An important component of online counselling is learning how to read between the lines. Same as in face-to-face (f2f) counselling it\u2019s about paying attention.\u00a0 In f2f counselling we pay attention to the verbal and nonverbal cues (amongst other things).\u00a0 In online counselling we pay attention to: what people say, what they don\u2019t say, word choices, phrasing, name substitutions, pacing, inconsistent spelling errors, understatements, grammar, punctuation (or lack of same), capitalization, use of metaphors, misquotes.\u00a0 I could go on but I assume you all know what I am talking about!<\/p>\n
Let me give you a few examples of the kinds of statements clients might make and some of my \u201creading between the lines\u201d.\u00a0<\/p>\n
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Client – I have one living child.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a story there [wondering if this was a deliberate choice of words].<\/em><\/p>\n Client – I tried really hard to help John.<\/p>\n Which implies that John rejected the \u201chelp\u201d or it wasn\u2019t sufficient or ?<\/em><\/p>\n Client – I know it\u2019s not his fault he got this disease.<\/p>\n Angry? Feels trapped?\u00a0 Wants someone to blame? <\/em><\/p>\n Client – In my job I have control and balance.<\/p>\n Implying they don\u2019t have control and balance in other areas of their life?<\/em><\/p>\n Client – I’ve always told him that would never come before him and I?\u00a0<\/p>\n Ending with a question \u2013 did they tell him?\u00a0 Or are they rethinking their priorities? <\/em><\/em><\/p>\n Client – I took a lot of psychology and meth in university.<\/p>\n So did a lot of people\u2026but I think the client means Math.\u00a0 Worth checking out? <\/em><\/p>\n A client talks for an entire session about their relationship but never tells me their partner\u2019s name.\u00a0<\/p>\n Hmmm, curious isn\u2019t it?<\/em><\/p>\n A client session – 17 pages long, single-spaced, with no grammar or punctuation.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve had this type of client session in person too \u2013 a breathless rush of words.\u00a0 Have they been holding this in for a while?\u00a0 Are they afraid someone will cut them off?\u00a0 Or, in their experience, no one listens?<\/em><\/p>\n The examples I have given here may seem obvious.\u00a0 Though I suspect they are obvious only when we are tuned in and present.<\/p>\n In reading between the lines I am careful not to assume anything.\u00a0 And equally careful not to make the client \u201cwrong\u201d if I am asking about a spelling error.<\/p>\n I share my observations or curiosity, ask questions and seek feedback that I have an accurate understanding about what they are saying. Sometimes clients say \u201cOh, I didn\u2019t mean that at all.\u00a0 It was autocorrect or \u2026 [fill in the blank]\u201d.\u00a0 Other times reading between the lines opens up a richer, deeper discussion of emotions or motivations or self-awareness.\u00a0<\/p>\n I wanted to end this post with a clever statement so you would have to read between the lines to fully grasp my meaning.\u00a0 Sadly, I am fresh out of clever statements today\u2026.read into that what you will!<\/p>\n