Intimacy and Personality Type<\/p>\n
At Tuesday\u2019s meeting, one of the counsellors brought up this question: if intimacy enhances a couple\u2019s relationship, then how about the relationship with ourselves- the intra-intimacy? And will this type of intra-intimacy help us to build our inter-intimate (couple\u2019s) relationship? This is an interesting question, which leads me to think about what is the definition of intimacy and what is the intra -intimacyship with ourselves?<\/p>\n
One of the senior counsellors defined intimacy as: \u2018within a relationship, a person\u2019s openness and honesty comes from four perspectives: the mind, heart, body and soul with his\/her spouse. The openness and honesty are the keys in couple\u2019s relationship.\u2019 I think this rule can also be applied to intra-intimacy as well. Are we being honest and open mind with our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors? Or do we even know how we feel, think or behave?<\/p>\n
In her book \u201cRevolution Come from Within\u201d, Gloria Steinem disclosed that after she wrote the first two hundred pages of the book, she asked a friend who happened to be a family therapist to review it. Her friend commented: \u201cGloria, you have a self-esteem problem, you forgot to put yourself in.\u201d Gloria Steinem had self-esteem issues!!! ??? Gloria Steinem, a pioneer advocate of the women\u2019s rights movement during the 60\u2019s and 70\u2019s, and also had been named one of the ten most confident women in the United States by \u201c The Keri Report\u201d . Isn\u2019t it an ironic comment? It seems success does not lead to healthy self\u2013esteem.<\/p>\n
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Could self\u2013esteem issues come from not being honest and open-minded with ourselves? This could be considered as not being intimate with ourselves. Self-esteem is different from self- confidence. A confident person can be regarded as a competitive, capable of achieving, and being efficient, productive. \u00a0The emphasis is on doing, while self-esteem is about the relationship: how do we evaluate ourselves, what is our relationship with ourselves, how do we take care of our emotional needs?<\/p>\n
According to the Enneagram personality type theory, type three \u2013 the Achievers are the type who potentially disconnect with their feelings; Type seven \u2013 the Explorers potentially disconnect with their thinking, and type one – the Reformers are disassociated with their instinct. All three types are mostly focusing on doing, instead of being. (One point that has to \u00a0be addressed \u00a0is that all types have their own hindrance and no type is better than the other type.)<\/p>\n
Doing, competing, and fulfilling are emphasized by Western culture, so it is possible that these three personality types are well received by the society which glorifies the action. Action in itself is not what makes my forehead wrinkle. The drawback is: is it balanced?\u00a0 If Gloria Steinman had self-esteem issues, it is possible that we have them too. Self\u2013esteem is not self- confidence, confidence places emphasis on doing, and self-esteem refers to relationships, how do we see ourselves?\u00a0 Are we being honest and open-minded with ourselves? \u00a0I would like to add one more element: self-esteem is also about how to be kind with ourselves.
\nHailing Huang, MTS-PC,<\/p>\n