{"id":5652,"date":"2014-11-06T16:04:45","date_gmt":"2014-11-06T21:04:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ccpa.scottbuckingham.ca\/blog\/?p=3808"},"modified":"2014-11-06T16:04:45","modified_gmt":"2014-11-06T21:04:45","slug":"discover-your-authentic-self","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/discover-your-authentic-self\/","title":{"rendered":"Discover Your Authentic Self"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong><a href=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/Authenticity.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-3810\" src=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/Authenticity-300x228.jpg\" alt=\"Authenticity\" width=\"300\" height=\"228\" \/><\/a>How Identify is Formed<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>As children, many of us have tried to mold ourselves to the expectations and perceived demands of our parents. We either tried to please our parents, or rebel and fight against them. At a young age, we are taught to think that we are either very good or very bad. This message of being either really good or really bad is carried forward into adulthood. As a result, most of us create an identity that is formed from our parents\u2019 reactions to our behaviors. Consequently, their reactions become internalized and labeled as our identity. John Bowlby, the pioneer of attachment theory, called these messages an \u201cInternal Working Model of Behavior\u201d. These internalized messages can run like tapes in our minds. For some, the messages in the tapes are \u201cWhat will people think\u201d or \u201cTaking care of others is more important than taking care of myself.\u201d We all have some variation of these internalized messages, which help us make sense of the world and to understand others and ourselves. But what happens when these messages and expectations trigger feelings of unworthiness? First, we\u2019ll likely start negative self-talk and second, we\u2019ll stop believing in our worthiness and start hustling for acceptance to disguise our vulnerability.<\/p>\n<p><strong>How to Find the Authentic You<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Brene Brown describes authenticity as a practice of letting go of who we think we\u2019re supposed to be to embrace who we really are. It\u2019s a collection of choices we make daily to be real with ourselves by speaking honestly and openly about who are, what we\u2019re feeling and our experiences. When we put our vulnerabilities on the line, we\u2019re choosing to accept our authentic and imperfect selves. But, why would we want to be vulnerable in a world that encourages perfectionism? I can think of two reasons 1) There is no such thing as perfect 2) Perfectionism is all about trying to earn approval and acceptance. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect and act perfect, we can avoid pain, judgment, and shame and instead fit in with society. For example, some people will try to mitigate the feelings of vulnerability by numbing themselves with a few glasses of wine. The drinking often takes the edge off and reduces the anxiety that is powered by the vulnerability. Others may try to shield their vulnerability by turning to judgment or by immediately going into a fix-it mode. Instead, if we lean into the discomfort, we can learn to take a balanced approach to the negative emotions so that we neither resist nor amplify these feelings. To overcome self doubt and the \u201csupposed to\u201d messages, we have to start owning the messages by asking, \u201cWhat\u2019s on our supposed to list? Who says? Why?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>3 ways to Cultivate Authenticity<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Be Honest-<\/strong> Speak honestly and openly about who you are, what you are feeling, thinking and experiencing- regardless if it is good or bad.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Compassion-<\/strong> At the core of compassion, is acceptance. Learn to relax (via deep breathing techniques) and gradually move towards your fears. Be compassionate with yourself by knowing that we all have strengths and set backs. The better we get at accepting ourselves and others, the more compassionate we become.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Connection-<\/strong> Connection is a bond that joins two people together, which is free of judgment. We are all social beings, and are wired to connect with others; It\u2019s in our biology. Therefore, the connection that we experience in relationships allows us to be valued, seen and heard. Let go of comparisons and connect at an emotional level.<\/p>\n<p><strong>By: Dr. Reena Sandhu <\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How Identify is Formed As children, many of us have tried to mold ourselves to the expectations and perceived demands of our parents. We either tried to please our parents, or rebel and fight against them. At a young age, we are taught to think that we are either very good or very bad. This [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1001023,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,118],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5652","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-counsellingandpsychotherapyincanada","category-selfcareforcounsellors"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Discover Your Authentic Self - L&#039;Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/discover-your-authentic-self\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Discover Your Authentic Self - L&#039;Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"How Identify is Formed As children, many of us have tried to mold ourselves to the expectations and perceived demands of our parents. 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