![\"\"](\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/peace.jpg\" "\\"peace\\"")
<\/a>Forgiveness is not only a state of mind, but it is a state of being.\u00a0 It is woven through the very essence of our being.\u00a0 Forgiveness is a constant attitude occurring through a purposeful action.\u00a0 As humans, we are instinctively designed to forgive. It is only when we choose not to forgive that our minds, bodies, and spirits begin to experience disrepair.\u00a0 Those who choose not to forgive, choose to harbor the wrongs of others and of their own person, frequently have physical and psychological signs.\u00a0 Forgiveness cleanses the body, ridding it of the decay of negativity, disappointment, and heartache.\u00a0 It is through the act of forgiveness, that we can live a balanced and well-adjusted life.\u00a0 Forgiveness is the key to live life productively.<\/p>\nFORGIVENESS OF OTHERS<\/strong><\/p>\n Forgiving others, especially our enemies is a challenge indeed.\u00a0 What if, you had committed a wrong against another?\u00a0 Would you not have deep desire to be forgiven?\u00a0 Have you ever experienced the denial of your repentance?\u00a0 What sort of effect did this have on your person?\u00a0 Were you shattered by the unwavering and unyielding of the person or persons you had wronged?<\/p>\n As a clinician, I have met a variety of patients \/ clients who\u2019s hearts ache to be forgiven.\u00a0 As an individual, I too have had the experience of others denying the acceptance of my repentance.\u00a0 The denial of our repentance can have a penetrating effect, plunging like a dagger deep into the very core of our being.\u00a0 For so many, forgiveness and the lack of forgiveness can prove a major stumbling block.<\/p>\n If we deny accepting the repentance of another, then we are intentionally and purposefully hanging on to the wrongs of the past.\u00a0 The wrongs of the past serve as a coat-of-arms.\u00a0 We identify our coat-of-arms as a shield of honor, but the reality is, our coat-of-arms is shielding the very nature of our person from allowing others to enter.\u00a0 It is serving as a warning sign, informing others to tread lightly, because I will remove them from my life, if they wrong me.<\/p>\n For people who long for the acceptance of their repentance, they will continue to be haunted\u00a0 by their past wrongs as long as they choose to hang onto them.<\/p>\n WHAT REALLY IS FORGIVENESS?<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cForgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.\u201d Forgiveness is the intentional act or process of pardoning or offering absolution unto another.<\/p>\n Furthermore, it is the intentional act or process of accepting my own personal responsibility in an act or an event.\u00a0 True repentance is expressed through sincere regret and remorse of our wrongs.\u00a0 Therefore, I must forgive my own person, if I truly desire to heal from wrongful acts.\u00a0 Forgiveness is a three way street.\u00a0 It is the act of contrition, which is a state of feeling remorseful, sorrowful, regretful and penitent for the wrongs the we have committed.\u00a0 It is also the responsibility of the person accepting our humbled and broken heart, that engages the act of forgiveness.\u00a0 Most importantly, whether or not those we have wronged will accept our repentance, we must be willing to forgive ourselves.\u00a0 For forgiving our own person allows the individual to move forward in life.\u00a0 Unfortunately, not everyone will pardon or offer absolution of the wrongs we have committed.\u00a0 Therefore, it is absolutely necessary that we forgive our own person simultaneously, when we request others to forgive the deeds or acts that we have committed.\u00a0 Always remember, forgiveness is a continuous act not a momentary embrace.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS<\/strong><\/p>\n The psychology behind forgiveness is unexplainable on many levels, but it is undeniable that there is absolute power behind the act of forgiveness.\u00a0 It is unremarkable how the effects of forgiveness can remove decades of heartache and pain.\u00a0 Research suggests that forgiveness is not a guarantee that the wrongs we have committed will be wiped from the minds of others.\u00a0 Moreover, forgiveness should never excuse or condone the reprehensible acts that are committed, rather it is liken a physical scar.\u00a0 While the wound may be healed, the act or deed may have left a reminder of the pain we once suffered.\u00a0 However, if it is humanly possible, forgiving and forgetting is an ideal scenario indeed.<\/p>\n The power of forgiveness has the capability of wiping the slate of our minds clean.\u00a0 Have you ever asked yourself, what was the origins of my anger?\u00a0 Why have I had such resentment or hostility towards another?\u00a0 Have you ever struggled to recall the details of your anger?\u00a0 If so, forgiveness can have the same effect upon our ability to move beyond the wrongs committed against us.\u00a0 Let me ask, if you place a condition on your forgiveness, have you not limited or restricted your willingness to forgive?\u00a0 Are we sincerely forgiving another, if we limit or restrict the components of our forgiveness?<\/p>\n The power of forgiveness is not an absolute declaration that your mind will be sped free and clear of the wrongs that you have committed, or those committed against you.\u00a0 In some cases, forgiveness may be a continuous act for an unspecified amount of time, mirroring an act of daily contrition or penance.\u00a0 While an absolute wiping of our memories would be ideal; sometimes forgiveness and forgetting do not occur simultaneously.\u00a0 Yet, if we want to move beyond the restraints of the past, you must be willing to let go of the memories associated with those wrongs.\u00a0 Keeping the wrongs alive will embed the negativity in your mind.\u00a0 Remember a scar is just a reminder of a history, it is not the pain we may have once endured.<\/p>\n FORGIVENESS IS A CHOICE<\/strong><\/p>\n Forgiveness is a thoughtful and conscientious choice.\u00a0 We may need to choose to forgive another, even if the wrongdoer never offers a remorseful spirit.\u00a0 Forgiving others, allows the very essence of our person to move forward, leaving the egregious acts in the past. As a clinician, I have had so many individuals struggles with the wrongs committed against them.\u00a0 As a person, I too have struggled with the wrongs that have been casted my way, but I can wholeheartedly admit, once I have sincerely and completely offered forgiveness, the chains that have bound me unto the harm are released from my person.\u00a0 Releasing the chains that have captivated us, allows for other more pleasant memories to occupy our minds.<\/p>\n As someone who has wronged and been wronged, I can tell you that I have learned the benefits of forgiveness.\u00a0 When I have struggled to let go of the past, \u201cI\u201d have been the captive of that wrong.\u00a0 Forgiveness is a choice, and if I choose not to forgive, then I place myself in a constant state of captivity.\u00a0 If I choose to forgive, it is in not an indication of my acceptance of a wrong once committed, or a condolence of the egregious act; rather it is my desire to rid my mind of the harm that was injected into my life.\u00a0 Forgiveness is the measure whereby I declare the deed or act is over. \u00a0 It is an intentionally declaration that I no longer need to carry the chains that have weighed me down.\u00a0 I no longer want to think upon the negativity that has plagued my mind, body and spirit.<\/p>\n Forgiveness is an intentional choice of letting go of the past, acknowledging those who are pleading for the acceptance of their broken heart, and\/or allowing my own broken person to remove the chains that have bound me to be released from my person.<\/p>\n THE PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND REMEMBERING WRONGS\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n If I intentionally choose not to forgive, I will most assuredly be plagued with the memories associated with the wrongs once committed.\u00a0 If I choose not to forgive, I can be assured that the negativity will have a dire effect upon my person.\u00a0 Research has shown that recall of wrongs committed in the past, can lead to a variety of physiological and psychological problems including the development of cardiovascular heart disease, cancer, hypertension, psychological and psychiatric disorders, and a host of other physiological and psychological problems.\u00a0 We seldom consider negativity or the recall of negative events as a stress, but there is no doubt that negativity is encapsulated with stress.<\/p>\n Remembering the past is like placing an anchor around your neck.\u00a0 At first, you may be capable of resisting the weight, but in time the weight will take a toll upon your ability to function.\u00a0 Consider the following, if you are already weighed down by the stressors of the past, how will additional stress have an effect upon your overall person?<\/p>\n The psychology associated with reliving the past, and harms associated with the past, is extremely controversial.\u00a0 Psychologists have long debated the extent with which we explore the past, to whether we even consider embarking on the past.\u00a0 Why broach the the past if it is not having a dire effect upon your overall person and your ability to properly function?\u00a0 Are we not causing more harm, than good, by reengaging topics from the past?\u00a0 Arguably, if the past is having an underlying effect, then do we not have an obligation to explore it?\u00a0 The challenge is, determining whether or not the past is causing current stress or harm unto your person.<\/p>\n PERSONAL FORGIVENESS<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cForgiveness is a gift you give yourself.\u201d ~ Tony Robbins<\/em><\/p>\n Personal forgiveness is the ability to let go and go forward from the wrongs we have committed.\u00a0 The truth is forgiveness can never be faked or a sham.\u00a0 If it is, whoever is offering the forgiving spirit is a hypocrite indulging in false truths and lies.\u00a0 Likewise, if I am asking for forgiveness, I am equally as accountable for the humility and sincerity of my person.<\/p>\n Everyone is accountable for his or her own choices associated around forgiveness. \u00a0 If I forgive you, you are not obligated to forgive me, but karmically it could be argued that it makes sense. \u00a0 Moreover, if I have wronged you and asked for forgiveness.; you are neither obligated or forced to accept my repentance, but I can have an ease of my heart that I have tried mending the wrongs that I have committed.\u00a0 Likewise, whether or not you accept my repentance, I have a right to offer my own person forgiveness, allowing my person to move beyond the wrongs with which I have committed.<\/p>\n Forgiving Our Person<\/em><\/p>\n Personal forgiveness is the process of healing.\u00a0 Once I forgive myself, only then will I be capable of asking you for forgiveness. If I can completely and sincerely accept my personal wrongs and the responsibility for my actions, then I have begun the transformation for living a life beyond the wrongs. \u00a0 If I reserve, hesitate, or excuse my wrongs, then I am hanging onto conditions associated with the wrongs and I am not taking complete responsibility for the wrongs with which I have committed. \u00a0 It is important to recognize that you should only accept responsibility for the wrongs with which you have committed, never accepting the wrongs associated with others.<\/p>\n Forgiving oneself is of the utmost importance.\u00a0 If I do not completely and unconditionally forgive my own person, then how will I ever know how to forgive another? \u00a0 Forgiveness is not an obligation, rather is a desire to rid myself and others of the chains that have bound me to the past.<\/p>\n It is forgiveness that allows me to live a life beyond the wrongs, allowing me to live abundantly and free in the future.<\/p>\n FORGIVING<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cResentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.\u201d Forgiving others is not about the denial of the past, rather it is accepting the past as merely a historical marker in my life. \u00a0 Whether the harm was intentional or unintentional, it may have a profound impact upon us psychologically and physiologically.\u00a0 Belittling those who have endured wrongs, is no different than causing intentional harm.\u00a0 Moreover, the scars that are left should never be overlooked as unimportant. \u00a0 Every person has a right to healthy recovery.<\/p>\n While the harm may no longer exist, or the pain associated with the harm; the scar may remain.\u00a0 Scars are nothing more than a reminder, but they are not the pain or the harm itself. \u2018Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.\u2019 (MayoClinic, 2013, Online)<\/p>\n \u201cIt is the forgiveness of others that allows you to live life to its fullest potential.\u00a0 Real forgiveness allows you to focus your mind on other things.\u00a0 If you hold onto the harm, then you hold onto the past.\u00a0 It is the shifting of your mind that will transform your person.\u201d (Brown, 2013, Online)<\/p>\n THE BENEFITS OF FORGIVENESS<\/strong><\/p>\n Letting go of the past, is like opening the flood gates of healing to be set free.\u00a0 \u201cLetting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:<\/p>\n The benefits of forgiveness are limitless.\u00a0 Forgiveness allows your mind to be free of the negativity that has possessed it.\u00a0 Negativity has an ability to completely control and have power over your person.\u00a0 Such ingrained negativity can and often does manifest in our speech, actions, deeds, and reactions.\u00a0 The ingraining of negativity firmly embeds itself into our minds, rejecting the positive perspectives of our personhood.\u201d (Brown, 2013, Online)<\/p>\n THE FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLE OF FORGIVENESS<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cForgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.\u201d Paul Boese\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u201c<\/strong>Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky calls forgiveness \u2018a shift in thinking\u2019 toward someone who has wronged you, \u2018such that your desire to harm that person has decreased and your desire to do him good (or to benefit your relationship) has increased.\u2019 Forgiveness, at a minimum, is a decision to let go of the desire for revenge and ill-will toward the person who wronged you. It may also include feelings of goodwill toward the other person. Forgiveness is also a natural resolution of the grief process, which is the necessary acknowledgment of pain and loss.\u201d (PBS, 2013, Online)<\/p>\n \u201cThe Fundamental Principle of …(Forgiveness)<\/em> is having a spirit of unconditional love, trust, respect, dignity, caring, and hope.\u00a0 It is the knowledge that we will fail and succeed, but that our worth is not based on our failures or successes.\u00a0 For who we are, is greater than our level of obtainment or achievement, or of failure or loss.\u00a0 For who we are, is a person deserving of love, forgiveness, respect, dignity, and loyalty.\u00a0 A child that is raised with such principles will intrinsically rely upon these principles in moments of need, desperation, motivation, and for personal inspiration.\u201d (Brown, 2013, Online)<\/p>\n \u201cForgiveness is the experience of peacefulness in the present moment.\u00a0 Forgiveness does not change the past, but it changes the present.\u201d\u00a0 Frederic Luskin<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cForgiveness has the ability to transform our thoughts.\u00a0 It has an ability to allow us to reconnect with others and have a deeper relationship with them.\u00a0 Forgiveness cannot only have a healing affect for the individual, but its affect can go well beyond those initially involved in the forgiveness.\u201d (Brown, 2013, Online)\u00a0 Forgiveness is the ultimate liberator of our mind, body, and spirit.<\/p>\n Author<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0 Dr. Asa Don Brown, Ph.D., C.C.C., N.C.C.M.<\/p>\n Website<\/strong>:\u00a0 http:\/\/www.asadonbrown.com<\/a><\/p>\n REFERENCES<\/strong><\/p>\n Brown, A. D. (2013) Forgiveness. Retrieved January 6, 2013 from http:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/blog\/?p=2820<\/a><\/p>\n Mayo Clinic (2013) Forgiveness:\u00a0 Letting go of grudges and bitterness.\u00a0 Retrieved April 7, 2013 from <\/strong>http:\/\/www.mayoclinic.com\/health\/forgiveness\/MH00131<\/a><\/p>\n Public Broadcasting Service, PBS (2013) Understanding forgiveness; What is forgiveness?\u00a0 How does forgiving another help us? And how can we cultivate forgiveness in our lives? Retrieved April 7, 2013 from http:\/\/www.pbs.org\/thisemotionallife\/topic\/forgiveness\/understanding-forgiveness<\/a><\/p>\n Brown, A. D. (2014) Making peace with your past: Choosing health and happiness Retrieved<\/p>\n January 24, 2014, from http:\/\/www.thesoberworld.com\/feb14_issue.pdf<\/a> The Sober World<\/em><\/p>\n
\n~ Martin Luther King, Jr.<\/p>\n
\n~ Nelson Mandela\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n\n