Single women who are over 35 and who have come to me for counseling, regardless of race, religion, nationality, education and status,\u00a0 all have the same core issue: a “feeling unloved” schema. Each one of these ladies (and I’m talking about more than 10 this year alone), wants to find a guy who will love them. My efforts in helping them re-evaluate their self-worth, or try to re-frame the situation by looking at what’s good in life, or look for meaning in life that’s not dependent upon a partner – are usually futile. I’ve tried helping them identify unhealthy beliefs, socratically questioning them, behavior experiments, problem-solving, self-esteem building, but most of the time they still walk away unable to look inwards for the source of happiness.<\/p>\n
The more traditional Eastern female mindset places value on a woman’s role as wife and mother. This value is culturally rooted, and even career-minded, financially independent and successful Eastern ladies do not find fulfillment in their professional lives if they are older. Something crucial\u00a0 is missing for them – their other half. So they seek help in trying to come to terms with the reality of being unloved. I have listened to how they try to find a mate through community social events, online dating sites, even going to match-makers who do this for a living. But they are disheartened by repeated failed attempts – activating a “failure schema” in addition to the “unlovable schema”. Of course I’m talking only about the women who seek counseling; there are tons of psychologically resilient single older women out there too.<\/p>\n
Ditto with my Western female clients who, in contrast, \u00a0have been raised valuing independence and self-sufficiency. It seems a bit of a contradiction when Western culture encourages individualism – and yet I see the same issues: low self-esteem, and a lack of fulfillment because of a missing “other half”. They express similar core beliefs and negative automatic thoughts as their Eastern- raised sisters: something crucial is missing in their lives.\u00a0 Dating or living together haven’t worked, and they are still alone and unhappy, ruminating about their body clocks that are ticking away.<\/p>\n
Is it true: are we women psychologically wired to seek a mate and do we feel unworthy, unloved and unfulfilled if we’re alone? Do we really need our other half, to feel whole?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Single women who are over 35 and who have come to me for counseling, regardless of race, religion, nationality, education and status,\u00a0 all have the same core issue: a “feeling unloved” schema. Each one of these ladies (and I’m talking about more than 10 this year alone), wants to find a guy who will love […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1001025,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[39],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5618","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-culturaldiversity"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n