A toxic relationship is any relationship that is unfavorable to you or others.\u00a0 The foundations of any relationship, healthy or not, are most commonly established upon mutual admiration and respect, but can in time become remarkably unhealthy.\u00a0 It is the poisonous atmosphere of the relationship that distinguishes a merely bad or troublesome relationship from a toxic relationship.\u00a0\u00a0 Toxic relationships are interfering with those involved from living a productive and healthy life.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Toxic relationships can be caused by two polar opposite personality types.\u00a0 The toxicity is caused by the incompatibility of the persons involved in the relationship.\u00a0 In some cases, there is no one necessarily to blame for the toxicity, rather the toxicity is caused by the inability to commune and establish healthy boundaries, conversations, and communication.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Not all toxic relationships are caused by two unhealthy people.\u00a0 It does not always take two to tango<\/em>. In some cases, unhealthy individuals target and prey upon others for their own personal needs and gratification.\u00a0 It is a slanted desire for a relationship.\u00a0 The individual who is preying is seeking to emotionally and psychologically dehydrate others, removing whatever is possible for their own greedy benefits.\u00a0 Such individuals have a manipulative style, and will frequently triangulate and maneuver their way into any relationship that they perceive as beneficial.\u00a0<\/p>\n People who are toxic are rarely aware of their own toxicity.\u00a0 Toxic personalities have an unawareness of their own personality type.\u00a0 They are too self-absorbed and preoccupied with their own emotions, interests, needs, and goals to be aware of the needs, goals, interests and emotions of others.\u00a0<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Toxic relationships are:<\/em>\u00a0<\/p>\n PSYCHOPATHS AND OTHER TOXIC PERSONALITIES<\/strong><\/p>\n Not all persons who are toxic are psychopaths, but those who are psychopaths can have the gravest effect upon you, themselves, and others.\u00a0 \u201cPsychopaths are very effective at masking their selves from those they wish to manipulate or con.\u201d\u00a0 (Babiak & Hare, 2007, p. 67)\u00a0 Psychopaths are people who are suffering from a chronic psychological disorder.\u00a0 The personality of a psychopath is often an individual who is impulsive, imposing, extravagant, flamboyant, resplendent, swanky, and most commonly pretentious.\u00a0 Such individuals are rarely aware of how they effect others.\u00a0 It is not uncommon for psychopaths to have an overly inflated sense of self and an unrealistic set of expectations of others.\u00a0 The psychopath\u2019s traits often encompass superficial, grandiose, deceitful, self-loving, self-absorbed, self-obsessed, conceited, self-centered, and egotistical styles.\u00a0 In a majority of cases, psychopaths are narcissistic, having behaviors of an antisocial personality.\u00a0<\/p>\n Psychopaths are rarely in touch with their own feelings, emotional wellbeing, and psychological needs.\u00a0 They are individuals who lack such personal insight, that they will most commonly lack empath for others and self.\u00a0 It is rare for a psychopath to acknowledge when they are wrong or to accept personal responsibility.\u00a0 Psychopaths are individuals who crave administration, attention, and the acceptance of others, but will never reveal their need for acceptance or approval.\u00a0 It is essential that a psychopath receive psychotherapy and treatment for their mental conditions.\u00a0<\/p>\n Why would anyone knowingly want to befriend an antisocial, psychopathic personality type?\u00a0 \u201cIt is easy to become entranced by them.\u00a0 They are the darling, high-maintenance sports cars of the manipulators.\u201d (McCoy, 2006, p. 107) Psychopaths are extremely concerned with their appearance and how they are being portrayed by others.\u00a0 If a psychopath feels he or she is being described, tagged, or designated any label other than a desired identity, they will do whatever is necessary to reverse or redeem their character.\u00a0 Likewise, it is also important to remember that psychopathic individuals are like anyone else; they too deserve the right to befriended, loved, and admired.\u00a0 If a psychopathic individual receives psychotherapy, they are capable of gaining control over their own deviant behavior, allowing them to lead a healthy and positive life.\u00a0<\/p>\n TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS ARE<\/strong><\/p>\n Toxic relationships are not always made-up of psychopathic or people with psychological conditions or symptomology.\u00a0 Toxic relationships may be made up of good people with bad or poor relations.\u00a0<\/p>\n Importantly, toxic relationships can be made-up of poor choices, bad decisions, and wrong turns in life.\u00a0 Toxic relationships are like a good pasta that has been overcooked.\u00a0 An overcooked pasta may have started off as eatable, but in time if too much heat is applied; a good, eatable pasta becomes barely eatable or unable to be consumed.<\/p>\n HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?<\/strong><\/p>\n How do you know if you are in a toxic relationship?\u00a0 There are many warning signs that may indicate that you have entered a toxic relationship.\u00a0 The following are a few questions to engage your thoughts and conversations:<\/p>\n ARE YOU IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?\u00a0<\/p>\n <\/p>\n AN INABILITY TO LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP <\/strong>OR A DESIRE TO REPAIR THE RELATIONSHIP<\/strong><\/p>\n What if you have a desire to repair a toxic relationship?\u00a0 If so, then you have some decisions to make.\u00a0 Are you willing to succumb to the negativity of the relationship? Are you willing to endure the anxieties, stress, and troubles that might engulf the relationship?<\/p>\n It is important to ask yourself, \u201cWhat am I gaining from this relationship?\u201d\u00a0 If it is a kin, coworker, or desired friendship, \u201cHow can I bring or return the relationship to health, happiness, and wholeness?\u201d\u00a0 What are you willing to sacrifice, if an individual within the relationship is unwilling to seek-out health?\u00a0 Are you willing to sacrifice your own safety?\u00a0 Are you willing to sacrifice the wellbeing and safety of your children, spouse, or others?\u00a0<\/p>\n REACHING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP<\/strong><\/p>\n If you are experiencing a toxic relationship, but feel a need to maintain the relationship, you should consider seeking a professional for therapy.\u00a0<\/p>\n Reaching health within any relationship involves <\/em>work, discipline, motivation, purpose, intent, and desire.\u00a0 If a relationship has experienced health in the past, it is possible to return it to a healthy, happy, and prosperous climate.\u00a0 Notably, if a relationship has never experienced a healthy atmosphere, it may not be possible to achieve such a climate.\u00a0 Nevertheless, you should act as an investigator deciding whether the relationship has potential for reaching a healthy climate, the probability of achieving a healthy level, and possibility of everyone on board participating in and working towards a healthy atmosphere.\u00a0 It is important to recognize that all therapy will take time, patience, understanding, compassion, empathy and care.\u00a0 If you expect to return a dysfunctional relationship through an expedited approach; the likelihood of obtaining health is slim.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cPatience is the ability to wait and calmly preserve. We all grow impatient, but some\u00a0\u00a0people have more trouble waiting than others do. We tend to forget that all good things\u00a0 take time.\u201d \u2013 John Wooden<\/p>\n Finally, if you choose to return to better days within the relationship, then you may return to the same problems that you have previously experienced.\u00a0 Rather, you should reach for a newness within your dysfunctional relationship.\u00a0 You should seek to obtain new insights, new communication styles and strategies, and new problem solving skills.\u00a0 Do not expect to live as once before, rather expect to live a life better than you have ever known.\u00a0<\/p>\n _____________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n Author<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 Dr. Asa Don Brown, Ph.D., C.C.C., N.C.C.M.<\/p>\n Contact<\/strong>:\u00a0 \u00a0 http:\/\/www.asadonbrown.com<\/p>\n <\/p>\n REFERENCES<\/strong><\/p>\n Block, J. D. (2003) Naked intimacy, How to increase true openness in your relationship<\/em>. New York, NY:\u00a0 The McGraw-Hill<\/p>\n Babiak, P. & Hare, R. D. (2007) Snakes in suits, When psychopaths go to work. <\/em>New York, NY:\u00a0 HarperCollins<\/p>\n Brown, A. D. (2010) Waiting to Live, Bloomington, IN: IUniverse<\/p>\n McCoy, D. (2006) The manipulative man, Identify his behavior, Counter the abuse, Regain control<\/em>. Avon, MA: Adams Media<\/p>\n Wall, C. L. (2004) The courage to trust, A guide to building deep and lasting relationships. <\/em>Oakland, CA:\u00a0 New Harbinger Publications, Inc.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A toxic relationship is any relationship that is unfavorable to you or others.\u00a0 The foundations of any relationship, healthy or not, are most commonly established upon mutual admiration and respect, but can in time become remarkably unhealthy.\u00a0 It is the poisonous atmosphere of the relationship that distinguishes a merely bad or troublesome relationship from a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1001014,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,820],"tags":[25,815,329,114,818,851,331,87,852,853,854,855],"class_list":["post-5514","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-counsellingandpsychotherapyincanada","category-relationshipsmarriageandthefamily","tag-counselling","tag-couples","tag-dr-asa-don-brown","tag-healthy","tag-individuals","tag-manipulative","tag-psychological","tag-psychotherapy","tag-toxic-relationships","tag-toxicity","tag-triangulation","tag-unhealthy"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n\n
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