So, one of these things is not like the others…….

Image courtesy of Mantas Ruzveltas/FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

It is staggering to think about ALL of the decisions we make over the course of our lives. Sometimes a decision can be life-altering such choosing a partner, a career, a neighbourhood in which to live, and so on. At other times, the decisions we make are intended to help make life go more smoothly on a daily basis.

How we make decisions is an important consideration, ask yourself these questions about your decision-making process:

Continue reading →

A friend sought counselling after his divorce but was not completely satisfied with his counsellor and stopped his therapy, never receiving the full benefit of psychotherapy after a major transition in his life. Later, when I learned this, I asked him why he didn’t look for another counsellor that better matched his personality. He was surprised and asked, “I can do that? I can change counsellors?”

This is a theme that has come to my attention on several occasions. People go to one counsellor, and for whatever reason, are not completely satisfied with the process and write off psychotherapy as being a waste of time or nonsense. As I have written in past articles, psychotherapy is based on an intimate therapeutic relationship. And just like in any intimate relationship, such as a friendship or significant partner, we don’t just “click” with everyone or feel comfortable “exposing” our real selves to just anyone.
Continue reading →

In Part I of my discussion about hope’s role in the healing journey, a comment by one CCPA reader, inspired Part II. Here’s the comment from reader, Paul, and the ideas that continue this conversation about hope:

“Hope is so often overlooked when working with clients. I know that I have the tendency to try and “figure out what’s wrong” so it can be fixed. But, if the client doesn’t actually believe that they can be better—if they’re lacking hope—then no amount of fixing will take root. I’ve wrestled with how to convey hope to my clients…”

The counsellor’s role in hope is an important one. Special considerations include respectful use of motivation for change during an appropriate time in therapy. What might hope from a counsellor sound like during a counselling session? What discourse helps convey a brighter future is possible – that possibilities are present. As I reflect on my work as a therapist, I find there is an interplay of hope-infused words, statements, metaphors along side clients’ desires for some aspect of life to be different, times in their lives when the problem was not present and/or not as impactful. I am not certain I can imagine a counselling session without some element of hope intertwined in our conversation, problem-solving, brainstorming, goal-setting, and processing.

Continue reading →

You have been engaged in therapy and have made gains in your insight and have changed the behavior that wasn’t in your best interest. You are very pleased with your progress and are feeling good about yourself and your abilities. You have also established a trusting, therapeutic relationship with your counsellor and eagerly look forward to the exchange during psychotherapy sessions. You have reached the point where you are starting to contemplate wanting to handle your life situations on your own with your new tool box of skills. But it is a bit scary to let go of the safety net. Now what?

The transition of ending counselling can bring with it some fear and anxiety along with excitement and a sense of power. You have reached a point in the therapeutic process where you are consciously aware of your strengths and abilities to not only cope with life’s challenges but to also thrive and grow under the circumstances. What an empowering place to be! Simultaneously, you might be experiencing the anticipation of separation anxiety from your counsellor or maybe you are afraid you might hurt his or her feelings by ending therapy.

Continue reading →

September has been a time of reflection, and, perhaps more so lately with the Ten Year Anniversary of 9/11. Poignant moments of loved ones at the memorial site in New York, celebrations of lives lived and lost and those sacrificed. I was especially moved by the felt sense of the human spirit in its capacity to comfort, mourn, rejoice, and celebrate. During times of such sorrow, there was also hope. This was not confined to New York either, rather, it spread throughout North America and other parts of the world. How do we possibly find hope when tragedy strikes?

Continue reading →

Most of us have incessant chatter in our heads and the majority of the time we are even unaware of it. If you take time and consciously listen to the steady stream of thought processes, you will probably be shocked at all the negativity and limiting beliefs that you will encounter. Even positive people that see the glass as half full are bombarded by an unconscious stream of negative thought processes.

Where does this come from? It is thought that most of this negativity comes from messages we picked up as children. Children are sponges, especially up to the age of 5 or 6. Good intentioned parents, teachers, caregivers tell children “Don’t climb the tree because you will fall.”, “You can’t go on the fair ride because you are too short or young.”, “Get in line and listen to my instructions!”, “Be quiet, you talk too much.”  We all heard messages like these and have even repeated them to children in our lives. Since we tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive, these messages get “stuck” in our subconscious stream and impact our self-esteem, goals and motivation in all aspects of our lives. There is a correlation between the frequency and intensity of the messages we experienced and the impact on our thoughts.

The good news is that we are able to change our thoughts by becoming conscious of them and “reframing” them. Reframing means thinking about a situation with a new perspective; spinning a positive twist on a situation. This is a very empowering tool. It is very simple and an effective stress reliever. It allows the person to change the meaning of a particular event, thus decreasing anxiety or even suffering associated with those thoughts. A qualified counsellor can teach you this tool.

In our fast paced society where information is being processed at a record speed through social media, television and radio, it is challenging to slow down. As technology continues to exponentially develop, with computers and software being outdated as quickly as later in the same year that they premiered, human beings are often overwhelmed and exhausted trying to keep up. We have not even mentioned our regular responsibilities such as work, relationships, children, etc. And many of us try to squeeze in play, recreation, rest and service such as volunteering or helping out in our communities and/or churches.

Counselling provides you with a time out from life. You slow down, engage in an intimate relationship, dig down and express genuine, if not often hidden feelings, to convey the “authentic you” and  be fully accepted in a non-judgmental environment. How many of us crave a simpler life? Psychotherapy and counselling provide us the time, opportunity and process to spend on ourselves. We often forget that we are our most valuable asset and that we need to take the necessary time to take care of ourselves. So often we put our career, significant other, children, elderly parents, obligations and other responsibilities first and we feel that our fuel tank is empty.

Counselling provides the perfect setting to receive support, redefine your goals, get to know your true feelings, work through personal blocks and emerge your best self. The personal investment in yourself is often multiplied in the value of the outcome when it increases your insight, belief in yourself and dreams and ability to cope with challenges.

Maritza Rodriguez-Arseneau

Journaling has become synonymous with counselling and psychotherapy. It is frequently associated with therapeutic processes and outcomes such as increased self-awareness, exploration, consideration of alternatives, problem-solving, emotional release, and an enhanced sense of self (giving voice to one’s life narrative and experiences). There are, however, a few key considerations for clients and counsellors/ psychotherapists to keep in mind when deciding whether or not journaling would be helpful.

Reflective journaling in the context of depression may not be helpful, especially at the outset of counselling when activity-based interventions are important to interrupt the cyclical nature of depression. On the one hand, researchers (Lyubomirsky & Nolen-Hoeksema, 1995; Nolen-Hoeksema, Wisco, & Lyubomirsky, 2008) have implicated reflection as an ineffective intervention for depression given its potential to invite and/or contribute to rumination. On the other hand, in the context of therapy, reflective learning has been linked to increasing active participation and motivation to seek insight into problems (Karlsson & Kermott, 2006).           

Continue reading →

I was recently inspired by a blog I read by Dr. John Grohol, Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Psych Central (www.psychcentral.com). In reflecting and writing on client-counsellor fit, I have been thinking a lot about counselling and psychotherapy from the client’s perspective. Dr. Grohol’s discussion highlighted how a few sessions of psychotherapy can positively contribute to mental health. In other words, investing in this time is well worth the effort, especially given how impactful it can be on one’s quality of life. Moreover, I was struck by his positive tone, putting psychotherapy in a bright light – helping to unleash it from the silence that stigma too often brings. I liken psychotherapy to any other aspect of our well-being that requires a check-in, boost, and/or maintenance. After all, we likely do not think twice about taking our car in for maintenance, fixing the house, seeing the doctor or dentist, and so on. Our mental, emotional, and relational well-being is just as important!

Dr. Grohol went on to comment how the right fit in psychotherapy is “vitally important” – I couldn’t agree more! He stated that this tends to be a process of “trial and error.” While I hear that a lot, I think this is an aspect of psychotherapy that needs a lot more exploration and discussion – watch for my future blogs about the topic of reducing trial-and-error with collaborative consultation.

Continue reading →

There is still much stigma attached to getting help or treatment for a mental health problem/illness. While most people do not hesitate to seek out a doctor or go to an emergency room when they feel physically ill or have had an accident and have suffered a physical trauma, such as a broken bone, most suffer in silence when it comes to mental health issues.

The fact is, however, that most of us face challenges in our lifetime that cause anxiety, depression and/or self-doubt that negatively impact some aspect of our life such as work or our relationships. There still seems to be an underlying assumption that a person is “weak” if they admit these feelings or seek help when one feels overwhelmed or unsure of what direction to take in life or how to solve a problem. Many individuals seek answers from family and friends, but when the support network is unable to provide the assistance or guidance necessary, the person feels alone, isolated and confused.

If we, as a culture, can accept that we all have life challenges that have the potential of negatively impacting our physical, mental and/or social health and seek out the appropriate interventions before the situation becomes dire, we can be empower to receive the guidance or treatment to give us the tools to cope with the situation at hand. Thus, instead of being “weak”, we can actually grow and become stronger in the face of the problem. It takes courage to admit when we need help and it is empowering to overcome a problem with the appropriate mind set, attitude and beliefs. Admittedly, we have improved as a society in seeking mental health treatment, but much more education and tolerance continues to be necessary in this arena.