As a clinician, I have spoken with countless parents who have indicated an inability to unconditionally love and accept themselves, but declare an unconditional love and acceptance of their children.\u00a0 My argument is this:\u00a0 if parents are incapable of unconditionally approving, loving, and accepting themselves, then the children will most likely adhere to parent\u2019s negative view of themselves, rather than adhering to the positive strokes that have been granted.\u00a0 Yet, if\u00a0 children receive positives strokes from negative parents, this will help insulate the children from the profound effect of the parents\u2019 negative viewpoints of themselves, but will not completely shelter them from this negative bondage that the parents carry within their own being.<\/p>\n
If parents see themselves in a negative light, the children learn that it is okay to defame their own being, while positively stroking the life of another. \u201cFor what I say unto you, is not what I accept for myself.\u201d\u00a0 Furthermore, if I have little love for myself, then how am I assured that I am unconditionally loving, accepting, and approving of another? For if we place conditions upon our own life, then we can be assured that we have placed conditions upon the lives of others.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Children need to be reassured, secured, and unconditionally influenced. All children need to know that no matter how well they have performed, or how poorly they have performed, that their worth is still intact.<\/p>\n
\u201cAs a parent, you have the greatest influence in shaping your children’s sense of self-worth; you are their first and most important teacher.\u201d (CMHA, 2011, Online) Parental influence can be an insulator or barrier for children\u2019s ability to thrive.\u00a0\u00a0 As parents, we influence our children not only through our own modeling, but through the manner with which we interact with our children.\u00a0\u00a0 When children receive positive verbal and nonverbal communication, their ability to feel safe, secure, accepted, approved, and unconditionally loved is instilled.<\/p>\n
DEVELOPING A CHILD\u2019S SELF-ESTEEM<\/p>\n
Children\u2019s self-esteem is developed through, maintained by, and influenced through their parents\u2019 own perceptions of self.\u00a0\u00a0 Developing a secure sense of self in your children is influenced by your direct and indirect interactions with your children.\u00a0 Furthermore, your own personal views of self, act as an unwritten guide for your children on how they might eventually view their own being. As parents, offering positive feedback and communication reinforces the positive self.\u00a0 Focusing on the negative or egregious perspectives of your children\u2019s behaviors will reinforce that they are bad and unworthy.\u00a0 Therefore, it is prudent that you focus your communication and interactions on the children\u2019s positive behaviors, attitudes, and percepts.<\/p>\n
Developing a children\u2019s self-esteem begins at the earliest stages of life. Therefore, it is important that the children receive positive praise, interaction, and communication during this early stage.<\/p>\n
What are some of the key elements in developing, maintaining, and influencing a positive sense of self? Children should receive or observe:<\/p>\n
*\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 A Positive Role Model and Modeling Positivity
\n*\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Identifying Inappropriate Beliefs, Perceptions, and Worldviews
\n*\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Providing Encouraging Words and Positive Feedback
\n*\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Engaging in Positive Conversations and Communication
\n*\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Maintaining a Safe, Caring and Nurturing Environment
\n*\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Establishing Boundaries as as Safeguard
\n*\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Treating Children Fairly and Respectfully
\n*\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Safeguarding Against At-Risk Behaviors
\n*\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Setting Obtainable Goals, Ambitions, and Desires
\n* \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Making Time for Your Children
\n* \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Insisting on Communicating with Your Children
\n*\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Reinforcing Positive Behaviors, Attitudes, and Perceptions
\n* \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Offering an Unconditional State of Love, Acceptance, and Approval
\n* \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Compliment Your Children<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
As a clinician, I have spoken with countless parents who have indicated an inability to unconditionally love and accept themselves, but declare an unconditional love and acceptance of their children.\u00a0 My argument is this:\u00a0 if parents are incapable of unconditionally approving, loving, and accepting themselves, then the children will most likely adhere to parent\u2019s negative […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1001014,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5276","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parentingchildrenandtheclassroom"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n