Holiday Blues

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on January 6, 2023 5:24 pm

The very mention of the word holiday can leave an individual feeling the blues. According to the media, the holidays are suppose to be a time of cheerfulness, merriment, celebration, family and friends, but for so many, the holidays are not that picturesque. Rather, the holidays may feel much more sinister, bleak and intolerable. The holidays may be filled with memories of heartache and heartbreak. It may be a time that is vividly
caked with memories of the past good and bad, but for some reason the bad often outweighs the good.

The blues do not have to occur because of some heavy weighted trauma or loss, however this does have a bearing on many lives. The blues may be related to the season itself. They may represent the lack of family and friends. It may be fostered by feelings of rejection and experiences of the past. It may be stimulated by our perceptions and beliefs of our personal worth. They may be fueled by the media’s idealistic image of the holidays
and ours may not match that perfect snapshot. The blues are indeed the grinch of emotions and feelings taking away our right to experience authentic happiness. So what is it about the holidays that causes you to feel the blues? Are the holidays a reminder of good times or the bad ones? Have the holidays been masked by something egregious or reminders of something that you loath? What is it about the word that causes
you angst and emotional indigestion? For many, these times of festivities, celebrations, and reaction. You would think that the holidays would represent the same for all individuals, but you must take into account events leading up to the holidays; the holidays; and the biopsychosocial environment of the individual.

Life is not perfect and nor are the holidays. For you, they may represent something of an egregious nature. It may be a reminder of a particular loss or traumatic experience. There may be financial burdens associated with the holidays and obligations that make it difficult to truly celebrate. As a collective body of people, we have a particular ideological perspective around the holiday and the celebrations therein. This season may
not represent a time of immense pleasure enveloping ideas like peace, joy and love, rather they may be filled with a sense of disconnect, displeasure, unhappiness, misery, obligation, and anger.

The holidays often fuel a sense of despair, sadness and overall sense of dreariness. The duration and intensity of these states may vary depending on one’s personal ability to prove resilient, the insulating factors for the individual, and protective factors that ensure their safety and wellbeing. Please note, if an individual is finding it difficult during the holiday, it may be important to encourage them to seek out care. A few of the typical signs associated with the blues include:
• A change in one’s daily routine
• Avoiding being around others
• An inability to concentration or focus
• Personal changes in daily care and hygiene
• Increased irritability or depression
• Expressions of worthlessness
• Personal changes in appetite or diet
• An increased use of recreational drugs, alcohol or prescription drugs
• The loss of pleasure and personal desire
• The rejection of friends and family

It is also important to be aware that mental health issues can exacerbate one’s feelings of loneliness, sadness and despair. For individuals who have mental health concerns, it may be important to reach out before the holidays and to follow through with a mental health practitioner. The holidays are often known to exaggerate and intensify feelings and emotions for individuals not suffering from a mental health issue, but add a mental health
issue, then you add to the challenges already facing that person.

During the holidays it is important to remember to maintain a balanced life. Do not place any unnecessary burdens on yourself and avoid placing yourself in financial jeopardy. Avoid using recreational drugs and alcohol if you are feeling at odds with your emotions. Remember never to mix alcohol and recreational drugs with prescription medication. It’s prudent that you keep your personal routines: Do not avoid maintaining a regular sleep schedule and try your best to eat a balanced diet. Daily exercise is not only prudent for keeping physically healthy, but there is a direct relationship to your mental health as well. At the end of the day, remember that the holidays are not unlike any other day. Avoid placing any unnecessary pressure on yourself. Remember to act on behalf of your personal needs and the needs of others. Do not accept negative thinking or drama. You do not have to be anyone’s battering ram. It is important to have a balanced and healthy life. Do your best to accept only what you can handle and do not be afraid of voicing your personal needs. Please remember to act as your best ally, advocate for your needs, and do not fear acting
on behalf of yourself.

2520 Vestal Parkway East, PMB #177, Vestal, New York 13850 (206) 430-2611
Email: [email protected]

asadonbrown.com




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Cultivating the ‘We’ in Us as Individuals

Posted by: Barry D'Souza on November 4, 2022 12:20 pm

Harmony, disharmony and repair”, the natural trajectory within all couple life!  A reassuring proposition for couples and a real ‘dawning upon’ of sorts for me.  It was the Terry Real Deal, this Relational Life Therapy, I thought.  The webinars and the weekly email feeds that came special offer with buying Us online, made for a very familiar American-sized, larger than life, commercial element.  But, no matter, this was ‘good news’ and we therapists always need a stimulating read and a bit of useful soul searching in the down time of our holidays.  His reminder of a paradigm shifting from ‘I, me mine’ to the ’we/us’ was heart-lightening, hitting home.  We had just gotten married – why not bring Terry along with us on our so-called honeymoon and see where that sharing would go?

Off we went this summer to the Italian and French Alps, the four of us – Nessie, our young border collie, Sophie, “Terry Real” and me.  By the time, we got to the foothills, we had listened to the first two webinars and had shared on our ‘adaptive child’ triggers, speaking to that truism about couples work and their outcomes – that each partner has a shared amount of personal work to do in parallel.  Mine included ‘feeling bad about myself’ and ‘doing what I had to be appreciated’ before evaluations and ‘scheming to be free inside’ before emotional demands or manipulation.  This was part of my adaptive child at work!  But hadn’t I evolved?  Was I really doing similar things in our disharmony?  Was I really going into “you vs. me” as I sought to be heard and appreciated.  Did I lose sight of my ‘wise adult’ and track of the ‘we’ in our dynamic themes of couple disconnect.  I know I didn’t want to! Terry was taking us back to an honest reflection on what might be at work inside, when we, Sophie and I, left our ‘harmony’.

I got to thinking about how some in their religious traditions do pre-marital courses, about how some of the most important life skills, like how to be a ‘good partner’ in relationships are never really taught in school systems during the requisite sex education classes, how culturally, we seem to have to self-help ourselves through everything, how that process that can feel so alone and how we might abandon the ‘good’ practices because we don’t see the motivation of the “we” collective!  It really was a lovely holiday this August.  The long hikes in the mountains were bountiful with calm, beauty and a novel sharing for us as couple.  It was good bonding.

So this blog is a little “do what I did and see for yourself shout out” to therapists who work with couples.  A little preventive work, putting yourself in the shoes of your couples,you might think of it!  Do as you might want or suggest to your couples.  Expand your relationship mindfulness around some of the elements Terry suggests are useful, like those five strategies the ‘human’ adaptive child quite typically turns to: ‘being right’, ‘controlling your partner’, ‘practicing unbridled self-expression/venting’, ‘retaliating against your partner’ and ‘withdrawing from your partner’ (Real: 2022, p.190).  It is likely you’ll see yourself with a little reflective mindfulness of your couple.  Some compelling bibliotherapy and a valid depiction of an imperative to repairing our couples – cultivate the “we” in us as individuals.

References

 Real, Terry. (2022) Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship

Goop Press: New York




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

5 Things You Should Know About Therapy to Find the Right Therapist

Posted by: Paula Gonzalez on October 12, 2022 3:55 pm

By: Paula Gonzalez, MCP, CCC, RP

Finding the right therapist is one of the most important factors correlated with “success” in therapy. After all, finding a therapist that makes you feel safe enough to be honest with them and yourself about how you’re doing is exactly what would need to happen if you’d like to make the most of your time and money spent in therapy.

With that said, finding the right therapist can sometimes feel as if you’re looking for a needle in a haystack, which is something that can become incredibly frustrating and defeating. The good news is that it doesn’t necessarily have to be this way. After years of hearing discouraging stories from some of my clients’ previous counselling experiences, it became clear that there is a need for information about therapy so that folks can manage their expectations and learn about their own therapeutic preferences so that they may know what kind of therapist would be the right fit for them.

So, here are 5 things you should know about therapy to find the right therapist:

  1. Therapy is a collaborative process.
    In therapy, it’s important to be clear about your role and your therapist’s role. For instance, your therapist’s job is not to tell you what to do (if they do, this could be a red flag). Instead, their job is to use their education, training, and experience, to help you get there. They may do this by asking questions that may elicit clarity and insight, creating a safe and non-judgmental space for you to express yourself authentically, or by providing you with coping strategies. Your job, on the other hand, is to show up to and to show up in your sessions. This means that you are accountable for not only showing up to your sessions, but to also work up the courage and allow yourself to be honest about how you’re doing, including how you’re feeling about therapy. Your therapist would want to know these things to ensure that you’re actually benefiting from therapy. More on this below.
  2. Honesty is the best policy.
    As mentioned above, ongoing communication in therapy is crucial. A good therapist would want to know how you’re feeling in general, but also about how you’re feeling about therapy itself. They would want to know how the pacing of therapy is feeling for you, and if there is anything about their approach that is or isn’t working for you. Is therapy feeling too overwhelming at the moment? Are we needing to slow it down? Or is therapy feeling too slow-paced? Is the homework feeling too difficult? Are you still feeling motivated to pursue therapy? A therapist will want to know all of the things! They’re not trying to be nosy, but rather want to make sure that you’re actually benefiting from therapy and are getting the most out of it.
  3. You don’t need to be in crisis to seek therapy.
    One of the bigger misconceptions about therapy is that you need to be in crisis to seek help. While that could certainly be a reason to go to therapy, there isn’t a set of eligibility criteria to seek therapy. Many people choose to seek therapy to simply have a space where they can talk to someone who doesn’t know them, so that they can express themselves honestly and without fear of judgment. Others may choose to go to therapy when they’ve encountered a challenging situation and would like additional support, others may go to therapy as a proactive measure to avoid going into crisis, others go to therapy because they’re feeling stable enough to process painful events from the past, and others go simply as a form of mental health maintenance. Everyone can benefit from therapy, and it will always be here for anyone whenever they would like to access it.
  4. Trust the process.
    “Trusting in the process” in therapy means to trust that every single time that you attend a session and do the work, progress is being made. It also means that progress may not be something that one can see or feel in the moment, but that with consistency, patience, and trust in yourself and your therapist, it will become clearer. If you’re someone who is results-driven, it could be beneficial to think about what progress would look like for you and to communicate this with your therapist.
  5. In-person or online therapy.
    This is very important to think about. Since the pandemic, many therapists have moved to online therapy either exclusively or in addition to providing in-person sessions. A reason for this is the accessibility that online therapy can provide, considering that you have access to a device, stable internet connection, and privacy, that is. If you are someone who has access to these, perhaps something else to think about would be whether you would have the time and means to commute to your therapist’s office. Either way, you’ve got options. You can choose whatever would feel best for you.

Bonus tip: You’ve got this!
Exploring and processing uncomfortable feelings doesn’t mean that these feelings will never leave. I often encourage my clients to think of therapy as “growing pains”, in that while it may feel uncomfortable and scary to allow yourself to feel your feelings while in session, this is what will ultimately help you understand them (and therefore yourself and your needs) better. This is where healing and growth begins. Growth can be painful, but it is growth, nonetheless.

Stay tuned for more tips on finding the right therapist for you.

Paula Gonzalez, MCP, CCC, RP, is the founder of Infinite Horizons Psychotherapy (www.infinitehorizonspsychotherapy.com). She specializes in empowering young adults experiencing high levels of anxiety through psycho-education and trauma-informed CBT.

*The views expressed are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA.




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Making and Achieving New Year’s Resolutions

Posted by: Coretta Rego, MA, RP, CCC on December 20, 2019 11:59 am

The hustle and bustle of the holiday season will soon give way to thoughts and plans for the new year. Many of these discussions will invariably touch upon the changes that people plan to make when January arrives. This might include lifestyle changes, like eating better and exercising more, learning how to better manage one’s money, or a desire to pick up a new hobby. Regardless of how we choose to do so, a new year often presents us with an opportunity to reinvent ourselves.

While any day of the year that we choose to make changes to help us live a happier and healthier life is a good day to start, the dawn of a new year is particularly promising. While many a joke has been made about the success (or lack thereof) of new year’s resolutions, many people do find success with making and sustaining changes at this time of year. What sets these people apart from those of us who may be less successful with our new year/new us plans? Much of it comes down to having a plan.

Step 1: Make a resolution

If you are considering overhauling an area of your life in the new year, I would encourage you to start by picking one area. We often overwhelm ourselves by picking too many things to do at one time and it becomes hard to sustain all changes simultaneously. Instead, start with one change. As you start to see success and have been able to maintain this, you can add on another change. The confidence and adrenaline that you experience as a result of succeeding with your first change will build momentum for the next one. Success builds success!

Step 2: Make a plan

Success in any area of life is rarely due to luck, and more due to planning and ongoing hard work. This holds true for whether you are learning to dance, losing weight or building an empire. The reason many of us are unsuccessful with our new year’s resolutions is because we often come up with well intentioned ideas but do not give much thought as to how we will implement them. When we then encounter a challenge with our idea, we do not know how to overcome it, and we often give up.

As an example, let’s look at a frequently cited new year’s resolution: losing weight. Despite how many people cite this as a resolution and the amount of services catered to helping people with this, many (not all) still struggle with accomplishing this goal. The difference between those who succeed and those who struggle is not simply a matter of will power. Having a plan for how to modify your life so it becomes more conducive to losing the weight is an important step towards achieving a positive outcome. Furthermore, the more detailed the plan, the greater the likelihood of success

Plan A: Lose weight. Eat heathier. Exercise more.

Plan B: Lose weight. Eat healthier. In lieu of buying lunch from a fast food place during the work week, pack a home-made lunch which includes fruit as snacks. Meal prep with a friend every Sunday evening to avoid it feeling like a chore. Exercise 3x during the work week. Join the gym at work so that exercising can be done before or after the workday to reduce the likelihood of a missed workout.

While the intended end result is the same, the person who made the second plan is more likely to be successful because they have given thought to how they will implement this plan in their life, including considering potential obstacles and coming up with ways to counter them. It is important to note that plans don’t need to be extravagant, they just need to be specific to how you live your life.

Additionally, when making your plan don’t overlook all the things that you might already be doing that can help you meet your goal. By doing more of these things (or doing them more frequently) change is less overwhelming. For example, perhaps you already bring a homemade lunch to work every day but buy snacks which is where you succumb to the unhealthy options. By packing additional items to your lunch which you already spend time making, it is easier to make a healthy choice when the 3pm craving hits.  Your plan should make you feel empowered and should build upon good things you are already doing.

Step 3: Pace yourself

You have 365 days (and not just until January 31st) to make it your new reality. Be kind to yourself when you stray from the plan. Be patient with yourself when you experience a setback. Celebrate when you achieve smaller milestones as you get closer to the goal.

Happy New year! Happy New(er) You!

Coretta Rego, MA, RP, CCC




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Holiday Season and Why It’s Not Always the Best Time of the Year

Posted by: Coretta Rego, MA, RP, CCC on November 8, 2019 12:24 pm

It won’t be long before the fall leaves have been raked up, the trick or treaters have come and gone and the countdown to the end of the year will begin. In the midst of all of this revelry, there will be many opportunities for gatherings with loved (or not so loved) ones. Diwali, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Christmas are all celebrated closer to the end of the year. Even if one isn’t religiously inclined, the end of the year tends to bring with it multiple occasions for celebration. Unfortunately, along with the food, drinks and presents, there also tends to be a large serving of stress.

There are different reasons why people find the holidays so stressful. It can be busy with every evening or weekend committed to a celebration of some kind. It can be expensive with the list of people to buy gifts for getting longer each year. It can also involve social interactions that can be uncomfortable or downright unpleasant.

In some cases, holiday stress can often turn into distress.  As therapists, we are aware that holidays can be a difficult experience for people.  Family estrangement, grief and financial pressure are some of the reasons why people struggle at what is often promoted as the most wonderful time of year.

So how do we support our clients, loved ones and ourselves to remain emotionally healthy during the holiday season? Unlike other life events that may happen less frequently and are therefore a little easier to grin and bear, the holidays are inescapable. It can be beneficial if we take some time in advance to think about what we anticipate the challenges of the season will bring, and come up with a coping plan. While the hope is to create a plan that can help us thrive, in some cases, simply surviving and making it out to the other side is also a valid goal.

Here are some suggestions to help you plan for the upcoming holiday season:

  • When possible, try declining invitations to certain events. Regardless of how much fun an event is promoted as being (like an annual reunion with your high school friends) or how obligated you feel to attend (a family dinner), saying no to an event or two has multiple benefits. To start with, it gives you back some time in your schedule, spares you the expense of attending, as well as allows you to avoid any unpleasant social encounters. It also helps to build some comfort in saying no and not feeling guilty about it, which is an important life skill.

 

  • If there is a social event that you must attend, recruit a buddy to go with you. Think about what your biggest concern is about attending this event. Is it the small talk with colleagues you only see once a year? Turn to the person in your social circle who is skilled at banter. Is it seeing a family member who often berates you? Take a loved one who can calmly but firmly put an end to the conversation. If necessary, make an appearance and have a signal in case an early exit is required. The benefit here is twofold: you get credit for attending, while also allowing you to avoid some of the more challenging aspects of the social gathering.

 

  • If you feel that hosting a social gathering is an important though stressful element of the season, consider choosing an alternate venue. For example, in lieu of a potentially tense dinner with the entire extended family in your home, consider inviting family members to a public event in the community a few days before or after the holiday season (for example, ice skating at the local rink). This is an opportunity for the family to be together while removing some of the one on one interaction that is often the source of conflict and stress. It also gives an objective goal to focus upon…

 

  • If the holiday season is difficult due to grief, give yourself permission to not celebrate if you don’t feel capable, or to celebrate on a smaller scale. Carve out time and space to grieve. If possible, do something specific that addresses your loss so that it doesn’t feel minimized in the midst of the celebration occurring around you.

 

  • If the holiday season fills you with dread to the point that it is interfering with your well being, consider speaking to a therapist. A therapist can work with you to not only address the source of the struggle, but also to come with strategies for how to manage it. Holidays can have a negative impact on mental health and well being regardless of how well one has been throughout the year. Seeking the appropriate professional support can be very beneficial.

For some people, the holiday season is truly the most wonderful time of the year. For others, there is less joy and more strain. Regardless of how you feel about the season, remember to take care of yourself, as that is the best gift you can give yourself and others.

Coretta Rego, MA, RP, CCC




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

When a Client Dies

Posted by: Doc Warren on October 15, 2019 11:39 am

I’ll never forget the first time that I received notice that a client had died. I’ll never forget any of them actually. No training truly prepared me and I’ve had far more training than the average thanks to an intense drive on my part and having had some of the best mentors in the field. I can only imagine how folks with minimal training and a lack of good supervision fare.

The longer we are in the field, the more likely we are to have experienced the death of a client. The death may have been through accident or natural causes or by their own or someone else’s hands.  Few, if any, clinical training programs spend any great deal of time exploring this issue unless you are specializing in hospice settings. When a death happens, there are many things that tend to be the focus of supervision and consultation sessions. Below are some of the more common issues that I find in my supervision and consulting work when a client has passed.

Processing the loss yourself
Once receiving notice of the death, many clinical professionals attempt to “work through the pain” by continuing their day as they normally would. Though this may work for some, many, if not most, will require time to process the loss either immediately or in the very near future. Be sure to allow yourself to be human, acknowledge the loss, explore the emotions associated with it and whenever possible, do this with the help of a colleague. You do not have to keep everything bottled in. Remember what you would do for and with friends, loved ones and clients who have suffered a loss and allow yourself to be present with your emotions so that you may heal. While there are times when you may need to continue to work to help aid others who are affected, processing it yourself as soon as possible can be a key factor in moving forward healthily.

Could I be liable?
One of the first fears shared by clinicians when a client has died of anything other than natural causes is that they may be sued or otherwise investigated. In most cases, there has been nothing to indicate that this could happen assuming that  the clinical professional has given nothing but the best level of care to the client that has passed. This fear is sometimes grounded in the grief process itself: the clinician is blaming themselves for not having been able to prevent the death. Other times it can be a simple fear of being sued by a next of kin that is “just looking for someone to blame” regardless of any real malpractice having occurred. A small fraction of the time (I have personally never encountered anyone in this situation) the clinician has indeed made mistakes that could be considered malpractice. In this case, the fear may indeed be founded. Whether or not you feel you did anything wrong, when in doubt, contact your malpractice/liability insurance provider and discuss the matter with them. It shouldn’t cost you anything more than your time and just may help ease your worries.

Protecting the client’s right to privacy
Today more than ever we find ourselves with the ability to emote freely via venues that were unthinkable just a few short years ago. Many find themselves posting to social media for just about everything. Public grieving is considered the norm to many folks but as clinical professionals we need to remember that the client’s right to privacy does not end with their death, therefore we as clinical professionals should refrain from public expressions of grief that either name or share any information that could potentially identify a client that has passed. I’ve seen very good clinicians make this mistake. Comments such as “I lost a client recently to a drunk driver” or “Cancer took a client today” may seem harmless enough but can lead to ethical issues especially if more information is also shared.

I’ve also seen clinical professionals that have made generic statements on personal or professional pages that would appear to be fine. Comments such as “thinking of those lost to cancer” or drunk drivers, suicide etc. may help the clinician process without potentially identifying a recently deceased client.

Should you get a request from a next of kin to provide copies of the deceased treatment records, be sure to consult with an attorney to learn exactly what the next of kin is allowed to access and what they will need to provide your office in order to allow you to release copies. Here again, your liability insurance provider can be a key resource as well as your supervisor.

To go or not to go to services
Going to the services of a client that has passed can be a controversial decision. One side of the coin says that by your very presence you are saying that the deceased was a client unless they were a known friend, coworker or relative of ours. The other side of the coin says that if the service is open to the public then you are free to go with no need to explain. Many a heated conversation has come from posing this question in a group supervision encounter. One quick way to handle this would be to contact your liability insurance provider for guidance. Please note however that the answer may differ from provider to provider.

For me, I have only attended services if a surviving relative has requested me to attend. Even with such a request I will neither confirm nor deny that I ever had a professional relationship and will instead simply say that we live in a small town and that we all seem to know one another.

Erasing” the client from your practice
Many a consult has been spent processing feelings of guilt from clinicians who were feeling conflicted about how “easy” it was to “simply remove a person from my schedule.” The actual act of erasing a client from a schedule may indeed only take a moment. For me, in my office I have opted not to use the electronic scheduler that others use and instead use a pencil and paper system. I have literally erased people after a death and can remember the lump in my throat the first time I did so. I also remember hesitating to “give their time” away to a new client. It required some processing and grief work before I was able to truly move forward. Now, I remember that it was not the time slot nor the written name that made a difference, it instead, was the relationship that we had and that cannot be removed with a number two pencil.

Telling a staff member that their client has passed.
If you are a supervisor you likely will be one of the first people to learn of a death of any client. In my practice I have instructed the reception folks to notify me should there be any calls notifying us of a loss of life. They also will keep up to date on local obituaries as well as in some cases there is no next of kin that knows that the deceased was receiving services.  While there is no one correct way, I would avoid the use of texting, email, private messenger or other electronic means to advise your staff member of the loss. To me, a phone call is a last resort for notification and instead will call and ask the clinician to come see me the first thing when they come in. Once in, I try not to have it be too formal as in having a large desk between the two of us. Although I would never stage the encounter, I have shared the information while walking on one of the dirt roads on our therapeutic farm, sitting by the brook, walking some of our trails or spending time with our therapeutic animals. How I did it had more to do with the clinician and their normal preferences than it did with mine. Ensuring the privacy of the clinician is paramount as well. Should they need to cry, talk it out, yell a bit or whatever, the ability to do so without an audience is key. Many times, we process not just the passing but the process that the therapy took on, the good work that they provided and what they themselves will cherish from the encounter.

Moving forward
After the basic processing has taken place, it is good to remember that there may indeed be a need for further reflection and moments of pause in the future. Allow yourself to not only be a clinical professional but also a human being. We are not machines. Process as needed.

Be safe, do good

-Doc Warren

”Doc Warren” Corson III is a counselor, educator, writer and the founder, developer, clinical & executive director of Community Counseling of Central CT Inc. (www.docwarren.org) and Pillwillop Therapeutic Farm (www.pillwillop.org). He is internationally certified as a Counsellor and Counsellor Supervisor in the USA and Canada (C.C.C., C.C.C.-S, NCC, ACS). He can be contacted at [email protected]




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Coping with Political Fatigue

Posted by: Coretta Rego, MA, RP, CCC on October 7, 2019 2:14 pm

I was channel surfing recently and came across a commercial for the upcoming federal election. I changed the channel and came across another commercial. After having watched bits of each I thought to myself that I was ready for this election to be over and wasn’t particularly concerned about the outcome. That thought caught me by surprise as I am a political aficionado. I follow what goes on in government both nationally and internationally and I also love to discuss various hot button issues at length. It occurred to me that if someone like me can be so tired of the political cycle, many people must not only be fatigued but quite possibly overwhelmed by it.

Politics no longer lives in a realm outside of us. Instead, politics are now deeply personal, which means that there is a lot at stake in any given election. Recent elections have focused on issues that are deeply personal and inextricably linked to the type of world we want to live in and build for the next generation. However, with the promise of change and betterment that an election might bring, also comes the possibility that the outcome might be the polar opposite of what we wanted. The consequences of which can feel dire.

Additionally, discussions about politics have become inescapable. With the upcoming federal election in Canada and what seems like an ongoing election cycle for our American neighbours, politics remain constant even when the seasons change. Whether it is the onslaught of 24 hours news channels that are constantly dissecting every piece of information, or online message boards where people openly share antagonizing opinions without any responsibility to fact check, it is easy to get caught up in the negativity.

So how do we not just survive but thrive in this increasingly politically charged atmosphere? How do we remain engaged in political dialogue without becoming disillusioned about the world we live in? How do we support our clients as they navigate relationships with family members, friends and colleagues that quickly become hostile due to divergent political and personal views?

It is important to begin by recognizing that how we approach these issues will determine the outcome we achieve. Responding angrily to a tweet or getting into a heated argument with a family member over dinner is unlikely to produce civil discourse. Recognizing that what we talk about has an impact on the daily life of the other person can help build empathy. The point of a discussion cannot be to change the other person’s opinion. Discussion is about planting seeds and exposing people to things they may not have considered. We cannot go into conversations expecting to change someone’s opinion. If we do, we are bound to be disappointed.

Let’s also give ourselves permission to tune out or disconnect as needed. While smart phones and app notifications make it easy to constantly be plugged in, periodic breaks can help us avoid becoming overwhelmed by the information. Unless it is your profession, political engagement doesn’t have to happen 24/7. Taking a break from the deluge of information can help us process the information better and also provides an opportunity to focus on other equally important things.

Lastly, when it all seems too much, let’s take a moment to reflect on how far we have come. Let’s celebrate all that we have accomplished, the battles that were won by previous generations that have had positive impacts on our lives. History books are filled with stories of human triumph. Let’s use this to energize us for what lies ahead.

Political engagement is important; our democracy depends on it. However, political engagement should not compromise our mental health or well being. Maintaining optimism in the current political climate is not easy, but it is possible.

Coretta Rego MA, RP, CCC




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Managing Teenagers’ Stress

Posted by: Lakawthra Cox, M.A., MAPC, LPC, NCC, CCC on September 9, 2019 3:00 pm

I have seen a number of teens who are adjusting to the demands and pressures of their last year of high school as they transition into college. In particular, American teens feel a tremendous pressure during this phase of life. Parents should be aware of these pressures and seek to assist their adolescent obtain balance, a healthy lifestyle, and good coping skills. Although I could provide my professional thoughts, I wanted to share some insights from teenagers who have experienced this phase of life stress firsthand.

As a 17-year-old teen who is about to enter my senior (4th) year of high school, I find that transitioning into adult life is stressful. I take a college class over the summer vacation which entails writing papers, researching, and reading a lot of material. My current college class has 12 required books. I am volunteering at a hospital to gain experience, preparing to submit my college applications, and attending practices for an All Star Cheer Team, to say the least. Here is how I manage my stress:

  • I listen to my favorite music. People suggest listening to “relaxing” music; my favorite music isn’t always relaxing music but that type is not for everyone. Listen to what you prefer, as long as your choice of music relaxes you. Another way I de-stress is by taking a shower. I also enjoy taking a 30-minute nap. Sometimes a nap as short as 15-20 minutes works as well.
  • If none of those approaches work, I try calling a good friend. Talking helps me relieve stress. I feel better after Face Timing (video conferencing) or after a long phone call with a friend. I feel more relaxed/distressed and ready to take on the world. Last, exercising or being active is another way to de-stress. Considering taking on a sport either in school or as an extracurricular activity. (Lathanise Cox-Moscatello, July 2019)

Life is both stressful and challenging, at times. I am 14 years old and going into my junior (3rd) year of high school. I am two grades ahead for my age and still take challenging classes like pre-AP Chemistry. As both an artist, and a soccer manager for our school team, I am very busy. I have attended both science and art camps like this over most summers. I also volunteer at a local hospital over the summer to gain experience. The following is what I recommend to maintain a healthy lifestyle (Ramona Cox-Moscatello, July 2019):

  1. Do not allow your stress to build up, because you may blow up or overreact to a situation.
  2. Find what works for you. Take some time to figure out [what you like].
  3. Cold showers wake you up and warm showers help to relax your muscles.
  4. If you can’t find anything that works, ask your parents about seeing a mental health professional.

I concur with their recommendations. Additionally, taking on a hobby such as gardening, playing an instrument, or art might be useful. Exercising is also important in our overall health. In a Vancouver study, older adults executive brain functioning increased between 11%-13% when the participants received resistance exercise training (Liu-Ambrose et al., 2010). Exercising can allow us to accomplish tasks better. In fact, additional studies have demonstrated that participants performed better over a range of cognitive tasks, when they exhibited greater muscular strength (Boyle et al. 2009; Narazaki et al. 2014). Choose an approach for managing your stress that is pro social, in which you can find balance, stay healthy, and obtain good coping skills for better managed teen aged stress.

Lakawthra Cox, MA, MAPC, LPC, NCC, CCC
Lathanise Cox-Moscatello, Contributor
Ramona Cox-Moscatello, Contributor

References
Boyle PA, Buchman AS, Wilson RS, et al (2009). Association of muscle strength with the risk of Alzheimer disease and rate of cognitive decline in community dwelling older persons. Arch Neurol 66(11):1339-1344, 2009 19901164. In Noordsy, D. L., editor. (2019) Lifestyle psychiatry. American Psychiatric Association. Washington, DC.
Liu-Ambrose T. Nagamatsu LS, Graf P, et al: Resistance training and executive functions: a 12-month randomized controlled trial. Arch Intern Med 170-178, 2010 20101012. In Noordsy, D. L., editor. (2019) Lifestyle psychiatry. American Psychiatric Association. Washington, DC.
Narazaki K, Matsuo E, Honda T, et al: Physical fitness measures as potential markers of low cognitive problems. J Sports Sci Med. 13 (3): 590-596, 2014 25177186. In Noordsy, D. L., editor. (2019). Lifestyle psychiatry. American Psychiatric Association. Washington, DC.



*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

What Happened to Rites of Passage?

Posted by: Grant M. Waldman, MA, CCC, CIAS III on July 4, 2019 1:54 pm

When was the last time you heard of a bunch of boys being taken out to the wilderness by the men of a village to experience a Rites of Passage? My guess is that not many of you have. Fortunately for this writer, I have been involved in this work for both boys and men over the past dozen years.

My first exposure to this work came through a men’s group that I joined in Indianapolis (of all places). It was a safe place for men to gather to share their truth without judgement. I later learned that the man who founded the group was initially involved with a larger organization that was then called: “The New Warriors”.  It would take me seven years until I met up with this organization again. By that time, it had changed its name to: “The Mankind Project” (MKP) – an organization based in the mid-western United States that has spread to many parts of the globe.

Once I connected with MKP, I was invited to attend a Rites of Passage weekend for men called: “The New Warrior Training Adventure”.  This was a very powerful rites of passage experience that invited me to take a deeper look at my life.  Since going through my weekend, I have invited many men to experience the weekend and it has changed many lives and rippled out into the world.

After being involved with MKP, I realized that I wish I had experienced this rites of passage when I was much younger, and was hopeful that my son could experience this for himself. Low and behold, I came across Boys to Men, a rites of passage experience for boys.  I wasted no time in bringing my son to a weekend and, following that, organized several men in my community in order to bring the weekend to us. We  ended up delivering the rites of passage several times in our own community!

This is powerful healing work for boys and men that I would invite therapists to investigate for clients with whom they believe would benefit from this empowering experience. There are a number of YouTube videos that are worth watching for further insights.




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Horrible Placement

Posted by: Lakawthra Cox, M.A., MAPC, LPC, NCC, CCC on April 29, 2019 2:21 pm

My girls had an Arts Festival and talent show at school one year. Lenay placed 1st & 2nd for her art in her age and grade category. Monet placed 2nd and 3rd for her art. The girls told me some kids had received, “horrible,” hand-written on their ribbons. I told them that that could not be true.

Apparently, one of the young girls who received the horrible placement ribbon, started to cry over her status. I saw the horrible placement ribbons on several art pieces, written in cursive; they actually read “honorable mentions”.

Sometimes you perceive a horrible placement for a challenge in your life. This perception keeps you from trying things that you would otherwise attempt. For example, you want to  model but you are not the height of a runway model. You want your degree in business administration but plan to settle for a management degree because you have poor math skills. Perhaps, you want to become a psychologist but there are no available psychology programs in your area. Do you just give up because you are in, what you believe to be, a horrible placement? Happiness comes from doing what you love and what motivates you (Anderson, 2004). To experience happiness, you deserve to have a career or hobby that inspires you, within the confines of morality, of course. Turn your horrible placement into an honorable mention. Decide to improve your situation by viewing and perceiving your situation differently.

Reference
Anderson, N. (2004). Work with passion: How to do what you love for a living. Novato, CA: New world Library.



*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA