Tag Archives: effects

Marriage Is . . .

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on April 28, 2014 3:27 pm

“No sooner met but they looked; no sooner looked but they loved; no sooner loved but they sighed; no sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason; no sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy; and in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs to marriage.”     ~ William Shakespeare

As a husband of 17 years, I can inform you that marriage is a lifelong education.  Marriage is the essence of life and it has an intrinsic way of wholly consuming every aspect of life.  While the consumption is likely, the type of consumption can be a profitable experience rather than a drudgery.

Furthermore, marriage is a lifelong commitment.  The commitment cannot solely be an individual endeavor, rather marriage is a joint effort.  As a clinician, I am always amazed that the assumption of marriage is viewed from a myopic perspective, rather than a hyperopic one.  Marriage is not a singular ideological framework, rather it devised of two perspectives uniting together to become one.  While you can rest assured that your ideological views surely will cross, it is always essential to come to a place to agree-to-disagree.  Moreover, while there are no perfect marriages, the highlight of every marriage is to strive for an unified best!


“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”  ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Marriage is an ultimate sacrifice of thyself and thy personhood.   It is through the sacrifice that we learn to serve and to be served.  Marriage is the best reminder of why it is important to love thyself.  While many utter words of love, few completely understand the roots of love.  Love is an intense feeling of deep affection, admiration, respect and warm approval.  Without love, there is likely no attachment or affection.  Nevertheless, you can be the best of friends and not be “in love.”  Moreover, love must begin within you before it can be expressed outwardly.

What does it mean to be in love?  Being in love is not a mystical experience, having hidden or esoteric meanings.  Rather, being “in love’ is within anyone’s reach and is a response to reactions in our brain, but connecting to the “right” person is often the challenge.  You cannot force a person to “be in love.”  If you partner is not “in love” with you, then the likelihood of making that connection is null.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Psychology of Hate

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on April 9, 2014 12:55 pm

“Personal responsibility is the willingness to completely accept choices that we have made throughout our lives.”
~ Asa Don Brown, Waiting to Live

Hate has a pathological effect upon the psyche of the individual.  The pathology of hate is commonly linked to those that provide us protection and nurturing early in the early stages of our lives.  The nurturing of a parent or guardian can be the catalyst of a variety of psychological and psychiatric conditions.  It is not to say that hate cannot be spurred on by organic conditions of the mind, but we know that the greatest influence of hate is directly related to the nurturing received in our youth.

While psychological and psychiatric conditions of each individual may develop beyond the experiences per childhood; the presets surrounding the personal ideological viewpoints, theories,  ethical and moral compasses are undoubtedly influenced by those in direct contact with our own lives.

The makeup of hate is comprised of uncertainty, insecurity, loneliness, awkwardness, lack of confidence, self-doubt, unassertiveness, timidity, anxiety, instability, vulnerability, and defenselessness.  Whereas to love, a person has humility, security, assurance, acceptance, attachments, tenderness, patience, understanding, compassion and most of all, tolerance.


The human race is an intolerable species.  We are seldom welcoming of varying views, belief systems, and behaviors.  We shun or outwardly reject those who differ from our own person.  As a species, we are more apt to disregard or completely ignore anyone we disagree with.  Such intolerance is no different than blatant acts of hate and discrimination.  You may be asking yourself, how can ignoring or shunning be as reprehensible as violent acts.  While the acts of shunning or ignoring lack the physical violence of the fist; shunning and ignoring are intentionally setting a precedent of intolerance and bigotry.  It is this sort of behavior, attitudes, and percepts that is directly linked to instilling negative emotions (i.e. fear, distrust, hatred, worry, and personal distress).  The prejudices of an individual can invoke rage, hostilities, and an overall spirit of negativity.

While the intolerance begins within the mind and psyche of the individual, seldom does the intolerance keep isolated within the mind of the individual.  Sadly, the venomous nature of intolerance is capable of creeping itself slowly into the minds of others who directly and indirectly interact with the ill mind.

The spoils of intolerance are capable of diminishing and destroying every thread of communication.  It is the egregious nature of intolerance that spurs on the prejudices and bigotry  developed within the minds of those effected by such hate.


The victims of hate may be your neighbor, your friend, your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your grandparent, your employer, and/or your enemy.  While the victims may range in age, race, gender, and intellectual quotient (IQ); the desire of such discrimination is to reach  maximum proportions.

Hate has intentions on breaking down the unity of all humanity.  It does not cease with the individual, but seeks to infiltrate all aspects of personal and global thinking.  The injection of such venom penetrates each aspect of humanity whether on an individual scale or a global perspective.  It may include ethnicity, religion, national origin, genetic makeup, socioeconomic status, career choices and/or a personal disability.  The ultimate goal of all hate crimes is intended on reaching systemic levels, thus reinforcing the intentions of hate.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Psychological Effects of Divorce

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on March 17, 2014 7:00 am

“When mom and dad went to war the only prisoners they took were the children.”
~ Pat Conroy

As a child of divorce, I can confer that the legal separation and dissolution of a marriage can have a profound effect. Even if, your parents are splitting amicably, having the greatest spirit of friendliness and acceptance; the separation of a set of parents has an effect. The level of the effect will and may differ, dependent upon the rationale behind the divorce, and the outcome of the divorce proceedings. While on the judicial side, divorce is the legal dissolving of a relationship; divorce from the perspective is the removal of one parent from another.

Divorce not only effects the children, the parents (the couple), but has an ability of effecting those beyond the confines of the immediate relationship. While divorce has an effect, it’s effect will vary dependent upon the family and the ultimate dynamics of the relationship .


Divorce can have a dire effect on all members of the family. The repercussions of a divorce can have an impact on the families financial stability, social environment, academic and employee performance, and the psychological and physical well-being of the family. Please understand, I am not criticizing divorce, rather it is important to recognize the possible and often frequent ramifications of divorce. While the ramifications and outcome of divorce are often egregious in nature; the ramifications and outcome of remaining in a negative, abusive, unaffectionate or undesirable relationship, can have a significantly greater effect.

“First, children who grow up in an intact, two-parent family with both biological parents present do better on a wide range of outcomes than children who grow up in a single-parent family. Single parenthood is not the only, nor even the most important, cause of the higher rates of school dropout, teenage pregnancy, juvenile delinquency, or other negative outcomes we see; but it does contribute independently to these problems. Neither does single parenthood guarantee that children will not succeed; many, if not most, children who grow up in a single-parent
household do succeed.” (Berlin, 2004, Online)

The Typical Concerns Associated with Divorce

1) What is the probability that my child will develop feelings of abandonment?
2) Does my child blame me for the divorce?
3) Will my child blame himself/herself for my divorce?
4) What is the probability that my child may develop psychological concerns because of the divorce?
5) As a parent, will I have the ability to have equal time and custody of my child?
6) How do I reassure my child that I will not abandon him/her?
7) How do I reduce the level of stress involved with the divorce?
8) How do I show respect for someone that I detest?
9) What is the probability that the disruption of the family routines will effect my child?
10) What if, my child show’s no signs or symptoms pertaining to the divorce?

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA