My world at work is always more satisfying,  the more my world at home is satisfying. This is not as easy as it may appear to be.  So many therapists tend to make their practice the brightest penny in the bunch when it comes to their lives.  I contend that this leads to burn out pretty quickly. 

As a busy private practitioner for nearly 20 years, I am a fierce walk your talk person in favour of having a super, deliciously rich private life. Filled with good like minded friends, satisfying hobbies, a fun social calendar and personal spirituality… whatever it may be. 

This has been my recipe for feeling a deep contentedness in my professional life.  I am always happy to get back to work because my personal life has filled me.  I work a 4 day week and have done so for years. Initially I did this schedule to help me with my stress levels a while back but even though that quickly got under control I decided to keep the 4 day week.  It just made so much sense to me.

I now try and pack my Mondays to Thursdays and I feel very satisfied that at work, I am making a difference for my clients.  They can feel my enthusiasm and my clarity. And I am always so happy to know my Friday is off to pursue my personal life once again for 3 days.

This is my recipe for contentedness. What is yours?

There is something so fantastic about the crisper nights. I actually slept with our comforter and all the windows open last night. It was delicious to have the real air coming in as opposed to the fake air conditioned air. It got me thinking. Real versus fake.  Is it always better? Better yes. Easier… definitely not!

Being my authentic self-my real self is not always easy. Whether we are subscribers to the old adage “The truth shall set you free” or not…..There are some real consequences to always telling the truth. This was so evident recently when an ex client of mine wanted me to write a letter on his behalf because he was taking his former employer to court for a variety of stress related issues.

I had not seen this client in 7 months and when he was my client he took very unkindly to any sort of boundary setting on my part.  When I said no… he yelled and he threatened. When his employer said no he yelled and he threw things. When his mother said no he got violent.   That is, the way he coped and lived his truth landed him in a variety of self injuring experiences. It also meant that he could be very harmful to his family and others. I quickly realized that this person was beyond my scope and I needed to refer him to other professionals.  This was not received well to say the least! 

Continue reading →

I found that this summer due to my husband’s schedule going on a family vacation will not be possible.   My disappointment has affected me. The reality is that I can go on vacation alone but I am really sad that it cannot be with him. And so here is where I begin to apply my 90/10 rule.  The event that disappoints me is the 10% of the issue. How I react is 90% of the issue.   At another time I might have sulked or fought or even hurled passive aggressive badgering comments at him in order to get my way.  I am not proud of my past reactions…. Although I do have compassion for myself because I know that when you know better… you do better. This kind of reactivity is purely inherited from my family culture and let me tell you we were a family of reactors!

The reality is that we really have control over very little. We don’t have control over outcomes, other people, timing or much of anything. But alas we do have control over our reactions, thoughts and attitudes. The truth is even those require a world of discipline. For me to stay away from negative and petty reactions I need to do my work. I need to meditate on what is really important versus what I think is important. In this case, I meditate of the fact that life is short and even though I cannot have my partner with me on my leisure time… I have leisure time and thank goodness, we are healthy, in love and all is well.

I have decided to be creative.  I take days off during the week here and there. My husband joins me at the beach on an occasional day off.  We go to dinner at different restaurants from different countries and we play act that we have gone on a trip to that country.  It is all very satisfying and brings us closer as a couple.  I get to feel refreshed and he does not have to feel bad that the summer may have been a bust due to his work schedule or my reactions. A win/win I would say.