In recent years, we have witnessed a rise in violence among the elderly. This is not an isolated incident nor is it an issue solely related to the United States or Canada, but rather, this specific demographic has witnessed an upward increase occurring throughout the global community. According to research gathered through the Department of Justice Canada (2023) “About 45 percent of seniors report experiencing some form of abuse from the age of 65 on.” Further research has indicated that “The overall prevalence of elder abuse in Canada is similar to the levels found in the United States, the United Kingdom and Australia.” The rise of abuse amongst any population should garner our attention.

The rise in elder abuse has been well documented, but the number of unreported cases, is astronomical. According to the World Health Organization, “Emerging evidence indicates that the prevalence of abuse of older people in both the community and in institutions have increased during the COVID-19 pandemic. A United States study (conducted by Chang and Levy, 2021), suggests that rates in the community may have increased by as much as 84%.” Let me repeat, this is not an isolated issue within the United States or Canada, rather the rates of abuse are sadly reflected throughout our global community. Elder abuse is on the rise.

Why is it and how is it that such cases continue to occur? Elder abuse, like all forms of abuse, is inexcusable, unpardonable, and unimaginable, but like all other forms of abuse, they are hidden. They are hidden from others in order to conceal one’s misdeeds, wrongdoings, and egregious ways. They may be hidden as a guise, concealing one’s true intent and true nature.  Most commonly, they are hidden because the elder person is either unable, scared, or unwilling to speak up for themselves.

Why is it that victims of abuse refuse to report? Psychologically, there is a term that aptly explains this particular issue and the rationale to hide such abuse, it is called  “trauma bond” (a.k.a. Stockholm Syndrome). A trauma bond occurs when an individual has an emotional attachment or connection with their perpetrator. The bond may have transpired over the discourse of time or it may have been thrusted upon the victim. It is not unusual for the relationship or the bond to be based on need, rather than want or desire. Either way, the bond has an elastic element that brings the perpetrator and victim back together.

The relationship of the abused and perpetrator is one of imbalance. The imbalance is always in the favour of the perpetrator. The elderly person may feel as though they have no sense of personal control or even the ability to control their own lives. The abuser may have convinced the victim that they have no friends, associates or allies. They may have convinced the victim that they are their closest and dearest friend. The

imbalance of power is driven deeply within the core of the mind of the individual. Eventually, through cognitive manipulation and restructuring, the victim develops a belief system that they cannot live without the perpetrator. The perpetrator becomes their sounding board, their support system, and their perceivable ally.

Elder abuse is intentional. It is not uncommon for elder abuse to manifest in a variety of forms, which may include: psychological, physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, financial or medical. The ramifications of elder abuse have been known to cause cognitive impairment, social and emotional withdrawal, and an overall decline in an individual’s perceptions and worldviews. By the way, decline in an individual’s physical and cognitive functioning used to be considered a mere consequence of aging, but we now know that such abuse can have a dire effect upon an individual’s overall well being. Notably, it may not account for all types of cognitive impairment, but it is indeed one of the many elements that can play a major role in an individual’s physical and cognitive impairment.

The abusers are frequently placed in direct care of the victim. The victim may feel as though they are incapable or unable to speak up for themselves. They may feel fearful of the repercussions of speaking up and the possible consequences. It is not uncommon for abusers to utter threats and intimidate the elder person, persuading the individual from seeking help. Ultimately, the elder may feel as though they have limited to no options, leaving them at the will of the perpetrator.

According to the World Health Organization “Globally, the number of cases of elder abuse is projected to increase as many countries have rapidly aging populations. Even if the proportion of victims of abuse of older people remains constant, the global number of victims will increase rapidly due to population aging, growing to some 320 million victims by 2050, as the global population of people aged 60 years and more increases to 2 billion by 2050.”

Who are the abusers? Research has shown that the perpetrators of elder abuse are often intimately associated with the victim. The perpetrators may be a child, grandchild, spouse, or extended family member. In some cases, the perpetrator may have a close relationship with the individual. They may be a lifelong or family friend, religious figure, financial or legal resource, medical personnel or caregiver, or a member of a service organization. It’s important to understand that the most intimate of relationships can lead to someone taking advantage of the elder.

How do I identify a perpetrator or predatory behaviours? In general, predatory personalities are the ultimate chameleon. They are persuasive and capable of convincing others to allow them to take charge. They will morph into whatever disguise that fits your needs, wants, or overall desires. They are charming, intellectual, and reliable. They may insist on overseeing financial matters or the care of another. It is not uncommon for such personalities to lack empathy, personal insight, and an integral sense of the world.

What should I do if I know a victim of elder abuse? Be involved. Be an advocate and a liaison of the elder. Do not hesitate to report any allegations or suspensions of abuse to the authority. Encourage the elder and their family to create a multi-disciplinary team to provide support and advocacy on behalf of the elder. The multi-disciplinary team may be comprised of mental health and healthcare practitioners; adult protective services; legal and criminal justice systems; religious and faith based organizations; and if possible, a team comprised of family and friends.  Please remember that elder abuse is on the rise. Elder abuse is one of the most rapidly growing segments of the population, but one of the least reported.

Have you ever been confused by the difference between stress and anxiety? What exactly is the difference between the two? And how can they be effectively managed?

Let’s begin by clarifying the difference between these similar, but very different coping strategies. Stress and anxiety have a comparable effect on the mind and body. Both can manifest through a number of physical and psychological symptoms. They are both effected by one’s biological, psychological and social environments, or as we say in psychology, biopsychosocial environments. While stress commonly has a short-lived or an acute effect upon an individual; anxiety can have a longterm or chronic effect upon the physical mind and body. Stress itself is a reaction. There is certainly a cause and effect that prompts stress. It may be triggered by an event, circumstance, situation, or an internal or external response to something occurring in one’s life. It can be thought of as an unwarranted tension with adverse effects. Whereas, anxiety often encapsulates an obsessive quality or component that intensifies as one feels an overwhelming sense of being without control. The individual may experience an impeding sense of doom and gloom. They may feel as though they have no ability of overcoming whatever they are

facing. Anxiety is essentially the manifestation of persistent stress. Initially, the anxiety may have been triggered by a stressor, but it may continue to plague an individual long after the stressor has been removed. It is important to recognize that there are anxieties that are known to manifest without a specific cause or reason.

Stress is the internal catalyst informing the mind and body to react now. It is a survival mechanism that informs us of potential threats or danger. You may not only lean upon stress when encountering the probability of a threat, but the possibility of losing out on something. Stress can come in a variety of forms including: a baseball player who sees a ball flying across centerfield; a student who is taking an academic exam; a speaker who’s addressing a large audience for the first time; a couple sharing marriage vows; a physician who’s treating an unfamiliar illness. Please note that a healthy balance of stress is a normal attribute of the human condition.

Another way of looking at the difference is, stress often manifests in relationship to something or because of something. Whereas, anxiety may occur whether or not there is a real-life threat or obstacle to overcome. Anxieties may have been related to a stressful situation, but the event continues to plague the mind and body of the individual long after the event has passed.

Generally speaking, stress is the body’s way of coping and managing events occurring in the moment. While anxiety is commonly an overwhelming sensation that does not dispensate following a stress induced occurrence. Notably, stress and anxiety can both have a profound effect upon the mind and body. The symptoms can exacerbate or be the catalyst of other physical and psychological conditions. These issues may lead to

a generalized feeling of being unwell, a lack of sleep or disrupted sleep patterns,  excessive worry, increased blood pressure, chronic fatigue, irritability, tension, bruxism (TMJ), and headaches. It may also have a systemic effect upon one’s overall immune, digestive, cardiovascular, or reproductive systems, and a barrage of physical and psychological manifestations.

By the way, you are not alone with your health concerns. There are others facing the same and similar challenges. It is not too late to reach out for help.

The good news is, both stress and anxiety can be effectively treated. You can learn to cope, manage and possibly overcome these issues. Please understand that it is not uncommon to experience some level of stress and anxiety throughout one’s life. It’s how we cope and manage these issues that makes all the difference.

The following are strategies that may help you with your personal stress and anxieties:

• Regular exercise can have a profound effect on an individual’s mood, concentration, alertness and overall cognition. Furthermore, just 30 minutes of regular exercise has been shown to have a positive effect on self-esteem and cognitive function.
• Be certain to eat a well-balanced diet and stay hydrated.
• Consider the possibility of seeking the care of a mental health practitioner.
• Journaling is an excellent way for you to pen your thoughts, perceptions, and any personal challenges. It’s an excellent opportunity to practice positive self-talk and another way to focus on behaviours, attitudes and perceptions that you might like to improve.
• Scientific research has shown that controlled and concentrated breathing is a beneficial way for managing stress and anxiety.
• Meditation can provide you a place of balance and an overall sense of control.

There are many methods with which one can eliminate, manage, and cope with stress and anxiety. It’s important to recognize that you are ultimately in control. Do not allow your mind to convince you otherwise. Adapt the skills mentioned above to your own personal routine. Do not feel afraid to adapt skills or to manipulate skills to fit your own life. At the end of the day, it’s all about your mental health and wellbeing.

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It’s another day and you’ve continued the journey down life’s precarious highway. Those who know you best, know how much you deeply care about each and every individual that you encounter. Knowing you, is to know an individual with tremendous empathy, compassion, and unconditional love. It’s the passion, within compassion, that is often the common thread that weaves throughout such a personality. Your empathy often knows no limits, but this can prove as a hinderance to your own maturation and ability to thrive. Individuals with this type of personality are often at odds with their own needs versus the needs of others.

Please understand that empathy is not an exclusive attribute of empathic individuals. Rather, empathic individuals often have a core mechanism within them that accelerates this feature of the human condition. So what is empathy? It’s the cognitive ability of immersing yourself into an event, situation, circumstance or the life of another. Plainly speaking, it’s about having unrequested compassion for someone else. Ultimately, empathy is about meeting someone where they are at.

How does someone cultivate or refine their own level of empathy? Dr. Jamil Zaki of Stanford University describes empathy as “our ability to share and understand one another’s feelings—a psychological ‘superglue’ that connects people and undergirds cooperation and kindness.” (The Economist, 2019). It’s the ability of understanding that we need to be more engaged and showing more unrestricted care to those around us. As a clinician, I have met individuals who sincerely believe that empathy is predetermined, hardwired, and decided at birth. Fortunately, empathy is not predetermined, hardwired or decided at the moment of your birth. In fact, research suggests that you are not restricted to the level of empathy that you currently retain within your person. Empathy is pliable, amenable, and capable of being changed.

As a natural empath, I have had to learn the careful balance of giving versus depleting your own natural reservoir. It’s the ability of knowing when you are offering of yourself versus sacrificing yourself. Please understand me that it is not always easy for someone who genuinely yearns to serve others. It’s not natural for those who have a deeply woven spirit that thrives to serve. To deny this aspect of oneself feels like a rejection of thy inner-self, but the truth is, we must all learn the necessity of balance and personal selfcare.

As a clinical psychologist, I have worked with other empaths on managing and bringing balance to their own lives. Again, it’s not easy when we have a heart to serve and be of service. While empathy is a gateway of service, we must also lead by example. For after all, how good is someone’s service if they are no longer capable of serving? It’s not about the rejection of others or their personal needs, but rather, it’s about balance of the preservation of one’s own life, health and overall wellbeing. It’s about recognizing that you have your own limits and personal needs.

Self-care is essential! It is of the utmost importance that we practice self-care in our home and in our daily lives. What good are we if we sacrifice our own life, personal health and wellbeing? Attending to your personal needs is exemplifying the best attributes and role modeling unto others. It’s ultimately about being an example unto others. Self-care is not self-centered or selfish, it’s about offering aid to yourself when you are feeling depleted. It’s about ensuring that your reservoir is full and that you have an adequate supply when serving others.

What is self-care? Self-care is the practice of being consciously aware of your needs and taking the necessary steps to preserve or improve your overall personal health. It is the ability of recognizing your essential needs. It’s the ability of recognizing when you have had enough. Fundamentally, it’s about knowing what you require to rejuvenate and feel refreshed. Research suggests that those who experience burnout, or report burnout, have had many signs and symptoms developing long before they are recognized. What does this suggests? It suggests that we must be better stewards of our own health and personal wellbeing. Remember that whether as a practitioner or a patient we must be diligent not only to look after the needs and wellbeing of others, but we should be looking after our own needs as well.

Self-awareness is one of the greatest instruments that an empath has on hand. It is through our self-awareness that we are constantly observing, interacting and experiencing life. We must understand that self-awareness begins by being cognitively aware, attentive and knowing our own person. It is through self-awareness that we are capable of understanding the essential needs and issues of others, as well as, our own.

Whether or not you identify as an empath, it’s important that each individual practice a balanced life. A balanced life may appear different in each life that it encounters. Yet, there is a common and consistent truth, life is about centeredness and balance. It’s about consuming as much good, as the negative, that will assuredly come our way. We must constantly monitor our own needs and our overall welfare, while serving others. Even if, our work does not allow us to work directly with others, we must strive to maintain a balanced life. So what does it mean to have a balanced life? A balanced life is about achieving a particular synergy in life. It’s about equipping your life with the proper support mechanisms that will enable you to live a healthy, productive and fulfilled life. It’s about recognizing those areas of your life that deplete your reserves and those that replenish them. It’s about utilizing tools that will enrich your life like daily breathing,
meditation, journaling, exercise, and a healthy diet. Ultimately, life is about living, thinking, and feeling healthy.

There is something rather unique about the bonding that takes place between two individuals. As we develop as infants and toddlers, we learn many of our social, moral and ethical cues from our parents or primary caregivers. We learn the difference between right and wrong, our likes and dislikes, and the ability to trust or distrust another. It is the quality of this relationship that reinforces our sense of self. The parental relationship has a distinct bearing upon our overall psychological makeup and the way with which we see the world. Yet, research has shown that while parents or caregivers play a significant role in the development of a child; there remains something rather striking about an authentic friendship.

We know that friendships have had a significant role in the development of the human consciousness. It has been debated whether or not the urge for friendship is stimulated by a collective consciousness or an individual consciousness. Research has indicated that friendships are a unique blend of the individual and the collective. It is this unique weaving of the individual and the collective consciousness that appears to be the foundations for friendship.

Why are we drawn towards total strangers? What is it about friendship that we crave as a species? Friendships are not unique to homo sapiens, rather there are many examples throughout the animal kingdom of such binding relationships. Until recently, researchers often refrained from describing the bond that occurs between animals as “friendship.” Dr. Lauren Brent who is a primatologist and professor at Duke University, is conducting research on rhesus macaques. She is looking specifically at the quality and development of relationships and friendships amongst the rhesus macaques. According to the National Geographic, “Rhesus macaques are familiar brown primates with red faces and rears. They have close-cropped hair on their heads, which accentuates their very expressive
faces. Rhesus macaques are Asian, Old World monkeys… These intelligent animals can adapt to many habitats, and some can even become accustomed to living in human communities.” Dr. Brent’s research suggests that the rhesus macaques do indeed develop lifelong friendships. It is this research and others that lends one to think that just maybe we are innately predisposed to friendship. Furthermore, science has revealed that friendship was an evolutionary response to ensuring that the human species would thrive and survive. Without the contribution of others, our species may not have survived.

Friendships are a fascinating aspect of the human experience. It is not uncommon for childhood friendships to develop through social constructs, such as attending the same school, religious venues, extracurricular activities or living in the same neighbourhood. Similarly, adults continue this trend by connecting with work colleagues, neighbours, and through a variety of other social constructs.

Friendships play a significant role in this thing called life. It is commonly expected that friendships will naturally take a backseat to familial events, circumstances and decisions. After all, we have no familial loyalty or structure to those that we call friends. We also know that as adults that there may be extended periods of time that we do not engage with our friends. For most individuals, this is an acceptable behavior for this particular construct. Likewise, there is something intrinsically special about choosing a friend. Often times, we develop friendships out of thin air. Think about it for a moment. Friendships are unlike family, in that, there are no familial obligations or considerations bonding you together. Consider the following: the next time you are walking in a park, pay close attention to how young children and youth engage. It is not uncommon for a child to befriend a virtual stranger. Again, friendships often occur out of thin air. There is something dynamic about friendships.

There is something uniquely special about choosing a friend. I have heard patients declare that they can choose their friends, but they are stuck with their families. What is it about having an ability to choose a friend? Are friendships that much different from other relationships? If so, why are they different from other relationships?

Friendships are an evolving aspect of the relationship paradigm. As children, we might knock on our neighbour’s door begging for their child to come out and play. As youth, we continue this cycle, but with more independence and freedom to make such a request. Of course, technology has had its clutches on the ever-evolving changes that is occurring within friendships. The likelihood of knocking may sadly be a thing of the past, but the truth is, children still rely upon the permission of the parents or caregiver. As we enter adulthood, many find themselves spending less and less quality time with their friends and more and more time with their families, work colleagues and other associates.

While social media has made it possible to keep in touch with mass groups of individuals, research is discovering that many of these “so-called” friendships are shallower than before. It may be because we tend to embrace friendships that may have otherwise fizzled with time. Social media has violated this natural function of relationships. Whereas,before the relationship would go through a variety of stages including the loss of the relationship; rather, we now tend to clasp on to these individuals collecting them like
bottle caps.

Social media has a damning effect. For many individuals seem to be incapable of moving beyond their own mistakes. We have all known someone who reminds us of our past. We have all known someone who is more than willing to share our mistakes, our mishaps, and our misunderstandings. Unfortunately, social media does not allow for the individual to grow and move beyond what has occurred in his or her past. Let’s return to what is friendship? Friendship is the ability to connect with another. It is this ability to share in common interest, desires, and achievements. It is also having an ability to connect when times are not so rosy. It is in these particular times that we tend to grow together, bonding over the situation, circumstance or event. Friendships are naturally woven together by these experiences.

An authentic friend does not need to receive a daily, weekly, monthly, or even a yearly call. An authentic friend remains loyal during the difficult times. An authentic friend is willing to be assertive and accountable when the times call for it. An authentic friend understands that friendship is an ever-evolving relationship bound to be complicated, but commonly comprised of mutual respect.

Throughout our lives, we will encounter many individuals. We may have the privilege of developing lifelong friends. We may elect to develop different sets of friendships throughout the many stages of our lives. We may even elect to move beyond a friendship for reasons related to our own mental health and wellbeing. Remember that friendships are never perfect, but authentic friends should always look at empowering you.

Most of all, what does it take to develop a healthy friendship? Healthy friendships and relationships occur through mutual respect and understanding. You cannot simply “click” a healthy friend into being. Healthy friendships and relationships transpire over time with trust, dignity and active communication. It is these types of relationships that are fortified by the individual loyalties that create a unique bond. Likewise, such relationships are based on a mutual admiration and ambition towards a particular outcome. At the end of the day, authentic friends have chosen to be friends. They are well aware of one another’s flaws, attributes, compliments and personalities. It is this type of friendship that we should all strive for, but such friendships can only evolve over time with dedication unto one-another. The ultimate power of a healthy friendship occurs through the ability of having an authentic friend.