Tag Archives: counsellor self-care

When a Client Dies

Posted by: Doc Warren on October 15, 2019 11:39 am

I’ll never forget the first time that I received notice that a client had died. I’ll never forget any of them actually. No training truly prepared me and I’ve had far more training than the average thanks to an intense drive on my part and having had some of the best mentors in the field. I can only imagine how folks with minimal training and a lack of good supervision fare.

The longer we are in the field, the more likely we are to have experienced the death of a client. The death may have been through accident or natural causes or by their own or someone else’s hands.  Few, if any, clinical training programs spend any great deal of time exploring this issue unless you are specializing in hospice settings. When a death happens, there are many things that tend to be the focus of supervision and consultation sessions. Below are some of the more common issues that I find in my supervision and consulting work when a client has passed.

Processing the loss yourself
Once receiving notice of the death, many clinical professionals attempt to “work through the pain” by continuing their day as they normally would. Though this may work for some, many, if not most, will require time to process the loss either immediately or in the very near future. Be sure to allow yourself to be human, acknowledge the loss, explore the emotions associated with it and whenever possible, do this with the help of a colleague. You do not have to keep everything bottled in. Remember what you would do for and with friends, loved ones and clients who have suffered a loss and allow yourself to be present with your emotions so that you may heal. While there are times when you may need to continue to work to help aid others who are affected, processing it yourself as soon as possible can be a key factor in moving forward healthily.

Could I be liable?
One of the first fears shared by clinicians when a client has died of anything other than natural causes is that they may be sued or otherwise investigated. In most cases, there has been nothing to indicate that this could happen assuming that  the clinical professional has given nothing but the best level of care to the client that has passed. This fear is sometimes grounded in the grief process itself: the clinician is blaming themselves for not having been able to prevent the death. Other times it can be a simple fear of being sued by a next of kin that is “just looking for someone to blame” regardless of any real malpractice having occurred. A small fraction of the time (I have personally never encountered anyone in this situation) the clinician has indeed made mistakes that could be considered malpractice. In this case, the fear may indeed be founded. Whether or not you feel you did anything wrong, when in doubt, contact your malpractice/liability insurance provider and discuss the matter with them. It shouldn’t cost you anything more than your time and just may help ease your worries.

Protecting the client’s right to privacy
Today more than ever we find ourselves with the ability to emote freely via venues that were unthinkable just a few short years ago. Many find themselves posting to social media for just about everything. Public grieving is considered the norm to many folks but as clinical professionals we need to remember that the client’s right to privacy does not end with their death, therefore we as clinical professionals should refrain from public expressions of grief that either name or share any information that could potentially identify a client that has passed. I’ve seen very good clinicians make this mistake. Comments such as “I lost a client recently to a drunk driver” or “Cancer took a client today” may seem harmless enough but can lead to ethical issues especially if more information is also shared.

I’ve also seen clinical professionals that have made generic statements on personal or professional pages that would appear to be fine. Comments such as “thinking of those lost to cancer” or drunk drivers, suicide etc. may help the clinician process without potentially identifying a recently deceased client.

Should you get a request from a next of kin to provide copies of the deceased treatment records, be sure to consult with an attorney to learn exactly what the next of kin is allowed to access and what they will need to provide your office in order to allow you to release copies. Here again, your liability insurance provider can be a key resource as well as your supervisor.

To go or not to go to services
Going to the services of a client that has passed can be a controversial decision. One side of the coin says that by your very presence you are saying that the deceased was a client unless they were a known friend, coworker or relative of ours. The other side of the coin says that if the service is open to the public then you are free to go with no need to explain. Many a heated conversation has come from posing this question in a group supervision encounter. One quick way to handle this would be to contact your liability insurance provider for guidance. Please note however that the answer may differ from provider to provider.

For me, I have only attended services if a surviving relative has requested me to attend. Even with such a request I will neither confirm nor deny that I ever had a professional relationship and will instead simply say that we live in a small town and that we all seem to know one another.

Erasing” the client from your practice
Many a consult has been spent processing feelings of guilt from clinicians who were feeling conflicted about how “easy” it was to “simply remove a person from my schedule.” The actual act of erasing a client from a schedule may indeed only take a moment. For me, in my office I have opted not to use the electronic scheduler that others use and instead use a pencil and paper system. I have literally erased people after a death and can remember the lump in my throat the first time I did so. I also remember hesitating to “give their time” away to a new client. It required some processing and grief work before I was able to truly move forward. Now, I remember that it was not the time slot nor the written name that made a difference, it instead, was the relationship that we had and that cannot be removed with a number two pencil.

Telling a staff member that their client has passed.
If you are a supervisor you likely will be one of the first people to learn of a death of any client. In my practice I have instructed the reception folks to notify me should there be any calls notifying us of a loss of life. They also will keep up to date on local obituaries as well as in some cases there is no next of kin that knows that the deceased was receiving services.  While there is no one correct way, I would avoid the use of texting, email, private messenger or other electronic means to advise your staff member of the loss. To me, a phone call is a last resort for notification and instead will call and ask the clinician to come see me the first thing when they come in. Once in, I try not to have it be too formal as in having a large desk between the two of us. Although I would never stage the encounter, I have shared the information while walking on one of the dirt roads on our therapeutic farm, sitting by the brook, walking some of our trails or spending time with our therapeutic animals. How I did it had more to do with the clinician and their normal preferences than it did with mine. Ensuring the privacy of the clinician is paramount as well. Should they need to cry, talk it out, yell a bit or whatever, the ability to do so without an audience is key. Many times, we process not just the passing but the process that the therapy took on, the good work that they provided and what they themselves will cherish from the encounter.

Moving forward
After the basic processing has taken place, it is good to remember that there may indeed be a need for further reflection and moments of pause in the future. Allow yourself to not only be a clinical professional but also a human being. We are not machines. Process as needed.

Be safe, do good

-Doc Warren

”Doc Warren” Corson III is a counselor, educator, writer and the founder, developer, clinical & executive director of Community Counseling of Central CT Inc. (www.docwarren.org) and Pillwillop Therapeutic Farm (www.pillwillop.org). He is internationally certified as a Counsellor and Counsellor Supervisor in the USA and Canada (C.C.C., C.C.C.-S, NCC, ACS). He can be contacted at [email protected]




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

“I’m friends with a Counsellor, I’ll ask them and get back to you.” aka Being That Friend

Posted by: Robyn Steinke, MC, CCC on May 13, 2019 10:07 am

Without hearing the title sentence spoken verbatim, I think we as counsellors have all been in a situation where we have been asked very specific questions with very specific details for the sake of a friend of a friend and their mental well-being. It is a difficult spot to be in. So difficult that, what we as counsellors do about it, goes back to Watergate, you know, the thing that made Richard Nixon (“Tricky Dicky” if you will) resign his presidency. More specifically, the “Goldwater Rule” is the informal name given to the American Psychological Association’s guideline that it is unethical for a psychologist to offer a diagnosis in the media of a living public figure they have not examined (American Psychological Association, 2003). How Nixon gets involved is during his presidential candidacy and also during the era of Watergate numerous psychologists and psychiatrists publicly diagnosed Nixon without ever setting clinical eyes on him.

So, what does this have to do with getting asked a counselling-type question for a friend of a friend? Simply, I think the Goldwater Rule should be extended to any living person a counselling therapist has not clinically assessed. Setting boundaries is crucial to not finding ourselves behaving unethically. My friends are getting pretty used to hearing me say, “Well I can’t actually evaluate this person, and if I had, I wouldn’t be able to tell you, but maybe there’s some general information about _____ I can give you?” I can tell by their facial expressions that I am probably not giving them everything they want from me, but I am bound by our code. As a Canadian Certified Counsellor (C.C.C.), I mentally sneak the Goldwater Rule into the sections pertaining to confidentiality, evaluation, and assessment.

There is a plethora of different situations where the maintenance of this boundary is crucial for family, friendships, relationships, parenting, and it goes on. Truth be told, sometimes the hard part of this boundary is not enforcing it with others, but with ourselves when a clinical insight springs to mind mid-dinner, conversation, observation, minding a friend’s child, and the list goes on. Times like this lead me to question the boundary between being my personal and professional self. Often what comes is the type of self-care that gives me release and the ability to “shake off” the sense of murkiness that inevitably comes. While we all likely have a great prepared statement to help us immediately get out of these situations, we will continue to be challenged by the questions, concerns, and care of others close to us. I wish us all grace through these challenges.

American Psychological Association. (2003). Ethical principles of psychologists and code of conduct. Retrieved from: https://www.apa.org/ethics/code/



*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Lead…Who Me?

Posted by: Gloria Pynn BA, BEd, MEd, CCC, RPsych on April 15, 2019 2:52 pm

Unfortunately, many of our workplaces, communities, political systems are presently in a precarious place with regards to leadership – many people experiencing doubt and fear for the future. My steadfast belief is that Leadership lives in every person, everywhere, every single day. Our voices and daily work as counsellors and psychotherapists has such impact on individuals creating a ripple effect on the systems we work within. The following is a revisit to a reflection on leadership I wrote circa 2013 during leadership succession sessions. After many years in counselling and the school systems, we need to acknowledge our individual leadership capabilities and strive to be effective leaders, starting with the basics. I call these the three Cs…. Care, Commitment and Connectedness.

Care about clients, children, parents, families, social justice and collective community. We all care but think about what care can really mean for you. Demonstrate true empathy not sympathy and reflect this in your actions daily. Take care always to see the importance and impact of decisions we make every day around and with our clients.

The following Brené Brown YouTube video demonstrates sympathy versus empathy brilliantly. In her approach to leadership, Brené Brown suggests to not be afraid to show vulnerability and Dare to Lead. I tend to agree, authentic voices in our relationships and work always demonstrate care and makes our relationships and leadership stronger.

Commitment to lead… by example, in our actions, thoughts and philosophies about children, clients, education, life and people in general. Think about who you are and what, at the end of the day, is socially just and fair for all. We often call it “due diligence” but basically, it’s doing the right thing.

We all realize there are many external constraints e.g. employer policies, ethical and legal standards or practice. Our workplaces e.g. hospitals and schools, are a microcosm of society and where we learn and teach skills around priorities, goal setting, decision making and compromise. Always have voice and input, and help lead toward the best solutions we can reach within fiscal realities and other limiting factors. Lobby and advocate to change our current realities. The goal of our work is to help make a positive difference and impact on our clients’ lives in real time. As I heard Eckhart Tolle speak at a presentation in St John’s NL in June 2018, we only ever have the present moment – The Power of Now.

Thirdly, strive to Be and Keep Connected …. We must seek to know our clients, students, families, and communities through constant communication. Learn to really listen and problem solve together not merely “fix issues” or “band aid problems” but long-term views. Subscribing to a true shared leadership model and seeing that we are powerful voices and leaders, can help us see the “big picture” and provide all reasonable and available supports to others. Also, keep connected to fellow colleagues, as this provides support and reinforcement of the value of our work. In turn, this strengthens our care and commitment to our clients and is key to having success and satisfaction in our counselling practice. Who me … Lead? Yes, you and I do lead every day. Our words and work must always matter.

Think, talk and take good care always.

Gloria

*Dedicated to Dana Brothers – a fierce woman with amazing ideas, a large voice, a real leader every day. Rest in Power

Sources/Readings:
Photo: Gloria Pynn NYC January 2019
Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. New York: Gotham Books.
Tolle, E., & OverDrive Inc. (2010). The power of now: A guide to spiritual enlightenment. Novato, CA: New World Library.



*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

From Red Mind to Blue Mind

Posted by: Grant M. Waldman, MA, CCC, CIAS III on April 4, 2019 10:14 am

A new book has recently been published called Blue Mind: The Surprising Science that Shows how Being Near, In, or Under Water Can Make You Happier, Healthier, More Connected, and Better at What You Do. The author, Wallace J. Nichols, PhD, has written this book to bring awareness to the healing power of water. The difference between Red Mind and Blue Mind is that a Red Mind is one that has been impacted by the velocity of today’s society; as compared with a Blue Mind that has been calmed by the soothing effects of water.

Water has been a healing element for indigenous peoples since time immemorial; turning to water to take away illness and unhealthy emotions. To this day, First Nations in Canada still go to the water to cleanse or bathe throughout the year. It is common after each round during the sweat lodge ceremony for participants to turn to water to wash off. Today, many indigenous people have been impacted by mainstream culture and therefore many of the people have Red Mind because they are caught up in the pace of modern society. Water needs to be brought back to the people to decolonize their minds.

In his book, Dr. Nichols also writes about the impacts industrialization has had on water and why it is imperative for all of us to invest time and resources to clean up our water systems and to stop polluting. This is going to take a tremendous amount of willpower in order to consistently send this message to government and corporations. Restoration of ecosystems cannot occur, however, if pollution continues and global warming is not mitigated.

All of us will benefit immensely by embracing the healing powers of water and shifting our minds from Red to Blue; we will all be healthier and more connected to Mother Earth. It is about recognizing that by slowing down and experiencing the awe of an ocean vista, mountain, lake or steam, we will re-remember where we come from and know that by having a renewed connection with water, we will cleanse ourselves and feel better as a human species.

Grant Waldman, MA, CCC, CIAS III




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The elusive work/life (self-care) balance phenomenon for the self-employed professional

Posted by: Jamie Dovedoff on March 7, 2016 12:31 pm

stacked-stones-664928_1920For the vast majority of us, work is life so I prefer to think of this concept not as work/life balance but rather work/self-care balance. The elusive phenomenon where you reach and maintain that vacation-induced “Zen” Monday to Friday.

It seems we are often plagued with the seemingly impossible notion of establishing a consistent work flow that always seems to be in constant flux between too busy or too slow (with not nearly the same amount of time spent at that “just right” pace) and managing our self-care needs. How much is too much to take on? It’s easy to say “yes” to more work, it seems we are pre-programmed for it. We justify this by telling ourselves that we don’t necessarily know when the next referral is coming through our door. What is always saying “yes” costing you? Your clients? Your loved ones?

A simple google search provides you with the definition of balance “an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady”. So, if you are awake an average of 16 hours/day and 8 hours/day is spent at work, by the very definition of balance, you should spend the other 8 hours of your day engaged in activities which replenishes and prepares you for a new day. How realistic is that?

Establishing equality amongst your many commitments is not an easy task (ever tried walking on a tightrope?). The figurative scales are constantly going to be encouraged one way or the other. Realistically, at times, you are going to have to allow for this to happen. HOWEVER, remaining too long in a state of imbalance can lead to fatigue, decreased mood, stress, burnout, etc.

Ten steps to re-balance the scales:

  • Set realistic goals – set financial goals for your work but also establish goals around how much time you would like to devote to yourself
  • Identify and prioritize your priorities – what tasks are “must do” and which ones are “would be nice too”
  • Set equal work and self-care priorities – if you are going to take on extra work then how much extra time can you afford to give to your self-care to replenish your energy
  • Get organized – make a schedule, be conservative with your time estimates to complete each task, be realistic about what you can and cannot manage, plan in advance (as much as you can), and keep a regular schedule (prescribe regular work hours for yourself)
  • Be flexible
  • Declutter – clean up your physical working space and/or move your working space to free you of unnecessary distractions
  • Set boundaries for yourself – respect your boundaries or no one else will
  • Practice saying “no”
  • Schedule breaks self-care does not need to be quarantined to the end of your work day or over the weekend. Try to incorporate regular self-care practices for short periods throughout your day

LIVE IN CONSCIOUS AWARENESS AND PERFORM REGULAR AND TRUTHFUL CHECK INS




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Finding Compassion Within

Posted by: Denise Hall on February 2, 2016 5:11 pm

self-careBy Denise E. Hall Psy.D CCC MCVP

Every part of us that we do not love will regress and become more primitive – Carl Jung

I have been thinking for a long time about writing about Self-Compassion. In my work as a psychotherapist and with my friends and family, I am constantly struck by the lack of self-compassion people convey in their words about their work and life. They are constantly saying things like “I am so stupid”, “I should have known better”, “how could I have missed that”, “who would notice or like a _____”. “I am just a ________” etc. etc.

No wonder we have high levels of depression and anxiety in our culture. Western society is high on guilt and judging individuals. It also encourages people to have unrealistically high standards for themselves and sometimes their standard is pure perfectionism. Their failings are seen as a panacea for everything that is wrong. Not only are individuals judged and blamed, parents, in particular, are one of most heavily blamed group in society. Some people believe that Individual blame conveniently shifts the responsibility from organizational, corporate and /or institutional/governmental culpability.

What is self-compassion? I think we confuse it with selfishness if we tend to spend time on caring for our self. Self care and self-compassion, I suggest is an afterthought, something we do when we have time and when all our responsibilities are taken care of. What happens usually is there is nothing left to give to self. We turn to other things like alcohol or drugs, food or other dependencies that hook us quickly but do not provide the profound and positive effect of simple self-compassion.

Self-compassion is the act that states “I am human; I am fallible and it is OK to make mistakes to change my mind, to pursue my passion.” It is not judging our actions as good or bad, just viewing them as part of learning and growing, part of being human. How can we be compassionate of others if we do not practice it with ourselves? The Green Cross Standards of Care state that we cannot perform our work as a caregiver unless we take care of ourselves. There is also the metaphor of the airplane oxygen mask, putting it on first before we put it on others.

The driver of this judgemental approach is our critical voice or voices that are internalized from the Media, and the dominant stories in our culture about who is valued and who is not; from our parents and school experiences. Awareness is the key to self-compassion and the more we understand these influences, the more we have control over our actions. When we judge ourselves harshly it demeans us and often drives our self-esteem into the black hole of constant recrimination, fear and helplessness.

There is a Buddhist sutra that is called Metta or lovingkindness that blesses ourselves and others. It is a meditation similar to the following:

May I be safe
May I be healthy
May I have ease of body and mind
May I be at peace

The practice goes on to bless others, dearest ones, benefactors, neutral ones and those we are in conflict with. Compassion starts with the self and it encompasses our work, our friends and family, relationships with others and those that are sick, troubled or difficult to deal with. The whole world looks and feel different when we practice self compassion. The native Hawaiians have a practice called Ho’oponopono which is a forgiveness ritual that starts with loving, accepting, and forgiving the self and then others. They call it the miracle healing practice.

Self- compassion is a simple concept however it is not easy to practice. It takes accepting ourselves and all our parts warts and all!!!

Your comments are welcome! Please contact me at 604-562-9130.




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Self- Care I: Creating and Maintaining a Therapeutic Space

Posted by: Siri Brown on February 28, 2012 10:25 am

I love it when a client comes into my office and states that they feel better just being in my “space”.  This blog is about what I’ve culled from 12 years of counselling others in “spaces”.

The first step in creating a therapeutic environment for yourself and your clients is addressing the physical space you share.   I have provided therapy in a small, windowless office as well as a large, ninth floor corner office with balcony.    The clients I served in both offices seemed equally satisfied with their counselling experience.  So what, exactly, helped make the  spaces therapeutic?  The following is a list of key considerations you should keep in mind when establishing your own counselling space.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Self-Care – When it’s Hard Walking the Walk…

Posted by: Siri Brown on February 8, 2012 11:18 am

I ended up in the ER last week, stitches to my right (dominant) hand, resulting from a losing battle with a broken glass.  Exiting the hospital at 11:30pm, I was faced with a decision – to go, or not to go, to work the next day?  Self-care I can trumpet to my clients, but oh-how-complicated it becomes as I face my own choices.  This blog entry is about my own journey navigating an acceptable balance between my professional and personal responsibilities.    I hope that it might help “normalize” this challenge for other clinicians, dedicated, as I am, to the clients we serve.

Facts:   I have 3 stitches in my hand.  I am not in any amount of inordinate pain as a result.  I have almost 7hrs of sleep available to me.  I have a fairly full schedule tomorrow including clients without telephones or other means of contact.   It is only one more day of work before the weekend.   I  just spent two plus hours in the hospital (second one I visited – first one, the ER was closed).  It would help to keep the wound dry and immobilized for at least 24hrs.  I am mad at myself for what I consider a stupid, unnecessary injury.   What to do?

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

When Clients Die: To Cry, or Not to Cry?

Posted by: Siri Brown on January 20, 2012 3:41 pm

The recent holidays reminded me of a time when I returned home from a two week vacation refreshed, rested, and rejuvenated.  Work started at 8:30am; at 8:36am a colleague is in my office, face sombre, eyes welled, asking, “Have you heard?”   A client, survivor of a series of unfortunate hardships, has died in a tragic incident.  My colleague looks at me expectantly, arms hovering, silently offering the need for a hug, and I am flummoxed.  The time, now 8:39am, brings another colleague into view, ready to share the same sad news.  I see both of their expectant faces, waiting for the “typical” response – but though I am saddened by the news (the client was a delightful, generous, unique human being), I am not emotionally devastated, as seems to be expected.  It begs the question:  to cry, or not to cry?

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA