{"id":41331,"date":"2022-11-04T12:20:51","date_gmt":"2022-11-04T16:20:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/?p=41331"},"modified":"2022-11-04T12:20:53","modified_gmt":"2022-11-04T16:20:53","slug":"cultivating-the-we-in-us-as-individuals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/cultivating-the-we-in-us-as-individuals\/","title":{"rendered":"<strong>Cultivating the \u2018We\u2019 in Us as Individuals<\/strong>"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"section  section--img \">\n  <div class=\"wrapper\">\n    <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/webinars-3.png\" width=\"1200\" height=\"480\" alt=\"\">\n  <\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Harmony, disharmony and repair\u201d, the natural trajectory within all couple life!\u00a0 A reassuring proposition for couples and a real \u2018dawning upon\u2019 of sorts for me.\u00a0 It was the Terry Real Deal, this Relational Life Therapy, I thought. \u00a0The webinars and the weekly email feeds that came special offer with buying Us online, made for a very familiar American-sized, larger than life, commercial element.\u00a0 But, no matter, this was \u2018good news\u2019 and we therapists always need a stimulating read and a bit of useful soul searching in the down time of our holidays.\u00a0 His reminder of a paradigm shifting from \u2018I, me mine\u2019 to the \u2019we\/us\u2019 was heart-lightening, hitting home.\u00a0 We had just gotten married &#8211; why not bring Terry along with us on our so-called honeymoon and see where that sharing would go?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Off we went this summer to the Italian and French Alps, the four of us \u2013 Nessie, our young border collie, Sophie, \u201cTerry Real\u201d and me.&nbsp; By the time, we got to the foothills, we had listened to the first two webinars and had shared on our \u2018adaptive child\u2019 triggers, speaking to that truism about couples work and their outcomes \u2013 that each partner has a shared amount of personal work to do in parallel.&nbsp; Mine included \u2018feeling bad about myself\u2019 and \u2018doing what I had to be appreciated\u2019 before evaluations and \u2018scheming to be free inside\u2019 before emotional demands or manipulation.&nbsp; This was part of my adaptive child at work!&nbsp; But hadn\u2019t I evolved?&nbsp; Was I really doing similar things in our disharmony?&nbsp; Was I really going into \u201cyou vs. me\u201d as I sought to be heard and appreciated. &nbsp;Did I lose sight of my \u2018wise adult\u2019 and track of the \u2018we\u2019 in our dynamic themes of couple disconnect.&nbsp; I know I didn\u2019t want to! Terry was taking us back to an honest reflection on what might be at work inside, when we, Sophie and I, left our \u2018harmony\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I got to thinking about how some in their religious traditions do pre-marital courses, about how some of the most important life skills, like how to be a \u2018good partner\u2019 in relationships are never really taught in school systems during the requisite sex education classes, how culturally, we seem to have to self-help ourselves through everything, how that process that can feel so alone and how we might abandon the \u2018good\u2019 practices because we don\u2019t see the motivation of the \u201cwe\u201d collective!&nbsp; It really was a lovely holiday this August.&nbsp; The long hikes in the mountains were bountiful with calm, beauty and a novel sharing for us as couple.&nbsp; It was good bonding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So this blog is a little \u201cdo what I did and see for yourself shout out\u201d to therapists who work with couples.&nbsp; A little preventive work, putting yourself in the shoes of your couples,you might think of it!&nbsp; Do as you might want or suggest to your couples.&nbsp; Expand your relationship mindfulness around some of the elements Terry suggests are useful, like those five strategies the \u2018human\u2019 adaptive child quite typically turns to: \u2018being right\u2019, \u2018controlling your partner\u2019, \u2018practicing unbridled self-expression\/venting\u2019, \u2018retaliating against your partner\u2019 and \u2018withdrawing from your partner\u2019 (Real: 2022, p.190).&nbsp; It is likely you\u2019ll see yourself with a little reflective mindfulness of your couple.&nbsp; Some compelling bibliotherapy and a valid depiction of an imperative to repairing our couples \u2013 cultivate the \u201cwe\u201d in us as individuals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">References<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;Real, Terry. (2022) Us: Getting Past You &amp; Me to Build a More Loving Relationship<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Goop Press: New York<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Harmony, disharmony and repair\u201d, the natural trajectory within all couple life!\u00a0 A reassuring proposition for couples and a real \u2018dawning upon\u2019 of sorts for me.\u00a0 It was the Terry Real Deal, this Relational Life Therapy, I thought. \u00a0The webinars and the weekly email feeds that came special offer with buying Us online, made for a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1001030,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[820,1554,118],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-41331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-relationshipsmarriageandthefamily","category-self-care","category-selfcareforcounsellors"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.7 - 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