Author Archives: Guest

Understanding Elementary School Boys

Posted by: Guest on April 15, 2011 9:57 am

 

Last week at an early childhood development conference in Squamish, B.C., I had the pleasure of listening to a deeply thoughtful and engaging keynote address given by Barry Macdonald.   An experienced educator, school counsellor and clinical counsellor, Barry champions the proper understanding of boys, and challenges the ways schools interpret and deal with their behaviours.   His thoughts made me reflect on my own observations with what works and does not work for boys in the classroom and in schools in general.

The Boy Code – Research shows that boys are socialized to adhere to a strict ‘boy code’ beginning as early as infancy.[1][2] This code celebrates toughness and bravery, and scorns displays of emotional vulnerability.   Anger is one of the few emotions many boys feel safe showing.    Female teachers in particular are prone to misreading this anger.   Unfamiliar with the harsh reality of the boy code, they often take an outburst of anger at face value, interpreting it as a challenge to their authority, and failing to see the hurt and sadness that lies beneath.   Once made aware of this, teachers often begin to understand their boys’ ‘misbehaviours’ in a much more tolerant, compassionate light.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Part 2 of the High Road: How Mirror Neurons Play a Role in Helping to Understand our Children’s Emotions

Posted by: Guest on April 14, 2011 3:24 pm

Why is it that we can be having a perfectly good day as a parent juggling life: kids, their homework and school commitments, play dates and activity schedules, up keep of the house, the dog, work demands, etc, and then we can come in the door from any of the 95 places we often squeeze into our day before 10am, and sometimes we are even miraculously unstressed, unfettered, in fact in a good mood. We are pretty much, super hero parents on theses days! And then we return home. The change that sweeps over us is like a large meteor falling from the sky of significant weight crashing in at astonishing speeds; our children have turned us completely mad! Mad like crazy people mad, as well as mad like angry raging mad! Seems rather unfair. What just happened?

Well, our brains are equipped with these fancy things called mirror neurons. Usually they are quite a helpful group. Explained, they are  “monkey see, monkey do” neurons. Mirror neurons function to prepare to mimic someone else’s intentional action. For example if you stick your tongue out a few times at a newborn (don’t let the mother see you do this, she may think you are mean and odd) that newborn will do the same thing back to you. Fabulous party trick. Or, when you see someone yawn you often have to suppress yourself from yawning. So these neurons are really helpful when it comes to motor learning.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Sink in the Counselling Room

Posted by: Guest on April 13, 2011 1:57 pm

We are exposed to a high level of helplessness in the therapeutic profession. A counsellor not only must witness but also bear her client’s suffering when they feel the most exposed, lonely, ashamed, and scared. In cross-cultural counselling, feelings of loss of the homeland and ambiguity about starting out in Canada permeate the lives of newcomers in profound ways. I remember a recently immigrated family when they had their first appointment with me. At that time, I had a very small office with a sink in it – I would try not to pay attention to it as I was slightly ashamed I had a sink in my office. It was, after all, the sink in the counselling room.

Soon after they arrived, the father glanced at the sink, then back at me and by the time he sat down, we were all laughing about this displaced item in my office.

Sometime during the session, the father said he missed having a good laugh. In the midst of trying to settle into the new life in Canada, he had become really busy and there was no space or friends yet to share a good belly laugh with. He asked if I knew what he was talking about. I shared with him that I remember it being a while after I came to live here that I had that kind of experience. I was not only consumed with trying to understand how things worked most of the time, but was also dealing with my own feelings of loss.

I find there is something very touching about a family who unties from their cultural context and sets out to start over in a new country. As they go about everyday tasks, the ‘everyday’ is so foreign that all that is left are the ‘tasks’ – the space of leisure may become forgotten or delayed until things get organized. As I sit with such clients, I am always reminded of how delicate the work of re-planting a whole family in new soil is. But it is the powerful, resilient force of life they bring that will fertilize it and bring the laughter back.

Bianca Buteri, M.A., M.Ed., is a Child and Youth Mental Health counsellor, working with diverse and mainstream clients in Metro Vancouver, BC. She became a Canadian citizen and busy mom in 2010 and shares her time with her husband and 11-month-old daughter.




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Diagnosing with Drawstrings

Posted by: Guest on April 12, 2011 9:04 am

Most times when clients and I meet for the first time, I may conduct a few informal assessments in order to get a better sense of what we are dealing with.  In the past I’ve not focused on categorizing clients into one category or another, partly because I’ve questioned the need but also because I’ve not had the proper assessment tools to do so.  As time passes, I’ve realized that formal diagnoses are sometimes necessary not only to guide my treatment plans, but also to communicate with other health professionals to coordinate services.

I recently took part in a training session of the Diagnostic Drawing Series (DDS), developed in 1982.  Barry Cohen, the primary creator of the DDS was the lead trainer, and described how it is one, if not the only empirically validated and reliable assessment tool that uses drawings to diagnose some of the conditions categorized in the DSM-IV.  The DDS is supported by over 30 years of research, which has not only been replicated numerous times in North America, but also in many countries across the world.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Stuck In The Middle

Posted by: Guest on April 7, 2011 4:13 pm

I never planned on being a Middle School Counsellor. Having taught in High School for the majority of my teaching career, I had never considered a middle school counseling position. But as I was ready to step into counselling, the high school positions were nonexistent so I left the known security of senior high and stepped into the waters of middle school.

That was eight years ago, and here I am stuck in a middle school.

Feeling stuck is an appropriate metaphor as it encompasses the feelings and experiences of many of the adolescents I encounter. Students are striving for independence and freedom. They desire choices yet are consistently frustrated by the rules and constraints that surround them, both at home and at school. Students are struggling to define themselves and to discover their own identity amongst the pressures of their peers.

Relationships with peers at school and online are a constant challenge. School itself is a struggle for some and not challenging enough for others.

School can seem like a never-ending journey where planning for the future seems unnecessary as it feels light years away. Students can become so focused and fixated on the details of an incident, that they seem incapable of stepping back to see the bigger picture or others’ perspectives. Today’s mishaps and misunderstandings are experienced as great catastrophes.

Although initially I too, felt stuck in the middle, I now see myself choosing to remain. Middle school has provided me with a myriad of opportunities for learning and practicing to be a better counsellor. Each year has brought a new set of students and a new set of challenges. Although the themes are consistent: self-esteem, social skills, friendship, bullying, social networking, anxiety, and home concerns, each year is unique. Through individual and group sessions or classroom and school wide guidance programming, I have opportunities to teach and connect with adolescents without the rigors of assessment and evaluation. It offers flexibility and challenges my creativity. I am hopeful my students too, become unstuck and discover the countless opportunities that middle school can provide.

Over my next few blogs I’ll elaborate on why I find being a middle school counsellor a rewarding profession. I will share my top tips for those stuck in middle school like me. I also invite you to share your successes and strategies.






*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

How To Take The High Road With Your Kids When The Low Road Is All You Can See

Posted by: Guest on April 1, 2011 9:14 am

Do you ever feel like pulling your hair out when you are trying to get your child to take Tylenol for a high fever and they are refusing adamantly? Or you are trying to have a short phone conversation and you are interrupted 2000 times by a tiny human that “needs to find his Darth Vader action figure NOW”? Or the weather-appropriate clothes that you were summoned to advise upon, and mother nature would agree should be worn on this 10 below day, are being cast aside for a tank top, capri’s and a shiny pair of flats have become the insanity inducing attire? And through it all, getting to your 9:15am meeting that you begged to have pushed back so you can gently and lovingly drop your kids off at school, as opposed to ejecting them from the car, is now history!

You know this scene. All parents do. We start out with the best intentions (we always do); we are on the high road or as Daniel Siegel (physician and author of Parenting From the Inside Out) calls it, the “High mode.” This type of functioning or “processing” as Siegel refers to, gets the name due to the part of the brain that is in the top front, called the prefrontal cortex. When we are processing in the high mode, we are engaging our rational mind, we are able to be reflective, flexible, and have a sense of self-awareness of how we are being received. In this mode, we can moderate the tone and volume of our voice, speak with love and kindness to our children, use open body language and offer mutually respectful and dignified choices for our children to respond to as well as relevant and related consequences can be used should they become needed. In this mode, we are the parent we want to be. So what happens?

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Counselling in Elementary Schools: The Tension Between Ideals and Practice

Posted by: Guest on March 31, 2011 2:59 pm

I did my training in school counselling at OISE/UT in 2006. It provided me with a broad, rich background in a whole host of theoretical orientations and modalities. It also reaffirmed some of the deeply held beliefs I held about the importance of trust in healing relationships.   But what it did not, and perhaps could not, provide me with was a full appreciation of the difficulties I might encounter in trying to apply those values and  principles to the real-world setting of an elementary school. Below are a few examples of what I mean.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

A Multicultural Tale of Mistrust

Posted by: Guest on March 29, 2011 1:39 pm

“And you will not put the mental illness on my son…” said the woman with a heavy African accent and an angry voice. That was a message left over the weekend on my work phone. A few weeks into my new job as a multicultural liaison for an agency in greater Vancouver, this was what I encountered on a Monday morning, as I arrived at my office. The woman was a recent refugee from Africa. She came with her baby and a boy in Grade 3 – my client.   This boy was having a lot of trouble in school; he would not stay in class, but wander around the patio sometimes leaving school grounds, often showing aggression towards other students during recess. Various staff had attempted to make contact with him but he would withdraw, hiding under tables and hugging himself as he rocked back and fourth.

I had a meeting on Friday with the school counsellor, teacher, school liaison, my client’s mother and grandmother, and  the mother had agreed that her son would start seeing me.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Creativity: Is it in all of us?

Posted by: Guest on March 28, 2011 10:32 am

I am very excited to be writing my first blog entry for Counselling Connect.  Every two weeks I’ll be bringing you information and opinions about Creative Arts Therapies including best practices, tips, techniques and news from the art therapy community in Canada and around the world.  Many people in the counselling field have heard of art therapy but are still not quite sure what it entails.  I look forward to sharing this wonderful and creative therapeutic modality with all of you.

Art therapists help individuals explore their feelings and emotions using a variety of materials.  In my practice, clients have the option of choosing paints, pastels, markers, clay, fabric, collage materials and repurposed every day objects amongst other things. They often begin with art materials they are comfortable with but with gentle encouragement, others begin to explore new ways of expressing themselves.  It is often an enlightening, exciting and safe experience for clients.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

I Don’t Care and I Don’t Want To: An Intervention for Apathetic Youth (Part 1), by Chris Dasch

Posted by: Guest on March 18, 2011 10:36 am

This is an article reposted from our Newsletter “Cognica” – Fall 2010 Edition

Introduction

I want to share with you one brilliant, yet perplexing interaction I recently had with a student.  While working on trying to foster a relationship with one of my particularly unmotivated and disengaged students, we had shared many conversations together, and had come to the point where we could openly and honestly look at his behaviour and comment on the apathetic nature of much of it.  I had tried in many ways to engage and motivate this student, both from an academic standpoint, and an emotional one.  Towards the end of one of our conversations, he very eloquently stated the following paraphrased idea:

” I know that you are trying to help me Mr. D., but have you ever thought that maybe you are the one that needs the help. I look around and I see a lot of people stressed and upset.  They’re always working or fighting or tired, and I don’t really want to be like that… at all.  Even you seem pretty burnt out sometimes.  The way I do things, there is no stress.  I don’t worry and I enjoy myself a lot more than a lot of the people around me, especially my family.  Maybe you guys got it all wrong.  Maybe you need to be more like me. ”

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA