Tag Archives: forgiveness

New Year’s Resolutions

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on January 16, 2015 8:00 am

“Faith is not the clinging to a shrine but an endless pilgrimage of the heart.” ~ Abraham Heschel

At this time of the year, we are encouraged to develop our New Year’s Resolutions. The resolutions may play upon our heartstrings, moral compasses, religious ideological viewpoints, or the need for physical and mental improvement. Resolutions are not only geared towards improvement of the individual, but as well as the improvement of societies’ moral and ethical compasses. While many may disagree, I unequivocally believe that the key to moving forward, as well as, establishing new pathways in this life, must begin by forgiving ourselves and forgiving others.

FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY TO MOVING FORWARD

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

A key to moving forward, is forgiving others, as well as your own person. Forgiveness is not only a state of mind, but it is a state of being. It is woven through the very essence of our being. Forgiveness is a constant attitude occurring through a purposeful action. As humans, we are instinctively designed to forgive. It is only when we choose not to forgive that our minds, bodies, and spirits begin to experience disrepair. Those who choose not to forgive; choose to harbor the wrongs of others and of their own person. Thus, frequently developing physiological and psychological signs and symptoms associated with stress, anxiety, and depression. Forgiveness cleanses the body, ridding it of the decay of negativity, disappointment, and heartache. It is through the act of forgiveness, that we can live a balanced and well-adjusted life. Forgiveness is the key to living life productively. Being productive enables us to be effective in this life, by producing the desires and intended results with which we may choose to acquire. Forgiveness is a purposeful action filtered through a permanent attitude.

WHAT IS A RESOLUTION?

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language And next year’s words await another voice.” ~ T. S. Eliot

The basic principle of a resolution is to be firm with one’s decisions, opinions, intentions, and expressions. It is through a resolution that we clarify our stance, becoming a decisive person. Being decisive is intent on settling an issue or a set of issues, by producing a definite result.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

A Life Lived Without Forgiveness

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on October 28, 2014 1:52 pm

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“A life lived without forgiveness is a prison.” ~ William Arthur Ward

A life lived without forgiveness is a life lived in the past. Living in the past is a conscious or an unconscious choice made through a connection to the past. In simple, the past is a time gone by and no longer exists in the present moment, but we choose to allow this past to occupy our minds, our bodies and our very existence. Living in the past is like choosing to cling to a chronic illness. Would you choose to be plagued with a chronic illness? Would you allow yourself to be
injected with a disease that could take your life? Why then, are you allowing yourself to be injected daily with the memories associated with the past? Why have you chosen to cling to the negative memories associated with your life? Have you found comfort with the negative memories, or do you feel incapable of letting go of the past?
Letting go of the past is through purposeful action. The action is the process with which we choose to rid the very essence of our person of the past. The past may be comprised of tragic events, thoughts, or circumstances. Whatever the case, the past is haunting you and it is denying you the freedom of moving forward in this life.
As a clinician and a person, I have been witness to countless individuals who have chosen to cling to the past. Clinging to the past is a purposeful action of recalling, remembering and harboring negative thoughts, deeds or actions. When we harbor the memories associated with the past, we are protecting the negative memories, rather than allowing them to exist no more. Moving beyond the past requires a combination of actions: letting go, forgiveness, and moving forward.

FORGIVENESS IS A STATE OF BEING

Forgiveness is not only a state of mind, but it is a state of being. It is woven through the very essence of our being. Forgiveness is a constant attitude occurring through a purposeful action. As humans, we are instinctively designed to forgive. It is only when we choose not to forgive that our minds, bodies, and spirits begin to experience disrepair. Those who choose not to forgive; choose to harbor the wrongs of others and of their own person, frequently have physical and psychological signs. Forgiveness cleanses the body, ridding it of the decay of negativity, disappointment, and heartache. It is through the act of forgiveness, that we can live a balanced and well-adjusted life. Forgiveness is the key to living life productively. Being productive enables us to be effective in this life, by producing the desires and intended results with which we may choose to acquire.

FORGIVENESS OF OTHERS

Forgiving others, especially our enemies, is a challenge indeed. What if, you had committed a wrong against another? Would you not have a deep desire to be forgiven? Have you ever experienced the denial of your repentance? What sort of effect did this have on your person? Were you shattered by the unwavering and unyielding of the person or persons you had wronged?
As a clinician, I have met a variety of patients / clients who’s hearts ache to be forgiven. As an individual, I too have had the experience of others denying the acceptance of my repentance. The denial of our repentance can have a penetrating effect, plunging like a dagger deep into the very core of our being. For so many, forgiveness and the lack of forgiveness, can prove a major stumbling block.
If we deny accepting the repentance of another, then we are intentionally and purposefully hanging on to the wrongs of the past. The wrongs of the past serve as a coat-of-arms. We identify our coat-of-arms as a shield of honor, but the reality is, our coat-of-arms is shielding the very nature of our person from allowing others to enter. It is serving as a warning sign, informing others to tread lightly because I will remove them from my life, if they wrong me.
For people who long for the acceptance of their repentance, they will continue to be haunted by their past wrongs as long as they choose to hang onto them.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Protective Factors Around Child Sexual Abuse

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on July 8, 2014 4:01 pm

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“The very first part in healing is shattering the silence.”~ Erin Merryn

While the awareness around Child Sexual Abuse, CSA has increased over the past decade; the prevalence of CSA continues to be a problem throughout our society. CSA has no economic, political, religious, cultural, or racial preference. CSA has, and does, occur in all aspects of society. The effects associated with CSA most commonly have a profound impact on the physical, psychological and emotional and general wellbeing of the individual. “The wounds arising from childhood sexual abuse take many forms, but they all represent profound changes to the individual’s experience and her (his) relationship to the world.” (Fisher, 2005)” (Brown, 2005, p. 21) For children, distinguishing between those you can trust and cannot trust is challenging. As parents, while we need to reinforce the goodness and purity of our children; we must also equip our children with effective tools to distinguish between good and bad behaviors, communications, and personalities. It is never too late to teach our children to be his or her best advocate.

ACTIVELY COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR CHILDREN

“It is a wise father (mother) that knows his (her) own child.” ~ William Shakespeare

As fathers and mothers, we need to actively listen. Active listening is the ability, the skill, technique, or an inherent trait whereby, a person is purposefully and intentionally focusing on the communications being sent by another person or persons. An active listener not only listens and receives an intended message, but is capable of paraphrasing what messages he or she has received back to the communicator. An active listener recognizes that not all communication is verbally spoken, but is often communicated through verbal and nonverbal transmissions. It entails good physical posture, gestures, and purposeful eye contact.

As an active listener, you will align your body towards the intended recipient. You may lean towards the sender or receiver, maintain active eye contact, posture your body in an open form, and be relaxed while nonverbally communicating. Active listening is also being capable of reflecting any verbal or nonverbal communication that is communicated.

As fathers and mothers, our active listening should be purposeful in our actions, reflections, and all forms of communications. We need to seek to hear the verbal and nonverbal communications being projected from the lives of our children.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Beauty of Children

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on June 17, 2014 12:00 pm

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“The soul is healed by being with children.”
~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I was completely unaware of the absolute beauty of life until I became a father. Fatherhood has opened my eyes beyond my own imagination. As a father, I have learned more about myself, life, and the meaning of life; simply by viewing the physical beings gifted unto me. Children are the window to our futures and a beacon of light in a sometimes dark world.

As a father, I have learned to appreciate each moment that I am granted to spend with my children. Whether they are happy or sad, full of energy or laying down for a nap; I am amazed by the life that radiates out of their little bodies.

THE GIFT

“With children the clock is reset. We forget what came before”
~ Jhumpa Lahiri

As a father, we need to actively listen to our children. Fathers who actively listen will be the recipients of an unbelievable education, going well beyond one’s wildest of dreams. The gift of a child goes well beyond that most descriptive of words. Children are the essence of life. They are capable of proving resilient in the most troubling of times, and rebounding from the greatest of falls. They have an ability of bringing a smile on the gloomiest of faces. It is awesome how the very life of a child is capable of resetting our thought patterns, our mindsets, and our very outlook upon the world. The gift of a child is capable of completely changing our worldview and perceptions of life. Continue reading →

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Marriage Is . . .

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on April 28, 2014 3:27 pm

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“No sooner met but they looked; no sooner looked but they loved; no sooner loved but they sighed; no sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason; no sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy; and in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs to marriage.” ~ William Shakespeare

As a husband of 17 years, I can inform you that marriage is a lifelong education. Marriage is the essence of life and it has an intrinsic way of wholly consuming every aspect of life. While the consumption is likely, the type of consumption can be a profitable experience rather than a drudgery.

Furthermore, marriage is a lifelong commitment. The commitment cannot solely be an individual endeavor, rather marriage is a joint effort. As a clinician, I am always amazed that the assumption of marriage is viewed from a myopic perspective, rather than a hyperopic one. Marriage is not a singular ideological framework, rather it devised of two perspectives uniting together to become one. While you can rest assured that your ideological views surely will cross, it is always essential to come to a place to agree-to-disagree. Moreover, while there are no perfect marriages, the highlight of every marriage is to strive for an unified best!

KEEPING THE LOVE LIGHT BURNING

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Marriage is an ultimate sacrifice of thyself and thy personhood. It is through the sacrifice that we learn to serve and to be served. Marriage is the best reminder of why it is important to love thyself. While many utter words of love, few completely understand the roots of love. Love is an intense feeling of deep affection, admiration, respect and warm approval. Without love, there is likely no attachment or affection. Nevertheless, you can be the best of friends and not be “in love.” Moreover, love must begin within you before it can be expressed outwardly.

What does it mean to be in love? Being in love is not a mystical experience, having hidden or esoteric meanings. Rather, being “in love’ is within anyone’s reach and is a response to reactions in our brain, but connecting to the “right” person is often the challenge. You cannot force a person to “be in love.” If you partner is not “in love” with you, then the likelihood of making that connection is null.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Making Peace With Your Past: Choosing Health and Happiness

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on February 27, 2014 12:00 pm

1 Reply

“A life lived without forgiveness is a prison.”
~ William Arthur Ward

Forgiveness is not only a state of mind, but it is a state of being. It is woven through the very essence of our being. Forgiveness is a constant attitude occurring through a purposeful action. As humans, we are instinctively designed to forgive. It is only when we choose not to forgive that our minds, bodies, and spirits begin to experience disrepair. Those who choose not to forgive, choose to harbor the wrongs of others and of their own person, frequently have physical and psychological signs. Forgiveness cleanses the body, ridding it of the decay of negativity, disappointment, and heartache. It is through the act of forgiveness, that we can live a balanced and well-adjusted life. Forgiveness is the key to live life productively.

FORGIVENESS OF OTHERS

Forgiving others, especially our enemies is a challenge indeed. What if, you had committed a wrong against another? Would you not have deep desire to be forgiven? Have you ever experienced the denial of your repentance? What sort of effect did this have on your person? Were you shattered by the unwavering and unyielding of the person or persons you had wronged?

As a clinician, I have met a variety of patients / clients who’s hearts ache to be forgiven. As an individual, I too have had the experience of others denying the acceptance of my repentance. The denial of our repentance can have a penetrating effect, plunging like a dagger deep into the very core of our being. For so many, forgiveness and the lack of forgiveness can prove a major stumbling block.

If we deny accepting the repentance of another, then we are intentionally and purposefully hanging on to the wrongs of the past. The wrongs of the past serve as a coat-of-arms. We identify our coat-of-arms as a shield of honor, but the reality is, our coat-of-arms is shielding the very nature of our person from allowing others to enter. It is serving as a warning sign, informing others to tread lightly, because I will remove them from my life, if they wrong me.

For people who long for the acceptance of their repentance, they will continue to be haunted by their past wrongs as long as they choose to hang onto them.

WHAT REALLY IS FORGIVENESS?

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.”
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Forgiveness is the intentional act or process of pardoning or offering absolution unto another.

Furthermore, it is the intentional act or process of accepting my own personal responsibility in an act or an event. True repentance is expressed through sincere regret and remorse of our wrongs. Therefore, I must forgive my own person, if I truly desire to heal from wrongful acts. Forgiveness is a three way street. It is the act of contrition, which is a state of feeling remorseful, sorrowful, regretful and penitent for the wrongs the we have committed. It is also the responsibility of the person accepting our humbled and broken heart, that engages the act of forgiveness. Most importantly, whether or not those we have wronged will accept our repentance, we must be willing to forgive ourselves. For forgiving our own person allows the individual to move forward in life. Unfortunately, not everyone will pardon or offer absolution of the wrongs we have committed. Therefore, it is absolutely necessary that we forgive our own person simultaneously, when we request others to forgive the deeds or acts that we have committed. Always remember, forgiveness is a continuous act not a momentary embrace.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Fatherhood – Being the Best Father You Can Be

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on February 7, 2014 4:13 pm

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“Fatherhood is a very natural thing; it’s not something that shakes up my life but rather enriches it.”
~ Andrea Bocelli

Today’s culture is making it easier and easier to be a “father.” While children continue to be neglected, research is showing that there is an incline in the number of fathers who are actively participating in the lives of children. Moreover, there has been a significant “…increase in programs designed to promote involved and responsible fatherhood.” (Perry, 2012, Online)

As a father, I have discovered my lifelong calling is, “fatherhood.” Fatherhood is essentially the willingness to treat with protective care and in a nurturing manner. It is fatherhood that allows the male in the relationship to join together with his partner and become “the father”. A father is more than having the ability to impregnate a women, rather a father is the person who provides support, care, and an unconditional environment.

As men, we are not equipped to bear children, yet we are naturally designed to be fathers. It is recognizing and accepting the role of fatherhood, that enables a man to begin becoming a father. Our limitations, reservations, and fears of fatherhood, are frequently the uncertainties and insecurities associated with failure . What if I fail as a father? So what, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move forward. Do not hesitate or fear asking for advice. Asking for advice is not an indication that you are weak, rather that you are strong in your willingness to ask for help.

After all, fatherhood is the greatest education a man can ever receive. As a father, you not only have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, but about the world around you. A child’s constant questioning and inquiry of life, offers a father an unique opportunity and the privilege for growth.

ACTIVE LISTENING

“It is a wise father that knows his own child.”
~ William Shakespeare

As a father, we need to actively listen. Active listening is the ability, the skill, technique, or an inherent trait whereby, a person is purposefully and intentionally focusing on the communications being sent by another person or persons. An active listener not only listens and receives an intended message, but is capable of paraphrasing what messages he or she has received back to the communicator. An active listener recognizes that not all communication is verbally spoken, but is often communicated through verbal and nonverbal transmissions. It entails good physical posture, gestures, and purposeful eye contact.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Expressive Love

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on December 20, 2013 10:33 am

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“Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominates, love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.”
~ Carl Gustav Jung

Love is an intense emotion expressed through a natural instinctive state of mind, which is derived from the heart, mind, and spirit. As parents, we are the first impression and expression that our children will experience love. It is through our love that children learn how to express and experience love. If we fail to express appropriate forms of affection, then we will most assuredly leave our children seeking out love. If we fail to express appropriate forms of affection, then our children will be left to seek love from other sources. This can lead to a lifetime of unfulfilled emotion, not only for our own children but also for subsequent generations.

Many religions speak of an expressive love. While each religion, and the subsets within those religions hold to a similar concept of love; it is not uncommon that religious subsets differ on their unique perspective of love. Most religious ideological perspectives revere the expression of love. In the New International Version of the Christian Bible, it expresses love as being an unconditional state. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” What are we speaking of if love never can fail according to the Christian text?

In the Muslim faith, love between a couple is highly regarded. In the Quran, love is discussed as being a creation. Chapter (30) sūrat l-rūm (The Romans), Muhammad Sarwar “His creating spouses for you out of yourselves so that you might take comfort in them and His creating love and mercy among you.” Love is the unifying of the hearts, souls, and minds of others together.

The absence of love in many homes has become so commonplace, that when we hear of this absence, we are neither distressed nor bewildered by the lack of love in a home. The anomaly has become a loving family that shares affection in appropriate and healthy ways. So unusual is the healthy expression of love, that it has become mocked and an object of derision within most cultures. Rather than embrace and celebrate the love of a family, it is the punch line of jokes, or even worse, it is eyed with suspicion and mistrust. The lack of love is common place and accepted while healthy, loving expression is eyed with contempt.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Staying True Unto Oneself

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on August 14, 2013 3:10 pm

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“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
~ Steve Jobs

What does it mean to “stay true unto oneself?” Shakespeare spoke of this immortal question, others have reformatted and repackaged the idea, but still many remain uncertain of the essential meaning of being true unto oneself.

What is the importance of staying true unto oneself? However you want to package the basic premise is: be authentic in all that you do. Do not waver from the nature of your true person. Whoever you are, allow that person to shine through.

AUTHENTICITY

Authentic people are undisputedly genuine. Genuine people do not rely on the approval or acceptance of others, rather they diligently seek to be themselves. They deny the ownership of critical words or deeds that others lay at their feet. Genuine people are not perfect, but strive for improvement on a daily and frequent basis. They are also capable of accepting positively constructive criticism, while denying the negative intentions, deeds, actions, or criticisms that others may choose to offer. An authentic person is a sincere person relying upon their inner being for acceptance and approval.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

What is Your Source of Inspiration?

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on June 11, 2013 4:42 pm

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“The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be divinely inspired.”
~ Stephen Hawking

What is your source inspiration? What or who inspires you to live and prove productive? Is your source of inspiration a person, a place or thing? If so, what is that source of inspiration? Are you inspired by a spiritual being or religious ideological viewpoint? Is your inspiration your soulmate or an important friend?

Why is it important to be inspired? Whether you are inspired by another individual or something within your own person; inspiration is the motivator within life. Inspiration is the catalyst for prodding you forward. What is the importance of inspiration? If we are inspired, we will inspire those around us. Inspiration beseeches inspiration.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA