{"id":3004,"date":"2013-08-30T15:05:26","date_gmt":"2013-08-30T19:05:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ccpa.scottbuckingham.ca\/blog\/?p=3004"},"modified":"2013-08-30T15:05:26","modified_gmt":"2013-08-30T19:05:26","slug":"creating-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ccpa-accp.ca\/fr\/creating-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Creating Life"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cHaving kids – the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings – is the biggest job anyone can embark on. As with any risk, you have to take a leap of faith and ask lots of wonderful people for their help and guidance. I thank God every day for giving me the opportunity to parent.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ~ Maria Shriver <\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>As a couple, there are many challenges that you will face simply being within a relationship.\u00a0 Your relationship may tinker between the off-and-on again paradigm.\u00a0 You may dislike your spouse\u2019s personal habits, hygiene, mindsets, and\/or belief systems.\u00a0<\/p>\n

There are many variables that can cause a couple to have relationship strife.\u00a0 If an individual within the relationship has an addiction or addictive personality; the nonaddictive partner may feel neglected or barricade from getting to \u201creally\u201d know their spouse.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, we live in an era of global financial hardships and economic woes.\u00a0 The lack of employment opportunities and corporation layoffs has become the norm within of our society.\u00a0 Infuse the societal troubles with a lack of time and you will create the perfect storm for a newly formed or broken relationship.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Not all are facing the hardships of financial woes or employment layoffs.\u00a0 In some cases, the challenges for a relationship may center around a lack of intimacy or unrealistic expectations about sex.\u00a0\u00a0 Sexual expectations and intimacy are all too often intertwined.\u00a0 While sexual expectations are often developed early on within a relationship, we seldom speak of our sexual desires early on.\u00a0 Unfortunately, sexual conversations most commonly occur when the relationship is in an unhealthy state.\u00a0 The couples discussions are often filled with anger, frustration, bitterness, rage, and confusion about the relationship and the sexuality within. When the sexuality of a relationship is discussed between a couple; there are commonly feelings of despair, resentment, and hopelessness until the matter is resolved in a healthy manner.\u00a0 It is vitally important to avoid creating life if your sexual and\/or your personal relationship is unhealthy.<\/p>\n

If a couple is doing well, then-and-only-then, should they consider the possibility of having children.\u00a0 Having a child can prove the greatest stressor of a relationship.\u00a0 Even the very discussion of having a child, can spur heated debates and personal battles.\u00a0<\/p>\n

THE CHALLENGES OF CREATING LIFE…<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, it\u2019s true.\u00a0 Having children really changes your view on these things.\u00a0 We\u2019re born, we live for a brief instant, and we die.\u00a0 It\u2019s been happening for a long time.\u00a0 Technology is not changing it much – if at all.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0
\n\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 ~ Steve Jobs<\/p>\n

As a therapist, I have counselled a number of individual\u2019s on the decision to have or not to have children.\u00a0 \u201cIf you\u2019re a couple, the decision to have a child or remain childless is a joint decision.\u201d (Wade & Kovacs, 2005, p. 28) Having children will have a significant impact upon your relationship.\u00a0 It is paramount that if-and-only-if, you, as a nucleus couple, decide to create life; then-and-only-then should you even consider undertaking the obligation of forming such life.\u00a0\u00a0 Regrettably, not every couple has been equal players in the creation of life, nor has every person within a relationship known about the lives that are being created.\u00a0\u00a0 Of course, if we wanted, we could open Pandora\u2019s box<\/em> to all the possible discussions about sex and sexuality, but the intent of this article is and has been solely designed to discuss creating life and the meaning therein.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The challenges are unlimited when considering the creation of life.\u00a0\u00a0 If I decide to have a child, then I must consider whether or not I want to be eternally connected to my partner.\u00a0 Even the legendary Dr. Albert Ellis was once quoted as saying, \u201cI would have liked having children to some degree, but frankly I haven\u2019t got the time to take the kids to the (swear word) ballgame.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sadly, the possibility of a relationship ceasing does exist.\u00a0 Therefore, it is absolutely necessary that to consider whether or not we would like to be forever <\/em>connected or linked to our partner.\u00a0\u00a0 We seldom consider the implications of a relationship ceasing, but if so, the ramifications of creating life can have a dire effect upon the life of the child.\u00a0\u00a0 For some the creation of life is a good idea at the time; for others, there are religious implications behind the creation of children; while for others, there remains little explanation or consideration.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n

CHILDREN ARE NOT…<\/strong><\/p>\n

Children are not the answer to a bad relationship.\u00a0 Unfortunately, I have encountered more than one couple or partner who has decided to have a baby to mend or repair their unhealthy relationship.\u00a0 Having a child should never be the remedy for a broken relationship, no more than having sex should be about forgiveness.<\/p>\n

It is not uncommon for someone to think that a baby will rekindle the flame.\u00a0 For many, it is thought that a baby will reunite or repair a broken relationship.\u00a0\u00a0 First of all, if a baby is born healthy, then it might serve as a positive measure within the relationship.\u00a0 However, if the baby is born unhealthy, then the couple\u2019s level of stress and anxiety will reach peak heights.\u00a0 A child\u2019s life should never be considered as a healing aide within a relationship.\u00a0 \u201cIf a baby is brought into a relationship in which one partner is opposed to having a baby, the relationship will usually suffer, and as a result so does the child.\u201d (Wade & Kovacs, 2005, p. 28)<\/p>\n

Furthermore, it is not uncommon for those in bad relationships to manipulate their partner by the discussing the possibility of having a child.\u00a0\u00a0 I have encountered both men and women who have used \u201ca baby\u201d as a source of manipulation within their relationship.\u00a0 Baby manipulation is one of the most common themes of bad relationships.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n