There’s No Place Like Home

Posted by: Farah Lodi on May 15, 2015 12:27 pm

In my counselling practice I see a lot of clients who have moved away from their home countries, usually because of job transfers. This means a nuclear family is uprooted from their home, and re-located to a place where they have no family, friends or support network. Many people enjoy the novelty, excitement, and adventure of international relocation, but the clients who walk through my door struggle with that often over-generalized diagnosis: adjustment disorder. It’s a condition that many insurance companies won’t cover, but it accurately describes a lot of my cases.

Relocation can take its toll on a family’s resiliency. For example, one common problem that I see is when children have underlying feelings of resentment: they were not part of the decision to move, it was forced upon them by adults, and they feel a lack of control and heightened helplessness. Youngsters can become depressed after a big move – I’ve seen this manifest in girls as young as 10 years old who develop eating disorders and boys with anger and even raging episodes – triggered by the move. Previously well-adapted adolescents can develop oppositional behaviors, making the adjustment process for the whole family much more complicated. Erik Erickson identified peer approval and group identity as the psycho-social crisis at this age, and relocation to a new country, new school, new neighborhood upsets this already challenging task. Many children describe feeling lonely and unaccepted as they struggle to adjust, whilst pining away for their old life. As they try to deal with their kids, parents can feel frustrated and helpless (missing their support network at home), and also guilty for uprooting and causing their kids distress. They may also feel guilty for leaving aging parents or other responsibilities behind in their home country.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Tribute to Creative Art Practitioners Around the World

Posted by: Priya Senroy on May 1, 2015 8:47 am

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I am very optimistic that I will soon see a plethora of greenery outside my window even though Spring has been illusive in my garden. The buds, the birds and the weeds are finally getting out of their hibernation and my energy is getting renewed as I am planning my next steps in my work.

This month has been catastrophic in many parts of the worlds, especially in Nepal and it has resonated deeply as it’s a place that I have visited many times and when the tremors were felt as far as in India, it struck more as that’s where home is.

A part of me wants to jump on the next flight and join many organizations including Art therapy Without Borders to be part of the humanitarian work and use my skills for a cause which is beyond words for many.

I have done work with some PTSD but not directly been involved as other practitioners have during the deadly hurricanes, tsunamis or like the recent earthquake. When we talk about using creative arts or even counselling in such a broad spectrum, it’s important I think to remember the ways art can be used when words are not enough. It can be used as a compliment to assessment, to recovery, to healing. This is the time when creative arts can be transcultural, transformative and transnational, something that is advocated by Art Therapy Without Borders. Since I started practicing as a creative arts therapist in 1995, I have always been amazed by the flexibility, the adaptability, the ability to connect and the diversity of this field. Not only is the cultural and diverse fabric of the field is enriched by those who practice it , it’s the client group, it’s the techniques and it’s the materials which are constantly changing and adding to this melting pot of creativity.

This blog is a salute, a tribute and a standing ovation to the field, to the practitioners and to the world out there who believe in the power of creative art.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Lack of Self-Esteem

Posted by: Hailing Huang on April 17, 2015 12:27 pm

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In January 15 2015, I wrote an article: Emotional Health, reflecting on two Chinese international students who committed suicide during their second year of school. The two students were Yuan Yuan, and Guo Yanjun. Yuan, a young woman in her early 20’s from Nangjing China, was in her second year of an economics degree at Amsterdam University. Guo, a 28 year old, who immigrated to America in 2001, graduated with an Honors BSc in 2006, worked in investment banking in New York, then registered at MIT, majoring in management – a journey much admired by many Chinese families.

Unfortunately, on January 27, 2015, another 20 year old Chinese international student named Wang Lu Chang a math major at Yale University, was successful in her suicide attempt. These young students all exhibited excellent academic performance records, hard work, and were achievement driven; in the eyes of an outsider, they all would have a bright future. While we are sadly mourning these young lives, it also causes us to question: What kind of pain was so heavy that it caused them to choose to end their own life?

My previous article looked at this issue from an emotional health perspective; I thought it was the taboo of depression, suicidal thoughts and loneliness that blocked them from seeking help. It was the negative emotions that confounded their thoughts and their mobility, blocked their view to finding a way out; since most people see vulnerability as shame. Neither failure nor misfortunes are supposed to be disclosed or shared with others, even with family members. Lacking the knowledge and skills to deal with negative emotions becomes an obstacle to reaching out and asking for help.

Then, recently, I have come to realize that there could be a deeper reason for their taking their own lives: lack of Self – Esteem. In order to learn new knowledge and skills, they first have to believe in themselves and trust that there is a way out, and are willing to try. Without confidence and beliefs, they would not reach out. Even if the resources are there, they won’t be able to recognize and seize it.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Diversity

Posted by: Priya Senroy on March 31, 2015 9:12 am

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When we talk about diversity in our counseling practice, I think it’s not just working with diverse culture or diverse population but it’s also having an understanding of the cultural diversity of the materials we choose to use. Whether it’s a piece of fabric, a story or even an activity, each has its own unique characteristic; its unique symbolism and its unique healing purpose. Diversity is also found in some of the cultural rituals that we celebrate. I find that spring is one of the times when there are many such rituals take place. For me, spring is one of the strangest season and time of the year. While it is a time for birthdays, celebrating cultural New Year, anticipation of what am I going to plan in my vegetable patch, it is also a time to mark anniversaries of heartbreaks. It is during this time that I also get to go back to reading one of my favorite books by Clarissa Pinkola Este: “Women Who Run with the Wolves”. In one of her chapters, she mentions a grief exercise called “Descansos”, which is basically markers of the changes, the turning points, the deaths (literal and figurative) in one’s life. She says, “Descansos are symbols that mark a death. Right there, right on that spot, someone’s journey in life halted unexpectedly. There has been a car accident, or someone was walking along the road and died of heat exhaustion, or a fight took place there. Something happened there that altered that person’s life and the lives of other persons forever.”

I have been creating my own Descansos at various life transition events as they can also be seen, metaphorically, as crossroads where choices need to be made.

My background is not from Latin America where Descanos are the roadside shrines that mark the memory where an accident claimed a life. I can, however, relate to the archetypical images and the symbols and what Jung shares as a part of the collective unconscious. For me working with images from diverse cultures helps me to feel connected not only to the materials but also to the psyche of the experiencing the knowledge of the client and the community.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Compassion Based CBT and Spirituality Work Well Together

Posted by: Farah Lodi on March 20, 2015 12:00 pm

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Compassion-based CBT, as described by Paul Weber, could be straight out of a manual of Buddhist teachings, or from Holy Scriptures. I use a lot of CBT with my clients, but in cases where the client is overly focused on self-criticism and shame, actually believing the “alternative healthy thoughts” is a struggle. Conceptually they understand the logic of Socratic dialogue, but they don’t integrate the rational thoughts, maybe because they lack a key ingredient crucial to recovery: self-compassion. This is when I use more compassion-based interventions. Finding and developing self-compassion is a lot easier with religious clients. Here’s why:

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

When Family Ties Are Too Tight

Posted by: Farah Lodi on March 13, 2015 8:23 am

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These days I’m working with several clients from collectivist family -oriented cultures. For them, the importance of family values translates into extended family having the same power, influence, rights and responsibilities as nuclear family. When family ties are harmonious then kinship is an excellent source of support and security. But when there’s conflict in the clan, then inter-personal relationships can be harder to navigate because of demanding relatives. Usually these are enmeshed relationships in a very large family unit. It’s like there’s a fire burning in your living room, where everyone congregates. You can’t escape it, you are trapped, and you feel the heat no matter what.

For clients with this world view, a family feud centered around a distant uncle can have the same distressing effect as conflict with a spouse or brother. These clients may rely on external validation from family, have weak personal boundary strength, and easily “catch” emotions from others. The rights that one accords to parents, spouse and siblings are linked to a much wider circle of people. Stressful situations with an aunt, sister-in-law or even cousin who culturally qualify as near and dear- can lead to psychological issues for whoever is at the receiving end of demands, criticism or complaints. Hyper- arousal and elevated cortisol levels can be as easily triggered by distant relatives, as by immediate family. This can activate automatic negative thoughts of “I’m not good enough” with core beliefs emphasizing that “family should come first”. When there’s a lot of trouble the realization that “my family is not happy or normal” can result in unhealthy comparisons, feelings of helplessness and insecurity. In many cultures, when there’s strife in the family, this is a source of shame. These clients then have to deal with guilt and self-worth issues.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Rejection Risk Awareness

Posted by: Priya Senroy on March 12, 2015 12:16 pm

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February 2015 is a month of many celebration-cultural, mythical and social. I attended an event organized by a local youth group on deconstructing February and demystifying valentine day. I found the concept fascinating and learned that certain days in February are surrounded by folklore, such as the 16th, which supposedly is the day of the Devil’s Dance. On this day, a sorcerer of Tibet was called upon to exorcise demons and evil spirits from the local population. Those Aquarius’s born on this day are said to posses great courage as a result. On the 12th of the month, Diana, the Roman goddess of hunt, was said to spread her protection from the forests near Aricia (her shrine) to all over the world. The event which was held the week prior to Valentine’s Day is called “National Dump Your Significant Jerk Week”, so that one may get rid of their own bad relationship and have a new Valentine. February 7 – 14 is “Rejection Risk Awareness Week”, to raise awareness of social rejection through dating. Apparently this event was founded by syndicated advice columnist Harlen Cohen, to help people know that they are not alone when being rejected for love. R.A.W. is not about getting rejected. It’s about overcoming the fear of rejection and taking the risk that leads to love.

I have used this concept of Rejection Risk Awareness with my youth group from various diverse backgrounds and cultural groups and find that no matter what the language of love is in no matter how many languages, effects of rejection can be spoken under one universal language and when this rejection is addressed as a group and proceed as a group, the healing is more powerful than celebrating love. So as we celebrate February as a month of mystery, mythology, and romance, lets get our fill of all three before its short span is over with.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Family Tree: an Oak Tree or a Cactus?

Posted by: Farah Lodi on February 11, 2015 12:10 pm

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There are many things that influence our well-being, but family culture is one of the most important factors determining mental and emotional health. The protective factor of having close family nearby to help you, to give advice, to guide or even to set you right, can be like an oak tree: solid, comforting and shady with deep roots that help keep you anchored. Sometimes it can be grandma’s understanding nod or smile, a sibling’s moral support or a parent’s quiet presence that helps you stay psychologically hardy. Turning towards loving family can be a buffer when facing difficult life situations and sometimes an effective enough alternative to psychotropic medications. The latest research on addictions treatment also points to strong family support as an indicator for successful rehab therapy, over-riding the significance of chemical hooks. People who enjoy this extra cushioning stay resilient and don’t need counselling.

On the other hand, sometimes living close to family can be emotionally taxing as boundaries are crossed (or never even established), and autonomy and independence may be hard to uphold. Relationships can become rigid and dry; managing family interactions can be like scaling the thorny, hollow limbs of a cactus tree. The sting of a perfectionist parent’s demanding expectations or a narcissistic spouse can result in feelings of low self-worth, unmanageable stress, anxiety and depression. Childhood emotional neglect causes long-term feelings of emptiness, an inability to prioritize one’s own needs, and shallow relationships. Many of my counselling clients present with these symptoms, and more than half the time they have to deal with deeply rooted family issues. When family values are embedded in a client’s worldview, internal feelings of self-loathing, blame and shame add layers to the problem, while clients from an individualistic culture often find it easier to detach and move on when faced with family conflict.

Family can be a stabilizing or a destructive factor. When clients talk about their oak tree, I invite family members to the session and involve them in counselling strategies – this usually helps. And when the client’s problem is aggravated by a cactus, we look for alternative positive relationships and activities, with more emphasis on problem- solving and self-soothing skills. The course of therapy and treatment planning is determined by whether the family is protective like an oak tree or thorny like a cactus.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Culture of Happiness

Posted by: Farah Lodi on January 23, 2015 1:01 pm

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I recently had an interesting conversation with a young client from Bhutan, which is a small country in the Himalayan mountains bordering India and China. In Bhutan the government measures prosperity- not through the GDP (gross domestic product) like most of the world, but through GNP: Gross National Happiness. 33 indicators which are classified under 9 main domains, are used to come up with a single number which measures the peoples’ gross national happiness. Data is gathered through questionnaires. These domains are: psychological wellbeing, use of time, health, cultural diversity, education, good governance, ecological balance, community vitality and living standards. To sum it up, a combination of these factors measures life satisfaction. Each year the government, non-governmental organizations and businesses strive to increase the measure of a good life, through policy changes and new initiatives. One such simple initiative is a common road sign seen on the many beautiful mountainous roads – no it’s not about speed limit but rather: “life is a journey……complete it!”

Interestingly, but not surprisingly, the GNP index in Bhutan started dropping sharply in 1999 – the year when TV was first introduced in this country. More recently, the use of technologies such as smart phones and computers has also been linked to a drop in the national happiness index. People who for centuries followed traditional, collectivist and spiritual Buddhist values (such as nurturing real relationships, modeling respect, and actively practicing patience and gratitude) were now plugged in like the rest of the world – to influences that very often degrade the above mentioned core values. The result has been people reprogramming themselves to needing instant gratification and stimulation, leading to a state of being that is not in harmony with nature, but rather disconnected from it.

The 9 domains used to measure happiness in Bhutan remind me of positive psychologist Martin Seligman’s model of wellbeing: PERMA. His five factors for happiness were positive emotions, engagement in life, relationships that are authentic, meaning in life, and accomplishment. If we have a balance of these going on in our lives, then chances are we will be happier. My client wholeheartedly embraces this. After finishing grad school he plans to return to Bhutan (along with a high percentage of his peers), even though salaries are considerably lower there. Why? Simply because psychological wellbeing is more valuable than material wealth.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Art of Un-Goals – Embracing Cultural Perspectives While Setting Goals

Posted by: Priya Senroy on January 19, 2015 8:29 am

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I always grapple with goal setting and while have to do that continuously in my work, for my kids as well teach about it. I have been having a conversation with a colleague who said that he doesn’t set goals, he has no past and no future but the present only and he is happy going with the flow. I found that concept somewhat unsettling as suddenly feeling rudderless, having no control over the future and off course not having a plan. And then he explained that he has had to master the art of un-setting goals and that has been inspired by the eastern philosophy that can practices. I dug deep and I found similar thoughts shared in this article by William Berry, 2014( http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-second-noble-truth/201402/control-is-the-psychological-goal) who shares that though it is often believed control leads to a happier life, there is evidence to suggest the opposite is true. In Eastern philosophies the goal is to let go of control, to let things unfold, to go with the flow of the universe. Wu-Wei is a term which is translated to “action through non-action.” Wu-Wei is practiced by letting go, letting things unfold, and aligning one’s actions with the flow of the universe. It is the opposite of trying to control.

And that’s I think is interesting to share with my clients and let them perhaps think of how to set goals not in the sense of using it to control the future but as guide map and perhaps not letting it control the present. I will try to incorporate that into my goals for this year-which is to be more of myself and be less of what others want me to be and just explore-be more creative more free and hopefully un-setting goals might liberate me from the shackles of trying to control what is not mine.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA