Tag Archives: Marie-France Hirigoyen

Adult Bullying – The Bully’s Strategies

Posted by: Jonathan Delisle on July 9, 2015 8:00 am
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Ever wonder why bullies get away with what they do to others? Sometimes they walk away with little or no consequences for their abuse. For those of us who have been on the receiving end of the abuse, how many times have we racked our brains to figure out how we let the abuse happen? The following points are taken once more from Mrs. Hirigoyen’s book, though the author doesn’t lay them out this wtunnel-vision-212923_640ay explicitly.

Bullying has three essential steps that overlap. Even though they overlap, there’s a progressive emphasis on each of these.

Seduction: This is the first step to get a hold on his victim. The violence hides behind flattery and intimidation. At the onset, its manifestation is passive-aggressive: sarcasm, non-verbal cues, manipulation, ambiguity, lies, etc. The victim comes to question whether the tension or conflict he perceives with the not-yet-obvious abuser is his fault, whether it’s in his imagination, or whether there really is underlying violence in the other’s actions or words.

Paralysis: The bully will do everything to cut-off his prey from any kind of support that could help break his hold (isolation). The observers to the acts of aggression will likely choose to walk away and turn a blind eye to those acts so as not to draw the hostility towards them. Unfortunately, the cowardice can easily be interpreted by both victim and bully as agreement with the abuse. Thus the victim begins to feel isolated and cornered.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Adult Bullying: The Aftermath

Posted by: Jonathan Delisle on May 29, 2015 8:19 am
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Living under the influence of a bully is no walk in the park, as we’ve seen in my last post. To add insult to injury, the battle doesn’t end with the realization of what’s happening or the desire to put an end to the abusive influence. There are consequences to deal with in the aftermath of the abuse. In her book Le harcèlement moral: la violence perverse au quotidien, Mrs. Hirigoyen lists four steps to the aftermath of bullying.

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Shock: There is a crucial turning point in abusive relationships when the victim realizes what the bully was doing all this time. While being the first step towards liberation, that moment of enlightenment hits the victim like a tidal wave. From this point on, the victim relives every bullying moment in his/her mind, seeing for the first time the extent of the abusive nature of the relationship. This experience can be quite traumatizing. With it comes turbulence of emotions: hurt, helplessness, humiliation, and eventually anger when the shock wears off. Continue reading →




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Adult Bullying: Under the Bully’s Influence

Posted by: Jonathan Delisle on May 13, 2015 12:47 pm
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This blog post on bullying has to do with the short-term effects that bullying has on the victims while under the bully’s influence.  The points I will be explaining are taken from Marie-France Hirigoyen’s book “Le harcèlement moral: la violence perverse au quotidien”.  Although the points are mainly hers, I will be explaining them in my own words. The following points are tell-tale signs that we, counsellors, may have a victim of bullying sitting in front of us.

Standing Down: Victims of bullying generally stand down out of fear of undesired consequences: retaliation, break up, guilt-trip, humiliation, loss, etc.  The bully will use this fear as leverage, thus mentally paralyzing his victim.

Confusion:  Most of the bullying is passive-aggressive and ambiguous at the onset, which leaves room to doubt the aggressive nature of the actions committed or the woalone ballrds spoken.  As a result of the confusion, it is not uncommon over time for the individual to experience poor concentration, frequent loss of train of thought, delayed reactions, reduced ability to perform complex intellectual activities, etc.

Self-doubt:  The bully sees to it that the victim think that he is guilty about what happens and yet feel powerless to do anything about it.  Self-doubt in the face of the violence suffered creates paralyzing confusion. As the victim becomes defenseless, he also becomes the scapegoat upon whom the aggressor puts all of his own insecurities, faults, flaws, etc…
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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Adult Bullying: It’s a Reality

Posted by: Jonathan Delisle on April 29, 2015 2:52 pm
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If you were to ask your clients what bullying is, some would identify events where they felt violated or pushed around by others. Some would recall an incident that made them feel targeted by others. Still some would think of specific people with whom they had negative experiences. Many would probably think back to that school bully. We’ve all experienced bullying and can say something about it, but it’s not easy to define it. It has a source. It has consequences. It has patterns.

Bullying isn’t a problem that exists in schools and children’s lives only. It is a problem that is very much present in the adult world. Anyone is capable of bullying, regardless of age, maturity, beliefs, or moral values. “Sometimes it looks different or is called by different names: sexual harassment, stalking, workplace aggression, or scapegoating. But like in childhood, bullying is one person controlling or harming someone else by use of power.” (Harmon, 2012)   As counsellors and psychotherapists, we deal mostly with the aftermath of the abuse.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA