Tag Archives: empowerment

Adult Bullying: Breaking Away from the Bully’s Grasp

Posted by: Jonathan Delisle on July 23, 2015 8:09 am

Breaking out of an abusive relationship is harder than it sounds. In order to manage it, the victim needs to become empowered and either set the terms of the relationship or put an end to it. The following five steps are taken, once again, from Mrs. Hirigoyen’s book “Le harcèlement moral: la violence perverse au quotidien”.separate

  1. Acknowledge: As we wake up from the daze of being pummeled by constant abuse, we open our eyes to see a very different world from the one we used to know or made ourselves believe existed. It’s like our world got hit by a massive earthquake or a hurricane. The difference from a natural phenomenon of mass destruction is that you have a culprit responsible for it. This wasn’t natural. It was an injustice.
  2. Assess: As you begin to understand how you were manipulated and used, you will likely become upset and angry with the bully. It’s OK to feel indignant and sad. However, it’s crucial that you do not let that anger reverse your roles where you become a bully. This is often how bullies are made. You have a right to be angry, to be respected, and to speak up when you feel violated in any way. Those rights have been downplayed and denied to you while under the bully’s influence.
  3. New Strategies: Set boundaries, with the intention of opening up communication, breaking the isolation, and protecting yourself from falling prey to the bully’s paralyzing traps that aim at forcing you into your former victim role. Like a narcissist, the bully feels like he’s entitled to overstep boundaries and take what he wants, without giving so much as a single thought to the fact that he’s violating your rights.
  4. Stand Your Ground: Expect tantrums to test how far you will go before one of you gives up. This tantrum doesn’t have to be physical (throwing or breaking something). A good dose of passive aggression and guilt-trip is as good as any tantrum. “If you ever give in to a tantrum, you’re back to square one; it’s reinforced that if they stick to their guns, they’ll win and you’ll relent.” (Brown, 2014)
  5. Free Yourself: The relationship dynamic has to end in order for the victim to become truly free. Validate where validation is due, but do not condone the abusive treatment in any way. Thus you provide some healing to that narcissistic injury through your validation and, through your boundaries, protect yourself.

As a now empowered person, you no longer play the victim and you show others to do the same through your own example.

Delisle, Jonathan; https://lighthousecounselling.wordpress.com/2014/09/19/breaking-the-bullying-cycle/
Hirigoyen, M.-F.; Le harcèlement moral : la violence perverse au quotidien; Éditions La Découverte et Syros, Paris, 1998; ISBN :978-2-266-22277-8
Brown, H. (2014). How To Deal with the Narcissist in Your Life. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 27, 2014, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/bonding-time/2014/03/how-to-deal-with-the-narcissist-in-your-life/

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Personal Empowerment

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on August 30, 2013 2:52 pm

“A strong man cannot help a weaker unless the weaker is willing to be helped, and even then the weak man must become strong of himself; he must, by his own efforts, develop the strength which he admires in another. None but himself can alter his condition.”                                                                                    ~ James Allen

We associate empowerment with the liberation of a group of people, race, creed, religious ideology or personal belief system.  Empowerment is the enabling of another person through the strengthening of their personal self-esteem and the development of their personal ego. It is through this development of the ego that an individual gains an individualistic impression of their self-importance and their inner self.   The empowerment of an individual should never come at the cost of another’s rights, freedoms, or liberties.  


As children, our personal self-esteem, self-worth, and internal drive are enhanced by those who shape our being.  It is through the recognition of our personal goodness, abilities, talents, worth, and individuality that we gain a healthy sense of self.  When we are empowered, we are less willing and likely to be drug through the mud by another. 

Empowerment teaches us that we are worth more than the negativity that may be slung our way.  Even if, we are responsible for a negative deed, act, or event; it is through our own acceptance of  our roles in life that we maintain our personal empowerment.   It is the acceptance of our roles in life that we are living a life guided by personal responsibility.  Personal responsibility is the willingness to accept both the good and bad choices in life.   It is through personal responsibility that we accept the ownership for our lives.   

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Inspiring Your Child

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on August 30, 2012 11:35 am

“I have not failed.  I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” 

                                                                                    ~ Thomas A. Edison   

Failure is good, failure is necessary, failure stimulates a desire for success.  When an individual fails, we are instinctively and unconsciously prompted to discover a path to success.  Successful people are inspired people; they are unwilling to accept the “status quo.”  Inspired individuals are willing to challenge the norm, ask questions, seek solutions, and forge through unbeaten paths.  Inspired individuals are unwilling to give up.


The importance of failure is that it reminds us that we can do better, be better, and achieve more. 

Why are we so concerned about making mistakes?  Why are we afraid of failure?  As a society, we are taught that failure is a remark of our character, our persona, our very worth.  From Hollywood to Bollywood we view movies and television shows that remark upon the negativity of failure. 

The Positive Aspect of Failure

If I fail, then I have a guidepost, indicating the areas with which I can improve. Failure has become the barometer of negativity, rather than a potential of opportunity.  Without failure, we could not relish in the achievement of our successes.  As a good parent or teacher, we should teach our children that failure is an opportunity for improvement and growth, rather than a blockade deterring us from our greatest potential.  Failure is no more than a mere challenge begging us to be better. 

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Love, What is Love?

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on August 17, 2012 1:49 pm

“True love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops.”

                  ~ William Goldman, The Princess Bride

 First of all, I am a hopeless romantic.   On August 16, 2012, I will have the pleasure of celebrating my 15th wedding anniversary to my beautiful bride, my vulpine lover, my best friend, and the mother of my precocious, charming, and sometimes mischievous children.  

During the past 15 years, I have spent countless days gaining new insights into this person that I have come to know as my wife.  Do not get me wrong, we have had our emotional upheavals and times of trials and tribulations, but overall, my wife is unmistakably my best-friend. 

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Teachers and Their Classrooms

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on July 30, 2012 2:42 pm


You’ve probably heard it said before, “Teaching isn’t a career; it’s a calling.” Many teachers have lifelong dreams, beginning in their formative years, of standing in front of a classroom and molding the young minds of tomorrow. Then they grow up, the degree and certification are obtained, and they’re ready for their first year of school. They come into the classroom with high expectations, hopes and ambitions. Unfortunately, they are often left in bewilderment as they are locked in the classroom for numerous hours per day with thirty plus students; all with different academic and behavioral needs. What happened to the excitement of molding the young minds of tomorrow? Has it been a breakdown of the relationship between teacher to student? Is the classroom size having a dire effect upon the teacher student relationship? Have the mores and ethos of society drastically changed, or have we faltered from our calling? 

A teacher’s dedication to providing excellent classroom management through developing relationships and mutual respect with his/her students is the key to the success of both the students and the teacher in the classroom. It is a collaboration of professionals, parents, teachers, and the students themselves that enhance the learning environment. 

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Encouraging and Empowering Girls

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on July 13, 2012 10:04 am

Empowering females sounds as though we are dismissing or ignoring males, but the truth is, both  genders desperately need to be equally empowered.  Therefore, while the intent of this article is to address female concerns and issues, the heart of the article should be applied to all of the human race.  

For far too long, the female gender has been plagued with stereotypes, typecasting, as well as, subtle and blatant discrimination.   There has been a long history of discrimination reigning down from religious orders, politics halls, and employment opportunities.  While blatant discrimination has become against the law in many countries; it is the subtle form of discrimination that we often overlook.   The discrimination in the female gender begins at a very young age.  “You shouldn’t buy Jill a Hot Wheel, rather buy her a Barbie Doll or a Littlest Pet Shop.” “Now Amy, let your brother carry in the groceries, for he’s a boy.”  “Amanda, let’s go shopping while the boys work on the vehicles.” “Tommy, you should let your sister wash the dishes, while you mow the lawn.” Now of course, not all of the above statements apply to all children, however, there remains a general outlook on specific roles that boys and girls should partake.�
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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Living with Uncertainty and Using Clients’ Career Stories to Empower Career & Life Choices

Posted by: Mark Franklin on March 31, 2011 4:36 pm

“After graduating university and spending only six months in a boring engineering job, Bruce Kirkby ditched the nine-to-five life, packed his rusty pickup, and headed west in search of adventure. He’s been going full tilt ever since. The journeys that followed have taken him to every corner of the planet, from Everest to Arabia, Ethiopia’s Blue Nile Gorge to the rivers of the Arctic. Bruce has ridden horses across Mongolia and camels across Arabia’s legendary Empty Quarter. His account of that journey, ‘Sand Dance, By Camel Across Arabia’s Great Southern Desert’ was published in 2000.” Now with a family and two children, and based in Kimberley, BC, Bruce travels less and writes more, including his weekly Globe and Mail column.

Hi, I’m Mark Franklin, practice leader of CareerCycles, a career management social enterprise in Toronto, producer/host of weekly Career Buzz radio show, and new blogger here at CCPA. Bruce Kirkby was a recent guest on Career Buzz – listen here. When asked about a personal strength aligned with his career, Bruce said “my ability to live with uncertainty.”

Bruce is proof you can formulate a career around one glowing strength!

Here at CareerCycles, our team of eight Associates has been using a holistic, narrative and strengths-based method of practice to empower over 3500 clients. In future blog posts I look forward to sharing more insightful career stories, and helpful tips and techniques to empower your clients through their career stories, and in so doing, enrich your own careers and lives! Meanwhile, please LEAVE A COMMENT and share your experiences with clients’ career stories… do you use a narrative approach? If so, what do you do? What do you think of Bruce’s story? What’s an important turning point in your own career story?


*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA