{"id":4333,"date":"2015-06-10T08:33:15","date_gmt":"2015-06-10T12:33:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ccpa.scottbuckingham.ca\/blog\/?p=4333"},"modified":"2015-06-10T08:33:15","modified_gmt":"2015-06-10T12:33:15","slug":"adult-bullying-under-the-bullys-mask","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/adult-bullying-under-the-bullys-mask\/","title":{"rendered":"Adult Bullying: Under the Bully\u2019s Mask"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/anonymous-438427_640.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-4334\" src=\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/anonymous-438427_640-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"anonymous-438427_640\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" \/><\/a>Ever wonder why bullies bully? What&#8217;s their problem? That&#8217;s exactly the point&#8230; they are struggling with a problem. Bullying is an act of violence, and violence is an expression of anger. Bullies have an anger problem. Following Karyn Hall PhD\u2019s thoughts (2012), the bully\u2019s anger serves a few possible purposes: to protect himself, to control, and to connect:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Emotional Shield<\/strong>: Bullies fight hard to protect themselves from feeling powerless. As former victims themselves, they\u2019ve had their share of feeling powerless. Anger is an empowering feeling that pushes them to break that all-too-familiar barrier of paralyzing fear.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Source of Control<\/strong>: Bullies fear to lose their victim as a scapegoat, which they desperately hold on to. Through anger, they can intimidate and manipulate others into submission to play the abuse game by their rules.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Safer Connection<\/strong>: Dr. Hall paraphrases Steven Stosny\u2019s words on core hurts from his book Treating Attachment Abuse (1995): \u201cHe identifies core hurts, some of which are feeling ignored, unimportant, accused, guilty, untrustworthy, devalued, rejected, powerless, and unlovable\u201d. These core hurts are the result of serious narcissistic injuries. They give rise to difficult emotions, such as fear, sadness, depression, vulnerability, etc. Anger then becomes a way of connecting with other people without having to deal with those difficult emotions.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>Dr. Hall argues further that the anger can sometimes stem from entitlement and not insecurity: \u201cexhibiting a narcissistic anger \u2013 she does not feel insecure, she feels entitled\u201d (Hall, 2012). The sense of entitlement is a strong trait of a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). On that point, I would argue that the bully&#8217;s sense of entitlement itself may stem from insecurity as well. The insecurity gets triggered when people don\u2019t respect the narcissist\u2019s sense of entitlement, thus bursting his narcissistic bubble whose sole purpose is to protect him from feeling vulnerable and inferior.<\/p>\n<p>Since bullies tend to have a sense of entitlement in varying degrees, they also have varying degrees of narcissistic rage even though they may not qualify for an NPD diagnosis.<\/p>\n<p>In his book Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited (2008), Sam Vaknin explains that \u201cnarcissists are in a CONSTANT state of rage\u201d (Vaknin, #10, 2008), often controlled with explosions here and there when their poor self-perception is triggered. The narcissistic injury is a trait that narcissists and bullies share that explain the underlying anger to their abusive relationships. This is not to say that bullies are all narcissists. Narcissists do tend to be bullies, though. If he can\u2019t be happy, he would rather see the coveted happiness destroyed (cfr. Hirigoyen, 1998, p.159).<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p>Delisle, Jonathan; <a href=\"https:\/\/lighthousecounselling.wordpress.com\/2014\/09\/08\/under-the-bullys-mask\/\">https:\/\/lighthousecounselling.wordpress.com\/2014\/09\/08\/under-the-bullys-mask\/<\/a><br \/>\nHall, K. (2012). Understanding Adult Bullies. <em>Psych Central<\/em>. Retrieved on July 23, 2014, from <a href=\"http:\/\/blogs.psychcentral.com\/emotionally-sensitive\/2012\/01\/understanding-adult-bullies\/\">http:\/\/blogs.psychcentral.com\/emotionally-sensitive\/2012\/01\/understanding-adult-bullies\/<\/a><br \/>\nHirigoyen, M.-F.; <em>Le harc\u00e8lement moral\u00a0: la violence perverse au quotidien<\/em>; \u00c9ditions La D\u00e9couverte et Syros, Paris, 1998; ISBN\u00a0:978-2-266-22277-8<br \/>\nVaknin, S.; <em>Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited<\/em>; 1<sup>st<\/sup> edition, 8<sup>th<\/sup> revised impression, Narcissus Publications, Prague &amp; Skopje, 2007; ISBN: 978-80-238-3384-3<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ever wonder why bullies bully? What&#8217;s their problem? That&#8217;s exactly the point&#8230; they are struggling with a problem. Bullying is an act of violence, and violence is an expression of anger. Bullies have an anger problem. Following Karyn Hall PhD\u2019s thoughts (2012), the bully\u2019s anger serves a few possible purposes: to protect himself, to control, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1001034,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,820,940],"tags":[430,1250,219,1295,1296,25,1153,1297,1298,1299,1300,1301,87,669],"class_list":["post-4333","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-counsellingandpsychotherapyincanada","category-relationshipsmarriageandthefamily","category-traumacounselling","tag-abuse","tag-anger","tag-bullying","tag-connect","tag-control","tag-counselling","tag-jonathan-delisle","tag-mask","tag-narcissistic-injury","tag-narcissistic-rage","tag-problem","tag-protect","tag-psychotherapy","tag-violence"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Adult Bullying: Under the Bully\u2019s Mask - L&#039;Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/adult-bullying-under-the-bullys-mask\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Adult Bullying: Under the Bully\u2019s Mask - L&#039;Association canadienne de counseling et de psychoth\u00e9rapie\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Ever wonder why bullies bully? 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