As parents, we are often reminded that our children are direct reflections of our own lives.\u00a0 Whether we have a singular fear or set of fears, the likelihood of our children adapting such fears into their own lives is greatly increased.\u00a0 Moreover, if we have a successful habit, the likelihood our children will employ this habitual act into their own lives increases as well.\u00a0 Children thrive upon our dos and don\u2019ts of life.\u00a0 They consciously and unconsciously inherit a vast array of our mannerisms, habits, phobias, traits, and personalities.\u00a0 Children are sponges soaking up the very essence of our lives.\u00a0<\/p>\n
As a therapist, I have worked with many parents who felt disrespected by their children.\u00a0 Sadly, it is not rare for the same parental figures to be struggling with respect within their marital relationship. When parents indicate that their children are \u201cbeing disrespectful,\u201d or that they are \u201cshowing little respect;\u201d I begin by asking the parents to define the meaning of respect<\/em>.\u00a0 Why? Everyone has an unique definition of respect, but not all respect is equivalent in its meaning.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n WHAT IS RESPECT?<\/strong><\/p>\n Respect is an expression of admiration, approval, acceptance, and loyalty.\u00a0 Someone who respects another, show\u2019s an unwavering emotional connection consciously and unconsciously through their actions, words, deeds, and reactions.\u00a0<\/p>\n Of equal importance, children should show personal respect unto themselves.\u00a0 A child who disrespects their own being, is at greater odds of disrespecting others, because ultimately they have no relationship with respect.\u00a0<\/p>\n RESPECTFUL PARENTING<\/strong><\/p>\n Respect begins within the home.\u00a0 Parents who demand respect, rarely are demanding respect itself, as much as they are demanding obedience.\u00a0 \u201cIt is important to distinguish between respect and obedience. A child may obey you simply because he is afraid of you. However, when a child understands that your rules and disciplinary actions are ultimately for his own good, he will obey you because he respects you.\u201d (Bueno, 2012, Online) Respect cannot be demanded. Ultimately, respectful parenting equates to respectful children.\u00a0 If you respect your children, then your children will respect you and others.\u00a0<\/p>\n OPPOSITIONAL CHILDREN<\/strong><\/p>\n All too often, parents who are begging for respect in the home, are battling negative behaviors.\u00a0 Children who are acting out<\/em> or showing little respect<\/em>, are frequently wanting to be heard.\u00a0 \u201cA child must feel that what he does matters.\u00a0 If the good things he does do not seem to matter to his parents, then he is forced to see whether what he does bad matters to them.\u201d (Braman, 1997, p. 15) Children are not unlike you or I, we want to be heard, we want to be valued.Why is the life of a child of any less value? For after all, are they not maturing adults?\u00a0<\/p>\n RESPECTFUL LANGUAGE AND COMMUNICATION<\/strong><\/p>\n Respect begins by the language we choose to use in our home.\u00a0 Children learn respect from those who are their primary caregivers (parents and teachers).\u00a0 If I, show little respect for my wife, but am diligent to show great respect to my children.\u00a0 The lesson learned is, show great respect to those you bore, but do not respect those who are your lifelong mate.\u00a0 It is vitally important that respect is shown throughout the home.\u00a0 Likewise, respect should be shown unto to others, including the strangers within your community.<\/p>\n We cannot demand respect if we disrespect.\u00a0 Keep in mind that respect can only be achieved when we offer respect for all life.\u00a0 Whether it be human or not, it is about offering an unconditional approach and acceptance of life.\u00a0<\/p>\n RESPECTFUL DISCIPLINE<\/strong><\/p>\n Discipline does not have to be entrenched with negativity.\u00a0\u00a0 Discipline can be achieved with a respectful atmosphere and in a respectful environment.\u00a0 \u201cWhen we must communicate our displeasure to a child or group of children, we can do so without launching a verbal attack.\u201d (Block, 1993, p. 44)\u00a0\u00a0 Children should receive discipline, but through a positive and respectful approach.\u00a0 We do not have speak down to our children, nor do we have to belittle\u00a0 children to draw their attention to a \u201cbad behavior.\u201d\u00a0 Keep in mind, children should be shown the same respect that you desire.\u00a0<\/p>\n TEACHING RESPECT<\/strong><\/p>\n How do I teach my children to be respectful?\u00a0 Begin by respecting your children, your spouse, and others.\u00a0 Offer your children praise when they succeed or fail.\u00a0 Be authentic with the praise your offer your children.\u00a0 Children need to be reassured of their goodness, worth, and value.\u00a0<\/p>\n Respect is most effective when offered through an unconditional spirit of love.\u00a0 If I offer my children an unconditional spirit of love, my children will accept me whether I fail or succeed, as a parent or as a person.\u00a0 Likewise, I too should show the same spirit of love whether or not my children succeed or fail in life.\u00a0 For after all, our personal being is greater than the accomplishments we strive to achieve, or the failures we strive to overcome.\u00a0<\/p>\n Respect is about showing compassion, dignity, and equality. \u201cNow more than ever, people are aware of the importance of teaching children to respect people of various sizes, abilities, ethnicities and ages. When children respect themselves and others, they feel good about who they are. When children learn to value people who are different from themselves, they are better prepared to live peacefully in a diverse world.\u201d (Erwin and Soodak, 2012, Online)<\/p>\n REFERENCES <\/strong><\/p>\n Braman, O. R. (1997) The oppositional child<\/em>. Indiana: Kidsrights<\/p>\n Bloch, D. (1993) Positive self-talk for children, Teaching self-esteem through affirmations, A guide for parents, teachers, and counselors.<\/em> New York:\u00a0 Bantam Books<\/p>\n Bueno, L. (2012) Teaching children about respect. Retrieved February 14, 2012, from\u00a0 http:\/\/www.education.com\/magazine\/article\/teaching-children-respect\/<\/a><\/p>\n