{"id":5522,"date":"2013-05-06T13:47:19","date_gmt":"2013-05-06T17:47:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ccpa.scottbuckingham.ca\/blog\/?p=2852"},"modified":"2013-05-06T13:47:19","modified_gmt":"2013-05-06T17:47:19","slug":"the-benefits-of-friendship-on-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/the-benefits-of-friendship-on-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"The Benefits of Friendship on a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>\u201cIt is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ~ Friedrich Nietzsche<\/em><\/p>\n

The key to a healthy relationship is the purposeful development of a healthy friendship.\u00a0 Couples who have achieved the merits of friendship, have strived to develop their relationship beyond the confines the marriage.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cExcluding some very good family relationships, the only other close adult relationships we have besides marriage are with our long-term friends.\u00a0 What is extremely interesting about these two affiliations is that marriage is the least successful adult relationship, whereas long-term friendships are by far the most successful.\u201d (Glasser & Glasser, 2000, p. 17)<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

WHAT IS A FRIENDSHIP?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Friendship is a purposeful act that occurs through an emotional and psychological connection, linking two person\u2019s together.\u00a0 \u201c…Longterm friendships are the only human relationship, where without knowing that we are doing it, we use Choice Theory<\/em> from the start (of the relationship).\u201d (Glasser & Glasser, 2000, p. 17)<\/p>\n

Developed by Dr. William Glasser, Choice Theory<\/em> is a theoretical orientation that places all life decisions, commitments, and resolutions on the choices that we make in life.\u00a0 The theoretical approach proclaims that the individual is responsible for his or her behaviors, attitudes, perceptions, and responses within a relationship.\u00a0 Dr. Glasser\u2019s theory states that we have a choice on how we intend on behaving within a relationship.\u00a0<\/p>\n

As individuals, we are responsible for initiating and commencing a friendship; how we intend engaging those friends; and the level with which we intend on developing the friendship.\u00a0 According to Dr. Glasser, \u201cThis is the reason that long-term friendships are the longest and strongest of all human relationships.\u201d (Glasser & Glasser, 2000, p. 17) Whereas, marriages do not have the same level of cohesiveness. Sadly, not all marriages or intimate relationships have friendship as their core foundation.\u00a0 You may have encountered a relationship that has been established merely on infatuation.\u00a0 While infatuation is most commonly inspired by an intense passion or admiration for another; such relationships are most commonly fleeting, therefore lasting a very short amount of time.<\/p>\n

THE BENEFITS OF FRIENDSHIP ON A RELATIONSHIP<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cFriendship is born in that moment when one person says to another, \u2018What! You too? I thought I was the only one.\u2019\u201d<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ~ C. S. Lewis<\/em><\/p>\n

Intimate relationships founded on the principle of friendship have a greater chance of survival.\u00a0 The benefits are numerous when friendship is employed.\u00a0 \u201cFriendships can have a major (positive) impact on your health and wellbeing…\u201d (MayoClinic, 2013, Online) If you are fortunate enough to be married to your best friend, then you have the best of both worlds.<\/p>\n

While friendship can prove a benefit to health and overall wellbeing; it is important to remember that \u201cfriendship has to be nourished and nurtured regularly or it faces the danger of becoming a business (impersonal) relationship.\u201d (Weasley, 2013, Online)\u00a0 Such impersonal relationships lack personal feelings, emotional connections, and are essentially sterile in nature.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cI have seen many distant and business-like marriages where careers have developed and children have come into the picture, and the priority of emotional connection has been left to die on the vine. Couples that don’t give attention to developing their friendship often come apart.” (Weasley, 2013, Online) If you avoid aiding and developing the friendship within your relationship; it may cease to be, and\/or the disposition of your relationship may be filled with utter void.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cLaughter is not all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ~ Oscar Wilde<\/em><\/p>\n

The benefits of friendship are<\/strong>:\u00a0<\/p>\n

–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0“Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Boost your happiness
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Reduce stress
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Improve your self-worth
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise.\u201d (MayoClinic, 2013, Online)
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Improve your perceptions of self and others
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 If you and your spouse are friends, then you have something with which you can rely and communicate the deepest of your desires.
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Couples who are good<\/em> or best-friends,<\/em> have a greater chance of proving lifelong partners.
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 An intimate friendship, is a friendship based on loyalty, trust, perseverance and steadfastness.
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 True friendship is based on the principle of the unconditional<\/em>:\u00a0 it is an unrestricted state that does not waver or vary.\u00a0 It is the sort of state that offers unconditional love, unconditional acceptance, unconditional approval, unconditional forgiveness, and unconditional trust.\u00a0<\/p>\n

UNCONDITIONAL AND CONDITIONAL STATES<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cForgiveness is a gift you give yourself.\u201d ~ Tony Robbins<\/em><\/p>\n

As an authentic friend, you are seeking someone who accepts you for you.\u00a0 As a married person or a person within a longterm relationship; you should have developed a friendship of mutual understanding, compassion, goals and ambitions.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The Conditional State<\/em><\/p>\n

The conditional state says; \u201cI will accept you and love you as long as you follow these rules or guidelines.\u201d (Brown, 2010, p. 27)\u00a0 Furthermore, the conditional state is a barometer of acceptance and approval.\u00a0\u00a0 Based on this principle, you will receive my approval and acceptance as long as you do not waver from our prearranged agreement.\u00a0\u00a0 The agreement may be communicated through verbal or nonverbal understandings, but the agreement is an expected decree.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Placing conditions on yourself is not limited unto you alone.\u00a0 For \u201cif you place conditions on yourself, then you place conditions on all others.\u201d (Brown, 2010, p. 26) Conditions are a vice to limit or restrict others from going beyond an established boundary.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The conditional state limits the quality and quantity of trust.\u00a0 In a relationship, the negative side of a conditional state begs the individual to breach the boundary or an established perimeter.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The Unconditional State<\/em><\/p>\n

The unconditional state is the polar opposite of the conditional state.\u00a0 The unconditional state accepts an individual whether or not they meet my expectations.\u00a0 It encourages me to accept them and love them beyond all deeds, actions, successes, or failures.\u00a0 As a parent, I will love and accept my children no matter what boundary is breached or expectation is broken.\u00a0 For me, love, true love does not yield to broken dreams or promises.\u00a0 True love, loves without borders, guidelines or stipulations.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

The unconditional state does not waver or vary in its intention.\u00a0\u00a0 It is the unconditional state that offers shelter from the storm, a shoulder to lean upon, and a hand to help guide them down life\u2019s pathways.\u00a0 \u201cTrue love–unconditional love–knows no limits.\u201d (Brown, 2010, p. 27)<\/p>\n

The unconditional state encourages growth, maturation, and proliferation.\u00a0 It is through the unconditional state the couples can flourish, developing into more complete people.\u00a0 Although negative deeds may have occurred in the past, you are not restricted to live in the past, rather you are encouraged to move forward leaving the past behind you.\u00a0<\/p>\n

DEVELOPING A HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cA friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.\u201d\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0 ~ Elbert Hubbard <\/em><\/p>\n

As a couple, if you desire to succeed, you must achieve friendship.\u00a0 Developing a healthy relationship occurs when we achieve a healthy friendship.\u00a0 If you are friends, then you are partners.\u00a0 If you are partners, then you are like two people rhythmically moving together on a\u00a0 dance floor.\u00a0 It is through the dance that you get to know your partner.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Developing a healthy relationship occurs when we show interest in our partner.\u00a0 \u201cDeveloping and maintaining healthy friendships involves give-and-take. Sometimes you’re the one giving support, and other times you’re on the receiving end.\u201d (MayoClinic, 2013, Online)<\/p>\n

The development of a healthy relationship does not occur overnight, but it will occur in time, along with a healthy balance of perseverance, patience, and persistence You move forward despite life\u2019s difficulties, trials, and tribulations.\u00a0 As a couple, your interest in one another\u2019s lives should be heartfelt, frequently expressed, and ultimately, through a reciprocal action.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

Author<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0 Dr. Asa Don Brown, Ph.D., C.C.C.<\/p>\n

Website<\/strong>:\u00a0 http:\/\/www.asadonbrown.com<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

REFERENCES<\/strong><\/p>\n

Brown, A. D. (2012) Inspiring your child. <\/em>Retrieved April 7, 2013 from http:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/blog\/?p=2380<\/a><\/p>\n

Brown, A. D. (2010) Waiting to live<\/em>. New York, NY:\u00a0 iUniverse<\/p>\n

Mayo Clinic (2013) Friendships:\u00a0 Enrich your life and improve your health<\/em>.\u00a0 Retrieved April 27, 2013 from <\/strong>http:\/\/www.mayoclinic.com\/health\/friendships\/MH00125<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Weasley, A. (2013) The role of friendship in marriage. <\/em>\u00a0Retrieved April 27, 2013 from http:\/\/www.focusonthefamily.com\/marriage\/sex_and_intimacy\/the_role_of_friendship_in_marriage.aspx<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cIt is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ~ Friedrich Nietzsche The key to a healthy relationship is the purposeful development of a healthy friendship.\u00a0 Couples who have achieved the merits of friendship, have strived to develop their relationship beyond the confines the marriage.\u00a0 \u201cExcluding some very […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1001014,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[820],"tags":[527,529,177,25,815,329,865,818,331,87,516,536],"class_list":["post-5522","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-relationshipsmarriageandthefamily","tag-acceptance","tag-approval","tag-communication","tag-counselling","tag-couples","tag-dr-asa-don-brown","tag-friendship","tag-individuals","tag-psychological","tag-psychotherapy","tag-relationships","tag-unconditional-love"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Benefits of Friendship on a Relationship - 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