Making the Time for Yourself

Posted by: Jennifer Morrison on May 7, 2015 9:07 am

I am sitting here at my desk thinking about how excited I am about getting the opportunity to write for Counselling Connect. It is something I have wanted to do for some time and only now am I finding the time to get to it. Perhaps finding the time is not the correct term to use. I think I am now allowing myself to make the time to do it. As a school guidance counsellor in a grade 7 to 9 middle school with just under 600 students, time is not something that I have complete control over. Yes I have a planner with scheduled meetings with parents, students and staff, and I do my best to keep to that schedule. However, when a parent walks into my office with their teenage child looking to register for school, or I receive a phone call from DCS regarding a student I counsel, the next hour of my schedule is suddenly pushed up. What happens instead is a long process of filling out paperwork, looking for legal documentation and finding appropriate educational programs for the student so they can start as soon as possible. This is not something that can wait a few days. The longer a student is out of school, the more education they are missing. The point I am trying to make is that school counsellors often must work on the immediate issues in front of them and this immediacy can create stress and anxiety in the workplace.

For years I spent hours of my day preparing for my job, doing my job, and then continuing to do work related duties well after my work day ended. I became tired, and began to dislike the work I was doing. The counselling aspect of my job seemed to take the back burner to the immediate administrative duties. Don’t get me wrong, I loved being a school counsellor, but I no longer felt fulfilled. This changed when I decided to take the active step of taking my scheduled breaks throughout the day and leaving my work in my office. The first time I did that was the beginning of a new journey for me. Suddenly I was able to come to work, do my job and love it again. Yes it is difficult to leave work and not worry about what needs to be done. However, now I am home at a good time, able to make supper and spend time with my family without thinking about the needs of my students. This leaves me plenty of energy to tackle the next day. I now feel less stress and more love for what I do.

So, the point of my very first Counsellor Connect blog is simple:

IF YOU WANT TO LOVE YOUR JOB, MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF!

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Important Lessons From Vacation Time

Posted by: Andrea Cashman on May 4, 2015 2:38 pm

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It has been almost four years since I took a real vacation (and not a stay-cation). The stress had taken its toll from working as a psychotherapist and a nurse over the last few years so when I finally decided to take a vacation this year to de-stress and unwind, I truly felt the positive gains from it and saw its benefits. I had decided I needed a beach vacation to be able to de-stress and self-reflect. It’s always important as therapists to schedule in these much needed breaks to reconnect with ourselves as human beings and recharge for ourselves and for the benefits of our clients. Yes, it’s hard to leave knowing some clients might feel abandoned or have difficulty coping without having their therapy sessions readily available during the week(s) you are away; however, not taking a vacation for yourself does harm to all parties. It not only can cause you burnout which will affect your clients but it also sends the message to your clients that they have to depend on you and that you are not a model of self-care yourself. Being well attuned to your own needs sets a good example. If you have a full case load and have complex clients that you feel may need some potential support while you are away, you can always designate a back up therapist to look after your clients as need be. This is at your discretion. Don’t hesitate to let your clients know you are away by preparing them in session and by changing your voicemail message and email vacation reminder.

So, here I was in Cuba last week, enjoying the beach and the sun. I was able to relax, meditate and reflect on myself as a person and a therapist. I recharged myself. I was away from all social media and email/phone correspondence and it was liberating. I was able to take in the culture and be humbled by my surroundings and took on a new appreciation for my life and felt true gratitude. I noticed how happy Cuban people are and how they use music, dance and song to express their happiness. I noticed how much they smiled and laughed and revelled in simple things. I wondered how disconnected we were compared to them and how much we take for granted. My take-aways were humbling and grounding for me. Even just taking care of my basic needs of sleep, food, water and sunshine/fresh air did a world of good. How many times do we have sleepless nights or don’t get enough vitamin D from the sun? – and how these factors lack in our daily lives and effect our work ethic. I even have heard of therapists who don’t schedule in a proper lunch break in between clients. How can you truly be effective and available when your concentration is off with your stomach rumbling? Not only did I think of these things, but I also had time to reflect on where I would like to be in a year’s time from now and where I hope my private practice will be as well. I hope you take the time to have a self-reflecting and recharging vacation time this year because you will not regret it.

Andrea Cashman is a private practice psychotherapist who has founded Holistic Counselling Services for individual clients seeking therapy in Ottawa, ON. She also practices at the Ottawa Hospital as a registered nurse. Feel free to comment below or contact her at [email protected] or visit her website at www.holisticcounsellingservices.ca

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Sand, Story and Solidarity: Finding Joy and Meaning in Clinical Work

Posted by: Bonney Elliott on May 4, 2015 9:06 am

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My work life is split between coaching cancer patients and their families, and private general psychotherapy practice. In both domains, the clients who come to see me are often in the midst of major life transitions. Their stories can be heart wrenching. I could easily get lost in their suffering, Take it on and bring it home with me. Or worse, become so detached that it ceases to affect me at all. Both alternatives would impact my wellbeing and my longevity as a practitioner. There is no perfect formula for keeping the fire in the belly alive in my clinical work. Mitigating compassion fatigue is not simply about finding the perfect job and job/life balance, or staying healthy through self-care, nurturing relationships and mindfulness. It is about finding joy and meaning in the work I do.

The three pillars of my clinical practice are sand, story and solidarity. Sand represents the Sand Tray Therapy that brings creativity, joy and lightness to the work, even with clients who have experienced significant trauma. Story represents Narrative Therapy and my own writing, which help me to find truth and beauty in client’s stories. Solidarity comes from the practitioner community that I belong to, my lifeboat of support. I meet with like-minded practitioners regularly, through group supervision and collaborative practice groups. Having a therapeutic community sustains my practice, keeps me grounded and bridges the isolation of clinical work. Continue reading →

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Walking our Walk…When Counsellors Don’t DO as they SAY

Posted by: Siri Brown on April 27, 2015 12:00 pm

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I will admit it – I have had several moments in my past counselling experience where I found myself giving feedback that I, myself, could probably have taken. Whether it was managing negative thinking, using healthier coping skills or just eating more mindfully, I could have “walked the walk” a bit better than I was.

Set boundaries. Set goals. Avoid toxic people. Use “I” statements. Identify your values. Understand and soothe your inner critic. All helpful psychological tools we can use to work towards greater self-awareness and personal growth.

Yet how are WE doing? Yeah, us – the “professionals” who have made personal growth our business.

Interesting question…

As far as I’m concerned, we fall on a significantly broad continuum in this regard. Personally, I’ve met counsellors who’ve struggled with addictions, Major Depression Disorder or Bordeline Personality Disorder; presented as highly defensive, passive-aggressive, or traumatized. I’ve heard from clients about various transgressions of boundaries or negligence from their counsellors, and from counsellors about their out-of-control or toxic colleagues.

We’re human. We all make mistakes. But how can we strive to uphold our ethical code of conduct while allowing ourselves an understandable slip now and then? Where do we draw the line so we can honestly say we are doing our best to work in alignment with our values and professional expectations?

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Maybe Every Therapist Should or Could

Posted by: Barry D'Souza on April 24, 2015 12:05 pm

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I’m not sure how it works for others, but for me, being and feeling a part of a community of like-minded therapists on a journey of experiential learning and good fellowship is an important thing. I am referring to the mindfulness meditation group that I meet with the second Friday evening of every month. Therapists in other cities maybe doing similarly already – they call it ‘convergent evolution’ – but, if they aren’t already, I put it out there as something to consider.

Here’s how it’s been looking so far these first few months. Each in our group of ten take a turn hosting. The host mcees the evening and introduces whatever suggestions for ritual they’d like to put in place. After a number of meetings now we’ve adopted a basic structure for how we like to do the evening. We begin with meditation for fifteen-twenty minutes. Always so nice after a busy week, I have to say. We then breath into a ‘mindful sharing of the moment’ check-in, that is surely guided by the spontaneous impression, perhaps gestalt, of the moment that emerges. Being therapists it is not hard to imagine that there is a level of open and natural sharing of ‘what’s up’. Most of us can’t but help ourselves here. We meditate a second time for twenty minutes. Share ‘mindfully’ a second time, this time usually with a guiding theme, question or consideration. We then meditate a third time before we smile a deep inner satisfaction, and move into the closing of the evening – the mindful ‘breaking of a little bread’, potluck style. This past group we ate in mindful silence!

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Vacation!!!

Posted by: Bhavna Verma on April 13, 2015 2:03 pm

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I recently went to India for a much needed vacation! It was one heck of a trip; multiple time zone changes, grueling flights, and extreme weather changes as well. But, totally worth it! The trip was a combination of meeting family, as well as shopping for my upcoming wedding. It was both chaotic as well as relaxing. Chaotic because New Delhi is a city that never stops! It doesn’t matter what time of the day it is, or season, there will always be constant movement; and relaxed, because I got sick halfway through the trip which forced me to stay indoors. Being sick turned out to be the best thing ever! I was able to spend time with family that I had never had a chance to before. It allowed us to not only learn about each other but create a newfound bond. Throughout my past few posts, I had mentioned that there were many resenting situations and stressors in my life. Taking this much needed time out was a perfect way to not only accept the past unpleasant experiences, but also let them go and forge forward. In a way, it allowed me to come back to my world renewed and energized (once the jet lag wore off that is). I have mentioned before that time outs are crucial to having a long healthy relationship with others, as well as maintaining self-care. These time outs do not have to be short and brief, but can definitely be longer ones if required. I do not want to send the message that the vacation was a way of running away from my stressors; rather, it allowed me remove myself from the environment altogether, block them out so that I could fully enjoy my time in India. It also taught me how to recharge my life battery so that I could tackle new stressors. I feel much better now that I am back. I feel like anticipated wedding stress will be a smooth and exciting process because I will not be so bogged down by past experiences. I encourage such time outs. You do not have to take a week-long trip halfway across the world, you can take the time out by even going to a local retreat or spending the weekend away with a loved one! Embrace the time outs, allow for regeneration and utilize the time to breathe, be more mindful and allow yourself to accept and let go of your own personal stressors.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Be a Lifeguard, Not a Lifesaver: The Benefits of Avoiding Rescuing Behaviours

Posted by: Anna Coutts on February 24, 2015 3:31 pm

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It’s hard to not be a rescuer. Very few parents, therapists or generally empathetic people I know can stand idly by and watch someone they love drowning in emotional pain, getting choked by waves of sadness, anxiety or shame. It’s not to say that rescuing is a bad thing- saving someone from a painful struggle is absolutely necessary sometimes.

Unfortunately, however, it’s easy to get trapped in a rescuer role that eventually puts both of you at risk. I see parents getting caught in this trap all the time in my work with youth dealing with complex mental health issues. Parents witness their child’s emotional turmoil and bend over backwards to find a way to dive in and save them from suffering. Who can blame them? No one wants to see their child in pain and every parent wants to protect their child.

The problem with rescuing is that while it provides immediate relief, it doesn’t yield long-term results. It dis-empowers the person being rescued and they never learn how to swim. Instead, you get caught in an infinite loop, as they become reliant on you to rescue them over and over again. Even the healthiest lifesaver, the strongest swimmer, can only pull someone safely to shore so many times before they too become exhausted and are unable to keep their head above water. Not only can this lead the person rescuing to struggle to stay afloat themselves, it can breed resentment. How many times can you rescue someone before you get frustrated with them for always jumping in? It can also stir up negative feelings for the person being rescued. They may begin to see themselves as a helpless victim and feel ashamed or angry that they always need someone to help them get to shore.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Family Tree: an Oak Tree or a Cactus?

Posted by: Farah Lodi on February 11, 2015 12:10 pm

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There are many things that influence our well-being, but family culture is one of the most important factors determining mental and emotional health. The protective factor of having close family nearby to help you, to give advice, to guide or even to set you right, can be like an oak tree: solid, comforting and shady with deep roots that help keep you anchored. Sometimes it can be grandma’s understanding nod or smile, a sibling’s moral support or a parent’s quiet presence that helps you stay psychologically hardy. Turning towards loving family can be a buffer when facing difficult life situations and sometimes an effective enough alternative to psychotropic medications. The latest research on addictions treatment also points to strong family support as an indicator for successful rehab therapy, over-riding the significance of chemical hooks. People who enjoy this extra cushioning stay resilient and don’t need counselling.

On the other hand, sometimes living close to family can be emotionally taxing as boundaries are crossed (or never even established), and autonomy and independence may be hard to uphold. Relationships can become rigid and dry; managing family interactions can be like scaling the thorny, hollow limbs of a cactus tree. The sting of a perfectionist parent’s demanding expectations or a narcissistic spouse can result in feelings of low self-worth, unmanageable stress, anxiety and depression. Childhood emotional neglect causes long-term feelings of emptiness, an inability to prioritize one’s own needs, and shallow relationships. Many of my counselling clients present with these symptoms, and more than half the time they have to deal with deeply rooted family issues. When family values are embedded in a client’s worldview, internal feelings of self-loathing, blame and shame add layers to the problem, while clients from an individualistic culture often find it easier to detach and move on when faced with family conflict.

Family can be a stabilizing or a destructive factor. When clients talk about their oak tree, I invite family members to the session and involve them in counselling strategies – this usually helps. And when the client’s problem is aggravated by a cactus, we look for alternative positive relationships and activities, with more emphasis on problem- solving and self-soothing skills. The course of therapy and treatment planning is determined by whether the family is protective like an oak tree or thorny like a cactus.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

A Fight to the End!

Posted by: Bhavna Verma on February 11, 2015 12:06 pm

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I’m breaking out. Pimples galore- small ones, big ones, very angry red ones, shy white head ones, and everything else in between. I’m not happy! Something’s going on internally for my face to break out like this. There’s no winning. It’s a constant battle. I pop one, another appears. The one that I thought I popped and cleaned out completely then comes back with a vengeance. And so the weeks continue in this order; feel a pimple from under the skin, begin face wash routine, it comes to the surface, eventually pops, and then another arises. The strategy that I’ve taken on is one that is managing the pimples as they come up, and not a proactive one to ensure they don’t come up at all. One day, after pointing to a pimple that I thought I had popped, but really came back bigger and angrier, my boyfriend finally said, “These are stress pimples”. He was right, I wasn’t denying that. He was referring to both my work and home life stress. As supportive as he is, he understands that there are only so many ways he can be helpful and the rest is on me. Work and personal life stress were accumulating and both began to bleed into each other. I was struggling with the boundaries. Became very emotional, struggled to get through the day without breaking down into tears, started getting very snippy with those I loved and the pimples were showing no signs of retreat! I needed a new strategy! I began by breaking down the causes of distress into a pie chart; the bigger the slice, the more priority. Then I decided on which slice I would like to metaphorically eat first. I started with the smaller slices. Some slices required more processing than others, but as the weeks went on, I began to notice the pie was no longer whole, but had a couple of slices left. These slices have now become common every day struggles, you know, like what to have for dinner, or what outfit will I wear? When I began to dismiss some of the stressors as unimportant and took away its power to ally with my enemy, the pimples, the pimple army also seemed to diffuse. Now, I’m left with battle scars on my face. At the end, I’m the one that is still standing and smiling, wearing my scars proudly. By working to solve a problem only as it is happening can be progressive for a short period of time. We need to be proactive in order to ensure that the problem doesn’t come back at all, and if it does, nip it in the bud before it becomes an army of pimples.

By Bhavna Verma

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Setting Goals

Posted by: Priya Senroy on January 19, 2015 11:27 am

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We all set goals and if nothing else make resolutions every year and there were many ideas and reflections I have come across in these past few weeks. My resolution is to be more of myself and be less of what others want me to be and my goals are to explore myself….. One of the areas I feel I want to be more of myself is in the department of creative-not only for my clients but for me-I just want to do something, make something, create something which will lead me to explore myself more and while doing so, I want my C.R.E.A.T.I.V.E. goals to be Challenging Recorded Explicit Affirmative Time-based Inspiring Valuable & Enjoyable! I came across this concept in a blog (http://mikemonday.com/become-excited-by-your-creative-goals-html/)

I have started using this with my clients and have found that this to be an alternate to S.M.A.R.T this also helps with making a personal vision board for someone starting fresh.

I am also finding myself shepparding my clients into areas of the art world, to incorporate more of the art and culture vocabulary in their goals setting repertoire. I am also encouraging them to set goals using the creative medium so either sing it, or draw it or write it in a poem format, blog, instagram or even pinterest them.

So as I am on the journey to explore more of me I think I need to explore the whole rainbow instead of using the monochromatic lens to set my goals.

Happy Goal Setting everyone!!!!

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA