us.  As mental health practitioners, we see that first hand.  It is our job to gather the broken pieces from our clients and try to make sense of it all and salvage what can be saved, so we can help put them back together.  The brokenness can never be undone, but that doesn’t mean these individuals can’t be beautiful.

Our world often looks at brokenness as a testimony of weakness, as if we should be trees that are able to bend under the weight of hurricane winds and bounce back fully upright, resist all fires unscathed, or be immune to all the destructive forces of this world.  But it doesn’t work that way.  We are all scarred.  We all suffer wounds.  It doesn’t make us weak or hopeless.  Rather, it is a testament to our strength and resilience that we survive and carry on.  This is a lesson we strive to teach our clients, and perhaps one we struggle to live up to ourselves.

The brokenness we find within speak of a resilience that carried them through life’s abuse.  A strength that kept them from falling apart, even when the world around them was crumbling and they feared they would crumble with it.  An ability to love that was able to let go of injustices suffered and hold on to their humanity.

Every individual’s broken pieces carry several lessons to learn and live by.  The one whose heart was broken by infidelity will value fidelity all-the-more and may be less likely to take a good relationship for granted.  The one who had to leave a good job because of a bullying situation will be more compassionate towards those being targeted by other forms of bullying, and will be more mindful of the type of work environment they choose to commit to in the future.  Let’s not kid ourselves, though.  Though these broken pieces hold the potential for a better future, the wounds are real and often give rise to anger and mistrust.  It is easier said than done and requires a lot of work to move passed the wound-licking stage.

The art of counselling and psychotherapy is to put those pieces back together into a new, beautiful and wholesome work of art, not unlike the Japanese art of Kintsugi.  Kintsugi is an art where one glues the broken pieces of a broken vessel with urushi lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum.  As a result, the broken pieces are framed and held together by veining of precious colors, resulting in a mesmerizing masterpiece.

To be empowered means that we can see not only others in this light of mended vessels, but ourselves as well.  The one person that is most difficult to see in this light is, in my personal and professional opinion, our selves.  Am I ashamed of my broken pieces or do I see myself as a whole and intact vessel that suffered and grew from the shattering experiences life threw at me?  Do my eyes see my mistakes as opportunities to learn valuable lessons I would not have learned otherwise?

As Nobuo Suzuki says in his book “Wabi Sabi”, the first lesson of Kintsugi teaches us is that “scars are not to be hidden – they are part of our story”.  Next time you see what seems like brokenness in someone, maybe even yourself, be curious.  What do those broken pieces say about your story or theirs?  What can be learned from them?  The answer to that question may surprise you.

By : Jonathan Delisle  MA, CCC, RP