Tag Archives: self-esteem

Compulsive Texting

Posted by: Dawn Schell on November 4, 2015 2:52 pm

It started out innocently enough. A teacher asking students to put their phones away and focus on what was happening in the class. One of the students said she felt “anxious” about not having access to her phone. Other students echoed her sentiment. The teacher was flexible enough to engage in the conversation and ask them to explain. The conclusion – some students said not being able to text at any given moment or to check their messages left them feeling nervous, anxious, worried. Naturally this concerned the teacher.

Now I don’t mean this to come across as yet another adult shaking her finger at the younger generation and saying they have it all wrong. When someone says NOT doing something leaves them feeling anxious I think it merits further exploration.

A recent study published in the Psychology of Popular Media Culture journal (http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/ppm-ppm0000100.pdf) looked at the role “compulsive texting behaviour” plays in students’ academic functioning. The research focused on assessing what counts as “compulsive texting” as well as three components of academic functioning (grades, social bonding and perceived academic competence). While the study was conducted with a relatively small number of Grade 8 & 11 students (n=403) and is based on self-reporting it’s worth having a closer look at their results.

The first step was to create a measure for compulsive texting that is similar to one used for Compulsive Internet Use (Young, K.S. 1998). They wanted to assess for: interference with tasks, cognitive preoccupation and concealment, all potential indicators of compulsivity. Their research showed a high internal consistency for their Compulsive Texting Scale.

The authors measured frequency of texting, compulsive texting, academic adjustment, and gender differences. They found:

Females had higher levels of compulsive texting than males (12% vs. 3%)
“It appears it is the compulsive nature of texting – not the sheer frequency – that is problematic”
There is a relationship between compulsive texting and poorer academic functioning for females and not for males

Hmm. Now that is interesting!

The authors go on to speculate about potential explanations for females being more susceptible to compulsive texting behaviour. They point to research that indicates “females are more likely than males to engage in rumination or obsessive, preoccupied thinking” (see study for details). They also are “more likely to focus their intimacy in interpersonal relationships than males”. Which may mean the content of their texts may be more “distracting or interfering than the texts males receive”.

The researchers discuss the limitations of their study and conclude with a reminder that texting can have potential benefits as well. It’s like anything really – when the use becomes compulsive that’s when we need to find ways to address it.

Dawn M. Schell, MA, CCC, CCDP is an affiliate of Worldwide Therapy Online, Inc. http://www.therapyonline.ca

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Dealing with Difficult People

Posted by: Trudi Wyatt on July 23, 2015 12:24 pm

Many people come to psychotherapy due to frustrations in dealing with “difficult people” in their day-to-day lives – family and extended family members, colleagues, fellow TTC passengers, etc. On this topic of dealing with difficult people, I recently listened to Louisa Jewell, President of the Canadian Positive Psychology Association, interview David J. Pollay, MAPP and author of “The Law of the Garbage Truck: How to Stop People from Dumping on You”(1). Some of the content of that interview is shared here.

Mr. Pollay explains that while we sometimes allow other people to “dump their emotional garbage” on us, allowing this – taking it personally, giving meaning to what they say, absorbing the words – can weigh us down and make us unhappy. He points out that even seemingly small/insignificant garbage – everyday “hassles” such as criticisms and complaints – can have a negative impact on our health, and lure us away from focusing on what is truly meaningful to us in our lives.

Mr. Pollay was inspired to write this book when he encountered a New York City Taxi driver who, having been cut off and then yelled at by the very driver who cut him off, just smiled and waved at this other driver, and moved on. In turn, Mr. Pollay now suggests that people remind themselves that, “I am not a garbage truck. I do not accept negative emotional garbage I can’t control and dump it on others.”

Of course choosing not to engage in others’ garbage offloads is not as easy as 1-2-3! But with practice, and in time, it can potentially save a lot of energy.

Other strategies provided by Mr. Pollay for this sort of challenge include: Asking the person dumping his garbage on you if he would like a chance to vent, as this question tends to slow the person down; reducing your interactions with this person; and/or, when you catch someone who often dumps her garbage on you acting kindly towards you, notice it, point it out, and mention how much you appreciate this behaviour over when she’s picking on you.

Trudi Wyatt, MA, RP, CCC is a Registered Psychotherapist and Canadian Certified Counsellor in Private Practice in downtown Toronto. She has been practising for six years and currently works with individual adults on a variety of life challenges such as depression, anger management, post-traumatic stress disorder, relationships, and career direction.

References:
1. 14 May 2015 Louisa Jewell interview with David J. Pollay: Dealing with Difficult People.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Lack of Self-Esteem

Posted by: Hailing Huang on April 17, 2015 12:27 pm

2 Replies

In January 15 2015, I wrote an article: Emotional Health, reflecting on two Chinese international students who committed suicide during their second year of school. The two students were Yuan Yuan, and Guo Yanjun. Yuan, a young woman in her early 20’s from Nangjing China, was in her second year of an economics degree at Amsterdam University. Guo, a 28 year old, who immigrated to America in 2001, graduated with an Honors BSc in 2006, worked in investment banking in New York, then registered at MIT, majoring in management – a journey much admired by many Chinese families.

Unfortunately, on January 27, 2015, another 20 year old Chinese international student named Wang Lu Chang a math major at Yale University, was successful in her suicide attempt. These young students all exhibited excellent academic performance records, hard work, and were achievement driven; in the eyes of an outsider, they all would have a bright future. While we are sadly mourning these young lives, it also causes us to question: What kind of pain was so heavy that it caused them to choose to end their own life?

My previous article looked at this issue from an emotional health perspective; I thought it was the taboo of depression, suicidal thoughts and loneliness that blocked them from seeking help. It was the negative emotions that confounded their thoughts and their mobility, blocked their view to finding a way out; since most people see vulnerability as shame. Neither failure nor misfortunes are supposed to be disclosed or shared with others, even with family members. Lacking the knowledge and skills to deal with negative emotions becomes an obstacle to reaching out and asking for help.

Then, recently, I have come to realize that there could be a deeper reason for their taking their own lives: lack of Self – Esteem. In order to learn new knowledge and skills, they first have to believe in themselves and trust that there is a way out, and are willing to try. Without confidence and beliefs, they would not reach out. Even if the resources are there, they won’t be able to recognize and seize it.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

How to Reduce Anxiety and Enhance Self-Esteem through Personal Mastery

Posted by: Reena Sandhu on April 18, 2014 10:54 am

1 Reply

Anxiety may profoundly affect an individual’s sense of self. For example, children and adults who continuously fail at a task may eventually learn to believe that they are a failure at that task, and extend that belief to thinking that they are ultimately a failure as a person. These individuals use more shame-based talk (“I am a failure”) and attack their self-worth, instead of using guilt-based talk (“I did something bad”) that speaks about their behavior. Consequently, their self-esteem may be impacted in the process due to internalizing messages of self-deficiency. Many researchers have found self-esteem to be directly correlated to a sense of personal mastery. Personal mastery is more than just the discipline of personal growth and learning what we are good at, it starts by clarifying what really matters most to us and focusing our energies on creating that picture. Children and adults who learn that they “can do” eventually try new activities without the fear of failure. According to this theory, if we can identify what we are good at and accordingly, accomplish a sense of personal mastery in it, it will impact our self-esteem. Positive psychologists have found that identifying strengths is a major contributor to our well-being. Both identifying our strengths and using them has been found to increase individuals’ sense of happiness. Thus, the key to enhancing our self-esteem rests in our ability to identify our strengths.

Below are list of ideas and resources to help identify and cultivate your signature strengths:

Find and Use Your Top Strength– Fill out the VIA character of signature strengths and use one top strength each day: http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/Default.aspx

Volunteer- Find a volunteer opportunity that speaks to your interests.

Watch for Signs of Excitement– When you engage in an activity, your excitement will become apparent through your body language. Your pupils may dilate, your body language may be more open, and your speech may get faster. You’re more alive and motivated when you’re using your core strengths.

Reflect- At the end of each day ask yourself, “What are three things that went well today?”

Set Yourself up Success- Instead of creating a “to do list” create an “I did it list”.

By Dr. Reena Sandhu

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

How Intimate Are You?

Posted by: Hailing Huang on September 28, 2012 4:09 pm

2 Replies

Intimacy and Personality Type

At Tuesday’s meeting, one of the counsellors brought up this question: if intimacy enhances a couple’s relationship, then how about the relationship with ourselves- the intra-intimacy? And will this type of intra-intimacy help us to build our inter-intimate (couple’s) relationship? This is an interesting question, which leads me to think about what is the definition of intimacy and what is the intra -intimacyship with ourselves?

One of the senior counsellors defined intimacy as: ‘within a relationship, a person’s openness and honesty comes from four perspectives: the mind, heart, body and soul with his/her spouse. The openness and honesty are the keys in couple’s relationship.’ I think this rule can also be applied to intra-intimacy as well. Are we being honest and open mind with our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors? Or do we even know how we feel, think or behave?

In her book “Revolution Come from Within”, Gloria Steinem disclosed that after she wrote the first two hundred pages of the book, she asked a friend who happened to be a family therapist to review it. Her friend commented: “Gloria, you have a self-esteem problem, you forgot to put yourself in.” Gloria Steinem had self-esteem issues!!! ??? Gloria Steinem, a pioneer advocate of the women’s rights movement during the 60’s and 70’s, and also had been named one of the ten most confident women in the United States by “ The Keri Report” . Isn’t it an ironic comment? It seems success does not lead to healthy self–esteem.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Emphasis on Fitness

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on April 24, 2012 4:38 pm

10 Replies

Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. ~ World Health Organization

Fitness is a lifestyle. It is a deliberate action which is directed by a purposeful intention. If we desire for our children to live and lead healthier and happier lives, then we must conscientiously set out to model a positive example.

“Western society is in a state of health never seen in history. We are fatter, less productive, and at a higher risk of developing disease, early osteoporosis, and clinical depression than ever before.” (Brazier, 2009, p. 3) What has caused the decay of our society’s health and wellbeing? Is it that we are less driven or motivated? Is it that our time is occupied with technological or occupational endeavors preventing us from being fit? Whatever our excuse, whatever the reason, we must learn to embrace the need for a healthier lifestyle.

The lack of physical activity can compound our internal and external stressors. “Chronic negative stress also is linked to insomnia, anxiety, and depression.” (Starr & McMillan, 2010, p. 297)

The benefits of fitness are countless. Living a fit life will lead to having a healthier life.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Importance of Play

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on March 29, 2012 4:25 pm

8 Replies

Children thrive upon play. As a toddler, we mimic our parents, our siblings, our pets, the television, and many other significant participants in our lives. As a child, we are in a perpetual learning curve, constantly seeking to be stimulated. Fostering a need for such stimulation begins within the home. As parents, we are the consummate role model. We are the creative instigator of their developing minds.

Creativity is the freest form of self-expression and, for children, the creative process is more important than the finished product. There is nothing more fulfilling for children than to be able to express themselves freely. The ability to be creative can do much to nurture your children’s emotional health. All children need to be creative is the freedom to commit themselves to the effort and make whatever activity they are doing their own.

(PBS, 2012, Online)

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Body Image

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on February 2, 2012 10:00 am

25 Replies

Culturally, North America has become obsessed with the concept of body image. Children are bombarded by mixed messages describing the “right” physique and the “right” body type. These messages are broadcasted through television, radio, movies, magazines, newspapers, billboards, the web and through a barrage of electronic gadgets (i.e. cell phones, tablet computers, personal computers). “Body image is a widespread preoccupation. In one study of college students, 74.4% of the normal-weight women stated that they thought about their weight or appearance ‘all the time’ or ‘frequently.’ But the women weren’t alone; the study also found that 46% of the normal-weight men surveyed responded the same way.” (Brown University, 2012, Online)

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Fostering Achievement

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on January 19, 2012 3:32 pm

12 Replies

Do you embrace your children’s accomplishments, achievements, and successes? When was the last time you spoke words of praise unto your children? Have you taken time out to encourage your children? Do you encourage only the “big” successes, or are you offering praise for the little ones as well? Do you respond to failure as a bad thing? Are you offering encouragement when your children fail to succeed?

Children thrive on positive affirmations, strokes, and encouragement. Children who live in environments where they are belittled or berated; have a higher likelihood of giving up on their dreams and life ambitions. Likewise, a child who is belittled or berated is more likely to have a lowered self-esteem and self-awareness.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Who Do You See in the Mirror?

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on November 10, 2011 4:27 pm

16 Replies

Who do you see when you look into a mirror? Do you recognize the image of the person looking back at you? How long has it been since you really took time to view your own image? Are you familiar with your body’s changes and maturation? If not, how long has it been since you recall really seeing yourself?

Teaching your children to be honest with themselves, begins with you. As parents, we need to be honest with our own person. If we avoid being honest with our person, then our children will learn a lesson that it is okay to be dishonest with ourselves. If you are dishonest with another, you will know the truth, but you will have to live with that falsity. Ironically, if you are dishonest with your own person long enough, then this dishonesty will become your accepted truth.

When is the last time you submerged into you own person? How long has it been since you spent time intra-reflecting? Has it been a while since you spent time reflecting on your inner and outer being? Have you been capable of integrating your outer being with your inner being? It is a difficult task for many to see their outer person, much less their inner being. Why? When we see ourselves outwardly, our physical appearance, we see what others may interpret us to be. It is difficult for people to face their inner-beings. Not only is it difficult, but it is not uncommon for an individual to avoid facing their inner being. When we think of looking inwardly, it is more common that an individual will think on the negative, rather than seeing positive aspects of intra-reflection. For many, they will only see their flaws, blemishes, and the perceived negative changes that life has brought about. Whereas, few people spend quality time looking at the dichotomy of our makeup, the good and the bad, the yin and yang. If we desire personal growth and maturation, then we must be willing to go deeper than surface level, we must be willing to know and face our inner being.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA