{"id":6221,"date":"2015-07-23T08:09:51","date_gmt":"2015-07-23T12:09:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/?p=6221"},"modified":"2015-07-22T10:10:52","modified_gmt":"2015-07-22T14:10:52","slug":"adult-bullying-breaking-away-from-the-bullys-grasp","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/adult-bullying-breaking-away-from-the-bullys-grasp\/","title":{"rendered":"Adult Bullying: Breaking Away from the Bully\u2019s Grasp"},"content":{"rendered":"

Breaking out of an abusive relationship is harder than it sounds. In order to manage it, the victim needs to become empowered and either set the terms of the relationship or put an end to it. The following five steps are taken, once again, from Mrs. Hirigoyen\u2019s book \u201cLe harc\u00e8lement moral: la violence perverse au quotidien\u201d.\"separate\"<\/a><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Acknowledge:<\/strong> As we wake up from the daze of being pummeled by constant abuse, we open our eyes to see a very different world from the one we used to know or made ourselves believe existed. It\u2019s like our world got hit by a massive earthquake or a hurricane. The difference from a natural phenomenon of mass destruction is that you have a culprit responsible for it. This wasn\u2019t natural. It was an injustice.<\/li>\n
  2. Assess:<\/strong> As you begin to understand how you were manipulated and used, you will likely become upset and angry with the bully. It\u2019s OK to feel indignant and sad. However, it\u2019s crucial that you do not let that anger reverse your roles where you become a bully. This is often how bullies are made. You have a right to be angry, to be respected, and to speak up when you feel violated in any way. Those rights have been downplayed and denied to you while under the bully\u2019s influence.<\/li>\n
  3. New Strategies:<\/strong> Set boundaries, with the intention of opening up communication, breaking the isolation, and protecting yourself from falling prey to the bully\u2019s paralyzing traps that aim at forcing you into your former victim role. Like a narcissist, the bully feels like he\u2019s entitled to overstep boundaries and take what he wants, without giving so much as a single thought to the fact that he\u2019s violating your rights.<\/li>\n
  4. Stand Your Ground:<\/strong> Expect tantrums to test how far you will go before one of you gives up. This tantrum doesn\u2019t have to be physical (throwing or breaking something). A good dose of passive aggression and guilt-trip is as good as any tantrum. \u201cIf you ever give in to a tantrum, you\u2019re back to square one; it\u2019s reinforced that if they stick to their guns, they\u2019ll win and you\u2019ll relent.\u201d (Brown, 2014)<\/li>\n
  5. Free Yourself:<\/strong> The relationship dynamic has to end in order for the victim to become truly free. Validate where validation is due, but do not condone the abusive treatment in any way. Thus you provide some healing to that narcissistic injury through your validation and, through your boundaries, protect yourself.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    As a now empowered person, you no longer play the victim and you show others to do the same through your own example.<\/p>\n

    \n

    References:
    \nDelisle, Jonathan;     https:\/\/lighthousecounselling.wordpress.com\/2014\/09\/19\/breaking-the-bullying-cycle\/<\/a>
    \nHirigoyen, M.-F.; Le harc\u00e8lement moral\u00a0: la violence perverse au quotidien<\/em>; \u00c9ditions La D\u00e9couverte et Syros, Paris, 1998; ISBN\u00a0:978-2-266-22277-8
    \nBrown, H. (2014). How To Deal with the Narcissist in Your Life. Psych Central<\/em>. Retrieved on May 27, 2014, from     http:\/\/blogs.psychcentral.com\/bonding-time\/2014\/03\/how-to-deal-with-the-narcissist-in-your-life\/<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Breaking out of an abusive relationship is harder than it sounds. In order to manage it, the victim needs to become empowered and either set the terms of the relationship or put an end to it. The following five steps are taken, once again, from Mrs. Hirigoyen\u2019s book \u201cLe harc\u00e8lement moral: la violence perverse au […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1001034,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[940],"tags":[1338,1410,25,55,1153,87],"class_list":["post-6221","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-traumacounselling","tag-adult-bullying","tag-breaking-away","tag-counselling","tag-empowerment","tag-jonathan-delisle","tag-psychotherapy"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nAdult Bullying: Breaking Away from the Bully\u2019s Grasp - L'Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/adult-bullying-breaking-away-from-the-bullys-grasp\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Adult Bullying: Breaking Away from the Bully\u2019s Grasp - L'Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Breaking out of an abusive relationship is harder than it sounds. 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