Tag Archives: connection

Proximity- How Close Are You?

Posted by: Danielle Lambrecht on August 26, 2016 11:55 am

Proximity is a felt sense of connection to another and is not just within the physical realm, but is also emotional and spiritual. According to Sue Johnson, proximity is one of the laws of attachment. It is not an idea, but a primal need that is built within each of us. We all need a solid attachment to at least one main figure and if we had that in our childhoods, most likely we would have a secure attachment to others as we grow up.

When we have safety in connection with others we can grow and develop and live healthy lives. We grow up to be adults who are flexible, creative, balanced and trust those who are either in our lives or entering in. We can develop solid attachments with others without loosing our sense of personal power. We give ourselves permission to live from an authentic place without worry of disapproval and loss of self.

The opposite is true if we did not experience proximity that felt sense of connection, we may fear people and see love as dangerous. We may fear rejection and have difficulty getting close to other people even when we want or need to. We may not be able to calm ourselves from fear of loss and struggle with feeling emotional imbalanced when what we really want is to feel safe and loved.

As a couple’s counselor, it is important to help clients see their relationship through the attachment lens. This attachment point of view allows couples to be encouraged to talk about their longing for attachment with their partner without their own fears of abandonment or rejection getting in their way. Couples learn strategies on how to seek proximity and deal with triggers as they arise. Couples can also develop secure attachments to one another by learning how to be emotional available, responsive to another, and practice ways that encourage continued emotional engagement.

Danielle Lambrecht, RSW, MCC.CCC

Danielle Lambrecht Counselling

Please submit any comments and I will gladly respond. Thank you.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Emotional Disconnection is like Inflammation of the Body—It Hurts!

Posted by: Danielle Lambrecht on June 3, 2016 12:02 pm

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When couples experience emotional disconnection it is like a virus that invades the body and spreads. It is painful and sometimes long lasting and chronic. It is more difficult to clear up after it has invaded the entire body, but it is possible! Like any unwanted invader, it must be noticed, and dealt with, and have the proper antidote. The antidote is creating continuous “moments of connection and bonding” between the couple; keeping them immune.

Over thousands and thousands of years relationship bonding has been known as an ancient primal need. It carries within it a fundamental system built to assist human survival. It has been attachment science that has demonstrated that infants who do not receive human touch do not thrive. Throughout the human lifespan and even into the last stages of life, studies have shown men have shorter life spans without a mate. The evidence is there, that attachment is not only essential for human survival, but integral to optimal health and wellness. Therefore, why it is very important to understand how emotional disconnection between two people can be harmful.

Two people that are bonded are a system of attachment. Each person integrates “self” into the system and it becomes “one”, but interdependent on the other. Secure-based relationships have this well-established attachment system that allow for hardwiring, or fixed connection to each other. It makes for a strong emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual connection and a strong knowing that each one can depend and trust the other.

Emotional disconnected partners have less of secure base or attachment to the other due to ongoing “bond ruptures”. These bond ruptures create emotional and physical distance, insecurities, self-doubts, emotional pain, and continue to erode the couples system of attachment. The couples’ primal need is not met and the relationship becomes an insecure-base of indifferences.

One of the main strategies to create a secure-based relationship is to stop bond ruptures that create gaps and distance between the couple. How to do this, is by doing the exact opposite. By using proximity and reaching out to your partner you have them notice that felt sense of connection and safety. Partners long for attachment and a simple turning and reaching for your partner whether that be in loving words or a physical gesture, the positive, connective energy is the same. When you seek closeness with your partner you stop the “inflammation invasion” and create a safe haven again. It does take time.

Danielle Lambrecht Counselling 2016 ©

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Looking Inside My Cultural Fabric

Posted by: Priya Senroy on June 15, 2015 8:17 am

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I consider myself to be a global citizen…meaning plant me anywhere, I will assimilate and survive, I will grow my own roots, embrace the culture and thrive as a counsellor….I thought that all clients will seek my professional services and no one will discriminate me because of my accent, my skin color, my ethnicity , my age or how I dress myself in ethic wear…Well….on the contrary, I find myself targeted….by clients who want to come and see me only just because we look the same, we speak the same language and we know where we are coming from. It does not matter to them that I am not an expert in what they are looking for….it’s my accent that comforts them, that assures them that they will be heard and not be marginalized. It’s a sense of belonging which is creating therapeutic space, a therapeutic relationship and ultimately helping the clients to deal with their concerns. So many times I am hearing in a diverse work culture, that what matters is your competency but that’s not the case, it’s about the cultural competence, it’s the connection. Even I see when I burst into the common mother tongue and explain the confidentiality or complex process. It s such an interesting time in my head, when I have to think in English and translate the essence in another language. For me being culturally diverse in my practice is more than just understanding the commonality, it’s about conveying the appropriate message within the context – sometimes translating emotional languages and words which do not exist in my clients. It’s also about recognizing and embracing my own (and sometimes inviting clients) into my cultural diaspora to make that connection.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Rituals as a Source of Comfort and Recognition

Posted by: Maritza Rodriguez on February 15, 2012 8:00 am

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Last year I saw a play called “Transitions”. It was about how older, established cultures have rituals that celebrate changes and major events in life, such as adolescence, marriage, retirement, growing older, just to name a few. Our modern society has lost many of these ritualistic practices.

It really struck me how unprepared many of us to go through our modern life. We no longer have much direction. Everything is now possible. While this is a wonderful opportunity, it is often an overwhelming predicament for most individuals. Most of us desire at least some direction or at least wise advice.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA