Have you ever experienced that complete and utter feeling of hopelessness? Have you ever felt at odds or completely detached? Life can certainly leave us feeling an array of emotions with each negative encounter, loss, and challenge that we face. Sometimes, we may lack clarity and a comprehensive understanding of life itself. You may be even asking yourself: “What is the meaning of life?” and “Why do I feel so damn lonely in a world brimming with people?”

For the individual experiencing hopelessness, the onset maybe fleeting, or it may be a chronic issue that plagues the mind of the individual. You may have even experienced these feelings multiple times in the past. While hopelessness is not always comprised of doom and gloom, in many unfortunate cases, the doom and gloom are known to consume the person experiencing these profound feelings.

Hopelessness can appear in a variety of shades, lending many different perspectives on what it means to experience such a difficult time. Hopelessness is derived from our sense
of isolation, loneliness, and despair. It may be linked to a difficult situation, environment, or a particular set of events occurring in one’s life. Research has proven that many medications and our own mental health conditions can prove a catalyst for such times. Yet, not all experiencing hopelessness are facing an acute or chronic mental health condition, but rather, they may be facing a momentary setback that is causing them temporary distress, discouragement or dissatisfaction.

What is hopelessness? Hopelessness is that inability to find meaning, purpose or drive. No matter what you do, you are consumed by an unmistakable state of depression and despondency. You may even feel as though you no longer have a sense of meaning or significance in this world. Life and the experiences therein, may feel robotic and mechanically unsound. For many, it’s at this particular stage that you may have lost hope and a desire to live life.

We may feel alone, abandoned and completely isolated from the world. These raw emotions may stem from real life issues such as: the loss of a significant relationship, a chronic health condition, financial distress, monetary setbacks, global unrest, and the overall uncertainty about tomorrow. For many, life simply looses its luster.

This feeling of hopelessness begins to consume the very you, within you. Every minute may feel like an hour and every day may feel like an eternity. In the end, hopelessness is that feeling of separation and an inability to connect. To connect with life and to connect with others. During the pandemic, there were many who became chronically depressed, discouraged, and despondent. Life no longer had meaning or joy.

We often feel hopeless when life simply no longer adds up. When we lose that satisfaction of living life. In fact, you maybe incapable of pinpointing exactly what is missing, but there is something amiss about your void. The GOOD NEWS is, there is HOPE for your tomorrow. Life can once again have meaning, purpose, and be filled with a yearning to live. Your tomorrow does not have to be spent lying despondently in bed. Your life no longer has to feel bleak and without meaning. It’s definitely not easy when life presents you with such challenges. Whether these challenges are directly or indirectly
experienced, they can leave an individual with an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.

What can be done to improve my perspective and to eliminate my sense of hopelessness? My professional bias would be to recommend the advice of a trained professional, but I’d never deny that a trusted confidant and friend may prove affective.

Please remember that the feelings that you are experiencing are normal. Do not be at odds with your feelings or the need to acquire professional services. Consider using one or all of the following strategies, they may help you on your journey towards health:

• active breathing exercises: establish a daily routine of deep and conscious breathing
• guided meditation: consider reading, listening and practicing
• practice mindfulness: mindfulness is a cognitive skill of being conscious and completely aware of our thoughts, feelings, surroundings, and person
• affirmations: writing or reading daily affirmations
• journaling: consider a daily routine of journaling — be certain to write a few positive aspects along the way.
• self-awareness approaches: become intimately and cognitively aware of your feelings and emotions
• triggers: be certain to acknowledge your triggers as they are an essential part of the recovery process
• boundaries: healthy boundaries are an essential part of each and every relationship
• goal setting: setting small and achievable goals
• cognitive restructuring or reframing of events and situations occurring in your life
• daily walks, routines and physical exercise.

Naturally, feelings of hopelessness and despair can prove debilitating, but know that there is hope and that you can achieve a place of health and balance. Please understand that we have all had moments of discouragement, dissatisfaction, and disillusionment. Do not allow the circumstances of your day to define your meaning. Remember that such feelings are a normal aspect of life and there is nothing to fear. There are a number of therapeutic tools that can be acquired and they can help in your pursuit of happiness, balance and a more fulfilled life. Please note that trained mental professionals can help you to achieve balance, a renewed perspective, and to restore your hope.

“We’ve all had experience of dreading interactions with certain people.  Your cell phone rings and you release a deep sigh when you see the name pop up on the caller display.  You’re walking into the office and you see that coworker with the uncanny ability to get under your skin, so you feel like dashing into the nearest room or turning around on the spot and heading back home.  You need to tell your partner news you know won’t be well received and your head spins from explanations to potential outcomes, dread rapidly filling the pit of your stomach.

“Perhaps your experience is more dramatic than that.  Perhaps you deal with real-life bullies who undermine your self-confidence, isolate, or gaslight you.  Their very presence in the room is making you feel claustrophobic.  You feel tense and uneasy around them but you can’t quite put your finger on the reason.  These and the above are what I call Goliaths.” (beginning of the Introduction from Facing Goliath: Breaking the Bullying Cycle)

Sometimes our Goliaths are real and ruthless, sometimes they’re merely perceived.  Regardless, facing them is no easy feat.  You try to remain calm but deep down you feel a whirlwind of scenarios play out in your mind, your imagination fueled by primal emotions that fight for control.  Your heart rate responds in kind.

Goliaths present threats that trigger our survival instincts to fight or flee.  When neither option seems worth the risk, we freeze.  Think of it this way.  It’s like in the first Jurassic Park movie when they come face to face with the T-Rex who just broke out of its enclosure.  They freeze.  There’s no point trying to run for it, they won’t get far.  Fight it?  Yeah right!  So they wait until it gets distracted so they can leave.  Now thankfully we don’t come face to face with towering carnivorous dinosaurs, but our Goliaths are nonetheless intimidating.  Their voices get inside our head and back us into a corner mentally.  Then comes the tough decision: I fight (stand up to them), I flee (spend my time trying to avoid them), I freeze (take the abuse as if there was no other viable option), or I confront them.  Ideally, we would choose the latter.

Let’s not confuse confronting with fighting.  Fighting, in this case, refers to responding in kind.  Two flames don’t put out the fire, they make it bigger.  It’s counter-productive.  It ends with one Goliath standing over the wreckage of the other.  Confronting refers to the use of empowering strategies that keep the toxicity of our Goliath’s influence out of our lives and out of our heads. 

Like the image of David facing Goliath, we stick to those strategies that give us the mental upper hand.  In a contest of brute strength, David would have been crushed like a bug.  The use of his sling gave him the means to overcome Goliath before the latter could get close enough to do damage.  Obviously, I’m not suggesting violent means for handling our Goliaths.  In David’s case, his people were at war and he had no other options for handling the situation.  In our case, we need to neutralize the venom inside our Goliaths’ sting.  He will try to sting, but what is he going to do when he sees it has no effect?

The key to facing our Goliaths is to not let ourselves slip into the victim role.  Now you could tell me that it’s not like you have much choice if someone wants to victimize you and you would be right.  You don’t have much influence on what people choose to do.  You do, however, have all the power to decide if you’re going to play the victim or not.  The Victim, in the Drama Triangle sense, is the one who lives at the mercy of people, circumstances, and conditions, as though these are the cause of his woes and the source of his unhappiness.  This type of Victim has an approach of “it’s not my fault, it’s not my responsibility” to the whirlwind of bullying he feels he’s been swept up in.  He blames his Goliaths for his unhappiness and expects them or some Rescuer to fix the mess, instead of rising to the challenge himself.  As opposed to Victims, empowered individuals are Creators, to use David Emeralds’ terms, who will rise to the challenge.

One thing to keep in mind when considering our Goliaths is that we are teleological beings by nature.  We do things for a purpose.  Bullies or Goliaths do what they do to us for varying reasons, but mainly for control so they can avoid being hurt and victimized.  Problem is, their bullying actions gets them reactions that cause them to feel victimized, and so they repeat the same pattern to try to regain the upper ground and in the process continue to get the reactions, and so the cycle continues in a self-fueling loop.  Ironically, sometimes they enjoy that ongoing cycle because their actions cause predictability and thus gives them a sense of control.

So how do we step out of that loop?  In a nutshell, we mind our reactions to our Goliaths’ tactics so we don’t fall into the Dreaded Drama Triangle with them, an art that has to begin from within.  We set and maintain the necessary boundaries to stop them trespassing where they are not welcome.  We let go of all injustices suffered at their hands.  To learn more, you are welcome to read my book or buy me a coffee and I’ll tell you all about it.

We’ve all heard that life is tough.  People of every age and every creed can all agree on this one fact.  Life is fraught with challenges and let downs, sometimes taking the form of events, sometimes taking the form of people.  The good news is, they don’t determine what we will become or who we are.  This series of blog posts will focus on how to have truly empowering relationships through it all, rather than some whiny ode to why life sucks or why I’m not perfect.

The expression ‘No man is an island’ was coined by the English poet John Donne (1572-1631).  It is a belief he drew from his Christian faith, and one that is shared by Buddhism and other belief systems.  Its bare-boned meaning is that no one is self-sufficient, and so we need one another if we are to fully thrive to the fullness of our potential.  But what happens when there are those who should be part of that uplifting social network who get in the way of that fulfillment?  They single us out, isolate us, beat us down and suck the life-giving energy out of us.  What’s worse, sometimes we don’t recognize the unhealthy, disempowering dynamic until we start seeing the significant damage they leave in their wake.  Those relationships are what I call Goliaths.  To know more on that, you can check out my book “Facing Goliath: Breaking the Bullying Cycle”, available on Amazon Kindle.

The spectrum of empowering and disempowering relationships is wide.  Every relationship we have has its place somewhere on that spectrum, even the relationship we have with ourselves.  Ideally, we want to remain as close to empowering as we can.  The closer we get to the disempowering side, the more Goliaths we will meet.  Goliaths (in this case people) are individuals who try to empower themselves at our expense because they don’t know how to be truly empowered.  They seek to impose their ways and views for their selfish fulfillment.  Their tactics are based on fear and insecurity.  Though we should try to see the good in them and treat them according to their innate God-given dignity, we are under no obligation to keep them in our lives.  We do owe it to ourselves to establish and maintain boundaries that will keep them at a healthy distance physically, socially, and psychologically.

Our lives will flourish if we focus on building and maintaining empowering relationships in our lives.  Empowering relationships inspire you to greatness, lift you up when you’re down, catch you when you fall, tell you the truth in firm and gentle ways (even when it’s hard to hear).  Empowering relationships steer us away from the Dreaded Drama Triangle, towards what David Emerald calls The Empowerment Dynamic.  It is a dynamic in which every interaction seeks to empower us and others towards becoming the very best version of ourselves.

The most empowering relationship is the one that sees not only your strengths, but also the beauty in your scars.  It doesn’t judge you for that brokenness.  Rather, it sees those scars as a testimony to the resilience that carried you through the evils that inflicted them upon you.

The most empowering relationship sees your limits as an invitation to look after your well-being and, if in a position of authority, sees them as an opportunity to adapt their strategy to play to your strengths.  It may not be able to cater to every one of our needs, but it will present opportunities for us to heal and grow.

The most empowering relationship will always seek to inspire you to be the best version of yourself, helping you rise to greater heights, not in spite of past and present wounds, but because of them.

The following posts will look at different facets of empowering relationships in no specific order, like looking at the many facets of a diamond.  None can be without the others, and each brings unique beauty and integrity to the whole of the empowered person.  They will show not only what empowerment looks like, but also what it means for us as we strive to be empowered with ourselves and those who are part of our day-to-day life, whatever our vocation may be.

A clear ‘he can’t’, a muffled anger, not far off – a ‘no way’, he won’t do it…he won’t survive. All emanated from him. He was paralyzed. At least what he was then describing, seemed like paralysis and there was little chance in the compressed perception of self and life ahead, that he’d be able to take ordinary steps to find work. All was crashing down on him as procrastination and all amounted to – he had only to be angry at himself.

Their first baby had come in the spring. The experience of being new family with a colicky kid, which pushes even the angelic to the test, they could best describe as traumatizing. They struggled somedays to remember joy in the exhaustion and felt awful for the fact. By September, they were desperate, tired of screaming at each other at the worst of times, knowing they weren’t in control anymore, at the best of times. The distance they felt towards each other had really started to scare them. That is when they got in touch.

I worked with Henry and his wife for a very efficient six rounds of couples therapy. In the last one, the session that may have been entitled ‘breath in and breath out the trauma of the summer’, when it was his turn to be his wife in the ‘internalized other’ interview (this is when the couple get to answer as the other), the omission of his wife’s fear of death in childbirth, her not being able to walk for two weeks after, her trips to the hospital with malignant high blood pressure, was so glaringly total, that at the end of the exercise we all looked at each other, with a quarter smile of knowing solidarity. I would have sworn that each of the captions, I imagined above our heads, read the same!

“Yikes, you didn’t get that at all, where were you?”, was his wife’s and mine.

“Shit, I didn’t get that, something is really up with me” was his.

Needless to say, I wasn’t surprised when in the next week, he asked for a few personal one-to-one sittings. The reality was this. Henry couldn’t find the time to grieve through that summer when his little girl arrived. He was in the throes of a male postpartum depression by identity and by circumstance. Identity loss, the crashing sound of ‘this is who I am’, his mind swallowed whole at any given present. His work world had imploded, the time had appeared nigh to set out on his own entrepreneurial path and give in his resignation. Now we were nine months down the road since he left the company he had worked for fifteen years.

Henry had built that place into what it was, he said with pride which explained the confidence behind quitting even though the baby was on its way. He had counted on being sought out, that the emails enquiring about his next steps would roll in, that he was somebody in the gallery business, that he’d surely be hunted after. He understood the summer would be absorbed by the baby and family, but he figured there’d be a rejuvenating and rebooting. He planned to launch a start-up company by the year’s end. Fair enough calculation, considering they were two parents to one baby and there’d be various family coming through the summer to the various homes they rented in France and Spain. But, the genesis of new family existence threw him, with it came an unexpected void that baby and his loving wife couldn’t save him from, except for those fleeting afternoons when they picnicked under the tree in the warm sun, it might have seemed to him, another reason to feel bad.

In the first one-to-one Henry took me back to his conviction as a young man, declaring how ‘I can’t take over the family business’. He crushed their hearts, he said of his parents. But, he would die were he to have done otherwise. He couldn’t do their business. He knew that then. There was something similar now. I pictured the amygdala doing its

brain configuring of the being trapped, about not being able to grow. To be or not to be free, is not a question. There is no not being free.

Something was different the next time I saw him. He was seeing and feeling an acceptance that now is not the time after all to start his own company but couldn’t understand why he wasn’t able to apply for any jobs in someone.

‘I am a self-made man’, he declared in a clear moment of confidence and I felt what this was meaning to him. I repeated it back to him several times, so that it was plain to see – ‘you are a self-made man! ‘I don’t know if you felt that just now,’ I said.

‘What is that?’ he asked.

‘When you said self-made, I felt something…Like that is it. That is you!’ He looked quizzically at me but I could see that he wanted to smile into being recognized and wanted to talk about this more.

Yes, there were pressures in life. From his family background and his education, one always works. From his future, his being 40+ years made him fear ahead to another next time, perhaps fifteen years down the road and the prospect of being out of work again then. He doesn’t want to be stuck, to have a “cap”, a ceiling above his head, to be bound to any life situation where he doesn’t feel alive and good in his work. Fair enough.

And work was important purpose in life. Henry had mentioned an identity crisis before on a few occasions. This could understandably hold anyone back from taking the next step. Who is it that is taking the next step?

There can’t be procrastination when you aren’t sure what is next, and the feeling guilty for not doing, when you don’t know what it is next that you should be doing, seems like something to see it for what it is. He mentioned feeling guilt for 40 minute nap he had taken in the afternoon the day before. There was so much out there in the work field that was changing fast. He knew there were many areas where he wasn’t sure about. He had been studying for his self-directed course in AI, wanting to learn about Chat GpT and found himself tired. Such was the context of the unforgivable nap.

‘There is no ceiling to learning’, putting that out there. ‘I wonder what Chat GpT might say to you in your predicament?’

‘How is that?’

‘What does a self-made man, with a nature and character, that needs to be free and to grow in their work, do when they reach a point at 40years old where they’re uncertain about what is next for them, feel a little vulnerable and are unclear how to proceed on generating ‘good feel’ momentum?’.

He smiled, motioned to grab something and asked me to repeat the question.

People hurt us, and unfortunately, we are bound to hurt others. It’s a vital part of the human experience. Believe it or not, life without pain, strife, and disappointment would be imbalanced. Life is about experiencing the good and the bad. The Yin and Yang. It is about appreciating our failures, as well as, our successes. It is about experiencing heartache, heartbreak, and love. Without experiencing some sort of conflict, strife, and disappointment, we would surely be maladjusted and ill-equipped to face life’s challenges. We are taught many lessons through obstacles, failures, and disappointments. Whether these occur because of our own mistakes or the mistakes of another, life requires that we endure hardships. It’s all about the human experience. Living life without opposition, conflict, and strife, is like riding a bicycle without peddling. Just like living life, we know that the peddling ultimately creates the momentum that we need to move forward. Naturally, peddling a bicycle only occurs through an individual’s ability to endure. As the old adage says, “No Pain, No Gain”.

Did you know that our physical health affects our psychological wellbeing? Research has long indicated that individuals who carry around baggage are more apt to have health related issues. These issues may stem from real harm to perceived harm. They may be fostered by something that we have done or that someone else has done. Either way, these issues have an ability of affecting your physical life and overall well-being. Research has clearly shown that individuals who have pent-up frustrations, anxieties, and disappointments are prone to develop major medical conditions. Furthermore, these same individuals are prone to develop a variety of mental health conditions as well. It is not a “win-win” solution, rather it’s a lose-lose proposition. Living life is about moving forward and we can only move forward if we are willing to let go of the chains that bind us.

There are obviously many theories and perspectives on the concept of forgiveness. Yet, while they may take different paths to achieve forgiveness, they almost always draw upon the same conclusion: forgiveness is an essential part of living life free of mental anguish, heartache and despair. It’s ultimately about releasing the wrongs and harms that have captivated your heart and mind. It’s about consciously and intentionally letting-go and moving forward. Whereas, the constant stress of anger and bitterness reaps havoc on your health and wellbeing. Not only is your immunity capable of being jeopardized, but you are at risk of developing multiple chronic health related issues, which may include: high blood pressure, chronic fatigue and sleep disorders, high cholesterol, diabetes, weight gain or loss, cognitive impairment and disorders, and of course, the risk of a heart-attack. As one might expect, these physiological changes have an ability of affecting one’s overall mental health as well.

On the flip-side, studies have also found that forgiveness is necessary to living a healthier life. There are many personal benefits to consciously releasing your mind and heart of past sorrows, pains, and heartaches. It’s about letting go and moving forward. It’s about allowing your mind to be free of the clutter that has long captivated it. Why are you allowing these messages to live rent free in your mind? How much longer are you going to dwell on the past?

Forgiveness is not only capable of providing you a clear consciousness, but it will improve many aspects of your life. When we hold onto bitterness and resentment, we are often outwardly displaying our inward mindset. Not only does it have an ability of affecting our physical and mental health, but it has an ability of affecting our personal relationships, friendships and support systems. Even within our own mind, it can create divides between us and others. Even if, these individuals had nothing to do with the past harm, they may feel the brunt of our inner pain and sorrow.

Forgiveness has an intrinsic way of restoring one’s faith and hope in humanity. It has an ability of restoring and cleansing our mind. Authenticity is essential! Authentic individuals are genuine and sincere with their personal desires. Sincerity goes a long ways when we have been wrong or been wronged by another. Sincerity is void of dishonestly or hypocrisy.

What if, we are not asking for forgiveness, but rather, we are expecting an apology? When we live in a world of expectations, we are priming our minds for disappointment. Rather than expecting an apology, you might consider living a life of unsolicited forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to reconcile with an individual, but it does mean that you have to move beyond the past. Forgiveness is as much about releasing your own mind, as it is about releasing the other person. If you can’t forgive, then you will live a life captivated by the past.

Please understand that I am not implying that everyone deserves our forgiveness, but rather we deserve to have the ability to let go of the past. Forgiveness has as much to do with the person who has harmed us, as it has to do with our own personhood.

Forgiveness is an active form of communication. Are you consciously and unconsciously conveying contrition rather than retribution? Are you consciously and unconsciously conveying acceptance rather than rejection? It’s sometimes about loving another person despite themselves. Forgiveness occurs through our willingness to let go and move forward. Forgiveness occurs when we no longer choose to cling to the past. It’s about letting go of past grudges, anger, failure, resentment, and bitterness. It’s about allowing our bodies and minds to move beyond the bondage of harm. Most of all, do not expect that others should forgive you, but be certain to forgive yourself. It’s about the inner dialogue that we choose to entertain. What dialogue are you entertaining?

Older adults are more active, more mobile, more engaged and more energetic than previous generations. Their vitality may be explained through a variety of factors including a well established support system. Research conducted by Cigna healthcare (2024) “which was based on a survey of more than 10,000 adults of all ages, found that seniors have the highest average vitality score of any age group (71.5 vs. 67.2 for all adults). Even people a few years younger – 63 and 64 – tend to have lower vitality, with an average score of 68.9.” Surprisingly, adults between the ages of 18-24 scored the lowest at 64.4. Whereas, adults between 25-34 scored 66.5; 35-49 scored 66.8; and adults between 50-64 scored 66.0.

Cigna’s findings are fascinating to say the least, but what was it about these adults that caused them to stand out from younger generations. According to Cigna, they are typically more concerned about making healthier life choices. They are often capable of making healthier decisions, as far as, eating a well-balanced diet of fruits and vegetables, sleep habits, and they are free to come and go as they please. They have fewer stressors related to job performance and academic endeavors. Thus, the lifestyle and habits of an older and more mature adult offers something for younger generations to consider.

The Downside of Growing Older

The downside of growing older is that we begin to lose individuals close to us, our loved ones, our friends, and our community. The greatest challenge for many is losing their primary support system. A primary support system is a group of individuals with which we connect throughout the span of our life: this group may include our family, friends, and peers.  Support systems act like glue reinforcing, supporting, and solidifying an individual. Without these proper support system in place, an individual may feel isolated, afraid, and intolerably alone. The lack of proper support systems exposes the individual to bouts of depression, feelings of isolation, and having a lower quality of life and perspective therein.

The Upside of Aging

The upside of aging is life itself. Whether you want to admit it, or not, you’ve been blessed with the gift of living a long life. Why then, not contribute something of yourself unto others? Why withdraw your knowledge, your talents, and your achievements? You have so much to offer of yourself. You have life experiences and influence that a younger individual has yet to develop. You have the ability to see life from a different perspective. Your worldview and personal insights may shed light on a variety of issues. While you may not completely understand or relate to all of the new trends, your background and knowledge set may offer a unique point-of-view on up-and-coming trends. Life is a constant continuum cycling from one generation to the next. It’s important to recognize that each generation harbors something of worth, knowledge, and substance. It’s not all about volunteering or offering of your time, but to isolate yourself from others, has its drawbacks.

The Benefits of a Healthy Support System

The benefits of a healthy support system are acceptance, fulfillment and overall satisfaction. The very definition and understanding of a support system may vary from person to person. Likewise, these systems may even vary as we age. Even the makeup and design of such a support system will undoubtedly be a reflection of our personal backgrounds, cultures, heritages, gender, and race. Let’s not forget that those  backgrounds will be heavily influenced by our religious and political ideologies. However, it is not to say that your circle of friends and support system cannot be diverse and inclusive, because some of the best friendships start with diversity of thoughts, interests and perspectives. 

Research has shown that having a healthy support system is vital for living a productive and fulfilled life. There are many benefits that come with having a healthy support system. Unfortunately, when we are aging the selection of friendships begins to thin out, leaving us with fewer connections over time. Many older individuals begin to withdraw and isolate from the outside world. This allows for such individuals to dwell on their past mistakes, errors, and troubles in life. They dwell on feelings of inadequacy and unfamiliarity. They dwell on, life, its fairness and the unfairness. We find ourselves connecting with fewer and fewer individuals.

Life isn’t perfect so let’s not allow the past to divert us from living in the moment. Not unlike our youth, as we age we are presented with a whole new learning curve. It’s about accepting our past failures and successes and the good and the bad. It’s about accepting our inner person. It’s about accepting what we have become and are capable of becoming. It’s about moving beyond the mistakes that we have made in this life. Remember that if we are fortunate enough to keep working throughout the span of our lives, then we have a built-in community of support. But I plead with you, do not compromise your own sense of integrity to have others in your life. Do not lay aside your long-held moral compass for a fractured compass that does not resemble your own moral and ethical standards. Not unlike our youth, the elder years will be about figuring out what we believe and why we believe, what we believe.

As a clinician, I have spoken with a variety of individuals over the years who have indicated feeling alone, isolated, and disposed of. There are those who have physical and mental health challenges that prevent them from living an active life. These issues may prevent them from being out-and-about, but it shouldn’t prevent them engaging with others and asking for others to reach out. Even if, an individual has no current social support system, there are resources that can be called upon and on behalf of the individual. It’s important to remember that research has clearly shown that staying active is key to living a more productive and healthier life. It’s not all about volunteering or offering of your time, but do not isolate yourself from others, because isolation has its drawbacks.

For those who are unsure of what to do next, I highly recommend that you consider volunteering for yourself and your time. Think of it this way, it’s a definite win-win. By volunteering, you will have a window of influence and you may have an opportunity to learn from others. I have no doubt that you will establish a new network of friends. It’s not uncommon to hear of elderly individuals volunteering throughout the span of their community. By the way, there are individuals volunteering in their local schools, hospitals, fire and ambulance departments, and religious venues. The volunteering does not end there, because I personally know of individuals who have volunteered in the gathering of the census, stats, and poll information. It is not uncommon for the elderly to find their groove by volunteering on behalf of the election processes, candidates, and political organizations. Please understand that this message is to encourage you and to uplift you. I am not saying that volunteering will be-all and end-all, but it’s one way in which you may establish a community. Remember this, volunteering is a win-win. You are not only offering your time, knowledge and efforts, but you are adding quality to your own life by being surrounded by others.

Imagine with me for a moment, a world where your conscious and unconscious minds are subjected to think on your past mistakes. Day in and day out, you are bombarded by the clanging symbols of your personal errors in life. To society, your mistakes may be considered of an egregious nature or they may be relatively harmless, but you are now incarcerated. The outside world sees you as a menace and you are no longer welcome to roam among the living. It’s a
world that has been intentionally designed to break you, as a person. It’s a world invested in making you pay the ultimate price, for your crimes against humanity.

Prisons are a dichotomy of rules and lawlessness. As a clinical psychologist and chaplain, I have had first hand experience of what it is to be behind the walls of a prison. I have spent an untold amount of time within the confines of both prisons and jails. Deep within these barbaric fortresses, there are few amenities and definitely no luxuries. It’s undeniably a surreal and a deplorable environment. Many of the facilities are considered to be “state of the art,” yet the advancements are seldom intended on improving the prisoner’s life, but rather they are focused on the containment.

Prisons are institutions unlike few others. These correctional facilities are designed to incarcerate and rehabilitate. It’s within the confines of these walls that these institutions frequently fail to rehabilitate and restore an individual, but rather they perpetuate an environment unfavorable to growth and maturation.

As a prisoner, you have no individual autonomy. Your freedoms have been vanquished and you are, for all intensive purposes, a ward of the state. You have no freedoms, no rights, no ability to make personal decisions. Essentially, you have no stakes in this thing that we call life. You are reduced to an animal in captivity and nothing more. It’s a deranged way of treating someone and it is inhumane. There is seldom any compassion, any empathy, and most commonly, a lack of a healthy community. It may not surprise you to learn that the rate of recidivism is an ever-growing population of people who offended and reoffend. Often, these individuals are at odds with life outside of the prison.

The psychological impact of incarceration can leave a dire impression on an individual’s life. These dire impressions are often invisible, but commonly witnessed through negative shifts within an individual’s personality. The severity of these shifts increases the longer the individual is confined within the walls of a prison. Prison life not only has an ability of transforming an individual’s personality, but it has a tremendous impact upon the wellbeing of the person. Research has clearly shown that the longer an individual is incarcerated, the greater the probability that they may develop significant mental health issues. Institutionally, prisons have been designed to isolate, punish, and of course, ideally rehabilitate, but they are the perfect breeding ground for psychological conditions. These issues are exacerbated by the environment with which this population lives. It is common for a majority of prisoners to feel stress and anxiety related to their personal safety and wellbeing. The longer someone is imprisoned, the more profound the psychological stress.

Prison life alone can exacerbate any underlying condition, but separate an individual from their primary social support system and you will add fuel to the fire. It’s the lack of healthy relationships and social support that will often do in an inmate. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, CDC, “Social isolation and loneliness have been linked to increased risk for: heart disease and stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression and anxiety, addiction, suicidality and self-harm, dementia, and earlier death”. Remove an individual from their sense of community and you deny them the right to bond, connect, and commune with others. Undeniably, not all social support systems are healthy nor are they ideal ingredients for improving an individual’s life, but seldom are these perspectives even considered. Research has repeatedly shown that social isolation in itself, can prove the gateway to a number of psychological conditions.

While social isolation is one of many key risk factors behind inmates developing mental health conditions, it’s the individuals with which they are isolated from, that makes all the difference. As you can imagine, the level of intimacy and the relationship itself, can play a significant role in the feelings of separation. For some, they may have very little feelings of distress or anxiety about being separated. For others, they may feel a heavy burden related to the absence of significant relationships in their lives. Likewise, it is important to mention that one’s psychological diagnostics, can have a tremendous impact on how they relate to such a separation.

Social isolation maybe one of the key factors, but it’s the lack of personal autonomy, that can leave an individual with feelings of helplessness and utter despair. It’s the inability to declare oneself an independent thinker, that can prove the most intolerable aspect of prison life. When you compound the social isolation with an individual’s inability to prove autonomous, you create the perfect environment for a mental health condition. Personal autonomy is more than making individual choices for one’s life, rather it is also about having the freedom to think, ponder, hope and dream. It’s important to understand that prisons serve a purpose within our society, but remove an individual’s ability to think, ponder, hope, and dream and you ultimately remove their ability to thrive.

Prison systems are complex environments brimming with a plethora of negative consequences including: social isolation and lack of social supports, inadequate physical and mental healthcare, lack of meaningful and lasting relationships, the feelings of being constantly watched by guards and the eye in the sky, mandatory solitude, constant violence and the probability of violence occurring, overcrowding, the uncertainties about the future, and even the inhumane aspects of a prison, can create havoc with one’s perspectives and worldviews.

According to research by Timothy G. Edgemon and Jody Clay-Warner, “Not only do many prison inmates suffer from mental health difficulties, but incarceration itself increases the risk of certain mental health disorders” (Edgemon & Clay-Warner, 2019). Prisons are institutions of depravity, instability and a lack of opportunity. Research has clearly shown that the longer an individual is incarcerated, the more likely they are to develop a significant psychological condition. Unfortunately, prisons are less about rehabilitating and more about confinement.

Inmates are not only faced with a barrage of issues on the inside, but once out, they face countless challenges and hurdles that they’ll need to overcome. Just in case you were unfamiliar with the outcome, post-incarceration is a continuation of an inmate’s time served. Many will find it difficult to obtain a driver’s license, housing, financial assistance, and employment prospects. Therefore, many inmates fall back on a life of crime, because they feel as though they have no skills or options to live their life. As a natural consequence of living in prison, they may have obtained new tricks of the trade and may utilize these assets to survive and often provide for their own. Let’s not forget, that a countless number of inmates were exposed to the most egregious side of life, thus it is not uncommon that they may have developed a severe mental health condition. Sadly, they are seldom rehabilitated or granted an opportunity to move beyond the life that they are familiar with. As such, the rate of recidivism will remain high and prisons will often be their second home.

[War] strips us of the later accretions of civilization, and lays bare the primal man in each of us. It compels us once more to be heroes who cannot believe in their own death; it stamps strangers as enemies, whose death is to be brought about or desired; it tells us to disregard the death of those we love.

Sigmund Freud, 1915

In recent years, conversations about wars, and rumors of war, have increased exponentially. The water cooler conversations are no longer saturated with dialogue about the latest game, family or friends, rather they are conversations that involve discussions of war and the probability of war. As a global community, we are no longer sheltered by the convenience of being off in the distance, rather we receive our news instantaneously. We receive such egregious messages and are expected to digest them in the same breath. We are well aware that our ideological perspectives vary drastically from one corner of the world to the next. We have leaders who are pro-war and pro-armament; then there are the leaders who are antiwar and advocate against such drastic actions. The psychological ramifications of these conversations have been taking a noticeable toll on our society. As a society, it is difficult to avoid conversations about war, warmongering, antiwar and the very real possibility, that our children may one day become involved in such an unfavourable conflict.

What is it that drives war? Obviously, there are a variety of reasons and rationales behind a country entering war. Wars are seldom fought over insignificant issues, but most commonly occur because of geopolitical and religious ideological perspectives. Ironically, you seldom hear of wars being fought to defend race, sex, gender or economic hardships of the downtrodden. For the majority of wars, they are often fought over political, economic, and religious ideologies.

As a global community, we have become immersed with the 24 hour news cycle. As such, war is ticking away every moment of the day. War is on the minds and hearts of nearly every person that you encounter. Whether they are pro-war or antiwar, the psychological ramifications of being so deeply entrenched has had a dire effect on the mental health and wellbeing of our society.

In the 1945 Charter of the United Nations, there were decrees and resolutions drafted declaring what justifies a declaration of war. The UN was desperate to create measures to prevent future catalysts of hate and tyrants from ruling countries in the future. The UN had created a number of guidelines divulging what they consider appropriate and inappropriate in a time of armed conflicts. Most of all, they were concerned about protecting the wellbeing and health of all global citizens.

Undoubtedly, the effect of war has a way of fracturing the very fabric of our collective mental health. When there is war, we all suffer. War knows no victors and has no allies. Yet, there are times that war must proceed and conflicts must escalate.

The impact of war on mental health has only begun to be fully understood. War does not only impact the soldiers and those leading such operations, but it has an ability of vicariously impacting the mental health of all who are directly and indirectly associated with the war. Notably, you may not be even living in a war torn country to be affected. Research has shown that the more media that you consume of a war or a hostile action, the greater the likelihood that you will be severely impacted. The vicarious implications may creep up on you subtly, but the long-term effects have a way of mimicking firsthand experiences.

According to the World Health Organization, the United Nations has suggested that “there are more people living with mental disorders in areas affected by conflict than we previously thought – many more. One person in five is living with some form of mental disorder, from mild depression or anxiety to psychosis. Worse, almost 1 in 10 is living with a moderate or severe mental disorder” (World Health Organization, 2023). For far too long, a shadow has been cast over the egregious affects of war. For those directly and indirectly impacted, war has a way of injecting itself into the lives of its victims. The physiological and psychological repercussions of war should always be considered when entering a conflict.

The implications of war on soldiers has been well-documented since the early 1900’s, but the implications on the noncombatants and civilians has been lackluster. We know that war has a way of severely impacting an individual’s sense of self. The cognitive implications are indisputable. The physical ramifications are incomprehensible. Furthermore, it has been well-documented that soldiers are traumatically effected by a number of variables, including: witnessing friends and comrades being killed; the death of noncombatants and civilians; and witnessing an enemy combatant being killed. As soldiers, you are not only witnessing wartime casualties, but there is extensive research that proves you will be impacted by what you have witnessed for years to come. Furthermore, research has clearly indicated that the health implications for a soldier are often masked by their own ideological perspectives of the job. Similar to first responders, soldiers have a difficult time expressing a need to be helped. For many, it is a sign of weakness and many refrain from expressing their personal vulnerability. For others, they may fear losing out on a promotion, if something is placed on their military record.

As a society, we must remember that war knows no allies. We seldom consider the outlying implications of war, but these implications have a direct bearing on an individual’s ability to thrive and survive. When a country has endured a war, the ramifications last long beyond the final battle. The economic repercussions alone can cripple a nation. The evidence is clear, when a country that has endured a war, the ramifications trickle down to those who are most vulnerable.

The most vulnerable are seldom considered when the rumblings of war occur. According to the National Institutes of Health, “The direct correlation between the degree of trauma and the amount of the psychological problems is consistent across a number of studies. The greater the exposure to trauma – both physical and psychological – the more pronounced are the symptoms.” Psychologically, trauma leaves an impression upon the mind and physiological makeup of each person it encounters. Regardless of one’s age or intellectual quotient, we know that the ramifications of being exposed to a traumatic event can leave a deep and lasting impression.

There is consistent evidence that indicates that those involved in a conflict can improve. The implications of war does not have to be the endgame for an individual. Whether you are, or you have served as a soldier, there is hope on your horizon. Moreover, studies have indicated that those who are, or were, victims of war are capable of minimizing the consequences of trauma. The truth is, the greatest obstacle in minimizing the effect of exposure is the lag time between the event and the care. Please do not avoid asking for help. The immediacy of care is of the utmost importance. There are a variety of treatment interventions that are capable of helping individuals recover from a traumatic experience. Please do not delay seeking advice or care.