![\"\"](\"\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/01\/yelling.jpg\" "\\"yelling\\"")
<\/a>Have you ever experienced yelling?\u00a0 Have you ever had anyone request to yell at you?\u00a0\u00a0 Have you ever requested to yell at someone else?\u00a0 Why is it acceptable or permissible to yell at someone?\u00a0 Why is it acceptable for\u00a0 parents, children, teachers, coaches, conductors or instructors to engage in such a hostile act?\u00a0 Why do we consider yelling to be less demeaning or violating, than other forms of corporal punishment (e.g. spanking, switching, flogging, or caning)?\u00a0 Do we consider the perceivable <\/em>and tangible act <\/em>of spanking, switching, flogging or caning to be of greater violation?\u00a0 Or do we consider yelling to have less damming effect?<\/p>\nMany parents and professionals agree that corporal punishment has an egregious effect on those who endure it\u2019s wrath.\u00a0 Moreover, yelling is a more acceptable form of punishment.\u00a0 No one comes into this world having a full repertoire, or perfect set, of parenting skills.\u00a0 A person\u2019s range of skills and abilities will increase with time and lessons on parenting.\u00a0 As parents, we all <\/em>have an ability to grow and spread our wings.\u00a0 Every parent is capable of learning new and improved ways of parenting.\u00a0 There are no absolutes when parenting a child, but there are absolutes when considering the various methods of discipline.<\/p>\n YELLING<\/strong><\/p>\n Yelling has an ability of conditioning those who are receiving or engaging in the act.\u00a0 It is the nature of yelling that makes it reflective of other forms of corporal punishment.\u00a0 The intent of corporal punishment is to deliberately and severely correct, chastise, rebuke or reprimand another.\u00a0 The complexity of yelling is its dichotomy of objectives.\u00a0 Yelling can be used as a source of rebuke and\u00a0 chastisement; it can be used as a source of expressing excitement, eagerness, and exuberance; and\/or\u00a0 it can be used to draw attention to a threat, risk, and\/or communicate an emergency.\u00a0\u00a0 Let\u2019s clarify, the yelling being addressed in this article has to do with the corrective form of discipline, punishment, or retribution.<\/p>\n While yelling has a positive element, yelling for the intention of discipline, chastising or mere punishment is a completely unacceptable act.<\/p>\n Have you ever been rebuked or punished for something you have done wrong?\u00a0 Did the person use yelling as a source for correcting your behavior?\u00a0 If so, how did you feel?\u00a0 Did the yelling uplift your spirit, or cause you to feel dejected, humiliated and broken?\u00a0 Yelling is the belittling of the soul and the very essence of the person.\u00a0 Yelling is seldom a singular event.\u00a0 People who choose to yell<\/em>, frequently and repetitively use yelling as a form of conditioning another person.\u00a0 The conditioning is being used in order to develop obedience or compliance of another.\u00a0 Yelling in the corrective form is always unnecessary, excessive, and tiresome.<\/p>\n As a clinician, I have no reservations in saying, that yelling decays the human spirit.\u00a0 It breaks the essence of the person receiving the vice, and it is unbecoming of the person enacting or engaging in the tantrum.\u00a0 Yes, in most cases, yelling is a tantrum being propelled from one person and being received by another.\u00a0\u00a0 Yelling is one of the most reprehensible act of abuse.<\/p>\n Have you ever heard the following nursery rhyme?\u00a0 \u201cSticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n While sticks and stones may break your bones, they are repairable and mendable.\u00a0 As a clinician, I have seldom met a client\/patient who focuses on the broken bone or the act of the physical punishment.\u00a0 Rather, a majority of those that I serve, focus on their personal attention and reflection on the words being used, and the intonation (the rise and fall of voice, the pitch) of those words. If I speak with a calm voice, I will most certainly be more attractive and inviting, but, if I speak with a critical and demeaning voice, I am certainly and unequivocally acting in a more repelling way.<\/p>\n Please understand that not all yelling is impermissible, but yelling to belittle, to disparage, to minimize or to correct as a negative source is unacceptable.\u00a0 As a clinician, I have no reservation in saying that yelling is one of the most egregious forms of rage.\u00a0 Rage occurs when we are uncontrollable, unmanageable, and an acting aggressively.\u00a0 We choose to use rage, when we have no other known alternatives.<\/p>\n Thus, it is without doubt that yelling is another form of corporal punishment.\u00a0 Yelling is abusive.\u00a0 As humans, we are all prone to failure, but do not allow your failure or moment of weakness, to be your excuse to employ yelling.\u00a0 If you make a mistake, unconditionally forgive yourself, and ask others to forgive you as well.\u00a0 Asking for forgiveness does not only empower you, but empowers others to be aware that they too can ask for forgiveness.<\/p>\n THE STYLES OF YELLING<\/strong><\/p>\n There are several different styles or rationales behind yelling.\u00a0 Yelling may occur out of delight, surprise, pain, or excitement.\u00a0 What is it to yell?\u00a0 A yell is a loud or abrasive screech, cry, warning, threat or an expression of desire.\u00a0\u00a0 The desire may be well intended, or it maybe full of malice, bitterness or rage.\u00a0 Yelling is not always a bad thing, but determining good from bad is somewhat an objective feet.<\/p>\n Yelling rarely shows little concerns for the feelings and welfare of others.\u00a0 It\u2019s harsh and abrasive\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 and sometimes calibrated to cause harm.\u00a0 When yelling is not used for constructive purposes (i.e. warning someone of an impeding threat or requesting urgent assistance), it is an emotional and psychological form of abuse.<\/p>\n For arguments sake, what is abuse? New Oxford American Dictionary, abuse is to \u201ctreat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, esp. regularly or repeatedly… use or treat in such a way as to cause damage or harm… (and\/or to) speak in an insulting and offensive way to or about (someone).\u201d\u00a0 According to New Oxford American Dictionary, yelling is another form of abuse, but sadly, I recently engaged in a conversation with a group of professionals who insisted that \u201cyelling is an acceptable act.\u201d<\/p>\n RESEARCH ON YELLING<\/strong><\/p>\n Researchers have shown that yelling does not deescalate a hostile environment.\u00a0 In fact, yelling only perpetuates an undesirable situation.\u00a0 If we yell, we are forcing others to choose between fighting or fleeing the environment; either way, we are using negative communications and causing potential problems.\u00a0 According to a recent study on yelling, any form of harsh verbal communications can prove just as damaging as physical punishment. (Wang and Kenny, 2013) As parents, we are not taught of the negative consequences of discipline, especially discipline that is harsh, critical or forcible.\u00a0 \u201cParental harsh verbal discipline can have a dramatic impact on the behavioral and emotional development of adolescents.\u201d (Wang and Kenny, 2013, p. 3)<\/p>\n \u201cWhile parental warmth creates trust and reciprocity between parent and child (Amato, 1990), harsh verbal discipline may compromise those bonds and thus contribute to coercive processes that reinforce the child\u2019s use of problem behaviors.\u201d (Wang and Kenny, 2013, p. 25)\u00a0 Yelling does not eliminate the problem, rather it closes the door allowing for it to once again be reopened.<\/p>\n For children, there is an innate desire to please a parent.\u00a0 \u201cChildren fundamentally feel responsible for a parent\u2019s anger towards them.\u201d (Lewis, 2013, Online).\u00a0 While parents feel compelled to discipline, they all too often, carry the consequences of the discipline.<\/p>\n Parents seldom consider the longterm ramifications of negative discipline.\u00a0 When a parent yells, a child feels threatened, unsafe, worried, and afraid of his or her caregiver.\u00a0 Children, even older children, have a difficult time differentiating between constructive and destructive yelling.\u00a0 Even adults, who are frequently yelled at, will become skittish and uncertain of his or her personal safety. Yelling can have a profound physical and psychological effect.\u00a0 \u201cLongterm exposure to shouting can result in fear, stress, anxiety, insomnia, developmental delays, behavioral problems, academic problems, social difficulties, emotional issues, and thwarted coping skills…\u201d (Lewis, 2013, Online)<\/p>\n THE BENEFITS OF AVOIDING YELLING<\/strong><\/p>\n If we avoid the use of yelling, we are showing respect, dignity, and honor.\u00a0 \u201cWe know that yelling and harsh parenting are associated with lower self-esteem for kids.\u201d (Arky, 2013, Online)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Avoiding yelling is not an indicator that we are weak and powerless, rather it is showing that we are capable of being in control. According to New Oxford American Dictionary, control is \u201cthe power to influence or direct people\u2019s behavior or the course of events.\u201d\u00a0 When we are yelling, we are out of control, unmanageable, and unpredictable.\u00a0\u00a0 When we have self-control, we are empowered to manage, direct, and lead others.<\/p>\n Distinguishing between yelling and a raised voice can prove challenging as well.\u00a0 Yelling is characteristically devised of harsh and punitive communications.\u00a0 A raised voice is a firm, but supportive voice.\u00a0 As parents, it is important to know that we can be firm, but that we do not have to engage in the act of yelling.\u00a0 Yelling is demeaning, hostile, and threatening.\u00a0 Raising your voice is condescending, whereas a firm voice can be reassuring, but directive in style.<\/p>\n When children or our partners are acting out, try the following:<\/p>\n Parents should not beat themselves up for making mistakes, but should find new ways of managing anger and frustrations.\u00a0 \u201cMaking the changes that you want takes time and commitment, but you can do it. Just remember that no one is perfect. You will have occasional lapses. Be kind to yourself… Minor missteps on the road to your goals are normal and okay. Resolve to recover and get back on track.\u201d (APA, 2014, Online)\u00a0 As parents, we should intentionally set obtainable goals.\u00a0 Setting goals will help us to focus on the positive, productive, and on employing new methods of parenting.<\/p>\n The modern parent is bombarded with information.\u00a0 Information derived not only from family and friends, but the various forms of he media.\u00a0 The information can prove overwhelming and disingenuous.\u00a0 Parents should consider the authority.\u00a0 If you are parent or teacher trying to reach a higher standard of correction, consider meeting with a clinician to discuss your personal desires for growth and maturation.<\/p>\n As parents, it is always prudent to use language that is uplifting, encouraging, and supportive.\u00a0 Even when you are correcting a child, be certain to offer supportive and reassuring statements.\u00a0 Be certain to create a healthy level of expectation.\u00a0 Children should be expected to pick up their toys or complete an assignment. Encouraging your child begins by the words with which we choose to communicate: \u201cYou are welcome to join your friends outside, once you have completed your homework.\u201d\u00a0 Be attentive to the words with you choose to communicate.<\/p>\n Parents and teachers need to reassure the goodness within every child. When we purposefully focus our attention on the good of the child, we reengaging our minds on the positive aspects of that child.\u00a0 Furthermore, it reminds the child that they are safe, secure, worthy, capable, valued, and loved.\u00a0 Always be certain to offer the gift of unconditional love and reassurance.\u00a0 It will enrich both of your lives.<\/p>\n ______________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n Author<\/strong>:\u00a0\u00a0 Dr. Asa Don Brown, Ph.D., C.C.C., N.C.C.M.<\/p>\n Website<\/strong>:\u00a0 http:\/\/www.asadonbrown.com<\/a><\/p>\n REFERENCES<\/strong><\/p>\n American Psychological Association, APA (2014) Making lifestyle changes that last. Author. <\/em>Retrieved January 4, 2014 from http:\/\/www.apa.org\/helpcenter\/lifestyle-changes.aspx<\/a><\/p>\n Arky, B. (2013) Stop yelling. Child Mind Institute<\/em> Retrieved January 10, 2014, from http:\/\/www.childmind.org\/en\/posts\/articles\/2012-3-13-stop-yelling<\/a><\/p>\n\n
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