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<\/a>Love is an intense emotion expressed through a natural instinctive state of mind, which is derived from the heart, mind, and spirit.\u00a0 As parents, we are the first impression and expression that our children will experience love.\u00a0 It is through our love that children learn how to express and experience love. If we fail to express appropriate forms of affection, then we will most assuredly leave our children seeking out love. If we fail to express appropriate forms of affection, then our children will be left to seek love from other sources. This can lead to a lifetime of unfulfilled emotion, not only for our own children but also for subsequent generations.<\/p>\nMany religions speak of an expressive love.\u00a0 While each religion, and the subsets within those religions hold to a similar concept of love; it is not uncommon that religious subsets differ on their unique perspective of love.\u00a0 Most religious ideological perspectives revere the expression of love.\u00a0 In the New International Version of the Christian Bible, it expresses love as being an unconditional state. \u201cLove is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. \u00a0<\/strong>It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. \u00a0<\/strong>Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. \u00a0Love never fails.<\/em>\u201d\u00a0 What are we speaking of if love never can fail according to the Christian text?<\/p>\n In the Muslim faith, love between a couple is highly regarded.\u00a0 In the Quran, love is discussed as being a creation.\u00a0 Chapter (30) s\u016brat l-r\u016bm (The Romans), Muhammad Sarwar \u201cHis creating spouses for you out of yourselves so that you might take comfort in them and His creating love and mercy among you.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Love is the unifying of the hearts, souls, and minds of others together.<\/p>\n The absence of love in many homes has become so commonplace, that when we hear of this absence, we are neither distressed nor bewildered by the lack of love in a home. The anomaly has become a loving family that shares affection in appropriate and healthy ways. So unusual is the healthy expression of love, that it has become mocked and an object of derision within most cultures. Rather than embrace and celebrate the love of a family, it is the punch line of jokes, or even worse, it is eyed with suspicion and mistrust. The lack of love is common place and accepted while healthy, loving expression is eyed with contempt.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n While many may differ on their personal beliefs of a deity, a spiritual being, or the absence of a spiritual being altogether; there are many positive perspectives that we can acquire from religious texts to improve the love between people.\u00a0 Creating a \u201chealthy\u201d form of love within a relationship requires respect, dignity, and honor.\u00a0 A spiritual perspective may offer a different, and arguably broader perspective regarding love, but it is not a prerequisite to expressing love. The most important requirement for creating healthy loving relationships is the willingness to be loving.<\/p>\n As a professional, we are discouraged from proselytizing, or attempting to convert or sway someone in the direction of our religious ideological perspectives.\u00a0 As a clinician, I have learned the value of listening and hearing those who have differing belief systems.\u00a0 It is necessary that we never belittle or treat other\u2019s belief systems disrespectfully or dishonorably.\u00a0\u00a0 By the way, did you know that even an atheist has a belief system?\u00a0 For atheist, the belief system is in the lack of a God or spiritual deity altogether.\u00a0 They believe in the absence of God and spirituality.\u00a0 For agnostics, they have an objective stance, declaring that it is impossible to prove or disprove the presence of God or a higher spiritual deity.\u00a0\u00a0 Yet, the founding fathers of psychology frequently used their belief systems for influencing mental health (Carl Rogers, Carl Gustav Jung, others).\u00a0 It is crucially important that we always <\/em>remain respectful in the therapeutic environment.\u00a0 While I have been known to encourage my patients to share their personal belief systems, I never try to influence or sway someone to believe my spiritual belief, or follow my spiritual quest.\u00a0 It is absolutely necessary as clinicians that we focus our time on the patient and his\/her needs; being certain that we leave our personal agendas, biases, needs, and ideological perspectives at the door.<\/p>\n The Apple Dictionary describes love as being:\u00a0 love<\/strong> |l\u0259v|<\/p>\n 1 <\/strong>an intense feeling of deep affection : babies fill parents with intense feelings of love | their love for <\/strong>their country.<\/em><\/p>\n \u2022 a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone : it was love at first sight | they were both in love with <\/strong>her | we were slowly falling in love<\/strong>.<\/em><\/p>\n Love is an intense emotional connection uniting two or more people together.\u00a0 Through loving, we become capable of forgiving, forgetting, and renewing a relationship. Gautama Buddha was attributed as saying, \u201cThe secret of a health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly.\u201d It is \u201cYou yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.\u201d Thus, real and authentic love must begin within our own person, before we can project it forward.\u00a0 Until we learn to love, forgive and accept ourselves, we will be unable to authentically love, forgive and accept others.<\/p>\n THE SHARING OF LOVE<\/strong><\/p>\n Children should be allowed the privilege, of witnessing their parents share expressions of love.\u00a0 Do not get me wrong, I am not speaking of sexuality which is the physical display of love in a sexual way, rather I am speaking of the sort of love expressed through thoughts, feelings, emotions, and touch.\u00a0 Furthermore, we must be culturally sensitive, acknowledging that there are different morals and ethics that are deemed appropriate and inappropriate around the display of love.\u00a0 Nevertheless, I always encourage parents, if culturally appropriate, to share the nonverbal actions of love such as, holding hands, kissing, sharing of a smile, and hugs.\u00a0 If children witness appropriate forms of love and affection, then they will be aware of what is appropriate and inappropriate forms of love.\u00a0 Beyond the physical expression of love, such as hugging, it is also important to show children love through our actions and words. By expressing our approval for them, our forgiveness of their mistakes, and our appreciation of their efforts, children will learn to accept themselves and will feel comfortable sharing themselves with others. Criticism, harshness, and disapproval convey a completely different message which could possibly damage a child and prevent him or her from entering into loving relationships in the future.<\/p>\n \u201cBefore developing speech, we communicated with our bodies,\u201d said Dr. David B. Givens, Director of the Center for Nonverbal Studies, Spokane, Washington.\u00a0 Nonverbal expressions of love are important, not only for children, but for everyone we encounter. You can share love with those you meet through your kindness, your smile, and your posture toward them. Physical expressions of love are important, but there are also non verbal and non physical ways to express affection that may feel less threatening to someone who has never experienced loving interaction. Making eye contact, smiling and nodding approval are ways to express unconditional love without crossing physical barriers.<\/p>\n Have you ever watched the expressions of a newborn baby?\u00a0 A newborn baby is gleaming with expressions of unconditional love, happiness and joy.\u00a0 Notably, a newborn baby loves out of love, having no reservations or conditions placed upon his or her love. For a newborn baby, the world is an unexplored and unbiased promise. A baby loves from his own beingness, not from external conditions placed upon him.<\/p>\n When was the last time that you heard someone say, \u201cI love you\u201d?\u00a0 Where you the recipient of this statement, or someone else?\u00a0 Take a moment and mentally reflect upon that event.\u00a0 How did this statement of affection make you feel? Where you filled with feelings of rage or tenderness? Did you feel embarrassed or did it make you feel appreciated? I am guessing tenderness and compassion.\u00a0 Even the most subtle expressions of love can melt one\u2019s heart. If you learned loving expression as you were growing up, then your reaction was probably different than someone who did not hear those words growing up. For some people, verbal expressions of love can be painfully awkward.<\/p>\n Love should be expressed beyond the words.\u00a0 It should be expressed through nonverbal actions, deeds, conduct and behavior. Love should be an inherent characteristic of a relationship. It should be a quality that is instinctive, never being manufactured or fabricated. Love is a common theme in most religions and spiritual beliefs. It is the common thread that weaves humanity together in compassion. The expression of love is common among humanity. Our first obligation to ourselves and to each other, is to share love in every circumstance, with every person we meet. There is no greater power in the world than the power of love. When we share love with those around us, we empower ourselves and we empower the world.\u00a0 When we have an internal insight into love, then we will have an external ability to share our love.\u00a0 \u201cLove knows no boundaries.\u201d (Brown, 2010, p. 42)<\/p>\n _____________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n Authors<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0 Dr. Asa Don Brown, Ph.D., C.C.C., N.C.C.M. and Deborah Demander<\/p>\n Website<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0 http:\/\/www.asadonbrown.com<\/a>\u00a0 and Deborah, www.deborahdemander.com<\/a><\/p>\n REFERENCES<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/strong>APA (2013) Love doesn\u2019t have to hurt: Teens.\u00a0 Retrieved December 12, 2013, from http:\/\/www.apa.org\/pi\/families\/resources\/love-teens.pdf<\/a><\/p>\n Benjamin, J. (2013) The signs he\u2019s sending you, To suss out his true intentions, you have to skip the talk and zoom in on physical signals.\u00a0 Here, the subtle moves that say he\u2019s turned on, tuned in… or total trouble.\u00a0 Retrieved December 10, 2013, from http:\/\/www.cosmopolitan.com\/sex-love\/dating-advice\/500056<\/a><\/p>\n <\/strong>Brown, A. D. (2010) Waiting to live<\/em>, Bloomington, IN:\u00a0 IUniverse<\/p>\n Demander, D. (2013) The married girls guide to great sex.\u00a0 Amazon Digital Services, Inc.<\/p>\n Public Broadcasting Station, PBS (2013) Listening is an act of love:\u00a0 A StoryCorps special Retrieved\u00a0 December 12, 2013, from http:\/\/www.pbs.org\/pov\/storycorpsspecial\/<\/a><\/p>\n\n