I found that this summer due to my husband’s schedule going on a family vacation will not be possible. My disappointment has affected me. The reality is that I can go on vacation alone but I am really sad that it cannot be with him. And so here is where I begin to apply my 90/10 rule. The event that disappoints me is the 10% of the issue. How I react is 90% of the issue. At another time I might have sulked or fought or even hurled passive aggressive badgering comments at him in order to get my way. I am not proud of my past reactions…. Although I do have compassion for myself because I know that when you know better… you do better. This kind of reactivity is purely inherited from my family culture and let me tell you we were a family of reactors!
The reality is that we really have control over very little. We don’t have control over outcomes, other people, timing or much of anything. But alas we do have control over our reactions, thoughts and attitudes. The truth is even those require a world of discipline. For me to stay away from negative and petty reactions I need to do my work. I need to meditate on what is really important versus what I think is important. In this case, I meditate of the fact that life is short and even though I cannot have my partner with me on my leisure time… I have leisure time and thank goodness, we are healthy, in love and all is well.
I have decided to be creative. I take days off during the week here and there. My husband joins me at the beach on an occasional day off. We go to dinner at different restaurants from different countries and we play act that we have gone on a trip to that country. It is all very satisfying and brings us closer as a couple. I get to feel refreshed and he does not have to feel bad that the summer may have been a bust due to his work schedule or my reactions. A win/win I would say.
*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA