{"id":5389,"date":"2012-01-17T11:11:06","date_gmt":"2012-01-17T16:11:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ccpa.scottbuckingham.ca\/blog\/?p=1643"},"modified":"2015-07-06T10:55:33","modified_gmt":"2015-07-06T14:55:33","slug":"communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/","title":{"rendered":"Communicating as a Couple &#8211; So That Can Each Be Heard as an Individual"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em><strong>The Love Language<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>In this day and age, I find that the daily stressors are overpowering and overwhelming the initiative and desire to put that extra effort into making things work in relationships. In Session you hear things like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>We hardly see each other.<\/li>\n<li>We don\u2019t have time for each other<\/li>\n<li>We are working late hours in order to pay the bills<\/li>\n<li>By the time we complete everything that has to be done in a day, there is no time for ourselves<\/li>\n<li>Because of the pace that we have set, the pressures have us coming home angry, upset, short- tempered, with no more energy to give to anyone else<\/li>\n<li>We\u2019re always arguing or yelling at each other about something<\/li>\n<li>The kids won\u2019t even listen to us<\/li>\n<li>He\/she never listens to or hears me<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>This is the familiar rhetoric that comes from Couples that are seeking help to get their Life, Relationship, and Family back to \u201cNormal\u201d. Sometimes, they arrive in the \u201cI give up mode\u201d or the \u201cWe should separate mode\u201d or worse yet, \u201cIt\u2019s over and there\u2019s no hope of reconciliation mode\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>It becomes our responsibility to first, \u201cput out the fires\u201d of the stressors, and then turn to the means of finding the relationship.<\/p>\n<p>As a Counsellor, Parent, and former Paediatrics Nurse, one of the things that I have learned, is that the learning takes place when one can put into practice what one has learned, providing \u201cOne\u201d chooses to learn. In other words, you can tell your child a hundred times that the stove is hot, but until the child touches the hot stove the child will not accept what the outcome might be. We\u2019ve all been there.<\/p>\n<p>Learning, for our Clients is based on Choice, Willingness to learn, Commitment, and the Desire to Reach a Known Goal. So, with this in mind, I will lead you into what I have learned and put into practice.<\/p>\n<p>Introducing a Couple into communicating in a Dyad format, helps to bring clarity into things spoken and heard from a \u201cfeeling\u201d perspective, without pointing fingers. The \u201cwhat I feel\u201d and \u201cwhat I heard you say\u201d mode, creates an opportunity for the couple to say what they need to say, and be heard in a structured, \u201crespectful\u201d manner.<\/p>\n<p>Once this first line of communication has taken place, I found that introducing the couple to a small book (either purchased or borrowed from the library), called \u201cThe 5 Love Languages,\u201d elicits further learning through choice, \u201cparticipaction\u201d, and mutual communication. Each participant begins to identify a primary, personal means of feeling loved and then, through the text, identifies it to their partner.<\/p>\n<p>I came upon \u201cThe 5 Love Languages\u201d by Dr. Gary Chapman, purely by accident.<\/p>\n<p>Once the Couple, procures the book, they begin their exploration by doing the Profile listed in the back of the book, where they first identify their (individual) primary love language. This initial step enables the individuals to become familiar with their Love Language.<\/p>\n<p>The second step to this was to assign the Couple to each read a Chapter, e.g., one person reads Chapter One, while the other reads Chapter Two. Once they have completed this reading, each partner tell the other what they have learned, in their respective chapters. The learning continues in each Session, where they again review what they have learned in discussion with their Counsellor.<\/p>\n<p>The Outcome is initially surprise, they find an eagerness to move forward so that each can learn how they implement what they have learned for their partner. It\u2019s not magic, it\u2019s communication, it\u2019s mutual engagement and it provides the opportunity to try it out for themselves, without being told. The Communication improves through the interactive practice, by creating a greater sense of connection, a better understanding of each other\u2019s needs and if the goal is to remain a couple, the romance and loving enhances, of it\u2019s own evolution.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve found it to be a very successful tool.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/heart.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-1646\" title=\"heart\" src=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/heart.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"103\" height=\"68\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Love Language In this day and age, I find that the daily stressors are overpowering and overwhelming the initiative and desire to put that extra effort into making things work in relationships. In Session you hear things like: We hardly see each other. We don\u2019t have time for each other We are working late [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1001055,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5389","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-counsellingandpsychotherapyincanada"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Communicating as a Couple - So That Can Each Be Heard as an Individual - L&#039;Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Communicating as a Couple - So That Can Each Be Heard as an Individual - L&#039;Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The Love Language In this day and age, I find that the daily stressors are overpowering and overwhelming the initiative and desire to put that extra effort into making things work in relationships. In Session you hear things like: We hardly see each other. We don\u2019t have time for each other We are working late [&hellip;]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"L&#039;Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-01-17T16:11:06+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-07-06T14:55:33+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/heart.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Marjorie McPhee\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"\u00c9crit par\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Marjorie McPhee\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Dur\u00e9e de lecture estim\u00e9e\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Marjorie McPhee\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/790d7994358186a24ee37d4f0ed0dfe2\"},\"headline\":\"Communicating as a Couple &#8211; So That Can Each Be Heard as an Individual\",\"datePublished\":\"2012-01-17T16:11:06+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-07-06T14:55:33+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":683,\"commentCount\":1,\"articleSection\":[\"Counselling &amp; Psychotherapy in Canada\"],\"inLanguage\":\"fr-FR\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\\\/\",\"name\":\"Communicating as a Couple - So That Can Each Be Heard as an Individual - L'Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2012-01-17T16:11:06+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-07-06T14:55:33+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/790d7994358186a24ee37d4f0ed0dfe2\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"fr-FR\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/fr\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Communicating as a Couple &#8211; So That Can Each Be Heard as an Individual\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/\",\"name\":\"L'Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"fr-FR\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/790d7994358186a24ee37d4f0ed0dfe2\",\"name\":\"Marjorie McPhee\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\\\/fr\\\/author\\\/mmcpheedn93wlas\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Communicating as a Couple - So That Can Each Be Heard as an Individual - L'Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/","og_locale":"fr_FR","og_type":"article","og_title":"Communicating as a Couple - So That Can Each Be Heard as an Individual - L'Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie","og_description":"The Love Language In this day and age, I find that the daily stressors are overpowering and overwhelming the initiative and desire to put that extra effort into making things work in relationships. In Session you hear things like: We hardly see each other. We don\u2019t have time for each other We are working late [&hellip;]","og_url":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/","og_site_name":"L'Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie","article_published_time":"2012-01-17T16:11:06+00:00","article_modified_time":"2015-07-06T14:55:33+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/heart.jpg","type":"","width":"","height":""}],"author":"Marjorie McPhee","twitter_misc":{"\u00c9crit par":"Marjorie McPhee","Dur\u00e9e de lecture estim\u00e9e":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/"},"author":{"name":"Marjorie McPhee","@id":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/#\/schema\/person\/790d7994358186a24ee37d4f0ed0dfe2"},"headline":"Communicating as a Couple &#8211; So That Can Each Be Heard as an Individual","datePublished":"2012-01-17T16:11:06+00:00","dateModified":"2015-07-06T14:55:33+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/"},"wordCount":683,"commentCount":1,"articleSection":["Counselling &amp; Psychotherapy in Canada"],"inLanguage":"fr-FR","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/","url":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/","name":"Communicating as a Couple - So That Can Each Be Heard as an Individual - L'Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/#website"},"datePublished":"2012-01-17T16:11:06+00:00","dateModified":"2015-07-06T14:55:33+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/#\/schema\/person\/790d7994358186a24ee37d4f0ed0dfe2"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"fr-FR","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/communicating-as-a-couple-so-that-can-each-be-heard-as-an-individual\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Communicating as a Couple &#8211; So That Can Each Be Heard as an Individual"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/","name":"L'Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"fr-FR"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/#\/schema\/person\/790d7994358186a24ee37d4f0ed0dfe2","name":"Marjorie McPhee","url":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/author\/mmcpheedn93wlas\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5389","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1001055"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5389"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5389\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5389"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5389"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5389"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}