Author Archives: Asa Don Brown

Marriage Is . . .

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on April 28, 2014 3:27 pm
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“No sooner met but they looked; no sooner looked but they loved; no sooner loved but they sighed; no sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason; no sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy; and in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs to marriage.”     ~ William Shakespeare

As a husband of 17 years, I can inform you that marriage is a lifelong education.  Marriage is the essence of life and it has an intrinsic way of wholly consuming every aspect of life.  While the consumption is likely, the type of consumption can be a profitable experience rather than a drudgery.

Furthermore, marriage is a lifelong commitment.  The commitment cannot solely be an individual endeavor, rather marriage is a joint effort.  As a clinician, I am always amazed that the assumption of marriage is viewed from a myopic perspective, rather than a hyperopic one.  Marriage is not a singular ideological framework, rather it devised of two perspectives uniting together to become one.  While you can rest assured that your ideological views surely will cross, it is always essential to come to a place to agree-to-disagree.  Moreover, while there are no perfect marriages, the highlight of every marriage is to strive for an unified best!

KEEPING THE LOVE LIGHT BURNING

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”  ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Marriage is an ultimate sacrifice of thyself and thy personhood.   It is through the sacrifice that we learn to serve and to be served.  Marriage is the best reminder of why it is important to love thyself.  While many utter words of love, few completely understand the roots of love.  Love is an intense feeling of deep affection, admiration, respect and warm approval.  Without love, there is likely no attachment or affection.  Nevertheless, you can be the best of friends and not be “in love.”  Moreover, love must begin within you before it can be expressed outwardly.

What does it mean to be in love?  Being in love is not a mystical experience, having hidden or esoteric meanings.  Rather, being “in love’ is within anyone’s reach and is a response to reactions in our brain, but connecting to the “right” person is often the challenge.  You cannot force a person to “be in love.”  If you partner is not “in love” with you, then the likelihood of making that connection is null.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Psychology of Hate

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on April 9, 2014 12:55 pm
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“Personal responsibility is the willingness to completely accept choices that we have made throughout our lives.”
~ Asa Don Brown, Waiting to Live

 
Hate has a pathological effect upon the psyche of the individual.  The pathology of hate is commonly linked to those that provide us protection and nurturing early in the early stages of our lives.  The nurturing of a parent or guardian can be the catalyst of a variety of psychological and psychiatric conditions.  It is not to say that hate cannot be spurred on by organic conditions of the mind, but we know that the greatest influence of hate is directly related to the nurturing received in our youth.

While psychological and psychiatric conditions of each individual may develop beyond the experiences per childhood; the presets surrounding the personal ideological viewpoints, theories,  ethical and moral compasses are undoubtedly influenced by those in direct contact with our own lives.

The makeup of hate is comprised of uncertainty, insecurity, loneliness, awkwardness, lack of confidence, self-doubt, unassertiveness, timidity, anxiety, instability, vulnerability, and defenselessness.  Whereas to love, a person has humility, security, assurance, acceptance, attachments, tenderness, patience, understanding, compassion and most of all, tolerance.

INTOLERANCE

The human race is an intolerable species.  We are seldom welcoming of varying views, belief systems, and behaviors.  We shun or outwardly reject those who differ from our own person.  As a species, we are more apt to disregard or completely ignore anyone we disagree with.  Such intolerance is no different than blatant acts of hate and discrimination.  You may be asking yourself, how can ignoring or shunning be as reprehensible as violent acts.  While the acts of shunning or ignoring lack the physical violence of the fist; shunning and ignoring are intentionally setting a precedent of intolerance and bigotry.  It is this sort of behavior, attitudes, and percepts that is directly linked to instilling negative emotions (i.e. fear, distrust, hatred, worry, and personal distress).  The prejudices of an individual can invoke rage, hostilities, and an overall spirit of negativity.

While the intolerance begins within the mind and psyche of the individual, seldom does the intolerance keep isolated within the mind of the individual.  Sadly, the venomous nature of intolerance is capable of creeping itself slowly into the minds of others who directly and indirectly interact with the ill mind.

The spoils of intolerance are capable of diminishing and destroying every thread of communication.  It is the egregious nature of intolerance that spurs on the prejudices and bigotry  developed within the minds of those effected by such hate.

HATE’S VICTIMS

The victims of hate may be your neighbor, your friend, your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your grandparent, your employer, and/or your enemy.  While the victims may range in age, race, gender, and intellectual quotient (IQ); the desire of such discrimination is to reach  maximum proportions.

Hate has intentions on breaking down the unity of all humanity.  It does not cease with the individual, but seeks to infiltrate all aspects of personal and global thinking.  The injection of such venom penetrates each aspect of humanity whether on an individual scale or a global perspective.  It may include ethnicity, religion, national origin, genetic makeup, socioeconomic status, career choices and/or a personal disability.  The ultimate goal of all hate crimes is intended on reaching systemic levels, thus reinforcing the intentions of hate.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Psychological Effects of Divorce

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on March 17, 2014 7:00 am
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“When mom and dad went to war the only prisoners they took were the children.”
~ Pat Conroy

As a child of divorce, I can confer that the legal separation and dissolution of a marriage can have a profound effect. Even if, your parents are splitting amicably, having the greatest spirit of friendliness and acceptance; the separation of a set of parents has an effect. The level of the effect will and may differ, dependent upon the rationale behind the divorce, and the outcome of the divorce proceedings. While on the judicial side, divorce is the legal dissolving of a relationship; divorce from the perspective is the removal of one parent from another.

Divorce not only effects the children, the parents (the couple), but has an ability of effecting those beyond the confines of the immediate relationship. While divorce has an effect, it’s effect will vary dependent upon the family and the ultimate dynamics of the relationship .

THE EFFECT OF DIVORCE

Divorce can have a dire effect on all members of the family. The repercussions of a divorce can have an impact on the families financial stability, social environment, academic and employee performance, and the psychological and physical well-being of the family. Please understand, I am not criticizing divorce, rather it is important to recognize the possible and often frequent ramifications of divorce. While the ramifications and outcome of divorce are often egregious in nature; the ramifications and outcome of remaining in a negative, abusive, unaffectionate or undesirable relationship, can have a significantly greater effect.

“First, children who grow up in an intact, two-parent family with both biological parents present do better on a wide range of outcomes than children who grow up in a single-parent family. Single parenthood is not the only, nor even the most important, cause of the higher rates of school dropout, teenage pregnancy, juvenile delinquency, or other negative outcomes we see; but it does contribute independently to these problems. Neither does single parenthood guarantee that children will not succeed; many, if not most, children who grow up in a single-parent
household do succeed.” (Berlin, 2004, Online)

The Typical Concerns Associated with Divorce

1) What is the probability that my child will develop feelings of abandonment?
2) Does my child blame me for the divorce?
3) Will my child blame himself/herself for my divorce?
4) What is the probability that my child may develop psychological concerns because of the divorce?
5) As a parent, will I have the ability to have equal time and custody of my child?
6) How do I reassure my child that I will not abandon him/her?
7) How do I reduce the level of stress involved with the divorce?
8) How do I show respect for someone that I detest?
9) What is the probability that the disruption of the family routines will effect my child?
10) What if, my child show’s no signs or symptoms pertaining to the divorce?

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Making Peace With Your Past: Choosing Health and Happiness

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on February 27, 2014 12:00 pm
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“A life lived without forgiveness is a prison.”
~ William Arthur Ward

Forgiveness is not only a state of mind, but it is a state of being.  It is woven through the very essence of our being.  Forgiveness is a constant attitude occurring through a purposeful action.  As humans, we are instinctively designed to forgive. It is only when we choose not to forgive that our minds, bodies, and spirits begin to experience disrepair.  Those who choose not to forgive, choose to harbor the wrongs of others and of their own person, frequently have physical and psychological signs.  Forgiveness cleanses the body, ridding it of the decay of negativity, disappointment, and heartache.  It is through the act of forgiveness, that we can live a balanced and well-adjusted life.  Forgiveness is the key to live life productively.

FORGIVENESS OF OTHERS

Forgiving others, especially our enemies is a challenge indeed.  What if, you had committed a wrong against another?  Would you not have deep desire to be forgiven?  Have you ever experienced the denial of your repentance?  What sort of effect did this have on your person?  Were you shattered by the unwavering and unyielding of the person or persons you had wronged?

As a clinician, I have met a variety of patients / clients who’s hearts ache to be forgiven.  As an individual, I too have had the experience of others denying the acceptance of my repentance.  The denial of our repentance can have a penetrating effect, plunging like a dagger deep into the very core of our being.  For so many, forgiveness and the lack of forgiveness can prove a major stumbling block.

If we deny accepting the repentance of another, then we are intentionally and purposefully hanging on to the wrongs of the past.  The wrongs of the past serve as a coat-of-arms.  We identify our coat-of-arms as a shield of honor, but the reality is, our coat-of-arms is shielding the very nature of our person from allowing others to enter.  It is serving as a warning sign, informing others to tread lightly, because I will remove them from my life, if they wrong me.

For people who long for the acceptance of their repentance, they will continue to be haunted  by their past wrongs as long as they choose to hang onto them.

WHAT REALLY IS FORGIVENESS?

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.”
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Forgiveness is the intentional act or process of pardoning or offering absolution unto another.

Furthermore, it is the intentional act or process of accepting my own personal responsibility in an act or an event.  True repentance is expressed through sincere regret and remorse of our wrongs.  Therefore, I must forgive my own person, if I truly desire to heal from wrongful acts.  Forgiveness is a three way street.  It is the act of contrition, which is a state of feeling remorseful, sorrowful, regretful and penitent for the wrongs the we have committed.  It is also the responsibility of the person accepting our humbled and broken heart, that engages the act of forgiveness.  Most importantly, whether or not those we have wronged will accept our repentance, we must be willing to forgive ourselves.  For forgiving our own person allows the individual to move forward in life.  Unfortunately, not everyone will pardon or offer absolution of the wrongs we have committed.  Therefore, it is absolutely necessary that we forgive our own person simultaneously, when we request others to forgive the deeds or acts that we have committed.  Always remember, forgiveness is a continuous act not a momentary embrace.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Fatherhood – Being the Best Father You Can Be

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on February 7, 2014 4:13 pm
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“Fatherhood is a very natural thing; it’s not something that shakes up my life but rather enriches it.”
~ Andrea Bocelli

Today’s culture is making it easier and easier to be a “father.”  While children continue to be neglected, research is showing that there is an incline in the number of fathers who are actively participating in the lives of children. Moreover, there has been a significant “…increase in programs designed to promote involved and responsible fatherhood.” (Perry, 2012,  Online)

As a father, I have discovered my lifelong calling is, “fatherhood.”  Fatherhood is essentially the willingness to treat with protective care and in a nurturing manner.  It is fatherhood that allows the male in the relationship to join together with his partner and become “the father”.  A father is more than having the ability to impregnate a women, rather a father is the person who provides support, care, and an unconditional environment.

As men, we are not equipped to bear children, yet we are naturally designed to be fathers.  It is recognizing and accepting the role of fatherhood, that enables a man to begin becoming a father.  Our limitations, reservations, and fears of fatherhood, are frequently the uncertainties and insecurities associated with failure . What if I fail as a father?  So what, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move forward.  Do not hesitate or fear asking for advice.   Asking for advice is not an indication that you are weak, rather that you are strong in your willingness to ask for help.

After all, fatherhood is the greatest education a man can ever receive.  As a father, you not only have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, but about the world around you.  A child’s constant questioning and inquiry of life, offers a father an unique opportunity and the privilege for growth.

ACTIVE LISTENING

“It is a wise father that knows his own child.”
~ William Shakespeare

As a father, we need to actively listen.  Active listening is the ability, the skill, technique, or an inherent trait whereby, a person is purposefully and intentionally focusing on the communications being sent by another person or persons.  An active listener not only listens and receives an intended message, but is capable of paraphrasing what messages he or she has received back to the communicator.  An active listener recognizes that not all communication is verbally spoken, but is often communicated through verbal and nonverbal transmissions.  It entails good physical posture, gestures, and purposeful eye contact.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Please Yell at Me

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on January 24, 2014 4:16 pm
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“There should be no yelling in the home unless there is a fire.”
~ David O. McKay

Have you ever experienced yelling?  Have you ever had anyone request to yell at you?   Have you ever requested to yell at someone else?  Why is it acceptable or permissible to yell at someone?  Why is it acceptable for  parents, children, teachers, coaches, conductors or instructors to engage in such a hostile act?  Why do we consider yelling to be less demeaning or violating, than other forms of corporal punishment (e.g. spanking, switching, flogging, or caning)?  Do we consider the perceivable and tangible act of spanking, switching, flogging or caning to be of greater violation?  Or do we consider yelling to have less damming effect?

Many parents and professionals agree that corporal punishment has an egregious effect on those who endure it’s wrath.  Moreover, yelling is a more acceptable form of punishment.  No one comes into this world having a full repertoire, or perfect set, of parenting skills.  A person’s range of skills and abilities will increase with time and lessons on parenting.  As parents, we all have an ability to grow and spread our wings.  Every parent is capable of learning new and improved ways of parenting.  There are no absolutes when parenting a child, but there are absolutes when considering the various methods of discipline.

YELLING

Yelling has an ability of conditioning those who are receiving or engaging in the act.  It is the nature of yelling that makes it reflective of other forms of corporal punishment.  The intent of corporal punishment is to deliberately and severely correct, chastise, rebuke or reprimand another.  The complexity of yelling is its dichotomy of objectives.  Yelling can be used as a source of rebuke and  chastisement; it can be used as a source of expressing excitement, eagerness, and exuberance; and/or  it can be used to draw attention to a threat, risk, and/or communicate an emergency.   Let’s clarify, the yelling being addressed in this article has to do with the corrective form of discipline, punishment, or retribution.

While yelling has a positive element, yelling for the intention of discipline, chastising or mere punishment is a completely unacceptable act.

Have you ever been rebuked or punished for something you have done wrong?  Did the person use yelling as a source for correcting your behavior?  If so, how did you feel?  Did the yelling uplift your spirit, or cause you to feel dejected, humiliated and broken?  Yelling is the belittling of the soul and the very essence of the person.  Yelling is seldom a singular event.  People who choose to yell, frequently and repetitively use yelling as a form of conditioning another person.  The conditioning is being used in order to develop obedience or compliance of another.  Yelling in the corrective form is always unnecessary, excessive, and tiresome.

As a clinician, I have no reservations in saying, that yelling decays the human spirit.  It breaks the essence of the person receiving the vice, and it is unbecoming of the person enacting or engaging in the tantrum.  Yes, in most cases, yelling is a tantrum being propelled from one person and being received by another.   Yelling is one of the most reprehensible act of abuse.

Have you ever heard the following nursery rhyme?  “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Inspiring Fitness and Activity

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on January 10, 2014 4:00 pm
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“Great changes may not happen right away, but with effort even the difficult may become easy.”
~ Bill Blackman

If you have a desire to inspire another, first be inspired yourself.  Inspiration can only occur if you understand what it is to be inspired.  The process of inspiring others, is frequently the messages we receive from our religious, political, and motivational leaders at the beginning of a new year.  The messages are often reminders of our abilities to be renewed.  In fact, if you consider the United States President’s, State of the Union, it is almost always placed at the beginning of a new year.  Why?  It is a way of implying that we can begin again and anew.

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

The tradition of setting a New Year’s resolution dates back nearly 4,000 years ago. “The ancient Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each year, which began in mid-March, that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts.  March was a logical time period for the New Year because spring begins and crops are planted.  But the Babylonians had a greater motivation to stick to their promises than what we have today, because for the ancient people of Mesopotamia, keeping their promise would mean that their gods would bestow their grace on them throughout the course of the following twelve months, and breaking them would put them out of favor.” (Holloway, 2013, Online)

New Year’s Resolutions are frequently battered with physical intentions.  Acknowledgment of one’s physical and psychological limitations is a way of expressing we have room for improvement, without declaring that “I have need for improvement.”  As a society, we typically shy away from expressing such limitations or needs, because of the stigmas associated with limitations or expressed weaknesses.

WEAKNESSES AND LIMITATIONS

A weakness or limitations is good.   Acknowledgement of a weakness or limitation is the recognition that you, or we, have an ability to improve or make a marked change in our lives.  It is when something is clearly noticeable or evident that people recognize our desire for improvement.

The avoidance of our limitations and weaknesses stems from our fear of failure.  The fear of failure is limiting, smothering our very ability to breath and function.  If we live our lives fearing the possibility of failure, then we are not living life to it’s fullest.   Fear is frequently the catalyst that drives people away from pursuing their ambitions, goals, desires, and life’s callings

“Fear stifles our thinking and actions. It creates indecisiveness that results in stagnation. I have known talented people who procrastinate indefinitely rather than risk failure. Lost opportunities cause erosion of confidence, and the downward spiral begins.”
~ Charles F. Stanley

It is crucial that we recognize that our weaknesses, limitations and failures are nothing more than  guide maps indicating our current positions within life.  We should continuously seek to be our absolute best.  Even if, there is a barrier blocking our pathway, find a way around it or through it. Fundamentally, we are the only rulers and narrators of our lives.  No one else can determine how we live our lives.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Expressive Love

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on December 20, 2013 10:33 am
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“Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominates, love is lacking.  The one is the shadow of the other.”
~ Carl Gustav Jung

Love is an intense emotion expressed through a natural instinctive state of mind, which is derived from the heart, mind, and spirit.  As parents, we are the first impression and expression that our children will experience love.  It is through our love that children learn how to express and experience love. If we fail to express appropriate forms of affection, then we will most assuredly leave our children seeking out love. If we fail to express appropriate forms of affection, then our children will be left to seek love from other sources. This can lead to a lifetime of unfulfilled emotion, not only for our own children but also for subsequent generations.

Many religions speak of an expressive love.  While each religion, and the subsets within those religions hold to a similar concept of love; it is not uncommon that religious subsets differ on their unique perspective of love.  Most religious ideological perspectives revere the expression of love.  In the New International Version of the Christian Bible, it expresses love as being an unconditional state. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”  What are we speaking of if love never can fail according to the Christian text?

In the Muslim faith, love between a couple is highly regarded.  In the Quran, love is discussed as being a creation.  Chapter (30) sūrat l-rūm (The Romans), Muhammad Sarwar “His creating spouses for you out of yourselves so that you might take comfort in them and His creating love and mercy among you.”   Love is the unifying of the hearts, souls, and minds of others together.

The absence of love in many homes has become so commonplace, that when we hear of this absence, we are neither distressed nor bewildered by the lack of love in a home. The anomaly has become a loving family that shares affection in appropriate and healthy ways. So unusual is the healthy expression of love, that it has become mocked and an object of derision within most cultures. Rather than embrace and celebrate the love of a family, it is the punch line of jokes, or even worse, it is eyed with suspicion and mistrust. The lack of love is common place and accepted while healthy, loving expression is eyed with contempt.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Effects of Eating Disorders

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on December 6, 2013 12:02 pm
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“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”
~ A. A. Milne

Eating is a natural and an essential part of life.  The function of food is to nourish the body, but was created to be enjoyed by human beings, as well.  For many, few thoughts are more exaggerated or obsessed, than those who struggle with eating disorders.  An eating disorder cannot only consume your every thought, but it can, and often does, consume your very existence.  You become a prisoner of your own thoughts, and are robbed of many of the joys of everyday living.

As a clinician, I have worked with many who have struggled with eating disorders and disordered eating.  Eating disorders can be defined as disorders that are characterized by abnormal or disturbed eating habits.  “An eating disorder is a collection of interrelated eating habits, weight management practices and attitudes about food, weight and body shape that have become disordered… This disordered eating behavior is usually an effort to solve a variety of emotional difficulties about which the individual feels out of control. Males and females of all social and economic classes, races and intelligence levels can develop an eating disorder.” (PBS, Online, 2013)   Hollywood perpetuates many of these distorted ideals by placing a high value on vanity and perfection. Teenagers are especially impacted by these unrealistic standards, and are daunted by societal pressures to the point of self-sabotage and self-abuse. Unfortunately, in the case of eating disorders and disordered eating, food is the weapon of choice and the individual is the victim of faulty beliefs generated by himself/herself.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) has three primary classifications for eating disorders, they are:   Anorexia Nervosa, Binge Eating, and Bulmia Nervosa.

The DSM-5 has defined the primary types and symptoms of eating disorders as being:

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Accepting Academic Mediocracy

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on November 22, 2013 4:31 pm
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“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.”
~ Henry Ford

ACCEPTING MEDIOCRACY IN ACADEMIA

Why has society lowered the ceiling of academic success?  Why have our standards been lowered to ensure the graduation rate of our children?  Are we not dumbing down our society if we lower our academic standards?  Are we not developing a society of mediocracy?  It is mediocracy that encourages a moderate and poor quality of performance. Are we not creating a society that just gets by with good enough.  Good enough is unacceptable.

In many aspects of our society, we no longer encourage children to dream, to thrive, and to achieve; rather we have become a society of mediocracy and complacency.  Furthermore, we rarely seek to inspire, to encourage, to positively influence, or to spark an internal flame.  We have become a society that has given up; accepting the notion that “mediocracy” is acceptable.  I have yet to meet a high achiever who has allowed mediocracy to be an acceptable standard for his/her life.

THE POLITICAL LOWERING OF ACADEMIC STANDARDS

 

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”
~ Napoleon Hill

In the past, having served as a political strategist in Canada, and as a political aide to a representative in the United States; allowed me to peek my eyes through the window of politics.  It was through this window that I began to recognize how very interconnected the political machine was on the academic world.  It has been through my work in politics, that I have had an unique opportunity to see behind the scenes of political evolution of academia.  I would never have dreamt that the political climate of our day, would make acceptable any standard short of being our best.  Many years ago, the United States Army ran an ad that emphasized an ideological approach to “be all that you can be.”  Are we encouraging children of this generation to be all that they can be?  Or, are we encouraging children of this upcoming generation to simply be comfortable with a passing grade?

Rarely, do we consider the significance of our political system on the academic environment; but remember it is the political machine that funds the academic environment.  If our funding is derived from the political machine, then is not the political beast responsible for our academic endeavors?  Sadly, we give more thought to the latest stadium being erected than we do our children’s academic futures.  Likewise, as a society, we seek to avoid pointing fingers in the direction of our politicians, because this would make those in charge of our taxes and funding responsible for the decay of the minds of our children.   Now understand, I am not saying that the political beast is solely responsible for the demise of the academic environment, but I am saying that it is one cog in the wheel of decay.  Nevertheless, if you are going to bring light to a dark environment, you must choose to shine the light on the environment you are in.  Yet, we cannot forget that parents, teachers and the community at large are equally responsible for ensuring the success of our students.  Raising a child is not a solo act; rather it does take a village to raise a child.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA