The elusive work/life (self-care) balance phenomenon for the self-employed professional

Posted by: Jamie Dovedoff on March 7, 2016 12:31 pm
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stacked-stones-664928_1920For the vast majority of us, work is life so I prefer to think of this concept not as work/life balance but rather work/self-care balance. The elusive phenomenon where you reach and maintain that vacation-induced “Zen” Monday to Friday.

It seems we are often plagued with the seemingly impossible notion of establishing a consistent work flow that always seems to be in constant flux between too busy or too slow (with not nearly the same amount of time spent at that “just right” pace) and managing our self-care needs. How much is too much to take on? It’s easy to say “yes” to more work, it seems we are pre-programmed for it. We justify this by telling ourselves that we don’t necessarily know when the next referral is coming through our door. What is always saying “yes” costing you? Your clients? Your loved ones?

A simple google search provides you with the definition of balance “an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady”. So, if you are awake an average of 16 hours/day and 8 hours/day is spent at work, by the very definition of balance, you should spend the other 8 hours of your day engaged in activities which replenishes and prepares you for a new day. How realistic is that?

Establishing equality amongst your many commitments is not an easy task (ever tried walking on a tightrope?). The figurative scales are constantly going to be encouraged one way or the other. Realistically, at times, you are going to have to allow for this to happen. HOWEVER, remaining too long in a state of imbalance can lead to fatigue, decreased mood, stress, burnout, etc.

Ten steps to re-balance the scales:

  • Set realistic goals – set financial goals for your work but also establish goals around how much time you would like to devote to yourself
  • Identify and prioritize your priorities – what tasks are “must do” and which ones are “would be nice too”
  • Set equal work and self-care priorities – if you are going to take on extra work then how much extra time can you afford to give to your self-care to replenish your energy
  • Get organized – make a schedule, be conservative with your time estimates to complete each task, be realistic about what you can and cannot manage, plan in advance (as much as you can), and keep a regular schedule (prescribe regular work hours for yourself)
  • Be flexible
  • Declutter – clean up your physical working space and/or move your working space to free you of unnecessary distractions
  • Set boundaries for yourself – respect your boundaries or no one else will
  • Practice saying “no”
  • Schedule breaks – self-care does not need to be quarantined to the end of your work day or over the weekend. Try to incorporate regular self-care practices for short periods throughout your day

LIVE IN CONSCIOUS AWARENESS AND PERFORM REGULAR AND TRUTHFUL CHECK INS




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Finding Compassion Within

Posted by: Denise Hall on February 2, 2016 5:11 pm
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self-careBy Denise E. Hall Psy.D CCC MCVP

Every part of us that we do not love will regress and become more primitive – Carl Jung

I have been thinking for a long time about writing about Self-Compassion. In my work as a psychotherapist and with my friends and family, I am constantly struck by the lack of self-compassion people convey in their words about their work and life. They are constantly saying things like “I am so stupid”, “I should have known better”, “how could I have missed that”, “who would notice or like a _____”. “I am just a ________” etc. etc.

No wonder we have high levels of depression and anxiety in our culture. Western society is high on guilt and judging individuals. It also encourages people to have unrealistically high standards for themselves and sometimes their standard is pure perfectionism. Their failings are seen as a panacea for everything that is wrong. Not only are individuals judged and blamed, parents, in particular, are one of most heavily blamed group in society. Some people believe that Individual blame conveniently shifts the responsibility from organizational, corporate and /or institutional/governmental culpability.

What is self-compassion? I think we confuse it with selfishness if we tend to spend time on caring for our self. Self care and self-compassion, I suggest is an afterthought, something we do when we have time and when all our responsibilities are taken care of. What happens usually is there is nothing left to give to self. We turn to other things like alcohol or drugs, food or other dependencies that hook us quickly but do not provide the profound and positive effect of simple self-compassion.

Self-compassion is the act that states “I am human; I am fallible and it is OK to make mistakes to change my mind, to pursue my passion.” It is not judging our actions as good or bad, just viewing them as part of learning and growing, part of being human. How can we be compassionate of others if we do not practice it with ourselves? The Green Cross Standards of Care state that we cannot perform our work as a caregiver unless we take care of ourselves. There is also the metaphor of the airplane oxygen mask, putting it on first before we put it on others.

The driver of this judgemental approach is our critical voice or voices that are internalized from the Media, and the dominant stories in our culture about who is valued and who is not; from our parents and school experiences. Awareness is the key to self-compassion and the more we understand these influences, the more we have control over our actions. When we judge ourselves harshly it demeans us and often drives our self-esteem into the black hole of constant recrimination, fear and helplessness.

There is a Buddhist sutra that is called Metta or lovingkindness that blesses ourselves and others. It is a meditation similar to the following:

May I be safe
May I be healthy
May I have ease of body and mind
May I be at peace

The practice goes on to bless others, dearest ones, benefactors, neutral ones and those we are in conflict with. Compassion starts with the self and it encompasses our work, our friends and family, relationships with others and those that are sick, troubled or difficult to deal with. The whole world looks and feel different when we practice self compassion. The native Hawaiians have a practice called Ho’oponopono which is a forgiveness ritual that starts with loving, accepting, and forgiving the self and then others. They call it the miracle healing practice.

Self- compassion is a simple concept however it is not easy to practice. It takes accepting ourselves and all our parts warts and all!!!

Your comments are welcome! Please contact me at 604-562-9130.




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Role of Mindfulness and Self-Compassion in Self-Care

Posted by: Amal Souraya on October 28, 2015 5:00 am

In our daily lives we juggle a multitude of roles. Professionally we are called counsellors. As counsellors we spend our time working with and assisting people on bettering their lives and living more healthfully. We do this in real time while we are working with these clients in an individual counselling session, while we are involved in case consultations pertaining to these clients, while we write assessment reports, and case notes; we spend a great deal of our time investing in client change.

For most therapists, this professional role is not the only identity that we hold. Some are also business owners, teachers, volunteers, mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, and students. With this vast array of roles that we juggle it is paramount that we find balance in our lives. This is a rudimentary skill that we thrive to teach our clients. Do we not deserve the same principles for ourselves? Continue reading →




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Self-Care Is Not a Luxury

Posted by: Lisa Shouldice on October 23, 2015 5:00 am

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I am so excited at this time of year when I open my Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn accounts to see lots of articles, links and Blogs circulating about self-care. But I do think we lose sight of self-care as an all-day, everyday practice, including the times we need a bit extra. So let’s open up about the concept of self-care in our lives.

Self-care is many things from stopping our work at 4:00 to make a hot, immune-boosting tea as the days get longer and colder, do Yoga stretches at our desk so our backs muscles stay limber and so much more. On the weekend we may take time to connect with family, go on a hike etc. This is self-care all-day, everyday.

I think the piece, a lot of people slip on is when self-care needs to become deeper, more frequent and healing in our lives. It is so easy for us to ignore signs of fatigue, burnout and sadness and just keep going. But it does not work. Depression and Anxiety are on the rise. It will become physical in our bodies; our feelings will not be ignored. So instead of not sleeping, having another fight with your partner, and drinking 6 cups of coffee tomorrow, let’s STOP, and practice some deeper self-care. Otherwise you get sick and have to take stress leave anyway. So let’s be proactive. Deeper self-care or healing can be practiced on a more regular basis as well, and fit in you life. Continue reading →




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Fostering Self Acceptance Part -1

Posted by: Denise Hall on September 9, 2015 3:04 pm

 

The issue of self- acceptance is a complex one and there are a number of components to consider. First though, the negative affect of non-acceptance of one’s self can be dangerous to one’s health and well being. Non-acceptance of self leads one to be highly self-critical, denying of their emotional needs, inability to learn from past mistakes, inability to set realistic goals, isolating and unable to form positive relationships, and being unaware and/or unappreciative of their strengths and positive qualities. It keeps a person in a negative space, could lead to depression and social anxiety and colours everything we do. Non-acceptance is addiction’s tool that serves to numb the feelings associated with negative feelings about self and behavior.

Self-acceptance is about accepting the self unconditionally, negative parts, and all. Now that is a large order and generally self-acceptance is a “work in progress”. It is challenging to be fully self-accepting and maybe in order to continue to grow as person, a person needs to accept the challenging parts but see them as things they are willing and able to change. Jung called the dark part of self, the shadow side. Knowing and accepting the shadow side is the work of personal growth. Continue reading →




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

One Hand Washes the Other

Posted by: Bonney Elliott on August 19, 2015 1:30 pm

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In nursing school in my early 20’s strict principles of infection control were drilled into our heads. From basic hand washing to elaborate sterile technique, the focus was on caring for people without spreading disease from the infectious patient to the wounded or immune compromised. These principles have served me when working up close and personal with the human body as a nurse, but nursing school did not prepare me for the emotional impact of caring.

 

In my first job as an RN at a children’s hospital, I loved the kids. Children are honest, fun, and incredibly resilient. Over time it became harder to separate my personal feelings from the clinical scenarios that unfold in an acute care setting. I often took on the suffering of my sick and dying young patients and their families. I brought it home with me. This was heartbreaking, and unsustainable once I became a young mother myself.

 

With support from family, I upgraded my skills and moved into community health in my early 30’s as a nurse practitioner. I developed more solid emotional boundaries, which I found easier to maintain outside of the hospital setting. Working with families from all walks of life still pulled at my heartstrings though. I am prone to holding onto the emotions of others, sliding from empathy into sympathy. It was early in this second phase of my career, that I received simple but sound advice from a visiting Elder from the Nova Scotia Mi’qmaq First Nation, a warm and wise medicine woman.

Continue reading →




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Echo Bullying

Posted by: Jonathan Delisle on August 19, 2015 10:17 am

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Echo bullying is a term I’ve developed based on both personal and clinical experiences. It is a phenomenon that occurs long after the bullying ends. It is an internal self-depreciation that continually underlies the former victim’s self-perception. The depreciating internal dialogue perpetuates the past bullying (usually sub-consciously). This internal dialogue is the echo of the bully’s message to his former victim.

Bullies direct hurtful comments or behaviours at you, and then you walk away and think nothing more of it or you may even try to repress or distort the memory of it while trying to convince yourself that you don’t care. Continue reading →




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Nature’s Invitations

Posted by: Angela Herzog on August 18, 2015 2:43 pm

Nature speaks truth into our lives on a daily basis.

So often, I lose sight of this simple truth, as my attention begins to zero in on tasks, appointments and concerns.

I was blessed to have a couple of weeks of summer holidays immersed in nature. Through this, my gaze began to widen again and I was able to receive some of nature’s invitations.

  1. Have I ever looked at trees and been amazed at how they are not falling despite their height?

The tree invites me to nurture my roots.

  1. Have I noticed how leaves respond gracefully and receptively to the wind?

What external forces am I fighting against?

  1. Have I enjoyed watching the freedom flight of a butterfly with a knowing of its journey to flight?

How can I trust the process within seasons of constriction that feel like a cocoon? Continue reading →




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

A Breath of Fresh Air

Posted by: Bhavna Verma on August 11, 2015 9:17 am

A couple of weeks ago I went on vacation with my fiancé and his mom. We travelled to Alberta where we spent 5 days with my fiancé’s brother. The five days were exhausting, packed with multiple events throughout the days and went by so quickly, that I did not even realize it was time to come back home. The week before leaving for vacation, I got a call from a company that needed to bring in counsellors as a tragedy occurred on site. For 3 days, over a span of 18-20 hours, I spoke with employees about what they heard, saw and how they were impacted after the tragedy occurred. Some were directly involved with the incident, while others saw the aftermath or stayed away from the accident site altogether and just heard about the events that transpired. Emotional fatigue and secondary trauma kicked in. I had never worked with so many people in such a short period of time. I am still considered a rookie in the counselling world and burnout is high in this population. I remember coming home, and my mother in law began sharing stories of freak accidents that she remembers seeing or hearing about as a child, and I had to ask her to stop. She couldn’t understand why. I explained to her that I was mentally drained and after hearing so many stories about the freak accident that took place in this company, I had ‘checked out’ mentally and just needed some quiet time. This was one of the first burnout symptoms I recognized. The vacation to Alberta- although planned before getting the phone call from this company was perfectly timed! Just removing myself from the place altogether (in this case provinces) was a great way to completely disconnect myself from the trauma that occurred in the company. The trip kept me so busy and focused on what was happening in that moment that I did not have the time nor the energy to think about the prior week’s sessions. Not only was the temporary distraction beneficial, but being mindful throughout the trip was also effective. If I was not mindful (informally), I would have missed out on the beautiful mountains of Jasper and the seal show at the West Edmonton Mall. Although, it is a great excuse to go back to Alberta! If you find that you’re getting exhausted more so than your ‘normal’, take a vacation. It does not have to be one of leaving the province or country, but something local too. Go to the local sights, be mindful in the time you spend at the site, and I am sure that it will allow for your mind to clear its’ thoughts as well as provide a refreshing and rejuvenating experience. I hope that by taking some time for yourself, you are able to come back to your ‘normal’ as well; remember that you may also utilize supervision to help process remaining distress.

By Bhavna Verma

 

 




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Technology is Expanding a Counsellor’s Toolbox

Posted by: Sherry Law on July 22, 2015 9:37 am

I recently spent some time with a colleague and the idea of video conference counselling came up. Both being technology buffs, we dove right into the idea without hesitation. As we discussed, it became clear to me that there were real ethical arguments to support the idea of integrating technology with therapy. Unfortunately, the fears around the little known realm of technology in counselling creates a demanding barrier of entry, stifling enthusiasm to attempt online therapeutic practice. Hoping to fan some burning embers of excitement, I present three ethical considerations for the use of technology in counselling:

Financial Access

Cost has always been a struggle for people who need mental health assistance. Both the direct cost per session as well as indirect costs can affect people’s budgets, adding pressures to the decline of one’s mental health. For example, taking time off work or out of the day may not always be feasible for people, especially if you have children to take care of, and during a contracting economy where every day matters in the eyes of your employer. The struggle to balance self care, and life responsibilities is very real. Online counselling could reduce the cost of office space rental, parking space rental, and utilities in the office. The savings from such a transition could help to increase access for some clients.

Physical Access

Physical access can be limited due to a person’s living arrangements, or life circumstance. Many people cannot afford a convenient mode of transportation to attend a counselling session. For example, in rural areas, the problem can worsen with some people having to depend on the therapist’s mode of transportation into their area before they can acquire mental health services. The dependency could lead to spotty access at best, and an inconsistent therapeutic relationship at worst. For counsellors working within a rural area, a plethora of other ethical concerns can arise, such as multiple relationships, limits on resources, isolation, and community expectations. Online counselling could not only offer larger variety of therapists for the rural clientele who can specialize, but can subdue altogether some of the ethical issues around rural therapeutic practices.

Continue reading →




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA
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