{"id":5501,"date":"2013-01-23T16:23:11","date_gmt":"2013-01-23T21:23:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ccpa.scottbuckingham.ca\/blog\/?p=2704"},"modified":"2013-01-23T16:23:11","modified_gmt":"2013-01-23T21:23:11","slug":"healthy-communication","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/healthy-communication\/","title":{"rendered":"Healthy Communication"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Relationships are an art form created by two individuals who have a similar or complimentary vision, passion, and ambition.\u00a0 Rarely has a relationship developed without its growth pains.\u00a0 Similar to the development of the human body; a relationship is affected by the nurturing it receives.\u00a0 If a relationship lacks in nutrition it will not have a healthy development. Unhealthy relationships are most commonly lacking in the most essential of ingredient: healthy communication.\u00a0<\/p>\n

What is communication? It is the ability to convey or share emotions, feelings, sentiments, and desires.\u00a0 Communication can be sent or received through verbal or nonverbal cues.\u00a0 Healthy communication is the ability to communicate without offering hateful or undesirable responses.\u00a0 While not all communication will be received with a welcoming spirit; healthy communication acknowledges that we have a right to \u201cagree to disagree\u201d.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

LEARNING TO COMMUNICATE <\/strong><\/p>\n

Communication is not only what we send, but how we receive information sent by others.\u00a0 In some cases, we seek to be offended, shamed or judged.\u00a0\u00a0 In other cases, we seek to place judgement, blame or criticize the lives of others.\u00a0 Either way, if we are seeking negativity, we will find it indeed.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Learning to communicate is in part knowing why we communicate the messages we communicate. What to communicate when there is a message to be sent, and when to communicate such messages.\u00a0 For many, communication errors occur when the messages are either sent or received at the wrong time. \u00a0Another form of communication error occurs when the messages are misinterpreted by the sender or the receiver.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cOf all the skills we develop… communicating is one that we\u2019ve been practicing since birth. And yet it often gets in our way, causes stress, and leaves us at a loss. We too frequently miscommunicate, obfuscate the point, cause an unintended reaction, or avoid a messy discussion altogether.\u201d\u00a0 (Hedges, 2011, Online) Communication is an art form that is crafted throughout our lives, if-and-only-if, we have been taught by someone who has learned the art of communication.\u00a0<\/p>\n

There is no secret to communication, but the truth is, we have all received wrong instructions on how to communicate.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

THE KEY INGREDIENTS TO HEALTHY COMMUNICATION <\/strong><\/p>\n

The key to healthy communication is having a willingness to lay aside our defensive tendencies and accept responsibility for our part of the relationship.\u00a0 Healthy communication entails exercising our active listening skills, reflective listening skills, and having personal insight.\u00a0\u00a0 If we want to have a healthy relationship, we must establish and seek to maintain healthy communication.\u00a0<\/p>\n

If we are angry, we need to recognize that it is our responsibility to accept our current state-of-mind.\u00a0 For no one can really cause us to be angry, agitated or enraged, rather we choose a negative form of communication to express our emotional state.\u00a0 Anger can be a response to negative or hostile communication, or it can be our own negative or hostile communication directed towards another.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s important to remember that angry people are often people who can\u2019t communicate effectively… Unfortunately, an angry response to criticism is likely to trigger even more anger and criticism from the other person rather than problem-solving communication.\u201d (Mckay, Fanning, & Paleg, 2000, p. 153-154)\u00a0 The key to healthy communication is learning to communicate without becoming angered, agitated, or enraged.\u00a0<\/p>\n

ACTIVE LISTENING <\/em><\/p>\n

Frequently, active listening is a skill lost in our communication.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cPeople often fail to listen carefully (Actively Listen<\/em>). They may assume they know what the other person is saying or will say (because they have heard it before, or they assume that one person is \u2018just like\u2019 another person from the same group).\u201d (University of Colorado, 2013, Online)\u00a0 Active listening takes intention,<\/p>\n

What does Active Listening entail?\u00a0 It entails good physical posture, gestures, and purposeful eye contact.\u00a0 As an active listener, you will align your body towards the intended recipient.\u00a0 You may lean towards the sender or receiver, maintain active eye contact, posture your body in an open form, and be relaxed while nonverbally communicating.\u00a0 Active Listening is also being capable of reflecting any verbal or nonverbal communication that is communicated.\u00a0<\/p>\n

What does Active Listening imply? \u201cBy consistently listening to a speaker (another person), you are conveying the idea that: \u2018I\u2019m interested in you as a person, and I think that what you feel is important. I respect your thoughts, and even if I don\u2019t agree with them, I know that they are valid for you. I feel sure that you have a contribution to make. I\u2019m not trying to change you or evaluate you. I just want to understand you. I think you\u2019re worth listening to, and I want you to know that I\u2019m the kind of a person you can talk to.\u2019\u201d (Rogers & Farson, 1987, Online)<\/p>\n

REFLECTIVE LISTENING<\/em><\/p>\n

Reflective listening reinforces that you have been actively listening.\u00a0 Reflective listening is intended for mirroring and clarifying communication that you have received.\u00a0 It is through reflective listening that the sender can feel heard, acknowledged and fully recognized for the value of the words they have offered.\u00a0\u00a0 Furthermore, it is through reflective listening that the sender can be reassured that what they have communicated has been clearly comprehended by the receiver.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cThere are three basic levels of reflective listening that may deepen or increase the intimacy and thereby change the affective tone of an interaction. In general, the depth should match the situation. Examples of the three levels include:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Repeating or Rephrasing \u2013 Listener repeats or substitutes synonyms or phrases; stays close to what the speaker has said<\/li>\n
  2. Paraphrasing \u2013 Listener makes a major restatement in which the speaker\u2019s meaning is inferred<\/li>\n
  3. Reflection of Feeling \u2013 Listener emphasizes emotional aspects of communication through feeling statements \u2013 deepest form of listening.\u201d (Michigan Tech University, 2013, Online)<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    PERSONAL INSIGHT ~ Mindfulness <\/em><\/p>\n

    When we choose to be active and reflective listeners, we are showing personal interest and acknowledgement of the other person\u2019s overall welfare.\u00a0 Looking inwardly may prove our greatest challenge in healthy communication.\u00a0 As a participant within a relationship, we are choosing to connect beyond a superficial level.\u00a0 When we are in a relationship, it is vitally important that we are capable of acknowledging our own contribution to that relationship.\u00a0 If we have done wrong, we should acknowledge our mistakes seeking to rectify any problems that may have developed.\u00a0 If we have been wronged, we should not seek to solve our problems with negativity rather seek to offer forgiveness and acceptance of those who have wronged us.\u00a0<\/p>\n

    We should continuously seek to have personal insight.\u00a0 Personal insight is the willingness to confront our behaviors, consequences, and choices in life.\u00a0 It is the ability to rectify any wrongs and stand strong when we have been done wrong.\u00a0 It is the ability to acknowledge our personal limitations and strengths, without being boastful, arrogant or haughty.\u00a0 Personal insight goes beyond the acceptance of our role in a relationship, it is a reflection of our inward acknowledgement of self.\u00a0 It is capable of accepting what we need in inward and outward relationships.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

    Having personal insight makes us fully aware of our involvement in a relationship.\u00a0 Carl Gustav Jung said that \u201cthe world exists not merely in itself, but also as it appears to me.\u201d\u00a0 I am because I acknowledge myself to be.\u00a0 When we have personal insight we are mindful.\u00a0 Mindfulness is the ability to be active in the moment, offering our full attention to others and self.\u00a0 When you are mindful you recognizing that the moment exists and all about that moment is worth your attention.\u00a0<\/p>\n

    In many relationships that have reached an impasse, a player within that relationship feels unheard, overshadowed, and unworthy of another\u2019s attention.\u00a0 If we are mindful, we are rejecting the need to live in the past.\u00a0 When we are mindful we acknowledge our personal role within a relationship and accept our personal responsibility.\u00a0<\/p>\n

    The problem in our world today is that we live in a disposable world.\u00a0 If a relationship fails to succeed we simply dispose of the relationship; seeking pathways to new relationships.\u00a0 One of the greatest causations of failure to succeed is the fast paced world with which we reside.\u00a0 \u201cWe are living and working in times of constant change. Change is nothing new. What is new is that the pace of change is accelerating and mindfulness trains us to focus on the moment rather than allowing our attention to be hijacked by thoughts about the past or worries about the future.\u201d (Woods, 2012, Online)<\/p>\n

    HEALTHY COMMUNICATION<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Healthy communication is a process.\u00a0 It is the deliberant attempt to be a full member of the relationship.\u00a0 While we may make our mistakes, it is through healthy communication that we can rectify any mistakes that occur.\u00a0 Moreover, we can compliment our partner when positive choices\u00a0 are made in the relationship.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

    _____________________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

    Author<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0 Dr. Asa Don Brown, Ph.D., C.C.C., N.C.C.M.<\/p>\n

    \ufffd
    \nREFERENCES<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Block, J. D. (2003) Naked intimacy, How to increase true openness in your relationship<\/em>. New York, NY:\u00a0 The McGraw-Hill<\/p>\n

    Hedges, K. (2011) Five communication mistakes that are holding you back. Retrieved January 19, 2013 from http:\/\/www.forbes.com\/sites\/work-in-progress\/2011\/07\/15\/five-communication-mistakes-that-are-holding-you-back\/<\/a><\/p>\n

    Hendrix, H. & Hunt, H. L. (2004) Receiving love, Transform your relationship by letting yourself be loved<\/em>. New York, NY: Atria Books<\/p>\n

    Michigan Tech University (2013) Reflective listening.\u00a0 Retrieved January 18, 2013 from http:\/\/www.mtu.edu\/dean\/conduct\/officer\/docs\/Reflective-Listening.pdf<\/a><\/p>\n

    Reiser, P. (1994) Couplehood<\/em>. New York, NY: Bantam Books<\/p>\n

    Rogers, C. R. & Farson, R. E. (1987) Active listening.\u00a0 Retrieved January 19, 2013 from http:\/\/www.go-get.org\/pdf\/Rogers_Farson.pdf<\/a><\/p>\n

    University of Colorado (2013) General information about communication problems. Retrieved January 20, 2013 from http:\/\/www.colorado.edu\/conflict\/peace\/problem\/commprob.htm<\/a><\/p>\n

    Woods, J. (2012) Now\u2019s the moment for mindfulness.\u00a0 Retrieved January 19, 2013 from http:\/\/www.telegraph.co.uk\/health\/wellbeing\/9772911\/Nows-the-moment-for-mindfulness.html<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Relationships are an art form created by two individuals who have a similar or complimentary vision, passion, and ambition.\u00a0 Rarely has a relationship developed without its growth pains.\u00a0 Similar to the development of the human body; a relationship is affected by the nurturing it receives.\u00a0 If a relationship lacks in nutrition it will not have […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1001014,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[820],"tags":[483,25,815,329,834,818,835,331,87,836,516],"class_list":["post-5501","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-relationshipsmarriageandthefamily","tag-active-listening","tag-counselling","tag-couples","tag-dr-asa-don-brown","tag-healthy-communication","tag-individuals","tag-personal-insight","tag-psychological","tag-psychotherapy","tag-reflective-listening","tag-relationships"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHealthy Communication - L'Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/healthy-communication\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Healthy Communication - L'Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Relationships are an art form created by two individuals who have a similar or complimentary vision, passion, and ambition.\u00a0 Rarely has a relationship developed without its growth pains.\u00a0 Similar to the development of the human body; 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