Empowerment is Drama-Free

Posted by: Jonathan Delisle on octobre 8, 2024 11:22 am

Drama promises freedom and empowerment but never delivers.  It is a never-ending whirlwind of arguments and emotional beatings that drain you of all life-giving energy.  It is like being in an escape room with unclear or misleading clues that lead constantly to drama dead-ends. 

We speak harsh or anger-inspired words thinking we will finally be heard, only to have the other person stonewall us or respond in kind.  We put the blame of our pain on others, perhaps demanding that someone fix the situation they caused us, but we never truly end up free from the aftermath of the drama.  We reach out to those who hurt us and try to reason with them, hoping for amendment or closure, only to end up on the receiving end of their aggression again.

Drama-filled relationships are disempowering relationships.  So how do we do it?  How do we break away from the drama?  It’s actually quite simple.  You walk away from it.  Responding to drama with drama is no better than fighting fire with fire.  It makes it grow.  When you walk away from it, you let it burn itself out.  Most of us don’t like the drama and we would love to put a quick end to it, but throwing ourselves into it to try to stop it is no different than standing in front of a moving bus.  We won’t stop it.  We will end up getting hurt and prolonging that dreaded drama.  We need to step off its path of destruction.

Let’s call the following the three steps of empowerment.  This doesn’t come from any book or article I’ve read, so feel free to disagree with me.

First, walk away.  Walking away from drama means to choose to not be in the victim role, even when being victimized.  It’s like choosing to be an observant rather than a participant.  If drama knocks on our door, we choose not to engage in the drama.  Can anything be worth taking the emotional beating that comes from drama?  In my opinion, it’s not worth it.  Drama is nothing but a source of interpersonal dysfunction.

Second, if we find ourselves sucked into drama, which happens to the best of us, we take the time to look within at the contribution we had in it, however small, and try to make amends if possible.  How could we have done things differently to avoid it?  There can be many reasons why we end up sucked into drama, but it’s not worth blaming someone for our reaction or our choice.  That’s a victim stance.  Blaming is to deny our own role in a situation or a problem, and by extension we become blind to the solution, or at least the aid, we can bring to it.

It requires humility and discipline to own up to our contribution to a problem, especially if we were perhaps not the initial instigators.  Once we understand what our contribution was, it’s important to make some kind of amends, be it as simple as an apology for our part in the problem.  Just be wary of taking responsibility for another’s part.  We’re not doing them any favors if we don’t let them take responsibility for their role in the drama.  If anything, taking undue responsibility will only reinforce the drama.  If we truly can’t think of any way we may have even inadvertently contributed to the issue, then perhaps there is some way we can defuse the situation.

And third, be forward-focused.  Keep your eyes on your goals and continue to work towards them.  Drama is myopic.  It keeps us in survival mode, fighting and fleeing perceived threats, thus drawing our focus towards our survival needs and away from our empowerment goals.  In order to thrive, we need to move away from just trying to survive.

So how do I know that I am not making the problem worse?  The pivotal point between being driven towards drama or away from it lies in whether we are in the Creator stance or the Victim stance, as David Emerald claims in The Power of TED.

Victims are short-sighted, focusing on immediate relief of the anxiety, but making choices that inevitably prolong and worsen the drama in the long run.  Anxiety is a survival state best suited to preserve and promote our life, but to live under its shadow long term like the Victim, it is crippling and disempowering.

The empowered person, the Creator, on the other hand, is composed, disciplined, aiming for the long run, striving to get things done well but not overly perfection driven.  Creators focus their energy where it is meaningful, kicking to the curb bad habits that get in the way of their empowering goals.  They see setbacks and challenges as opportunities to grow, unlike Victims who will see them as roadblocks that are keeping them from their own fulfillment.

Let’s remember that whenever we feel the relentless pull of drama, we have a choice to make.  We can be the Victim who will fight drama with drama, or we can be the Creator who will leave it behind, leading the way towards an empowered lifestyle and in doing so inspiring others to do the same.




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

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