Children are naturally inquisitive and curious. They believe that everything is possible and have a strong belief in themselves and their abilities. A survey of young children resulted in 50% of the kids in a classroom boasting they were the fastest runners in their class.

Along the way, however, life gives all of us messages that are incongruent with the above children’s thoughts of themselves. We experience disappointments, failures, seemingly insurmountable challenges and our zest for greatness is dampened. For many of us, fear creeps in. We stop trying to attain our dreams or settle for very little so as not to let ourselves down.

Continue reading →

Responsibility is a very important trait when it comes to emotional health. Personal responsibility can empower a person to take control over all aspects of his/her life and as result, circumvent the painful role of becoming a victim.

Feeling as if one is a victim is like feeing like all of the air has been punched out of you. Desperation sets in as you wait and hope for that inhalation of oxygen. In turn, desperation brings with it feelings of hopelessness and/or helplessness. This state further increases feelings of negativity, which seep into other aspects of your life. It can impact your ability to make good decisions, increase conflicts in relationships and cause financial hardships, just to name a few consequences.

Feelings of victimization can entangle a person in a negative web that appears bigger and stronger than the person and this gives an illusion that you are trapped. It is a very dangerous place for a person to be because it can either lead to resignation or, on the flip side, aggressive toward self or others.

Continue reading →

We live in a rushed, modern society full of interaction. We facebook, tweet, email and text, just to name a few. But the reality of the situation, more people feel isolated and alone than ever. Our sense of community is changing. It is less personal. Most of us are so busy that we do not make time for intimate relationships anymore.

I have to admit that I am guilty of this myself. I have preferred to text a friend because I didn’t want to commit to an in-depth phone conversation. I have chosen to sleep in because I am exhausted from my schedule rather than have breakfast with a family member on a day off. I have also been drawn into the virtual world of my friends’ facebook accounts. Some friends post every thought, dinner engagement, vacation and/or funny interaction that have experienced. Additionally, they post pictures, almost as proof, of their wonderful life.

Social media has become a very convenient method of keeping track of the wonderful experiences, interactions and daily thoughts that we would normally forget about. For privacy reasons, I have chosen to limit the exposure of my personal life on social media sites. As a result, I do not have the running record of how “fabulous” my life is. Most of the times, I cannot remember what I did last week.

Continue reading →

I recently came upon Duane Schultz’s work in his book, “Growth Psychology: Models of the Healthy Personality”. I was struck by four of his characteristics for mentally healthy individuals:

1. Being responsible for one’s own destiny.
2. Knowing one’s strengths and deficits.
3. Being anchored in the present versus the past or future.
4. Quest for opportunities and growth through new goals and experiences.

I immediately thought of the reality TV that seems to have permeated our wavelengths. It appears to be full of fighting with others, boasting of one’s importance while negating any personal weaknesses and blaming others when life goes astray.

Continue reading →

There has been a trend in modern society to take less responsibility over our thoughts and behaviors. A month or two ago, a politician fell asleep during a presentation. When he was called on it, rather than admit his behavior and apologize for being tired, he counteracted by condemning the presenters of absurd accusations. In fact, the situation turned out to be so farfetched; he had to publically apologize for his comments. However, he never admitted to the initial behavior that started the whole embarrassing process; falling asleep during the presentation.

As a witness of this scenario, I contemplated the possible consequences for this politician as a result of this public fiasco. Many of his constituents might perceive him as cowardly, untrustworthy, defensive and/or unhonorable. These are labels that could possibly have a negative consequence to his political career. As a counsellor and observer of human behavior, I wondered why this man in a position of power responded initially as a victim, choosing to engage in a verbal attack in response to a stated fact – he fell asleep.

I will confess to placing myself in a similar situation as the politician mentioned above early in my career. I had scheduled clients all day and my last appointment was at 7pm at night. I was physically exhausted but hung in until the last five minutes of my finally counselling session in which I closed my eyes for what was approximately a few seconds and dozed off and did not hear what my client was discussing. I remember returning to a wakeful state, startled at my own actions. I could feel a dreadful burning sensation at the pit of my stomach that I associate with fear.  My client then stood up and angrily accused me of being uncaring and stormed out the door.

Continue reading →

There seems to be a constant theme in our modern society: transition. All around us there is change. Globally, the world is changing. Often it feels that it is changing faster than most of us can keep up. World politics and economics have especially reinforced these changes in the last few years.

Generationally speaking, there are also gross variations in attitudes and expectations. For instance, younger workers do not automatically accept societal norms such as hard work, long hours and accepting conditions without question.

This global movement has, in turn, amplified transition on a personal level. Examples include how the economic hardships have changed the habits of many families, including but not limited to budgeting and savings. For many individuals it has meant having to change jobs and even train for new occupations.

Continue reading →

One of the wonderful benefits of therapy is increased insight into our personal patterns. Some patterns have evolved from habits, while others are familial patterns that we have learned growing up. But whatever the source, these patterns have a strong hold in our lives and our decisions.

It has been my observation over the years that most of us experience the same patterns in our lives over and over with slightly different overtones. Have you ever heard of the idea in which we chose partners that are very similar? Most of us play out the same roles and challenges with different people and usually we are not aware of the pattern in which we are entrenched. An example can include being attracted over and over people who are married, over indulge in alcohol, spend an excessive amount of time and money on their looks, etc. Fill in your own blank. Very often, however, we play out these familiar patterns in various aspects of our lives such as work, health and relationships in general.

Personal insight brings with it freedom. As we become conscious of our belief systems and the reasons behind our behaviors and actions, we can then chose to change and thus break free from patterns we have played out for years. When this occurs, we are then in control of our lives rather than constantly reacting to environmental and/or emotional factors around us.

Overcoming personal patterns correlates with an increased feeling of freedom, sense of control, happiness and overall well being. Can you identify your personal patterns?

 Image courtesy of RGBStock.com

We are going to talk about two types of clients I often interact with during the course of my profession. There is the client that has identified a problem or challenge and want to get to the root of the issue. Then there is the other type that calls only when they are immediately presented with a problem, get help to resolve it or cope and then disappear until the next major crisis. In all earnest, most people fall in the middle of the continuum but most of us have the tendency toward one extreme.

The comprehensive client seriously engages in psychotherapy until they have increased their personal insight and have learned how to best deal and transcend the situation. The length of counselling is not an issue but rather the process and the self development that comes along with therapy. They show up to all of their sessions with a determination to “conquer” the challenge and grow as a result. At the end of counselling, they have greatly matured and have gained great wisdom about themselves.

Continue reading →