Finding The Right Therapist: A Checklist

Posted by: Paula Gonzalez on March 29, 2023 9:13 pm

If you’re reading this, you’re probably someone who has been considering the idea of therapy for some time. Perhaps you’re someone who has gone to therapy before but went through the frustrating yet informative experience of not having found a therapist who was a “good fit”. Regardless of what has brought you to this blog, finding a therapist can be a daunting process. Afterall, you’re investing time, energy, trust, and money into another person who may or may not be the right fit, knowing that when you do find it, it can be life-changing.

Looking to find right fit, though, is part of what can make this process to daunting and overwhelming. Here’s a checklist of some considerations that you may not have thought of before to get you started:

Do they have the right accreditations/credentials?
Since the act of psychotherapy is not something that is regulated by any province, just about anyone can call themselves a “therapist” or give themselves a similar title but not actually have the training, experience, and backing of a regulating college or association to ethically support clients. Accreditation is also important when leaning on extended health benefits to cover session costs since some insurance providers may only accept claims from mental health professionals of a particular designation.
Do their fees meet what I can afford?
Therapy is an investment, in terms of the time, energy, and money that goes into it. However, it is important to ensure that therapy feels accessible to you and does not become a burden. Depending on where you live, you may have several therapists to choose from, who may offer sessions at low cost, at sliding scale (often depending on what you can afford), or at full price. Make sure to find one that will meet your financial needs so that you can actually be present and engaged in your work instead of worrying about the cost!
Do they possess traits that could make me feel safe?
This one is more vague, but that’s because it can include any aspects of a therapist (beyond clinical approach) that would be helpful in making you feel safe with them. This can include anything from personality traits, training, cultural affiliation, gender, among other factors. Though trust is something that naturally develops over time no matter who your therapist is, but it is crucial that you can connect and feel confident about your therapist.

Does their availability match mine?
Similar to the point above about fees, it’s important to be mindful of your availability to prevent therapy from becoming an added stressor for you. With regards to availability, check in with yourself about what days and times would work best for you to schedule a therapy appointment, without there being overlap with work, school, or other commitments. It is also important to ensure that your therapist has availability that would be able to accommodate the frequency of sessions you’re looking for.

Making the choice to seek professional support for your mental health is an incredibly courageous yet sometimes overwhelming decision because it can be intimidating to know where to start. The internet fortunately has tons of reputable resources that could remove some of the stress that comes with this decision. Ultimately, this is a decision that is yours to make and something that you can take your time with because it will be worth it in the end.

Stay tuned for more tips on finding the right therapist for you.

Paula Gonzalez, MCP, CCC, RP, is the founder of Infinite Horizons Psychotherapy (www.infinitehorizonspsychotherapy.com). She specializes in empowering young adults experiencing anxiety through psycho-education and trauma-informed CBT.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Corporal Punishment: Rethinking Parental Correction

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on March 21, 2023 12:23 pm

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The World Health Organization declares “Corporal punishment is linked to a range of negative outcomes for children across countries and cultures, including physical and mental ill-health, impaired cognitive and socio-emotional development, poor educational outcomes, increased aggression and perpetration of violence.”

Gabriel and her friends are play wrestling in their home. Gabriel’s parents have long insisted that Gabriel and her friends are not allowed to wrestle or tussle inside their home. However, one fateful afternoon, Gabriel and her best friend are vigorously scuffling around her father’s office, when luck has it, they knock over her father’s prized hockey trophy. The trophy tumbles off the a shelf bringing several other items rapidly tumbling to the floor. Her father’s prized trophy and several other items lie fragmented throughout the room. Gabriel is immediately shaken by this mishap. She is aware of her parent’s rules and the consequences of misbehaving. She seldom disobeys her parents out of fear of the known consequences. As she reflects on the last time a mishap occurred, she vividly recalls the spanking received by her father. It left a negative impression. She’s well aware of her parent’s belief system on spanking. She knows that if she misbehaves, or acts out, that she will be dealt with accordingly. She has long heard her parent’s stance on “sparing the rod and spoiling the child.”

While the story of Gabriel is fictional, it is reflected in many homes, schools, dormitories and foster placements. A child makes a mistake and they are punished with severe physical consequences.

What would happen, if the courts and legislative body embolden employers to use corporal punishment? What would be your personal reaction? Would you stand for your employer spanking you the next time you get out of line, backtalk, or simply stood up for yourself? Would you be at odds with your employer? Or, would you feel that your employer was justified for spanking you?

What would happen, if the courts and legislative body embolden the police with the right to spank their clients? Would you allow for some police officer to force you to bend over your vehicle? Would you be okay taking lashes for driving over the speed limit? Would you be bothered that a police officer has the judicial right to make such decisions on the spot?

Let’s take it one step further, what if, your son or daughter were traveling overseas to a country that corporal punishment was enforceable? What if, they committed a crime that might be perceived in your country as mischief? Or, perhaps a simple misdemeanor? What if, in your community, the punishment typically involved a fine and community service, but rather than the child receiving community service or a stiff fine, they are forced to face several lashes for vandalism? How would you react? What would be your overall gut impression? Well, in the spring of 1994, an American student, Michael Fay was charged and convicted of vandalism in Singapore. Under ordinary circumstances, Michael Fay should have received a stricter penalty, but in his case, President Bill Clinton, interceded on his behalf. In the end, Michael Fay received four lashes, rather than the typically administered six lashes for the crime with which he had committed. Now as a parent, how would you react if your child was facing such a harsh and very stiff, penalty? Isn’t it funny, as a society we justify the use of corporal punishment in the home, but yet, we would be hell bent on protecting our child from corporal punishment outside the home environment.

The ramifications of spanking a child can be significant, leaving the child with the impression that violence and physical altercations are acceptable. Research has clearly shown that spanking has a profound effect upon the child’s biological, psychological, and social environments. It is not uncommon for children to struggle with a host of issues which may include: anxiety, stress, nightmares or night terrors, bedwetting, regressiveness, self-esteem and self-worth, proper attachment, issues involving feelings of security and trust, and so forth. The issues range from acute to chronic and they may plague the individual throughout the remainder of their life. Please understand that corporal punishment does not lead to desired outcomes, rather there is evidence that shows spanking can have profound effect upon the cognitive and processing centers of the brain. When we alter these regions of the brain, we effectively alter the attitudes, perceptions and behaviours of the individual being punished.

There are a number of problems with corporal punishment. Research has indicated that parents who rely on corporal punishment, commonly utilize various forms of correction when they are knowingly out of control. Many parents report feeling fed up and unable to regulate their own emotional state. At the moment of use, the parent’s mindset is seldom calm and collective. Rather, it is not uncommon for the parent to be highly stressed, frustrated and bewildered.

Ultimately, what can a parent do if other forms of discipline or correction are not achieving their ultimate aim? Parents who are feeling overwhelmed, should consider seeking out the services of a professional. Likewise, there are a number of resources for parents who are feeling exacerbated by the role of simply being a parent. In many communities, there are classes for helping parents improve upon their parenting, relationship and communication skills. Parents are always encouraged to communicate their frustrations with a professional therapist. Improving upon the foundations of one’s parenting skills is not an indication of weakness or inability, rather they are proof that you are seeking to obtain healthy skills for parenting. Fortunately, there are services for individuals who live remotely or in communities without local professionals. Parents should be encouraged to join online parenting classes, workshops, and even the ability of meeting with trained professionals. Professionals often encourage the parent(s) and child to attend family and individual therapy.

Why is it that we continue to rely upon the use of corporal punishment to correct children? It has been many decades since an employer or legal system could utilize corporal punishment on the life of an adult. Why is it that we have outlawed violence between partners? Yet, we continue to permit the use of physical violence on the innocent life of a child? Why is it that we have set such strict standards on workplace violence, and yet, we continue to harbour violence in the home?

In Canada, Section 43 of the Criminal Code permits parents, guardians, and other caregivers to discipline a child with corporal punishment. Corporal punishment is seldom isolated to physical spanking. According to the Department of Justice Canada, “Experts say that spanking is not an effective form of discipline. Spanking can make children angry and resentful. It can cause them to lose trust in their parents. It teaches children that hitting others is okay. In the long run, spanking can make children’s behaviour worse.”

Ultimately, what are we teaching children? We are teaching children that physical violence is an acceptable form of communication. A majority of parents would never intend harm to the life of their child, but the truth is, corporal punishment has an ability of leaving unknown scars marring the perceptions and worldviews of their child. As a practitioner and father, my argument is that corporal punishment is an ancient artifact that continues to systemically plague our society. As a society, we have long relied on corporal punishment as a corrective instrument.

We must resolve this issue by making all forms of corporal punishment illegal. We can no longer use the justification that “well my parents used it and it had no effect upon my life.” You may be the exception to the rule, but the truth is, there is research that indicates the lasting effects of corporal punishment. The problem with corporal punishment is that there is no way of setting a regulated standard of discipline. We know that parents who utilize corporal punishment range in age, intellectual quotient, economic backgrounds, etc. The demographics are immeasurable. There are no absolute guarantees involving the safety and wellbeing of the life of a child.

There is no justification of applying corporal punishment on the life of a child. A child who is infused with the concept of corporal punishment, has a higher likelihood of relying on physical violence to solve their problems. Again, we are teaching children that there is always a justification for violence. The justification for physical violence on the life of a child is unjustified and inexcusable. It is time that we lay aside the ways of our past and look to implementing instruments that correct, guide, and lovingly nurture the lives of our children.

2520 Vestal Parkway East, PMB #177, Vestal, New York 13850 (206) 430-2611
Email: [email protected]

asadonbrown.com

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Recognizing the Subtle Nuances of Domestic Violence

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on February 28, 2023 5:20 pm

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Domestic violence is never acceptable. What comes to mind when you hear the words domestic violence? Have you ever experienced any form of domestic violence? Have you been vicariously effected by domestic violence? For you, how would you describe domestic violence? In your own words, what would account for domestic violence?

Perhaps, you were the perpetrator of domestic violence. What erupted your emotional fuel-line? Do you believe that domestic violence is ever excusable? If so, what forms of domestic violence do you believe are acceptable?

If you were given an opportunity to describe domestic violence, you might have your own personal slant on what is, and what is not. For majority of our society, domestic violence are “extreme” and “intolerable” violent acts. Ultimately causing physical harm or the possibility of physical harm. Yet, we often draw the line at the physical manifestation of violence. We seldom take into account many other forms of violence. When was the last time you considered economic abuse, cyberstalking, stalking, or verbal or emotional abuse as potential threats? Even the very threat of harm, may be considered a form of domestic violence. Nevertheless, we slough off certain categories as mere side effects of being with a particular individual.

• “You don’t understand them, like I do.”
• “I shouldn’t have pushed their buttons. — I know better.”
• “They’re under a lot of pressure these days.”
• “If I had only stopped, then they wouldn’t have become so enraged.”
• “I’ve should have respected their quiet time.”
• “It was my fault.”

The abused is often familiar with iStatements. “I should’ve, could’ve, would’ve,”
becomes their poetic song. It is always about justifying the intolerable behaviours of their
partner. Reminder, there is never an excuse in abuse!

For many abusers, they rarely accept personal responsibility. It’s about feeding their own ego, desires and identity. Notably, not all abusers are narcissistic, but narcissism is often a common feature amongst abusive personalities. The abuser is often an expert of the word “you.”

• “You should’ve listened to me.”
• “If you had only done what I had asked.”
• “I wouldn’t have become so enraged, if you had just listened.”
• “Today wasn’t a good day for you to grow a backbone.”
• “I became so angry when my food wasn’t ready.”
• “You make me so angry.”

Why do we dismiss acts of violence? Why is it that we have created categories and subcategories of what is excusable and what is inexcusable? As a clinical psychologist, I have often felt like asking, haven’t you read the fine-print? There is never an excuse for violence!

What is it within the human condition that creates excuses? Why does the abused accept responsibility for their victimization? Research has indicated that victims of abuse are often preprogrammed to think this way from early childhood. What prevents a victim from leaving their abuser? Individuals who are abused, are not unlike hostages. It is not uncommon for victims of abuse to feel particular loyalty and strong feelings for their abuser. After all, many relationships start out seemingly positive. The abuser may have wined-and-dined their victims. The victim may have felt safe and secure in the relationship. Likewise, the abuser may not have been outwardly displaying such characteristics either. Research has indicated that elevated stress and other life challenges are frequently the catalyst driving this type of personality.

The abuser is seldom born an abuser, rather they are nurtured into abuse. Just like victims often seek out victimhood, so do abusers seek out victims to abuse. Publicly, it’s not uncommon for the abuser to wear several different masks; pretending to be one individual for one group, while conveying a different personality for the next. The victim may be unaware of the abusers deep-ingrained personality.

What changes? The abuser may not have intentionally turned that leaf over, but one day, out of nowhere, the abuse begins. The relationship is no longer filled with charm, kindness, love, and affection, rather it becomes filled with envy, jealousy, violence, intolerance, and dogma. For many victims, they know their victimizer intimately. They have witnessed a different side to their victimizer. Was it a facade? Who knows, but they, the victims continue to believe in the way things were and that the abuser will surely return to their more vulnerable side. It is the victims relentless belief in the way things were, that prolongs their victimization.

Research indicates that victims often fit a specific profile. It is not uncommon for a victim of abuse to have been abused per childhood. In fact, studies have indicated that the victim may not have been the direct target of the abuse per childhood, rather having witnessed violence appears to be enough to leave a deep impact on the life of the child. The victim is not always raised in an abusive home, but this increases the odds that they will be preyed upon. Furthermore, abusers are not always raised in homes filled with violence and abusive personalities, but this too increases the possibilities that they will develop into abusers. Why does the victimizer seek out a specific prey? It stems from the knowledge that individuals with weakened self-images and self-esteems are more apt to cling to such a personality. Just like the animal kingdom, victimizers often seek out those who are the most vulnerable. It is at that optimum time that they pounce.

The research on the victimizer is quite stunning. Abusers are seldom without many skeletons. It is not uncommon for abusers to have been neglected and abused per childhood. They may have been directly abused or vicariously witnesses of abuse in their childhood home. While the childhood home is sometimes the catalyst, we must not blame an abuser’s choices on their childhood. For at the end of the day, we all have an ability of making choices between right and wrong.

Recognizing the Signs and Symptoms of Domestic Violence and Abuse
• avoidance of personal responsibility
• regular and frequent swearing and yelling
• withholding affection as a form of punishment
• abusive rhetoric and language
• gaslighting
• controlling and demanding personalities
• punitive actions
• restrictions on who someone can see and not see
• an inability to accept wrongdoings
• belittling and humiliating another
• threats of harm or the potential of harm
• the intentional degrading of a person’s self worth
• an inability to show compassion or empathy
• an overinflated sense of self
• indications of excessive jealously or possessiveness
• obsessive and stalking qualities
• sexual demands or threats
• withholding access to financial accounts
• withholding access to transportation
• suicidality
• homicidality

Please understand that you are not alone. Research has clearly indicated that in North America, that there are approximately 12 million victims of domestic violence each year. It is not uncommon for victims of abuse to feel isolated and alone. You are not alone. Physical and sexual abuse are not the only forms of domestic violence. Abuse occurs in a variety of forms including: physical, sexual, emotional, psychological and verbal abuse. Abuse is never excusable!

2520 Vestal Parkway East, PMB #177, Vestal, New York 13850 (206) 430-2611
Email: [email protected]

asadonbrown.com

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Plight of the Homeless

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on January 23, 2023 3:44 pm

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There are many assumptions around homelessness. These assumptions are often cast with a specific ideological perspective and an array of biases. Many assume that if you are homeless, then you must have made a grave error in your life. It’s not uncommon for those assumptions to include the traditional thoughts of addiction, drugs, gang life, prostitution, and being the typical outcast. Let’s not forget, that there are those who believe that the homeless are directly and indirectly responsible for their plight. The most common assumption is, that homeless individuals are lazy, insufferable, unaccountable, and incapable of maintaining any semblance of normalcy.

There is one absolute truth, no one wakes up with a yearning desire to become homeless. Homeless individuals are born with the same innate desires, temperaments, and beliefs that we are all inherently born with. There are a countless number of homeless individuals who have achieved the highest and loftiest of life’s accomplishments. It’s not uncommon to meet a homeless individual who’s obtained a formal education; been a former owner or manager of a business; and who’s owned a home. Homeless individuals are no different than you and I. There are homeless individuals who continue to take pride in their personal appearance and hygiene. It’s not uncommon to meet a homeless individual who continues to strive for success and life beyond impoverishment.

The media has perpetuated the myth that homelessness is a choice. It associates homelessness with a lack of personal drive, ambition, and motivation. It often exploits those who are homeless by perpetuating false narratives and claims of what it means to be destitute. Moreover, the myth influences the general impression that homelessness is a choice. As such, the impression fuels a community filled with apathy and indifference.

Homelessness is driven by a number of factors including: housing scarcity, poverty, domestic violence, divorce, sudden or unexpected death of a spouse, financial hardships and restraints, economic downturn, and of course, the physical and mental health of the individual. While there are a number of factors that may lead to homelessness, the greatest obstacle of those who are homeless, is society itself.

Chronic homelessness has a profound effect upon the life of the individual. It’s not uncommon for those who are homeless to have a severe mental health condition, but a majority of researchers acknowledge that it is difficult to determine whether the mental health condition perpetuated the issue of homelessness or the opposite. It is without a doubt that homelessness can exacerbate and accelerate a preexisting mental health condition. Yet, what about those who had no previously known underlying mental health conditions? Are they more apt to develop a mental health condition being chronically homeless? Chronic homelessness can challenge the healthiest of individuals. Research has indicated that chronic homelessness can have a profound effect upon an individual’s physical mind and body. It’s thought to be a combination of factors that begins to gnaw at the individual. Over time, the daily struggle to survive and the stressors of living on the streets begins to have a dire effect on their perceptions and worldviews. Gradually, the health and wellbeing of an individual begins to decay, through the influences of living day-to-day on the streets. The daily grind and struggle to survive begins to erode at the consciousness and intellectual integrity of the homeless person. It’s not only the individual’s personal relationship to their environment, but being caught up in a similar environment of others. It’s witnessing a variety of atrocities and human depravity taking place on a daily basis. It’s the feelings and emotions of being rejected and subjected to a standard of life not suitable for any life form. The substandard living conditions are forced upon them day-after-day and week-after-week. The hardships begin to take a toll on the strongest of minds and bodies. It’s this sort of environment that can play havoc with the healthiest of minds and bodies.

The plight of homeless individuals are further eroded by the very system that should be there to protect them. In a majority of the free world, homelessness remains a crime and an illegal act. Terry Skolnik, Professor of Law at the University of Ottawa, has indicated that the judicial system of Canada continues to perpetuate the stigmatization of those who are homeless. In Professor Skolnik’s article with the Journal of Law Equality, it is obvious that the judicial system continues to offer a blind eye to the welfare of those who are homeless. In Canada, “courts have rejected homelessness as a ground of discrimination in Canadian constitutional law. Judges have concluded that homeless people are not a protected class…” The Canadian system does not guarantee that an individual will receive adequate housing, financial support, or advocacy. In the United States, laws and public policies have been devised as an intentional and blatant form of discrimination. A glimpse into the American judicial mindset is offered through an article by Nazish Dholakia, Senior Writer, Vera Institute of Justice for Forbes. In Dholakia’s article, he explains that there are “Laws that bar people experiencing homelessness from sitting, sleeping, or resting in public spaces… Some laws prohibit people from living in vehicles. Other laws turn loitering, asking for money, and even sharing food with people into offenses punishable by fines or arrest. In many cities, public restrooms are not available overnight—or at all— yet cities prohibit public urination and defecation.”

We know that homelessness is rooted in extreme poverty and inability to find proper accommodations. According to the United Nations (2023) it’s not only about obtaining housing, but it is the ability to find “stable, safe, and adequate housing.” It is not uncommon for governments to mask the issues of homelessness with a salve, offering temporary and unsafe housing.

So, what is the responsibility of those serving in the field of mental health? Is it our responsibility to advocate on behalf of those who have fallen victim to the clutches of the world? What is the responsibility of a mental health practitioner?

The field of mental health can do better by the side of those suffering. We can do better by offering pro bono services; volunteering as a therapist in homeless organizations and veterans organizations; and advocating on behalf of our fellow human.

We can do better! We can do better by the side of our fellow human! We can advocate were there is a need for advocacy. We can demand change through our legislative bodies and through our professional organizations.

At the moment, being homeless remains a criminal offense. It’s this sort of mindset that will further perpetuate the stigmatization and stereotypes of those who are homeless.While the judicial bodies frame laws and ordinances on preventing and punishing those who are homeless, it’s within their approach that the homeless are being underrepresented and underserved. Perhaps as a society, we should seek to reintegrate rather than to segregate.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Holiday Blues

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on January 6, 2023 5:24 pm

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The very mention of the word holiday can leave an individual feeling the blues. According to the media, the holidays are suppose to be a time of cheerfulness, merriment, celebration, family and friends, but for so many, the holidays are not that picturesque. Rather, the holidays may feel much more sinister, bleak and intolerable. The holidays may be filled with memories of heartache and heartbreak. It may be a time that is vividly
caked with memories of the past good and bad, but for some reason the bad often outweighs the good.

The blues do not have to occur because of some heavy weighted trauma or loss, however this does have a bearing on many lives. The blues may be related to the season itself. They may represent the lack of family and friends. It may be fostered by feelings of rejection and experiences of the past. It may be stimulated by our perceptions and beliefs of our personal worth. They may be fueled by the media’s idealistic image of the holidays
and ours may not match that perfect snapshot. The blues are indeed the grinch of emotions and feelings taking away our right to experience authentic happiness. So what is it about the holidays that causes you to feel the blues? Are the holidays a reminder of good times or the bad ones? Have the holidays been masked by something egregious or reminders of something that you loath? What is it about the word that causes
you angst and emotional indigestion? For many, these times of festivities, celebrations, and reaction. You would think that the holidays would represent the same for all individuals, but you must take into account events leading up to the holidays; the holidays; and the biopsychosocial environment of the individual.

Life is not perfect and nor are the holidays. For you, they may represent something of an egregious nature. It may be a reminder of a particular loss or traumatic experience. There may be financial burdens associated with the holidays and obligations that make it difficult to truly celebrate. As a collective body of people, we have a particular ideological perspective around the holiday and the celebrations therein. This season may
not represent a time of immense pleasure enveloping ideas like peace, joy and love, rather they may be filled with a sense of disconnect, displeasure, unhappiness, misery, obligation, and anger.

The holidays often fuel a sense of despair, sadness and overall sense of dreariness. The duration and intensity of these states may vary depending on one’s personal ability to prove resilient, the insulating factors for the individual, and protective factors that ensure their safety and wellbeing. Please note, if an individual is finding it difficult during the holiday, it may be important to encourage them to seek out care. A few of the typical signs associated with the blues include:
• A change in one’s daily routine
• Avoiding being around others
• An inability to concentration or focus
• Personal changes in daily care and hygiene
• Increased irritability or depression
• Expressions of worthlessness
• Personal changes in appetite or diet
• An increased use of recreational drugs, alcohol or prescription drugs
• The loss of pleasure and personal desire
• The rejection of friends and family

It is also important to be aware that mental health issues can exacerbate one’s feelings of loneliness, sadness and despair. For individuals who have mental health concerns, it may be important to reach out before the holidays and to follow through with a mental health practitioner. The holidays are often known to exaggerate and intensify feelings and emotions for individuals not suffering from a mental health issue, but add a mental health
issue, then you add to the challenges already facing that person.

During the holidays it is important to remember to maintain a balanced life. Do not place any unnecessary burdens on yourself and avoid placing yourself in financial jeopardy. Avoid using recreational drugs and alcohol if you are feeling at odds with your emotions. Remember never to mix alcohol and recreational drugs with prescription medication. It’s prudent that you keep your personal routines: Do not avoid maintaining a regular sleep schedule and try your best to eat a balanced diet. Daily exercise is not only prudent for keeping physically healthy, but there is a direct relationship to your mental health as well. At the end of the day, remember that the holidays are not unlike any other day. Avoid placing any unnecessary pressure on yourself. Remember to act on behalf of your personal needs and the needs of others. Do not accept negative thinking or drama. You do not have to be anyone’s battering ram. It is important to have a balanced and healthy life. Do your best to accept only what you can handle and do not be afraid of voicing your personal needs. Please remember to act as your best ally, advocate for your needs, and do not fear acting
on behalf of yourself.

2520 Vestal Parkway East, PMB #177, Vestal, New York 13850 (206) 430-2611
Email: [email protected]

asadonbrown.com

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Finding the Right Therapist this Holiday Season

Posted by: Paula Gonzalez on November 28, 2022 12:51 pm

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If you have walked to a store, listened to the radio, have browsed through social media, or done just about anything at this point, you would know that the holiday season is already upon us. It’s everywhere we look, and it is stirring up a lot of strong emotions.

For some people, the holiday season is exciting and joyful, but for many others this can be a very difficult and triggering time of year. Regardless of which side you’re on, this holiday season is particularly challenging due to ongoing pandemic stress, inflation, current world events, and lots of uncertainty. These are very real stressors, and it can be a lot for anyone to manage by themselves. This is exactly why it is a great time to consider investing in yourself by going to therapy. That way, you can get support to hopefully alleviate some of the load you’re carrying, and dare I say maybe even enjoy (or at least not dread as much) what’s left of the year? Hey, it could be worth a try!

If you are intrigued by the idea of finding a therapist this holiday season, here are 3 questions you can ask yourself to prepare:

What kind of support are you looking for exactly? There is no doubt that the answer to this question is something along the lines of “uh, to feel better obviously!”. However, understanding what you need is crucial. When you think about finding the right therapist for you, think about what a therapist could do so that you may feel better, what does that look like? Would it be by them creating a safe space for you to express yourself honestly and process how you’re feeling this holiday season? Or something more specific like helping you set and maintain boundaries with family members? Is it to manage stress or explore self-care strategies? Or perhaps to process feelings of grief? See if you can try to narrow down what it is that you are wanting support with. Better yet, you and your therapist can work together to create a gameplan for therapy. Though it is entirely up to you what you’d like to get out of therapy, your therapist can be instrumental in helping you understand what this may look like.

What’s your budget? Therapy is referred to as an investment that you make because of the courage, time, and energy that you provide but a significant portion of this comes from how you fund this investment, as well. An unfortunate reality of the mental health system in Canada is that, unlike many other regulated health professionals, mental health practitioners are still required to charge GST/HST to their services, an added cost to already hefty fees. Asking yourself what your budget for therapy looks like is important as it could determine where to access therapy (e.g., private practice? Sliding scale? Low-cost or free services at an agency?), how many sessions you could afford, and the cadence of your sessions. Fortunately, most extended health benefits do cover at least part of your sessions, and these benefits do usually restart every calendar year. Additionally, most therapists offer a free consultation to help you determine if they would be a good fit for you. This could be a great time to ask them about their fees and/or help you explore options based on your budget.

Are you ready for therapy? Most of the time, people wait a while before deciding to seek therapy. It requires quite a lot of soul-searching and courage to reach out. After all, some of the risks of therapy is that it may cause you to experience vulnerable, uncomfortable, and even painful feelings. As per my previous blog post, one of the critical components of therapy is honesty. This means being honest with your therapist about how you’re doing and what your needs are, but mostly being honest with yourself. If you push yourself to go to therapy even though you aren’t ready, you may not yield the results that you’re looking for and run the risk of feeling disappointed or discouraged. It’s okay if you’re not ready to seek therapy just yet. Even though it takes a lot of courage to decide to seek it, it takes just as much courage to be honest with yourself and decide that you’re not ready.

Finding the right therapist is not always an easy task. Asking yourself these questions could be step forward in helping you with this process during an already stressful time of year. However you choose to spend the rest of 2022, may the next few months treat you gently.

Stay tuned for more tips on finding the right therapist for you.

Paula Gonzalez, MCP, CCC, RP, is the founder of Infinite Horizons Psychotherapy (www.infinitehorizonspsychotherapy.com). She specializes in empowering young adults experiencing anxiety through psycho-education and trauma-informed CBT.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Cultivating the ‘We’ in Us as Individuals

Posted by: Barry D'Souza on November 4, 2022 12:20 pm

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Harmony, disharmony and repair”, the natural trajectory within all couple life! A reassuring proposition for couples and a real ‘dawning upon’ of sorts for me. It was the Terry Real Deal, this Relational Life Therapy, I thought. The webinars and the weekly email feeds that came special offer with buying Us online, made for a very familiar American-sized, larger than life, commercial element. But, no matter, this was ‘good news’ and we therapists always need a stimulating read and a bit of useful soul searching in the down time of our holidays. His reminder of a paradigm shifting from ‘I, me mine’ to the ’we/us’ was heart-lightening, hitting home. We had just gotten married – why not bring Terry along with us on our so-called honeymoon and see where that sharing would go?

Off we went this summer to the Italian and French Alps, the four of us – Nessie, our young border collie, Sophie, “Terry Real” and me. By the time, we got to the foothills, we had listened to the first two webinars and had shared on our ‘adaptive child’ triggers, speaking to that truism about couples work and their outcomes – that each partner has a shared amount of personal work to do in parallel. Mine included ‘feeling bad about myself’ and ‘doing what I had to be appreciated’ before evaluations and ‘scheming to be free inside’ before emotional demands or manipulation. This was part of my adaptive child at work! But hadn’t I evolved? Was I really doing similar things in our disharmony? Was I really going into “you vs. me” as I sought to be heard and appreciated. Did I lose sight of my ‘wise adult’ and track of the ‘we’ in our dynamic themes of couple disconnect. I know I didn’t want to! Terry was taking us back to an honest reflection on what might be at work inside, when we, Sophie and I, left our ‘harmony’.

I got to thinking about how some in their religious traditions do pre-marital courses, about how some of the most important life skills, like how to be a ‘good partner’ in relationships are never really taught in school systems during the requisite sex education classes, how culturally, we seem to have to self-help ourselves through everything, how that process that can feel so alone and how we might abandon the ‘good’ practices because we don’t see the motivation of the “we” collective! It really was a lovely holiday this August. The long hikes in the mountains were bountiful with calm, beauty and a novel sharing for us as couple. It was good bonding.

So this blog is a little “do what I did and see for yourself shout out” to therapists who work with couples. A little preventive work, putting yourself in the shoes of your couples,you might think of it! Do as you might want or suggest to your couples. Expand your relationship mindfulness around some of the elements Terry suggests are useful, like those five strategies the ‘human’ adaptive child quite typically turns to: ‘being right’, ‘controlling your partner’, ‘practicing unbridled self-expression/venting’, ‘retaliating against your partner’ and ‘withdrawing from your partner’ (Real: 2022, p.190). It is likely you’ll see yourself with a little reflective mindfulness of your couple. Some compelling bibliotherapy and a valid depiction of an imperative to repairing our couples – cultivate the “we” in us as individuals.

References

Real, Terry. (2022) Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship

Goop Press: New York

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

5 Things You Should Know About Therapy to Find the Right Therapist

Posted by: Paula Gonzalez on October 12, 2022 3:55 pm

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By: Paula Gonzalez, MCP, CCC, RP

Finding the right therapist is one of the most important factors correlated with “success” in therapy. After all, finding a therapist that makes you feel safe enough to be honest with them and yourself about how you’re doing is exactly what would need to happen if you’d like to make the most of your time and money spent in therapy.

With that said, finding the right therapist can sometimes feel as if you’re looking for a needle in a haystack, which is something that can become incredibly frustrating and defeating. The good news is that it doesn’t necessarily have to be this way. After years of hearing discouraging stories from some of my clients’ previous counselling experiences, it became clear that there is a need for information about therapy so that folks can manage their expectations and learn about their own therapeutic preferences so that they may know what kind of therapist would be the right fit for them.

So, here are 5 things you should know about therapy to find the right therapist:

Therapy is a collaborative process.
In therapy, it’s important to be clear about your role and your therapist’s role. For instance, your therapist’s job is not to tell you what to do (if they do, this could be a red flag). Instead, their job is to use their education, training, and experience, to help you get there. They may do this by asking questions that may elicit clarity and insight, creating a safe and non-judgmental space for you to express yourself authentically, or by providing you with coping strategies. Your job, on the other hand, is to show up to and to show up in your sessions. This means that you are accountable for not only showing up to your sessions, but to also work up the courage and allow yourself to be honest about how you’re doing, including how you’re feeling about therapy. Your therapist would want to know these things to ensure that you’re actually benefiting from therapy. More on this below.
Honesty is the best policy.
As mentioned above, ongoing communication in therapy is crucial. A good therapist would want to know how you’re feeling in general, but also about how you’re feeling about therapy itself. They would want to know how the pacing of therapy is feeling for you, and if there is anything about their approach that is or isn’t working for you. Is therapy feeling too overwhelming at the moment? Are we needing to slow it down? Or is therapy feeling too slow-paced? Is the homework feeling too difficult? Are you still feeling motivated to pursue therapy? A therapist will want to know all of the things! They’re not trying to be nosy, but rather want to make sure that you’re actually benefiting from therapy and are getting the most out of it.
You don’t need to be in crisis to seek therapy.
One of the bigger misconceptions about therapy is that you need to be in crisis to seek help. While that could certainly be a reason to go to therapy, there isn’t a set of eligibility criteria to seek therapy. Many people choose to seek therapy to simply have a space where they can talk to someone who doesn’t know them, so that they can express themselves honestly and without fear of judgment. Others may choose to go to therapy when they’ve encountered a challenging situation and would like additional support, others may go to therapy as a proactive measure to avoid going into crisis, others go to therapy because they’re feeling stable enough to process painful events from the past, and others go simply as a form of mental health maintenance. Everyone can benefit from therapy, and it will always be here for anyone whenever they would like to access it.
Trust the process.
“Trusting in the process” in therapy means to trust that every single time that you attend a session and do the work, progress is being made. It also means that progress may not be something that one can see or feel in the moment, but that with consistency, patience, and trust in yourself and your therapist, it will become clearer. If you’re someone who is results-driven, it could be beneficial to think about what progress would look like for you and to communicate this with your therapist.
In-person or online therapy.
This is very important to think about. Since the pandemic, many therapists have moved to online therapy either exclusively or in addition to providing in-person sessions. A reason for this is the accessibility that online therapy can provide, considering that you have access to a device, stable internet connection, and privacy, that is. If you are someone who has access to these, perhaps something else to think about would be whether you would have the time and means to commute to your therapist’s office. Either way, you’ve got options. You can choose whatever would feel best for you.

Bonus tip: You’ve got this!
Exploring and processing uncomfortable feelings doesn’t mean that these feelings will never leave. I often encourage my clients to think of therapy as “growing pains”, in that while it may feel uncomfortable and scary to allow yourself to feel your feelings while in session, this is what will ultimately help you understand them (and therefore yourself and your needs) better. This is where healing and growth begins. Growth can be painful, but it is growth, nonetheless.

Stay tuned for more tips on finding the right therapist for you.

Paula Gonzalez, MCP, CCC, RP, is the founder of Infinite Horizons Psychotherapy (www.infinitehorizonspsychotherapy.com). She specializes in empowering young adults experiencing high levels of anxiety through psycho-education and trauma-informed CBT.

*The views expressed are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Understanding Client Lifestyles: The Case for Apathy

Posted by: Barry D'Souza on August 22, 2022 3:55 pm

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Understanding Client Lifestyles: The Case for Apathy

This blog concerns the importance of client perspectives, experience and agency in a gentle therapy of discovery and mindfulness-based living alternatives

Clive, a 21 yr. old client, visiting his mother and Paris from UK for a short, few months, was suffering panic attacks. The ‘earthquake-like’ grip and distress of the panic, was shutting down his ability to go to university, function socially and carry on normal everyday life. And the apathy by which he declared he lived his life, in the first session, would work no longer.

Meds provided him the necessary in-panic remedy and cushion. In the first weeks of our work together, mind-body ‘data taking’ got us on the same page and some anxiety tool and technique building began to relieve his panic suffering. He wasn’t alone with his suffering in the same way, and as such the exploration of apathy as a lifestyle began.

Clive described an anger that was raw and dangerous. It is like ‘I want to kill everyone I see’. His was a life filled with violence – bullying, fights, multiple attempts to run him over by car. Apathy served to keep the innocents he encountered alive.

At 10 yrs. old he was measured by a psychologist to be depressed, but the diagnosis was brushed that aside as he was deemed too young to be depressed. Clive described his depression as an emptiness that could and would consume him to the point of ‘I want to kill myself’. Sure, he had thought about suicide the solution, many times, but again apathy served him.

At the core of what Clive suffered the most, and for which his apathy served the best was the chronic physical pain, which punctuated numerous stretches of his body in excruciating scale. Since a young age he walked on the ball of his feet in order to avoid pain. An hour’s walk up the hill with his knapsack on his back and he’d writhe motionlessly on the couch in silent agony. A therapist once told him about body scans being good biofeedback. Clive quickly put an end to those, since they amplified the awareness of how messed he was and how his own body was source of so much pain. This physical pain was reaching new paralytic proportions with the recent car accident. Frankly I couldn’t quite fathom how such a young person could live with so much pain.

Clive’s inner life was vast, rich, and purposeful. Apathy was ‘good company’ and the ‘go to’ mode that Clive had long nurtured in coping with his life. Apathy was atmospheric and all-consuming, he explained, like Newton’s ether. Apathy kept others and kept himself alive.

But, apathy, he knew and I could see, numbed him into an alexithymic existence, without feeling, without being able differentiate what’s nice or good, without being able to distinguish past or present, or joy. You can imagine what that means for a 21 yr. old at the start of his life.

Time came for him to go home. He couldn’t vow, since apathy would allow him to, but he did think he’d visit the local boxing club to see about discharging some of the anger. He couldn’t really feel it when, but he was starting to see that he counted. He’d try to keep to short daily sessions of meditation, towards differentiating between actually wanting to kill and the expressive adding-on that was understandably secondary to his physical pain. In September when university resumed, he would try and make an effort to be social and to not be so alone. Like that he’d try something other than apathy to cope with life as he knew it.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The 3 Agendas of the Triangle Model of Animal Assisted Therapy (AAT)

Posted by: Eileen Bona on March 26, 2021 1:29 pm

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I recently read an article entitled “What Horses Teach Us About Systemic Oppression” by Julia Alexander that resonated with me as I work on this article.

Funnily enough, I was going to write the article yesterday, but it was a freezing cold -26 degrees outside so my own agenda morphed into blanketing the equines rather than writing about them. It was after I chased them around trying to convince them that the blanket was a good thing that I came back to write the article and had to laugh out loud. Here, I was going to write about the need for being fully aware in AAT that animals have their own agenda – not our agenda nor that of our clients. I was going to write about the ethics of considering and equally weighting all three agendas to avoid our human agenda of leading the session against the animal’s will. At this same moment, I found myself chasing my mini donkey around the property and half lassoed him to get his blanket on. I gave up on my Shetland pony because it refused to be caught so I allowed it to make the choice to go blanket-less despite the prediction of a steep -30 degree temperature overnight – so whom did I do right by?

In reality, it can be argued that systemic oppression does not apply to forcing someone to do something that is for its own good if it is in your care.

When I think of this in the context of AAT, I think of it on two levels: One level includes the need to ‘force’ an animal to undergo things it may not want to do to ensure its health while the other level regards our therapeutic agendas in the context of AAT. When we bring animals into our AAT practices, we become their ambassadors and we are responsible for all tenets of their welfare. If we do not conduct wellness checks (despite their protests) or give first aid when needed, then we are not meeting our ethical obligation to provide care. However, what if they simply refuse to work the day your client chooses them in your AAT practice? Are they allowed to say no?

This is where the three agendas come in and possibly animal oppression. Let us do this through an example:

Josh is attending therapy because his mother has died. Josh has attended traditional counselling but it has not been effective. Josh is an avid animal lover and his father is hoping that by working with the animals and an AAT trained mental health therapist, Josh will get the help he needs.

You are that therapist and you have a horse who is very gentle by nature. Josh has no experience working with horses and this horse is perfect for him to begin sessions with. Josh is excited to brush this horse. When you and Josh go toward the horse, it turns away to graze. Here are 3 possible agendas at play: 1. Your agenda is to build rapport with Josh through working with your horse, 2. Josh’s agenda is to brush the horse, 3. The horse’s agenda is to eat. What is the best ethical approach to helping Josh in this moment?

There are many ethical options. Firstly, you could help Josh understand that the horse is a sentient being with its own feelings, wants and needs. You can ask Josh what he thinks you both should do. This would give you a good indication of Josh’s awareness, depth of empathy, and many more important social skills. In doing this, you would be meeting your agenda, which is to get to know Josh and you would be meeting the horse’s agenda, which is to eat but you would not be meeting Josh’s agenda, as he wanted to brush the horse. Secondly, you could catch the horse and bring her back to brush her, meeting both your and Josh’s agendas but not the horse’s.

So how can you meet all three agendas? Perhaps you can suggest to Josh that he get some food to offer your horse. If she comes to him, then it gets to eat while you teach Josh to brush and build rapport. All three agendas will have been met!

As a psychologist who has been working in the medium of AAT for 18 years and who offers a certification in AAT to helping professionals, it is my professional opinion that we should always strive to meet the three agendas when working with animals in practice. Our animal partners are helpers in our work with their own wants and needs. For ethical reasons, we must acknowledge and meet these needs as much as is possible.

I might go so far as to say, now that I read Ms. Alexander’s article, that we may be ‘oppressing’ our therapy animals if we ‘force’ them to do what we want them to do in AAT whether it be because of our personal agenda or that of our client.

It often takes more work to meet our agendas when working with animals, as it is imperative to work around or within their agendas. Many people have much pre-knowledge of working with animals before collaborating with them in professional AAT practice. It is our due diligence to ensure that we are checking in on our beliefs and values about animals before we practice with them and during every single AAT session. There is a very good chance that our pre-lived experiences will influence the agenda of the session. If in fact, we are moving ahead with our human agendas without consideration for our therapy animals’ agendas, then we are most likely practicing animal oppression rather than animal assisted therapy.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA